A/N: All right, well, there's really not all that much to say here – just read, review, and enjoy!

Later on that night, at twelve o'clock sharp, Sirius sneaked the Drop-Off box upstairs to the dormitory when everyone was asleep; the plan was that he would steal it and the boys would answer the letters by the cover of night with a lantern next to them. He looked rather exerted when he finally got back up to the waiting Marauders; he dropped the box in front of his friends with a certain relief.

"Gosh Prongs; look at all those letters!" he said, gesturing the pile of letters that was spilling out of the tiny box. "We'd better start working through these if we ever want to finish."

"James, you and Sirius can reply; I'll read them to tell you what's going on and you can write your return letter," Peter suggested, grabbing at the nearest letter. "Here, let's start with this one." He cleared his throat and read the letter out loud.

Dear Prongs,

You sound like you're the cutest thing on the face of the planet! Would you please go out with me? I love you. I'm your biggest fan in Gryffindor House. I love your pranks, and you are my favorite Marauder. Please, please, please go out with me?

Rachel Young

James burst into hysterical laughter as he took the letter from Peter; Rachel had gone as far as to put lipstick kisses underneath her writing. Peter and Sirius began to laugh as well, tears pouring out of their eyes.

"If this is the type of stuff we get, maybe we shouldn't do this anymore," Sirius said, wiping his eyes and hiccupping. "What will you say, Prongs?"

With another chuckle, James took his quill and a piece of parchment and started to construct his response.

Dear Rachel Young,

I'm pleased to know that you think so highly of me, but I currently am not looking for a girlfriend. I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause for you.

Prongs

"I'm impressed, James," Remus admitted. "That's a very polite response. I expected you to take a more…Sirius type route."

While Sirius pouted and Peter giggled, James explained, "Well, I'm going to try taking this seriously in case people actually trust me; I mean, I am capable of being serious, even if I don't like to be."

"That's a good goal," said Remus, looking delighted. "This is a breakthrough!"

Peter's giggles intensified. "Nice try, James but we know that you're not serious at all. You prefer goofing off, which really is a good goal. We need to have some fun!"

"I'm in agreement with Wormtail on that one," Sirius said, raising his hand lazily. "You don't have a serious bone in your body, Prongs, and that's what we like about you."

"Shut up," James said, half teasing and half honest as he lightly kicked Peter and Sirius. "I'm just a fantastic actor then, because I'm quite intelligent if I want to be."

"Fine, fine," Sirius gave in with a sigh. "Be boring then. I'll just sit here and wait until the real you is released from the closet."

"Oh Sirius, don't be so judgmental," Remus chastised. "James doesn't only exist for having fun; he is a person as well, after all."

"Of course he exists for having fun!" Sirius said. "What else would he bloody do?"

"He would do other things that balanced, sixteen year old human beings do," Remus answered shortly. "Fun is a good thing to have along the way, but it shouldn't be everything. Even you, Sirius, have to grow up some time."

"That's crazy talk," Peter interjected. "Fun is the reason we do things! Think about; we usually act on what's most convenient for us at the time."

"Yeah, so that's why I don't want to do this advice thing at all anymore," James added, waving Rachel's letter in front of them. "No one wants my advice; they just want to date me."

"Here's a letter from Evans," Remus said, pointing it out in the pile – he knew that it was the perfect incentive to keep James on his toes.

"Where?" In the blink of an eye, letters were flying across the room as James dove for Lily's note. When he got to it, he ripped it out of the envelope it came in and put it on the ground so that all the Marauders could read it.

Dear Prongs,

I'm sure you've gotten about a million letters from all of your love-sick fans, but I sent this one just to tell you that I'm not one of them. I detest you, and everything you stand for. I would never ask you for anything, because I know you're not mature enough to handle it, nor do I trust you. You bully people all the time, and your tricks are just so juvenile. I've been dying for an opportunity to tell you about what I thought about you, so I do thank you for giving it to me.

Please; don't take care.

Lily Evans

"Bloody hell, it's like she's psychic," said Sirius, wincing once he had finished reading her letter. "We did get lots of letters from love-sick fans."

James looked angrily at the single sheet of parchment, as though it had personally done him wrong. "Why does she always do this to me?"

"This isn't really an intellectual theory, but maybe it's because she simply doesn't like you," Peter said, looking at James as though he was being particularly thick.

"Yes, I know that much, thank you, but what am I supposed to do about it?" James wailed, looking at the letter with desolation again.

"Reply back in the most pessimistic and guilt-riding manner you can," Sirius recommended, handing him parchment and a quill. "Make her feel horrible; sort of agree with her, but berate her at the same time, and be so assertive that it kills her." His smile was devious as his last words trailed off; the prospect of hurting Lily Evans with words was thrilling him a little too much.

"I like it," James said slowly, surprising all of them. "Assertive…I'm not usually assertive with her, so she'll never know it's me."

A few minutes passed in silence, the only noise being James's quill scratching on the parchment; when he was done, he put the finished response in the middle of the four of them for approval.

Dear Lily Evans,

I have gotten many letters, as you have predicted, and they seem to trust me; it's rather regretful that you don't. It is a little disheartening that you detest me as much as you say, but I suppose that it is your opinion, and I can't really argue or change your mind. I do have many more letters I need to get to answering though, so I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your negative opinions to yourself.

Prongs

"That's perfect," Sirius declared, high-fiving James. "This is exactly what she needs to hear – butt out, but in a more polite way."

"She doesn't deserve your politeness," Peter snarled, looking at Lily's letter again. "Be a little more…vulgar."

"Nah, that'll just turn her off even more," James said, folding up his letter and putting it in an envelope so that it could be put into the Pick Up Box. "God forbid that she be turned off more than she already is."

"Good point," Peter said, shrugging. "It was just a suggestion though."

"I think that you're handling this admirably well," Remus said, smiling. "I'm overjoyed to see that."

"Well, I am James Potter after all," James said, his face playfully pompous. "I can handle everything, and Lily Evans is part of that everything."

Remus rolled his eyes but laughed while he gave James his next letter. "Answer this then, Mr. Everything."

"Of course." James laughed as well and opened up the letter, snorting as he read it. It was another girl who wanted to date him; how typical. Throughout the night, the boys found at least eighteen girls in the House throughout the different years who only wrote to date James. The rest of them were actually seeking some advice, which James happily gave (with Sirius contributing his own twisted ideas, which were immediately shot down by Remus), and at around four in the morning, the Pick Up Box was ready for the common room. Peter was asleep on the ground when Sirius had delivered the box downstairs, and Remus was starting to nod off as well. James was already in bed, waiting for his friend to come back before sleeping as well.

"What lumps," Sirius said disgustedly, poking Peter with his big toe. "Shall we leave them here?"

"I suppose," James said, grinning tiredly. "Come to bed, Padfoot; have a few hours of well-deserved sleep, would you?"

"Gladly, Prongs," Sirius said, yawning, as he jumped into bed in a very dog-like way. "Good night."

"Good night." James turned off the light, but he didn't go to sleep just yet. He was, of course, thinking about Lily and her mean-spirited letter. Was Peter really right? Would she just hate him and that would be the end of it? Would she reply to his letter? Would she be rude or apologetic? Would she talk to him again? What if she found out that he was Prongs? Would she be mad? Well, yes, she would be, but the rest of the questions weren't as easily answered.

He let out a heavy sigh as he tried to allow his drowsiness to overtake him; he knew he would have to do something about Lily Evans, and it would have to be done very, very soon.