A Human Condition

Perhaps an hour had passed, neither could be certain, but Raito and L had been systematically altering their shinigami bodies the entire time, taking turns as to who used there death note when. Together they had rid the world of several coma patients who would never have woken up. Neither felt righteous about that, or justified, but they did not feel remorse for it either. After all, they were shinigami, and they were simply doing what shinigami did.

Finally, each of them had only a single name left to write before their bodies would be wholly human. L still had his stretched mouth, which surprised Raito since the former detective so often tried to place his thumb at the crevice of his lips and failed because the lips were so awkwardly large. In turn, Raito had left his eyes for last, which L said surprised him because shinigami eyes are tied so closely to a curse.

L was thankful then that it was Raito's turn. If L became fully human first he would be open to the perusing of those shinigami eyes. It no longer mattered if Raito could see certain things about him, but L considered it a matter of pride.

"This boy…he won't die for three years yet. He's only eight years old. His parents won't let him go." Raito's voice was somber. He could feel L's eyes on him, calculating, gauging perhaps if he believed Raito's empathy for the boy was sincere. If L were questioning him, Raito could hardly blame the other man. Raito still had a hard time trusting himself.

Still, he could not imagine a better mercy than to take this boy as his final life, and he hoped it would be the last life he ever took.

Emery Schuldaussen. Dies peacefully in his sleep at 12:01am.

Raito wrote the date, waited for the time to pass midnight, and felt at the moment of the boy's death a surge in his eyes that blinded him with pain. His head throbbed, but he did not call out. Every part of him he had traded in for humanity had come with the price of pain and he knew he deserved every twinge. He accepted it now, and when the pain passed, he opened his eyes, seeing in the reflection of the monitor his own fully human face.

If not for the wrappings of leather that hung awkwardly on his form now, he would be himself again. Yagami Raito, champion of Justice. That thought soured in Raito's mind immediately and he thought better of thinking that way again.

"Only one thing left now, Ryuuzaki," Raito said, "At least we know being human doesn't backfire and send us to the beginning again." Raito would have smiled if he wasn't still wary. What were their plans after L became human with him?

L finished more quickly, choosing an older woman in England who had several months to go before her death. He did not call out either when his clown smile shrunk to its usual width and color. L's clothing hung on him even more than Raito's did—the large white shroud and ratted jeans. He was also barefoot which would be harsh on this rocky land.

They stood. The monitor faded back into the black earth, presumably because there were no longer any shinigami in the area. Neither spoke for some time and Raito couldn't help but wonder what L was thinking. As always, the detective looked impassive and calm, his black eyes wide and staring. The strange thing was Raito no longer felt the way he used to under that stare. It was no longer judging him as it had on earth, merely looking with curiosity and finding more than a murderer now. Finally, L could look at a friend who considered him a friend in return.

Raito didn't dwell on how their friendship had grown out of death, on earth as well as in this wasteland.

"Well?" Raito said at last, comfortable enough in his skin now and anxious to be on their way, "What now?"

"Now we begin," L replied.

"Begin what?"

"Our journey."

Raito was not in the mood for L's less than forthcoming answers. "Journey where?" he pressed.

This time his answer came in the form of an outstretched arm, pointing towards that strange change of color distant on the horizon. It was the land beyond them. But as far as Raito could see, there was nothing out there but a vast black desert of nothing, except that held a slightly different shade than the one they were already in.

"You don't even know what's out there, do you?" he accused, stalking a few steps ahead of L to look out at the land before them that he did not see as a bright and shining future. "I don't even feel any different. I mean, I feel…human, but nothing's changed, not really. You have to have more of a plan than this?"

But even as Raito was talking, L swept passed him, walking swiftly, hands shoved into large pockets, shroud trailing to the ground behind him, and shoulders only slightly hunched now instead of the inhuman curve they had had when L was still shinigami.

"Hey!" Raito called, but L did not turn around, "Ryuuzaki! Ryuuzaki, come back here!" The white and black form still trudged on and almost seemed to be swallowed up. Raito felt a surge of panic rise in him at the thought of being alone in this place. It wasn't only that he didn't want to be alone, he realized, but that he didn't want to be without L. "Wait!" he called, "Wait up!"

L's pace slowed though he did not even tilt his head as Raito ran to catch up and match his step. Raito felt a stab of shame strike his gut. He had offended L. He had sworn to trust him and yet he had still shouted dissention and disbelief. The recluse was socially inept anyway; Raito didn't want to alienate him.

"Ryuuzaki," he said, "Look, you've probably saved my life, and after I went out of my way to make sure yours was taken. There's no way either of us could know what's going to happen now. The best we can do is…what we are doing. There should be no blame put on you if this isn't easy. So…I'm sorry, okay? I trust you."

L continued walking, but his eyes looked to the side and met Raito's with a sigh of camaraderie. Raito would almost swear the detective smiled a little at him too. "Thank you, Raito-kun," L said, "I appreciate that. I trust you as well." And L turned forward again as if no tension had passed between them.

Raito supposed he could get used to a friend who was so quick to forgive, but it didn't change that he hoped to in turn be a friend who didn't need forgiveness so often.

Matching each other's pace, the pair walked on in companionable silence for several minutes. Another hour may have passed even, but the land in front of them had not changed. They had reached the change in color, they were surrounded by it now, but the land was still barren and rocky with no salvation in sight.

Hoping to keep their spirits up, Raito decided a conversation would be far more desirable than all this quiet. "So," he said, "Do you really think nothing can follow us?"

"Hmm? Do you worry for Ryuuku-san, Raito-kun?"

Raito huffed. "Maybe. We're renegades now, Ryuuzaki. All shinigami could be after us for all we know."

L shook his head, his dark eyes trained on the path before them. "No shinigami ever travel into this land. I can assure you of that."

"So…what exactly are we looking for out here?"

A tilt of his head proved that L was thinking over this particular question with care. Raito tried to stay focused and await an answer, but there was something so strangely childlike in L now, more so than usual, with the shroud hanging off him so large and his poor bare feet treading carefully over the rocky ground.

L did not appear to notice Raito's staring, or if he did, he made no comment about it.

"Logically, something must exist," L said, "If the shinigami do not partake in it, then it is also logical to assume we are at least safer heading in the direction we are going then staying where we were. Do you not agree?" L turned his head further to regard Raito and captured the eyes that had been staring so intently.

Raito felt foolish in his bindings of leather suddenly, now that L's eyes were on him. "We could have tried the portal," he suggested lamely, remembering that Ryuuku had taken a portal to Earth when he left the shinigami world.

L turned his head forward again. "I doubt we would have made it," he said.

"True." Raito was feeling awkward now. He realized he didn't really know L and as much as he enjoyed the detective's company, the company of the man was more difficult to deal with. "Listen, can we at least think of something to pass the time. I'll go crazy with all this walking and nothing else to do."

There was a brief pause before L replied, "I'm afraid I don't have any cards with me, Raito-kun."

Smart-ass. "Just talk, will you?" Raito said, "Talk. About anything. You're so damn quiet when you're not explaining something and being technical. Will you just, I don't know, tell me something."

"Something?" L repeated, questioning though, and not as a sarcastic pun.

"Something about you, the great detective L," Raito said.

"Such as?"

"Anything, I don't know, just…hey." Raito stopped—his speech and his walking. He stared ahead at L and gaped. "I still don't know your name," he realized.

L stopped as well and when he turned to look back at Raito his expression was very strange, like nothing Raito could have ever remembered from the man before. L looked embarrassed.

As if recognizing that he had been found out, L turned quickly again and began walking.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito called, hurrying to catch up again, "Come back! What is it? Come on, you can tell me now. It's not like it matters anymore. What's the big deal?"

Even when Raito caught up to him, L did not respond. The detective was walking with a swift pace, his posture more hunched, and his eyes seemed more focused on the ground that where L was going.

Raito had no intention of giving up on this. What did it matter if he knew L's name now? He couldn't use it against him. He was just curious. So he continued to stare at the other man as they walked, waiting for L to say something.

Finally, and very quietly, L did. "There is no reason for me not to tell you, Raito-kun," he said, "except that I…am not particularly fond of it."

L, worrying over vanity? Raito was stunned. "It can't be all that bad," he scoffed, "Normally you go by a single letter."

This comment rewarded Raito with a swift look that could almost have been considered a glare if L's eyes knew how to narrow.

"Come on," Raito tried, "We'll make it a game to pass the time. I ask something; you answer. Then you can ask something of me. And no matter what it is, we have to tell the truth."

When L looked at Raito this time his eyes were large as ever and his mouth almost hung slack.

"What?" Raito asked.

L was genuinely surprised. "That…is surprisingly juvenile, Raito-kun."

Sometimes even Raito forgot he was only twenty-three, and when the whole Kira mess began he was still just a teenager. He had never been much of a…child. He was always so grown-up, his mother would say, always so mature. Clearly, that way of living hadn't gotten him anywhere other than where he was.

"I spent the last six years as an otherworldly executioner on earth. I skipped the juvenile stage. Aren't I entitled to a little goof off time now?" Because to be honest, Raito really liked the sound of that.

L still looked amazed. "I didn't think you would be interested in such things." he admitted.

For the rest of Raito's life—unlife, at least—he would have to remember the awful things he did. Sometimes the simpler things are all a person has to get over regret. That L didn't seem to understand upset Raito. "Just because you had grown up by age ten, dear genius L, doesn't mean—"

"I didn't say I wasn't interested." L broke in, sounding rather indignant actually, which startled Raito far more than Raito's behavior could have possibly startled L. The former detective hardly seemed the type to want to goof around. It made Raito grin despite himself. "Good," he said, "Then we can both be juvenile for a while and play this game. Now tell me. What is your name?" Raito knew he had L caught.

L knew it too, but he didn't try to back out. Staring forward again as they continued their trek, L quietly said one single word. A name. "Lawliet."

Raito couldn't be sure he heard right. "What?"

"Lawliet," L said again, louder this time and hurriedly, living up to his expression of embarrassment, "It's Lawliet. That's my real name."

"Lawliet?"

"Yes."

Raito thought that over. "That's not Japanese."

Apparently, this was not the reaction L expected. He looked at Raito incredulously. "And who ever said I was Japanese?"

Please, Raito thought. "You look it for one. And you speak flawlessly. You're also older than me by more than you let on, but you still look like you could pass for a high school student."

L might have feigned being offended by that observation, but he simply turned back to the path, "Well," he said, "I wasn't raised in Japan."

"No? Then where were you raised?"

This question returned the small smile to L's lips, and this time Raito was sure it was there and not just a trick of the light. "Rules, Raito-kun," L said, "I believe it is your turn to answer a question of mine."

Quick to the core, Raito thought. He didn't mind. If the game continued, he would soon know everything about the detective, and that thought alone made the endless path ahead of them seem all the more manageable. He gave L a nod and awaited the other man's question.

"Hmm. I know quite a bit about you already, you know," L said, taking his right hand out of his pocket and successfully fitting his thumb into the crevice of his lips. For a moment he was so pleased at this success that he talked around his thumb quite happily. "I did have surveillance on you for quite some time," he said.

Raito remembered. "I know."

"You did?" L's thumb dropped to his chin.

"Of course I did."

"Is that why you had that…magazine then. For show?"

"Magazine?" Raito wasn't sure what the detective was talking about at first. He thought back to the time he was under surveillance all those years ago, and then it hit him. Magazine. He had purchased a dirty magazine from the convenient store and read it in his room.

What a strange thing for L to ask.

"Is that your question?" Raito said.

L nodded.

"Alright then. Yes, it was for show. I never buy those things. Waste of time. If I want to deal with a girl, I can get a real one."

A strange shadow crossed L's face then, marring his usually benign appearance, but it lasted only a moment and Raito wondered if he had imagined it even more than he sometimes doubted L's smiles.

"Okay…so my turn again. How old are you exactly?" Raito asked. He had already brought the subject up and now he was curious. He had always doubted L was really an entering college student back then.

"I assume you mean the age I was when I died, since I have not aged since then."

L and his details. Raito tried not to roll his eyes. "Yes."

"Then…twenty-five. Only two years older than you now, it would seem."

Once again, Raito was stopped in his tracks. He had assumed the detective was a few years older than him, maybe twenty when they first met, but if L was twenty-five when he died then, "You were twenty-three? You're six years older than me? I can't believe it."

When L slowed his step and stopped this time, he turned with what could almost be perceived as annoyance at having to halt their trek yet again. "Again, Raito-kun, we are only two years different now. I am not so much older than you anymore. Besides, does it make a difference? Does it change anything?"

"Well," and Raito couldn't help but smirk a little, "It does mean someone much younger than you outwitted you. Several times."

A new shadow crossed L's face, one darker, but gone just as quickly. "Indeed," was all he said, and he turned back and continued walking.

Great. Raito had to go and make things tense between them again. He knew L was a sore loser; he didn't have to press the man's buttons. He just couldn't help the small swell of pride at how he as a mere teenager had matched wits against a much older and experienced genius. Of course, if he could go back, he would have rather been found out long before things got as bad as they did.

Hurrying to catch up to L, again, Raito decided there were still some bridges that needed burning. "I'm not smarter, you know?" he said, tugging at a lose strap of leather hanging off his hip, "Just luckier. I knew things you didn't. I had advantages that made it impossible for you to win. It was only later, when I got sloppy, overconfident, that I was beaten, and not because Near was anywhere near as close to catching me as you were. Your death is what gave the facts they needed, after all. Besides…you always knew. You never doubted it. And I grinned at you as you died…"

It was L who stopped this time. He stopped and waited for Raito to notice. Raito looked back and saw that familiar blank expression that slowly turned into yet another small smile. Perhaps years with that clown smile had made it easier for L to curve up his lips. "Still regretting, Raito-kun?" he said, "Don't. I am not upset. I learned to let go of regrets long ago. I am happy you are here. That we are here together. So tell me…when you were a child what did you dream of being when you grew up?"

Raito was confused at first as L caught up to him and then continued walking. And then he remembered. Their game. It was L's turn to ask a question.

Hurrying to catch his companion, yet again, Raito grinned as he answered, "A fighter pilot. What about you?"

-----

Several hours had passed now and no end to the slightly lesser desert was anywhere in sight. L and Raito had continued their game the entire time, but even they grew tired, much as they enjoyed the conversation and learning more about one another.

The game had shifted early to much more trivial things, such as favorite ice cream flavors and J-rockers they secretly wished they could use their death notes on. Of course, neither had a death note anymore, having left them back in the dirt beside the monitor that faded into the ground. And they were happy to leave them there.

Currently, L was in the middle of answering one of Raito's many inquiries.

"It is a silly question."

"Aren't they all? Come on, I'm only curious."

"Well, I suppose if I had to choose…perhaps the animal I am most like is a cat."

Raito looked L up and down as if to say, you are far too scruffy looking to be a cat.

"A stray cat?" L amended, because contrary to popular opinion he was not unaware of his awkward appearance, he simply didn't care what others thought of him when he was comfortable and happy for it.

"A stray cat," Raito considered, "It suits you. Smart, sociable only when it chooses to be, prefers treats to any real sustenance, stubborn to the core, and…hn." Raito had to hold a hand to his mouth to keep form giggling at the thought.

"What?" L questioned.

Their walking had become so habitual now they hardly noticed their legs continued to move as they spoke. Raito shook his giggles away and shrugged, "I was just thinking…that, like a cat, you…" pausing, Raito turned to look at L. Nothing mattered anymore. L knew what stuffed animal Raito slept with as a child, knew what anime characters he most admired and used to dream of marrying someday. Each of them knew the others' most intimate and ridiculously childish truths, so it no longer mattered if they were just a little bit more honest, "You," Raito said, "have this amazing way of burying inside of someone until they have no choice but to hate you…or…feel like they can't imagine life without you."

They had each said so many startling things by now that L no longer saw a need to stop. He walked on, but turned to look at Raito with an expression of pure curiosity. "Funny," he said, "I was going to say the very same thing about you. Do you really think that is a cat-like trait?"

Raito had to laugh. "Maybe," he said.

As they walked onward they were still looking at each other and therefore it was that much easier for L to misstep. He gave a small cry as his foot hit a particularly jagged rock and stumbled forward, able to stop himself from falling, but able to avoid stubbing his toe. He had to stop now and Raito stopped with him. L shook his foot helplessly, gritting teeth against the pain. Raito had to wonder if this happened to L often, since the detective walked around all the time without shoes.

Without shoes. Raito looked carefully at L's bare feet and saw how much damage their walking had caused. The ground was hardly suitable for skin; black rock was their pathway, after all, not anything smooth or worn down. L's feet were bruised, bloody, and full of black smears. Raito couldn't imagine how the man had managed to walk all that way without making his discomfort known.

"We should stop," Raito said, stepping closer to L and taking a quick look around that may have seemed useless since they had seen no signs of life, but was very important to Raito when the two of them were so vulnerable, "Our bodies are human now. We need to rest. Your feet look awful and I'm exhausted. There's no way to tell time so…maybe we should just sleep for awhile and continue on after we wake up."

"Do you think that wise?" L questioned.

Raito gave the former detective a calculating look. "You're the one who said we couldn't be followed. There's nothing out here. We just make sure we sleep facing the way we're headed so we don't get turned around, and lie down for a few hours. Besides, it's freezing. I hadn't noticed how cold it is with all our walking but we should probably warm up as well."

"Warm…up?" L had since stopped shaking his damaged toe and looked at Raito as if his companion had suddenly changed shape.

"Yeah. You're a smart guy, right? Body heat? Hello? We could freeze to death otherwise. Maybe. How can we know, I guess, but I'd rather not risk it. We should fall asleep close together. Better if skin's touching too. Take off your shirt." Raito, in turn, began to unwind as best he could some of the bindings over his chest.

L didn't move.

"We can cover some of the holes in your shroud with my leather and make a kind of blanket, and then we'll combine body heat from our chests. Our cores are the most important part to keep warm, after all." Raito looked up and saw that L was simply staring at him. "What?" he said, "It makes sense, doesn't it? That shroud is big enough to cover us, we need the rest, and we need the heat."

"Yes…it makes perfect sense, Raito-kun, but…I'd rather not. If it's all the same."

The bindings from Raito's chest fell to the ground easily in a single long chain of leather. He continued to stare at L, not understanding what could possibly bother the other man over this. "Ryuuzaki, we have slept together before. Several months of those handcuffs, remember?"

L nodded, slowly, as if that information was not yet enough to pacify him.

"Is it having to remove your shirt? I've seen you bathe as well."

A sharp look from L seemed to question whether or not Raito had seen him because they were so close from the cuffs or whether or not he had purposely looked. L should understand if Raito had looked, because what better opportunity to size up one's rival but in the bath, and L would also have to admit that he had done so himself for that very reason.

Since a logical reason to shy from this was not presenting itself, Raito concluded that L had to have an illogical reason. He just didn't know what that was.

"We have slept beside one another, yes," L admitted, "and bathed in the others' presence as well, but…that is entirely different from…from…"

"Sleeping in each others' arms?"

The red that flushed to L's cheeks surprised Raito greatly but it also explained quite a bit. Raito knew well that his companion was not prone to physical contact. They had fought a number of times, brushed against each other, and recently L had placed a hand on Raito's shoulder several times. L even carried Raito, closely, most of the journey to that final monitor. But skin contact is very different, especially in sleep. They had slept together, but on their very separate sides of a bed and they had certainly never touched while bathing. This was bordering on intimacies L knew little to nothing about.

And then Raito understood. The question about the magazine. The annoyance with Misa. The way L shied from touch. L knew nothing of intimacy and it disturbed him that Raito did and yet L was in no way a part of that world with him. Raito highly doubted L wanted to be part of that world with him, but the detective was left out and felt self-conscious that he knew so little about something Raito knew well.

That idea surged in Raito a feeling of power he struggled to suppress. He knew something that L could not even conceive. Raito was no stranger to intimacies. He was already having sex when he first took on the name of Kira; it was expected of a normal teenage boy, after all, and Raito did not deny that he felt urges from time to time. Even Misa, someone he often despised, was useful for that, and she had no problem with giving Raito what he wanted. But this was L, the socially inept genius extraordinaire who probably had never even kissed a girl. Sleeping with skin contact beside another person must have seemed rather frightening. It was one of the few topics that actually rendered L incapable of maintaining his usual façade.

Raito banished all feelings of superiority aside. "Ryuuzaki…we're just going to sleep," he said, "We'll be warmer, we'll be perfectly safe, and we'll get the rest we need. Are you really that afraid of touching me?"

"Of course not."

That answer had come a little too quickly to be believed. "Right," Raito said, "Then why don't you hand over the shroud so I can turn it into a good blanket for us. Or are you feeling too…illogical for that?" Raito grinned; he couldn't help goading the detective at least a little.

Mustering up something as close as he could manage to his impassive expression, L willed away his blush and pulled the shroud over his head to hand to Raito.

Taking it, Raito tried to be conscientious of L's discomfort, but couldn't help eyeing the other man a little as he got to work tying some of his leather into the holes of the shroud. He had to sit to do it and L sat down as well, hugging his knees into his chest in a manner very much like his usual sitting position. It didn't stop Raito from noticing how L's ribs stood out though.

"How much do you weigh?" Raito asked, between pulls of leather and diligent working.

L stared at him. "What does that matter?"

"Just curious."

"You are curious about many things, Raito-kun."

"Yes, and up until recently you've been pretty forthcoming when I am. So how much do you weigh? Weighed, whatever, you know, back on earth."

L shifted and seemed to pull his knees in tighter. "Over a hundred pounds."

It was lucky Raito was not dealing with a needle and thread, because he might have stabbed himself. "Over a hundred pounds. A lot over I hope."

"I don't know. A hundred and ten I suppose."

"A hundred and—" Raito almost ghost-stabbed himself again, "That's all? We're the same height, for crying out loud, you should be at least one-twenty if not more. That's horrible."

L shifted again. "I am perfectly healthy." A moment passed. "Was," L amended.

A smile curved over Raito's lips. "Right. And I'll bet you're just dying for some chocolate or a piece of cake."

Again, L pulled his knees in tighter. "And what are you dying for, Raito-kun?" he asked. The question was not quite friendly, and Raito felt almost physically assaulted by it. Like a slap he knew he deserved. It was just so easy, and even easier for Raito to forget that he was human. Maybe for the first time in six years.

"Sorry. Ignore me, okay? I didn't mean you…look bad or anything."

This, finally, pulled L out of the cocoon he had been making of himself, and the detective seemed to relax. "I…know how I look. I doubt good would be the right word for it even if you will not say bad."

"Do you care? About how you look, I mean? I always assumed you didn't."

"I don't," L said quickly, which came too quickly again and though L remained relaxed he shifted once more, "I…have never taken the time to care, but I still…notice…when others look more presentable than I do. Such as yourself. It seems so effortless for you, Raito-kun, and yet…you are always so handsome. Even from this world I could watch and see how the women you met would look at you. I…have never experienced that."

Raito chuckled and said, "No, I bet not," though he did not mean to offend, much as he suddenly realized he had. L curled in again, so quickly that Raito could kick himself. "Damn it, Ryuuzaki, what happened to that thick skin? Things used to roll right off of you. And I didn't mean anything by what I said. You're unkempt, but not unattractive. The simplest things could make a difference. You have a handsome enough face."

"I do?" L looked genuinely interested in this.

Raito was almost finished with their makeshift blanket and he was getting very cold without anything on his upper body. "Yeah, you do," he said.

"Then…what simple things could I do to make it more…like you? Effortless."

"Well…I suppose…what we're about to do is a good start."

A tremor ran through L that Raito almost missed, and he was very curious about it since he did not.

"Sleep, Ryuuzaki," Raito said, "You need more sleep. You never sleep. You have such nice eyes but who could tell with those bags under them."

L went cross-eyed then as if trying to see his own eyes without a reflecting surface to help.

Raito held back a laugh. "And sitting and walking straighter would do a lot too. You look more put together that way. It can't be all that hard to straighten your back."

For a moment, L looked skeptical, but he nodded, urging Raito to continue.

"Clothing," Raito said next, "You can't wear a big T-shirt and jeans everyday. Not the same ones. You have no idea how many times I wanted to just pull you aside and dress you myself."

This, once again, particularly intrigued L and a black eyebrow disappeared into his hairline. "You would…like to dress me?"

A sly smile took hold of Raito's features then. "Maybe not physically," he said. He meant it to lighten things, but L looked tenser than ever now. The detective really was the hardest man to figure out even with all Raito knew of him. "Listen," Raito said, holding up the constructed blanket, "I'm done with this. At least, as much as can be done to it, so let's just get some rest, okay? Sleep is a good thing. When's the last time you just let yourself sleep until your body woke up on its own? You know, without feeling the need to get up because you were working on a case."

This question was not intended to be a stumper. "That would depend on the last time I didn't have a case. And then…I suppose…I…am not entirely sure."

Raito shook his head and waved at L to join him as he lied down on the hard ground, "Get over here. You're hopeless, but at least I can get you to sleep," he said.

For a few awkward moments, L did not move. Raito was lying on the ground, their strange blanket covering him, waiting for L to curl in next to him for some sleep, and it all just seemed so surreal to both of them that Raito could understand why it took L a minute to actually get up and walk over to him. It still seemed silly that L was acting so foolish over something that really was the most logical way to approach the situation. Then again, even L had to have some human moments once in a while.

Finally, the detective made his way over to Raito, lifted the shroud with its holes tied together by leather, and slipped underneath. Raito was in his heavy boots and leather strap pants. The gloves he had set aside. L was left only in torn jeans that hung low on his hips. They were the strangest pair, especially if someone were to come along and find them. They only hoped that come tomorrow, or whatever it would be when they woke up and decided to move on, they would come upon someone themselves. They wouldn't last much longer without food and water.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Mmm?"

"You have to actually be touching me for the body heat to work."

"Aa. Of course."

Carefully, L scooted closer under the blanket until he just barely brushed the skin of Raito's arm.

Raito sighed heavily. This really was ridiculous. They were two perfectly intelligent young men. This didn't have to include any drama. Raito reached out his arms and pulled L in tight against him, holding the suddenly very stiff other man so that their cold torso's touched in several places and began to warm. L shivered but did not pull away. In fact, Raito was surprised when L curled inward, his dark head tucked under Raito's chin, and his cheek touching Raito's chest. It was indeed warm though both could still feel the chill around them.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Mmm?"

"What if we…die out here?"

"I suppose that will have to be dealt with should it come to pass, Raito-kun. What more can we do but continue on?"

"I guess. What do you think we'll find?"

"Who's to say? As long as there is something sweet to eat, I doubt I care where our path leads us. If that desire means I am dying for some chocolate or piece of cake then so be it. I have gone years without such things, but now I can truly feel the absence."

"You mean you're hungry?"

"Is that not what I said?"

Raito laughed. "I guess. I just think it's funny how you're whining."

L grumbled into Raito's chest, which greatly amused Raito since he had never heard such a noise from the detective before and the extra air on his chest felt especially warm.

"Seems mortality is teaching both of us to act more our age," Raito said, feeling exhaustion completely envelope him now with the warmth and the rhythm of L's breathing along with his strong heartbeat against Raito stomach as if vibrating into a cavern.

L mumbled some unintelligible reply, proving he too was more tired than he might let on, and Raito could feel L's breaths even out until he was certain his companion had fallen quickly to sleep.

"Goodnight," he whispered before succumbing as well, "Goodnight…Lawliet."

tbc...

A/N: My goodness have I been bad. I know my Saiyuki fans are going crazy too, but my reasons for taking so long with writing are very good. I'm busy with projects before graduation and I have just recently become engaged. Please forgive my lack of time to write. There will be one more part for sure, if not two (haven't decided) and then it will be open to one shots gallore, that I would not mind others doing either. Anyway, please let me know you're still with me and that this is still enjoyable.