Chapter 6 : Meeting with the Minister
Harry moved everyone into the living room and sat them down while he explained to Neville and Luna about number twelve Grimmauld Place and Sirius Black. Harry still found it difficult to talk about Sirius, even after so long, so he dreaded to think how the others must feel now. When he had finished talking, he found Mrs Weasley was busy bustling around cleaning while occasionally shaking her head disapprovingly. As this prevented him talking about the Horcruxes, Harry took the opportunity to give Neville and Luna a tour of the most noble and ancient house of Black. Harry bit his lip when they looked in on Sirius's old bedroom. But he steadied himself and looked around, spotting a little handheld mirror resting on the dressing table. Not wanting to dwell on his failings, Harry continued upstairs. His spirits were lifted when he saw Buckbeak's mess in Mrs Black's old room. Buckbeak had made it out alive, now living with Hagrid, and his stay in this house had made Sirius's time more bearable. Harry reminisced for a second about Sirius singing "God rest ye merry Hippogriffs"
Two rooms were found on the first floor, which seemed ideal as bedrooms. Hermione picked the smaller of them and moved her trunk in, while the boys moved into the other room. They were just levitating another bed in through the open door, when Mrs Weasley appeared in the doorway. Her announcement that lunch was ready was drowned out as she disappeared under the ancient iron bedstead.
Tonks arrived during lunch, announcing that Apparation tests had been arranged for the boys the following morning at the Ministry. Ron seemed quite panicked by this news and actually stopped eating, instead carefully rubbing his eyebrows. Tonks also brought news that the wizarding funerals were due to take place the following afternoon. Hesitantly she turned to Hermione and explained that she also needed Hermione's help to deal with the Muggle authorities, as she was having some trouble arranging her parents' funerals.
Harry looked anxiously at Hermione while Tonks broke this news, but she seemed to be coping fairly well. If anything, her expression had become more determined and there was a steely glint in her eyes as she asked Tonks if she could see her home and collect some of her possessions. Hermione barely flinched as Tonks stalled, before shakily explaining that the house had been burned down.
An awkward silence descended, which Mrs Weasley broke by insisting that Ron write down several parchments full of living instructions before she would even think of returning to the Burrow. Even when she did leave, she hugged Ron fiercely for many seconds. With her mother not looking, Ginny used this opportunity to kiss Harry goodbye, enthusiastically. Harry felt that Ginny was taking it very well, perhaps too well. He hoped she realised that her role at the moment was to protect her mother and Luna, and that she was not planning some foolhardy scheme to go after him.
Luna, meanwhile, was in the hallway, arguing with the portrait of Mrs Black. The painting's screeching had died down to periodic outbursts as she surprisingly had exhausted her repertoire of insults. As Harry and the others moved into the hallway to collect Luna, they found that she was busy explaining to Mrs Black that her temper was likely to be caused by an infestation of Impflumps in her canvas. Mrs Black appeared to be speechless as Luna indicated a remedy that involved Mrs Black removing her clothes and singing a Muggle song at the top of her voice every Wednesday afternoon. "They don't like singing," concluded Luna finally noticing the others who were now filing into the passageway waiting for the portraits next outburst.
It looked for a moment like Mrs Black had met her match until she screamed "Filthy, little, unwanted orphan. All of you disgusting orphans. The Dark Lord will kill all of you like he did your scummy parents. First you," she pointed at Harry. "Then you," she gesticulated at Neville, then Luna, and Hermione, whose resolve finally failed as she dissolved into silent tears.
Ron rushed at the painting in a rage, brandishing the quill he still held in his right hand instead of his wand. Stopping before the painting, as he realised, Ron raised the quill towards her and started to draw a moustache onto Mrs Black face.
"Owww. How dare you defile the face of Black" she bellowed. "Nooo."
By now, Ron had moved onto her forehead giving her a scar like Harry's, and he finished in time honoured schoolboy fashion by colouring in an eye, to make it look like she'd been fighting.
"I can't see you evil Muggle-loving filth. You... you..." For the second time in a few minutes words failed the portrait as the entire hallway erupted into giggles.
Several hours later, after the adults along with Ginny and Luna had left, and after they explained to Neville about Voldemort's Horcruxes and how they proposed to find them, Hermione had made them leave the house and go shopping for supplies in a nearby superstore. Ron in a Muggle supermarket was an experience that both Hermione and Harry hoped never to have to repeat again.
It started innocently enough when Ron saw a range of Plasma screen televisions, and commented loudly that Muggles had now invented moving photographs. Things deteriorated when Ron got sidetracked by the bathroom suites.
Ron pointed at a bidet. "Look there, these Muggles even provide drinking water fountains for house elves. They must really look after them. Now I know where you get your ideas for spew from." Hermione tried desperately not to laugh, but before she could correct him, Ron had bent down and drank from the bidet.
After this episode, Harry and Hermione had shooed Ron and Neville out of the way, into the small garden centre section, so they could try and get their planned grocery shopping done. Even in the garden centre, Ron managed to create a scene when he spotted some particularly tacky plastic garden gnomes in packets. "How cruel, to dress up gnomes like this and put them in boxes. Not even Fred and George would do that, put them on a Christmas tree maybe, but never try and sell them."
Ron's biggest faux par came when he spotted another plastic gnome, this time nestled in a colourful display of fuchsias. He grabbed the gnome and hurled it over the fence, unfortunately in sight of several security guards. Hermione thanked her lucky stars that she could perform weak memory charms and vowed never to let Ron loose in the Muggle world again.
Hermione was still nagging Ron when they got back to Grimmauld Place, so consequently Mrs Black heard their return. The curtains flew open revealing the painting still sporting her black eye, moustache and scar, and all the while still swearing vehemently at them.
Hermione opened the carrier bag she was carrying and got out a pot of black paint and a thick paintbrush. She brandished them at Mrs Black, announcing, "This is our leak in the order. When the curtains are drawn SHE goes to her other portrait. Let me guess at Malfoy Manor? In Narcissa's room?"
Mrs Black quietened down, although she looked triumphantly towards Hermione who continued. "This, Mrs Black, is black Muggle paint. Now I'm going to slowly paint over you, destroying your portrait, unless you tell what sort of permanent sticking charm attaches you to this wall.
"Never, you disgusting Muggle slu... aaarrrgh!" Hermione painted a black streak across the portraits silver hair." Three strokes later Mrs Black relented, and Hermione went to look up the counter charm in the extensive Black family library.
Little over an hour later, while Harry was still answering Neville's questions about Horcruxes and prophecies, Hermione walked in triumphantly carrying Mrs Black's portrait. "What are you going to do with her?" asked Ron
"Put her in the cellar, but first I'm going to make sure she can never betray anyone again."
Hermione picked up the paint brush, as Mrs Black stared to scream. "You promised, you promised me, you lying filthy Muggle spawn."
As Mrs Black became slowly obscured, Hermione whispered to the canvas, "How does it feel to know you've been finally outwitted by a mudblood?" Before she could reply Hermione drew the brush over the canvas, one last time, covering Mrs Black's mouth in black paint. As Hermione left with the portrait, the others looked at each other aghast. They weren't the only ones who had grown up over the last few days, and they weren't sure that the change in Hermione was for the best.
"Now, for the tapestry," announced Hermione as she returned from disposing of the canvas and headed over the to the Black Family tapestry. "I never realised housekeeping could be such fun."
"Wait a minute. There's something I've wanted to do all day," shouted Ron. He grabbed his wand, aimed at the tapestry and blasted Draco Malfoy off it. The others looked at him in surprise, "Well he's a traitor, right?" he explained.
Hermione turned to the tapestry, raised her wand, and Mrs Black became a smouldering hole. Neville looked totally bemused at this point before Harry explained to him about the Black family tradition of blasting off family traitors. Neville wandered over to the tapestry, studied it carefully for a few seconds before returning to the others, spinning round and removing Rudolphos LeStrange. "That's for Gran."
An enjoyable half hour was spent besmirching the most noble and ancient house of Black, until the family tapestry was reduced to a smouldering mass of holes. When they had finally tired of this, Hermione cast the charm to remove it from the wall and rolled it up. "Give me a hand with this, Harry, its too heavy for me to carry to the cellar alone"
Harry grabbed one end and glanced at Sirius's scorch mark in the corner (Mrs Black having blasted her traitorous eldest son many years before). Next to Sirius's hole, was his brother, Regulus Astrolox Black. Harry assumed that Mrs Black must have died before Regulus, or he to would have been blasted off the tapestry for disowning the Death Eaters.
Halfway down the cellar stairs Harry noticed the initials of Sirius's brother, R A B. So shocked was he that he dropped his end of the tapestry, causing it and Hermione to career down the staircase. Emerging from underneath the mouldy patchwork at the bottom, Hermione launched a tirade of abuse at him worthy of Mrs Black. When Harry pointed to Regulus's name, she let out a small "oh" and clapped her hand to her mouth.
Ecstasy quickly changed to despair as they remembered that they had seen the golden locket. "We threw it away," Hermione groaned as they sat around the dining room table." It was in the cabinet over there with the enchanted music box, don't you remember? We couldn't open it."
"Perhaps Kreacher saved it" suggested Harry trekking to the elf's old cupboard. But all the cupboard contained was a mouldy blanket, some even more mouldy food, a pile of wizarding photographs, frames repaired with spellotape and in the far corner, still wrapped, the present Hermione had given the House-elf two years earlier.
"Kreacher!" summoned Harry.
A few seconds late the bedraggled elf popped up next to him. "Yes Master," asked the elf before muttering under his breath. "You, disgusting little half-blood traitor."
Harry described the locket to the elf and asked if he had ever seen it. "Master Regulus, such a fine and upstanding young man, a true Black, it was his locket. Kreacher helped him get it, had to row a boat across a lake and drink a poison for young master, Kreacher did. But, Kreacher was proud to serve young Regulus."
The elf stopped for a pause as Hermione gasped, "Oh you poor thing. Imagine, ordering an innocent house-elf to drink that foul potion. No wonder it's affected your mind." It looked for a second that Hermione was going to hug Kreacher, but the cantankerous old elf launched into a tirade of abuse as she approached, and Hermione retreated.
Trying to get back on track, Harry asked Kreacher where the locket was. "Master Sirius, scum, threw it away along with all the other family treasures. Oooh, how my mistress would turn in her grave if she could see the things that happened in her precious home. Her house is overrun by mudbloods and Muggle lovers. All her belongings have been thrown away, or stolen by that filthy thief."
"Dung!" yelled Harry slapping his head in realisation.
"Yes, manure, filth, dirt, excrement, all of you," agreed Kreatcher.
"No, I meant Mundungus! I caught him selling some stuff from here last year," explained Harry. It was really old and made of gold, so I bet he took it. He was flogging loads of valuable silver things."
"Master is truly as stupid as he looks," muttered Kreacher snidely. "The locket was thrown out by my Mistresses no good son. Him and that foul wolf-wizard. The smelly thief didn't come here until after he was killed. Ohhh, how my mistress would weep if she could see that thief plundering her finest treasures, and now her house overrun by children of half-bloods and Mugglelovers. Ohh, the shame of it, if only I could …"
The elf's tirade was cut short by Harry swearing at him. Kreacher looked quite shocked, and popped away with a "As you command, master."
Hermione looked totally scandalised, while Ron and Neville broke down laughing "Brilliant mate, he's taken that as an order. With a bit of luck he'll do himself a severe injury," chuckled Ron. "Can you imagine what'll happen if he tries that in front of the other House-elves in the Hogwarts kitchens?"
After the laughter had quietened down, Harry tried to figure out how they would be able find the locket. He asked Neville, "How do wizard households get rid of their rubbish? I mean is there a rubbish collection service like Muggles have?" Harry had visions of having to sift through a wizard landfill site. Such a task was about as desirable as facing Voldemort himself.
"Dunno, Harry, Gran sort of just vanishes it. I mean, she err, did sort of, err", Neville gulped as his voice tailed off.
"I think you were right actually," mused Ron out loud. "I remember Mundungus offering to get rid the stuff for Sirius, as most of the items were downright illegal, and they couldn't risk any of the order being caught with them. Didn't he take it in the batch of dodgy cauldrons he had? Fred and George were distraught when it went as they had their eyes on some of the things."
"We'd better have a word with Dung then," continued Ron. "Any idea where he lives?"
"Yeah, Azkaban last I heard, for impersonating an Inferius. I'll ask Remus or Tonks if they can find out for sure. But I suspect he sold it, we could try the barman at the Hogs Head as he was buying stuff from him last year. I've got to go there in a couple of days for the reading of Dumbledore's will, so can ask about it then."
"Why are they reading Dumbledore's will in a pub?" queried Neville.
"I don't know, perhaps because it's close to Hogwarts," replied Harry. "Mind you the goblin who told me looked aghast at the prospect."
"I should think so," huffed Hermione. "The Hogs Head was the headquarters of the 1612 goblin rebellion. The final one, where the goblins were crushed, which resulted in the current oppressive laws on non-magical creatures being introduced." She paused for a moment looking at the blank faces staring at her, before heading upstairs to bed with a parting, "It's a good job one of us listens to History of Magic lessons."
Despite the progress with RAB, Harry couldn't help but feel frustrated as he struggled to sleep that night. They had had a Horcrux, and literally thrown it away. Now they were back to square one, it could be literally anywhere. How could they have been so stupid?
He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow either. Although he was relatively confident about passing his Apparation test, he wasn't overly hopeful for Neville or Ron. Neville was going to have to do the test just before attending his Gran's funeral, hardly the best time to clear ones mind and think about the three D's.
As it turned out, Harry was right to be apprehensive. The following morning started badly enough when the telephone box, which was the entry to the ministry of magic, presented him with a security pass which read, "The Chosen One - Apparition Test." Then, they were met by Percy in the lobby, who ignored Ron's "Good Morning Weatherby," and led them to Minister Scrimgeour's office.
The Minister offered his condolences to Neville, but pointedly ignoring Hermione who had come along to give the others support. He then ushered Harry into his private chambers and asked if Harry might, "Stand with me at the memorial service and say a few words in support of the Ministry; to help public morale in this difficult time."
Harry politely but firmly declined, by reminding the minister he wasn't in full support of the Ministry's methods while innocent people like Stan Shunpike remained in Azkaban.
"You are either with us or against us Harry, please think very carefully which of those you want," warned Scrimgeour.
Harry was reminded of a very similar conversation taking place between Dumbledore and Fudge two years earlier. "I am against Voldemort, Minister, just like Dumbledore was. If you are against him, then we remain, Minister, on the same side. Now if you'll please excuse me, its time for my Apparation test."
Harry was relieved to see that the Apparation test examiner was Professor Tofty, one of the OWL examiners. The one he had impressed with his Patronus. Harry's confidence grew as the elderly wizard first asked him to Apparate across the room into a designated circle, and then back to him. Harry had no trouble with this. He liked the balding wizard who had made him feel really at ease both now and in his school exams.
"Now finally I need to test your long-distance Apparition. Are you familiar with the Three Broomsticks Inn, in Hogsmeade, Harry?" Harry nodded and he continued, "There is a deserted Alleyway around the back of it, please Apparate into it, talk to my colleague there, and then return to me here. Is that clear?"
Harry nodded and disappeared, reappearing, to his relief behind the Three Broomsticks. "Hem-Hem," Harry jumped in shock as the familiar cough of Dolores Umbridge came from behind him. He swivelled on the spot, wand drawn.
"Oh no, Mr Potter," she said sweetly, "I'm afraid that isn't good enough, not be a long way. You were facing away from your target. We can't have that now, decree 87 part c subsection 3 states that the candidate must be facing the examiner. I'm afraid that simply wasn't ..." But Harry had apparated back to the ministry. He ignored Professor Tofty and stormed back to the waiting room to see Hermione. If he had stayed with Umbridge for a second longer he would have turned her into a permanent toad.
They were soon joined by an equally livid Ron, who had left a ginger hair behind with Umbridge, and Neville who had made too loud a crack while arriving. Hermione tried to usher the three furious boys out of the Ministry, before they could carry out their threats against Umbridge, Percy and the Ministry in general, however Scrimgeour intercepted them, as they reached the lobby.
Once again the Minister led Harry back to his office. "Harry, now I wanted to ask you again to stand with me at the service this afternoon." Scrimgeour shuffled some papers on his desk and pulled out some certificates, "Should you decide to, I have Apparation test passes here for you and your friends." Harry clenched his fists under his robes and struggled to keep his temper under control. Even so the glass in the office door shook violently and cracked.
"I see", said Harry very slowly and deliberately," which side you are on in this war." Scrimgeour's face darkened. "However, I accept your proposal, sir" The emphasis Harry placed on the last word, left it in no doubt that this was not a term of respect. With that Harry took the certificates and returned with the others to Grimmauld Place.
Neville immediately left to attend the family funeral ceremony for his Gran, while Harry explained what Scrimgeour had done. Ron and Hermione were indignant at Harry for agreeing the Ministers bribery.
"I had no choice but to accept," Harry explained. "We need to be able to Apparate in order to find the Horcruxes and this will at least keep the Ministry off our backs for a while. If I hadn't agreed then it wouldn't have surprised me if the git hadn't arrested me, or worse one of you. Now Hermione, I need help writing a speech."
Over the years Harry had discovered that religious beliefs were less prevalent within the wizarding world. The only things the wizards held with any reverence were the stories and deeds purported to have been done by the most powerful wizards in history, such as the Hogwarts founders and Merlin. To a wizard a funeral ceremony was an opportunity for the family to remember and celebrate the life of the deceased. A time for those that knew them to share their most personal memories. National memorial services involving the Minister of Magic were reserved for wizards of Dumbledore's stature and not for Neville's Gran and Luna's father, both of whom were viewed as somewhat eccentric.
Harry knew then, that Scrimgeour had planned to set him up from the moment the service was announced. It was clear that the Minister's intention all along, was to parade Harry as his puppet.
Several hours later Harry found himself sat with Ron and Hermione patiently waiting his turn, as first one, then another Ministry official droned on about how they were winning the war, until finally Scrimgeour announced his name.
The trio stood tentatively and turned to face the audience, as the room was illuminated by the flash bulbs of the gathered media; prepared for the scoop they had been waiting for. Harry took a deep breath and spoke, "I didn't personally know Mrs Longbottom or Mr Lovegood, however, I know that they were brave people who stood up against Voldemort." The assembled crowd gasped, and several Quick-Quotes Quills snapped.
Harry shook his head in despair and tried again, "Mrs Longbottom was an outspoken supporter of the war against Voldemort," more gasps. "Even after her son and daughter-in-law were severely injured by Death Eaters, she still supported Albus Dumbledore."
Harry paused, "Mr Lovegood was the only member of the press willing to publish the truth about Voldemort's return. He was the only one of you, who would listen to my story, an act of immense bravery. Their courage lives on through Neville and Luna", Harry pointed to his friends, "Both of whom have stood alongside me to fight Death Eaters,"
Harry paused again, "However these two deaths were not all that occurred two days ago. Mr and Mrs Granger were killed because their daughter stood up and fought against Death Eaters." Harry and Ron each grabbed hold of one of Hermione's hands and reassuringly squeezed, as her lips quivered. "The Dursley family were murdered because they gave me shelter for sixteen years. For sixteen years they kept me safe from Death Eaters and yet no-one honours them today."
"But they were all Muggles," shouted someone from the back.
"So," Harry's voice was rising in anger, "Hermione is the cleverest witch of our generation. My mother's parents were Muggles. Voldemort's bloody father was a Muggle."
Harry had to wait several minutes for order to be restored before he could continue, "Wizards alone can not defeat Voldemort; we need to stand together with Muggles, house elves, werewolves, goblins, centaurs and any other creatures we can persuade to fight with us. We need to offer these creatures respect, they are not inferior to us. If we don't, they may end up on the other side."
Scrimgeour stood and interrupted Harry at this point, leading the trio into a backroom. "What in Merlin's name was that about?"
Ron was quick to interrupt him. "You wanted Harry to give you headlines, well you've got your headlines. Oh and Harry, see if you can get Voldemort's name into the conversation more, it's funny looking at their reactions."
Scrimgeour turned a deeper shade of red, but was prevented from doing anything as the reporters stated to file in for the press conference.
"Rita Skeeter - Daily Prophet; Mr. Potter, it is true that you are the chosen one?"
"Voldemort," more broken quills. "Voldemort has evidently chosen me, by attacking me five times now. So it seems I am the chosen one."
"Parkinson - Pure-Blood Press; you can not seriously expect us to believe that House-elves and Goblins can help."
"Why not? History of Magic lessons have taught me that Goblins are adept fighters and have been involved in wars for centuries, while House-Elves have a magical ability that most wizards can only dream about. They can apparate in anti-apparation zones and are highly skilled at wandless magic."
"Smith - Witch Weekly; Mr Potter are you afraid of dying?"
"A great wizard once told me, that to the well-organised mind, death was but the next great adventure. So no, I'm not afraid of death. I'm more afraid of living in a world controlled by Voldemort and his Death Eaters."
"Wright - Wizards World; Do you support the Ministry? Their handling of You-know-who's return so far has been shambolic."
Harry glanced at Scrimgeour, whose shade of purple would have made Uncle Vernon proud. "I believe everyone could have done more to stop Voldemort, including yourselves." Harry gestured at the press before continuing, "But at the end of the day, I want Voldemort gone, and so does the Ministry, so we are on the same side. Is that not right Minister?" Scrimgeour, whose eyes were now bulging, nodded very deliberately.
"Wendyl - American Prophet; Some say He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is immortal, do you honestly think you can kill him when Albus Dumbledore failed?"
Harry felt Hermione squeeze his hand reassuringly, and his confidence grew. He took a deep breath and replied, "For Merlin's sake, say his name! Voldemort has tried and failed to kill me five times now, I have survived a point-blank Avada Kedavra from the most evil wizard in history. Maybe Voldemort should be worried about my immortality?" Harry knew he had overstepped the mark with that answer, as it took a full ten minutes before the room quietened enough for the next question to be asked.
"Brown - Teen Witch; Can you confirm to our readers whether you're dating a Miss Romilda Vane or a Miss ... err ... Guineafowl Weasel, or a Mr Terrence Boot?"
Harry looked stunned for a second, "umm no, you can tell your readers, I'm, ummm single." Not knowing what else to say, Harry paused and then jumped as he felt Hermione let go of his hand and instead pinched his bum. He turned to look at her with a quizzical look, but she shook her head. Several more flashbulbs went off, while Ron looked quite thunderous.
"Heffner – Playwitch; For a 1000 galleons will you pose nude for our magazine?"
The ensuing pause was ended by Luna who had filed in and sat in the press section. "Lovegood, The Quibbler, Minister, can you confirm rumours that you have an army of Heliopaths?" Scrimgeour called a halt to the conference at this point, as the pulsating blood vessel in his forehead threatened to burst.