Chapter 5: Playing with fire, Part 1
Whether Immortality or, for the matter, longevity can be endured is ultimately a matter of mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
-Exalted Grandmother Khu Lhon
- - -
Dr. Tofu Ono replaced the last of his vials in his bag, then exited the room, smiling at Ranma who sighed relived. "He'll live, I gather" he stated and the good doctor nodded.
"Taro might not be too powerful without his curse, but his chi regeneration levels are almost on par with yours. He does have a couple of cracked ribs, but between his resilience and my new special salve he'll be up and about in a couple of days." His smile changed to a frown. "Not that any of you wrecking crew martial artists listen to me, but tell him to take it easy."
Ranma laughed sheepishly. "I'll get Nabiki to blackmail him into staying put. He'd do the exact opposite if I tried."
Dr. Tofu chuckled at that. "Well, then, I think I'll..."
"Hello doctor. Will you be staying for lunch?" came a gentle voice from behind them.
Ranma gasped and leaped to the side, nearly smashing through the wall, wincing as Tofu's glasses got covered by a thick layer of mist and he performed a wild about face, his medical bag whipping the place the pig-tailed martial artist had been standing.
"Oh, Kasumi-san. What a wonderful coincidence that we'd meet here" he chirped, his eyes unfocused, his hands twitching for unfortunate victims.
Ranma almost groaned as he saw the pain hiding behind the older Tendo's faltering smile. Despite general belief, Kasumi resembled as a Prozac advertisement only in appearance. Still, she took a deep breath, extending a hand and clutching the doctor's shoulder. Which caused his hair to stand as though electrocuted. "You are so silly, doctor" she laughed gently. "Come, I'll get you to your seat" she added, herding him downstairs like so many cattle.
Ranma shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "A total waste if I've ever seen one" came a voice from his side, and he turned to see Happosai, blissfully seated on a pile of lingerie in his room while smoking his pipe. "They should get on with it and say how they feel before it's too late."
The younger martial artist raised a brow at how serene the grandmaster looked. He actually seemed like a content adorable grandfather instead of Nerima's prime lecher. Provided you ignored on just what he was lying. And the fact that his pipe's smoke was forming the frilliest set of female underwear Ranma had ever seen in either reality or wet dream. "You seem like you had a field day" he noted, quite curious.
Happosai let his lips lapse to a Cheshire grin. "Oh, I don't complain. I decided to go and train outside Nerima. First I run in some chicks in sailor outfits, struggling against a couple of pathetic lesser demons. Their attacks were just full of female chi. Then I bumped into a couple of alien girls. Juraian royalty, I think. But the best part was my stop at St. Hebereke School. Did you know that Kuno girlfriend of yours is a genius herbalist? Her aphrodisiacs are first rate."
Ranma felt a shudder running down his spine. "Kodachi is not my girlfriend. She is just nuts. I lost count of how many times she's poisoned me with some crazy powder."
The grandmaster's grin failed to falter. "Yeah, now that's a girl with spunk. If you want to help her get sane, spend a hot night with her. That'll cure her for sure" he advised in a sagely tone. Ignoring Ranma's face-fault, he went on. "In fact it was so good a day, I have to block my chi draining for a couple of days. Any more female chi and I'll burst," he added giddily.
Ranma suppressed an urge to smack the older martial artist, content with the fact he was not soaked wet and groped by now. "Say, gramps" he started after a minute of silence, picking and empty corner and sitting down. "Were you ever... I mean really..." he fidgeted. "Were you ever really in love with somebody?" he managed, trying to will his body to stop blushing.
Happosai sobered very fast, his face serious for once. "Let me tell you a story, Ranma" he started, after letting a large whiff of smoke. "Once upon a time, there was a tall, handsome and powerful martial artist. He was still young, a bit older than you perhaps. Training around China, he stumbled upon an Amazon village. There he met a girl his age, heir to the village's matriarch and also powerful. At first they were quarreling all the time, but then they realized they had fallen in love. They married some time later."
The grandmaster paused, as if hard pressed to recall a memory. "They spent the next thirty years together, spawning children and grandchildren and they were happy. But because they were both powerful martial artists, they aged much slower than normal humans. Soon they grew restless because they knew the world was a big place. The village council wanted them to stay and the girl decided to abide. She loved her home dearly and wanted to protect it even at personal cost. She soon decided to throw her husband out of the village, knowing he would otherwise stay with her and eventually grow to hate it. So the powerful, stunning, tall, handsome, brilliant martial artist left and was declared an outcast. After that, they both took many other mates. Some they loved, others not quite, but they never forgot each other. They met a century later and spent another two years in secret together, having another child and remembering their past, before drifting apart once more."
Staring deep into Ranma's wide eyes, he let a chuckle. "Today, they are both three hundred ninety-five years old. They pretend to be old acquaintances and old enemies, but not everything is what it seems..."
Ranma grinned. "So, how did you meet that tall and handsome martial artist?" he joked, earning a pipe induced bump. His face grew serious. "So you and Cologne spent thirty years together and yet you could not remain forever like that" he marveled. His face grew troubled. "Will I also grow that old..." he mumbled, mostly to himself.
Happosai chuckled, then laughed aloud. "Ranma, my boy, if your father and Soun would get off their lazy asses and started training half as much as you do every day, they could claim many centuries of life. Nodoka-chan is as old as your father and look at her. Or did you think the family blade is just for show?" Still snickering, he went on. "With your potential and the female chi you can get from your cursed form, not only are you immortal, barring plague or violent death, but you will never age a day past your prime."
Ranma stayed still for a long time, blinking at empty space while trying to digest the information. He found the enormity of the revelation to be too grand for him. "Flies, Ranma, flies" sniggered Happosai, reaching with his pipe and replacing his heir's jaw to its proper place. "Don't try to accept it all at once, you have all the time in the world."
The somewhat lame joke jogged Ranma out of his stupor. "This actually makes my problems even larger" he lamented, shaking his head. "Even if I choose one of the girls and even if I prevent the others from killing her, I'll still stay young while all of them will age..." he muttered.
Happosai sighed. "I can't tell you what to do, Ranma. In your place I would have slept with all four girls by now, if only to gain another perspective. Then I'd ask them if they would be interested in sharing" he chuckled, gaining a death glare from Ranma. He soon went serious again. "In fact, I envy you, Ranma. All four of these girls could grow to compliment your powers. All four of them, if properly trained, have the potential to live forever or almost so. Give them enough time and from bitter rivals they will turn to true friends and perhaps lovers." He sighed again at the look of incredibility plastered on his heir's face. "Yes, Ranma, even the Kuno girl would mellow in time."
Ranma sighed, rising as the smell of delicious food filled his nostrils. "Are you sure you and Cologne were sweethearts?" he asked as they both walked towards the stairs.
Happosai licked his lips. "She and I were a lot like you and Akane-chan. You should see how much of a tomboy Co-chan used to be. At nights she was just insatiable" he said longingly.
Ranma's face went green. "Too much information, old gnome" he spat, then his eyes went wide as he saw Dr. Tofu crunching an empty bowl.
"A waste" repeated Happosai dejectedly, grinning as Kasumi started serving.
- - -
Akane stopped before the Dojo doors, her hand suspended in midair. This is silly, she chided herself. I'll just go in there and apologize. Then everything will be fine. She sighed, then felt anger seething just below her neutral mood. She tried to question herself, to realize why she was angry, but that only made her angrier with herself, with Ranma and with everything else. Frustrated, she tried to press anger back, taking a few calming breaths, wiping the proverbial dust off her gi and thinking about flowers and merry songs. Determined, she opened the doors and entered.
Ranma was sitting in lotus position, his eyes fixed on an object resting on his open palm. She raised an eyebrow at that since she knew her fiancé was not really big on meditation. The object, she marveled, was a paper origami, shaped like a lotus flower. Her chi senses, still very weak but growing every day, warned her about a large quantity of free chi coming from the item. She waited a bit, then her eyes went wide as the paper flower started glowing in the visible light spectrum, blue colored energy leaking from its edges. She did not dare to interrupt, her eyes roaming from the imbued item to the features of the boy-no, young man that held it. Focus, girl, focus she demanded from herself, shaking her head as soon as she realized she was staring. Stop looking at his face or his powerful arms that could hug you and would.. NO! wrong!
Akane took another breath, resisting the urge to slap her own treacherous perverted self, trying to recall she was here to apologize to her jerk of a fiancé so that they might have another of the very entertaining and helpful sparring sessions she had become addicted to. Remaining a respectable distance away in case his little project went explosive like many out-of-control techniques would, she steeled her resolve then coughed to bring attention to herself. Ranma's eyes snapped to her person, then back to the item on his hand and he concentrated briefly, drawing the energy back to his body.
"Trying a new move?" she asked as he set the flower aside and stood.
Ranma nodded. "Something like that. It's more of a control exercise than anything else for now" he answered, then regarded her questioningly, noticing her defensive posture. He had come to recognize his fiancée's major moods from body language, if only to save both of them from many kinds of pain.
Akane sighed, then tried to find the appropriate words. "Look Ranma" she started, maintaining a levelheaded tone. "I'm sorry I knocked you into the canal even though I know what you think of cats" she went on, resisting an urge to roll her eyes as the pig-tailed boy winced at the last word. "It was wrong of me even though you did let that amazon floozy all over you like, like..." she stuttered, stopping as she felt her temper flaring. "Anyway, I'll understand if you are mad at me and you don't want to spar like we have been doing," she added, preparing to hear him confirm said rejection. What she got was anything but.
Ranma smiled, rubbing his nose a bit, then walking closer. "I'm not mad 'Kane" he provided. "I'm not all that thrilled about seeing a c.. a feline either, but at least we got rid of Shampoo faster. So don't worry, tomboy, you still won't get away from training." He flinched a bit as Akane snorted at the 'tomboy' part. "Now if you could keep that temper of yours down..." he added, smiling mentally at the bait.
"I don't have a temper!" she yelled loud enough to prove the opposite to half of Nerima, apology forgotten.
Her fiancé bit back an 'uncute tomboy' retort, responding with an oblivious 'Kasumi type' smile instead. "I'm glad. If you did have a temper, today's training would be really tough."
Akane, who had readied herself to respond to an expected 'uncute tomboy' retort, was thrown off balance and struggled to continue. "What does my non-existent temper have to do with training?" she asked, now unsure of herself.
Ranma smirked a level four infuriating smirk, producing a digital camera out of hidden weapon space and setting it at the corner of the dojo so that it could survey all of it. "Isn't that Nabiki's camera?" asked Akane, anger forgotten.
"Yep" came the answer. "I'm just borrowing it. And yes, I know how to use one"
His fiancée frowned. "I'm surprised she let you take it."
Ranma's smirk widened. "She didn't, I forgot to ask."
Akane regarded him blankly, then giggled. "She'll have your head when she finds out" she pointed, now outrightly laughing.
He frowned indignantly. "Is my uncute fiancée worried about me?" he asked, inwardly cursing himself a second later.
"As if, you insensitive jerk. I'll do nothing when she kills you!" she responded, throwing a punch that was easily dodged.
"I'm just using her techniques against her. Martial arts Capitalism is still part of anything goes and she is using that technique all the time against us."
She calmed down again, shaking her head. "You have a point there. So, what kind of exercise do you have in mind? Freestyle again or are we going to play bokken idiots like yesterday?"
Ranma sobered down in what Akane had dubbed sensei-mode. "Freestyle with a catch, 'Kane. You must endure against one of the strongest attacks of Anything Goes at the same time."
"Stronger than the 'fast break' technique?" she teased, extracting a snort.
"I believe so" responded her fiancé, frowning a bit. "I'm talking about the art of insulting and taking advantage of your opponent's anger," he added, his eyes turning to the floor.
Akane hesitated a bit. "And... you are good at that technique?" she asked at length.
Ranma turned around, finding the opposite wall very interesting. "Are you kidding?" he chuckled mirthlessly. "I have been trying really hard since I came to Nerima. I have been trying really hard to stop using it all the time and I'm still only occasionally successful."
The dark-haired girl felt a tug of guilt under her stomach. "Ranma.." she whispered, biting at her lip. "How much do you really mean when you use that... technique?" she asked.
He frowned. "Does it matter?" he asked bitterly. "Truth or lie, the enemy is not supposed to tell the difference. It becomes instinct picking on your opponent's weaknesses whether they are real or not. Really effective, too, when you spend your whole life listening to a stupid Panda." He shook his head to dispel the thought, then turned to face her, a ghost of a smile on his face, talking fast to dissuade her from offering her pity. "Still, it is an effective technique. I can use my anger as a weapon and contain it, but someone untrained is very vulnerable. It's easy to find yourself at the wrong end of a spiral when you let your anger get the better of you."
Akane bit back an acidic comment, still puzzled at how angry she felt. She couldn't help wondering how many of the vocal barbs he would constantly throw were sincere. Still, she had seen firsthand how her fiancé would use any loss of control against an opponent. She mentally shuddered when thinking how an Ascending Dragon Blast would work on her during one of her fits. At least she could accept to herself she would sometimes lose control. "So, what am I supposed to do?" she asked.
Ranma smirked. "I'll be doing my best to make you angry while sparring. You must try to remain as calm as you can. Think of it as working on your weaknesses."
Akane threw him a dirty glare. "Anger is not my weakness" she proclaimed loudly, then caught herself, having the good grace to blush while faking a cough. "I'm ready," she added, now collected.
He nodded, reaching for the camera's record button. "Attack then" he responded seconds later, hopping away to avoid her opening attack, a straightforward snap kick. Akane followed with a flurry of fast and hard punches and Ranma nodded as they were well-thought and nowhere near as predictable as two weeks before. Time to change that he thought, pushing away a part of his mind that was trying to persuade him to take pity on the girl.
She tried to execute a straight overhead kick that took a toll on her balance and he acted, dodging while his hand shot upwards, grabbing her heel right at the apex of her move and forcing it upwards, tripping her other leg at the same time. Never expecting that, she landed on her rear, her only saving grace the fact that she tried to kick with her other leg before she could reach the ground. "That was sloppy even for you" he teased, now smirking.
Akane jerked backwards, making a handstand and landing on her feet. "You need to try harder than that, pal" she responded cockily. "Since I know what you are trying to do, you can't make me angry" she added, matching his grin.
"And what will you do?" he asked. "Use your lethal uncuteness as a weapon? Combined with your toxic cooking it would work well."
She caught herself before she could snort. He is baiting you and you know it. Don't make a fool of yourself, she chanted mentally, fainting another kick, then going for a rabbit punch.
Ranma sidestepped, yawning loudly. "That was better. Keep it up and you might even hit me. When P-chans fly maybe."
Akane had to check herself again, then her eyes went wide as she barely managed to block an otherwise easily avoidable attack. He is getting to me, damn it! Am I really so fast to anger...
"What's the matter? Too busy trying not to go berserk to fight?" he taunted, leaping above a vicious jab and landing behind his fiancée. She had to spin around pretty fast to block a palm strike that still managed to knock some of the air in her lungs. A subsequent leg swipe was avoided by a clumsy backskip that further compromised her balance. A lightning fast but still light tap on her forehead caused her to collapse, arms flailing.
Akane regained her footing, angry to herself. That's it! Offence is the best defense. "Am I allowed to talk back, or would my oh so mighty instructor be distracted?" she asked, coming to him with a collection of rapid kicks.
Ranma chuckled, dancing around her blows with his hands crossed behind him. "If my uncute, unfeminine fiancée thinks she is enough of a martial artist to do that, who am I to stop her. Knock yourself out." He responded, then proceeded to land on her horizontal leg during one of her most overextended kicks and somehow deliver a spinning swipe from that position, aimed right at her head. She yelped in surprise, blocking with a forearm, then pumping large amounts of chi to brace her defense, awed at how he could manage so much power with so little leverage. She summarily found herself downed, forearm throbbing with pain. "I didn't mean it literally, tomboy, but I'm still right." He went on, adding insult to injury.
Her brows narrowed as she desperately tried to retain control of her emotions. "You just caught me off guard. Even Ryouga is faster than that" she riposted, although her voice was a bit strained.
Ranma laughed inwardly, evading the next, not quite levelheaded attacks. "If you compare me with ol' pork-brain, then I'll have to compare you with Gosunkugi" he commented gleefully.
Akane was caught off guard by that. "Gosunkugi is not even a martial artist" she snapped back, unaware of the danger.
Hook line and sinker snickered Ranma. "My point exactly" he added wickedly and watched as Akane froze. He could swear he heard her fragile control cracking and contemplated whether he should employ the last, most dangerous – for him – attack. Why the hell not, she has been calling me a pervert since the beginning. Time to send her off the deep end.
He went in for another jab, which Akane subconsciously tried to dodge, then his hand brushed the top of her right breast.
"RANMA!!" came the bloodculling cry as the youngest Tendo's control shattered.
- - -
25-01-07: Not a whole lot happening, but I enjoyed writing Happi's part. Someone does not survive three centuries by being simpleminded and Happosai might act immature but when he wants he is anything but senile. By the way, the image of Akane malleting Ranma every second sentence is a fanfiction myth. In both anime and manga she rarely uses the mallet and she only jumps to conclusions half of the time. That not to say her temper is not a major obstacle between her and Ranma and thus must be evened...