Atonement

By Seniya

Assume

You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

I'm Not Missing You by Stacy Orrico

I'd never try to deny it. I'm judgmental. And I know, in your cardboard cut out, girl-scout world, its pretty much one of the most disgusting qualities that a person can possess, but hey, free love isn't in me. I mean really, you see someone on the street and despite all good intentions the first thing you notice is their appearance. Their twenty dollar haircut and their seven dollar jeans—whatever; I'm just honest enough not to pretend.

Of course it annoys people. Beyond these natural blonde highlights there is a fully functional brain you know, contrary to popular belief. People like to live in the lies that have been fed to them through their parents and cartoons—that it's the inside that counts, that you shouldn't care about how you look. But that's not true. I know that it isn't, and it isn't my fault that it isn't either. It's just one of those things, passed down through generations…

By sixteen they'll all realize it. It's just that I've always been wise beyond my years. I've known since I was nine.

Survival instinct you know, from very young I realized that adults lied to "protect" you, as if the truth could hurt…

Well, yeah, back to the topic at hand. I'll admit it; I'm not as judgmental as I once was. My current BFF situation is testament to that. Irma (although God knows that she's not my BFF) purposely buys every article of clothing a size too small for the single purpose of doing what? I don't even think that she knows—and she's so damned obnoxious, but still, ignoring all better judgment, I do consider her my friend.

Hay Lin? No comment. Why make what you can buy? And pigtails? She's fifteen! Not to mention the fact that I'm beginning to believe that she's constantly high on ginseng. ADD much? And still, I talk to her, I try to tell her what it means to wear glitter blush in this day and age—not to mention—leg warmers. You know, just my little contribution to the betterment of society.

And Taranee! The seventies are over honey! I wasn't a love child; you weren't a love child, so why are you trying to remind us of that tragedy? I still can't get over the day that she wore a tie-dyed mini skirt to school. Ew. Just Ew. But Taranee won't ever listen, and if you even try to tell her how disgusting she looks she simply goes on to rant about discrimination and the causes of racism and homophobia.

I can do without the lecture. I'm right about this after all.

And then there's Will. Wilma, I should say. She who I have been avoiding like scabies for a good few days, but more on that later.

When I first saw Will, I wasn't impressed. Red hair and she left it that way. God, I would have made sure that I was a brunette by my twelfth birthday. And she has this, what I've termed, "just rolled out of bed" demeanor about her. And really is just the embodiment of—blah. The polar opposite of Irma, she who buys her clothing two sizes too big; well, my initial reaction to her was of course, psycho man hating lesbo, but she proved me wrong. Definitely.

Yes, yes, I can admit when I'm wrong. It just doesn't happen very often, that's all.

If you get past the layers and layers of fashion catastrophe scrawled across their faces, then sure, they're all pretty girls.

And Will, since she's the main topic of my rant, well, I have noticed how guys behave around her. Men, now I don't pretend to understand them at all. I guess that she is nice, too nice if you ask me, but—I don't know, I suppose that she has pretty eyes, they beg for mascara, but you know they're pretty.

And in that girl next door kind of want, she is—wantable.

No, no, I'm not disproving my theory here. Appearances do count. They do.

Note that I said that she has pretty eyes. Had she been ugly, for example if she'd looked like, even smelt like, let's say, you. Then I would be pissed. But I'm not, because she's not.

Some men just have a different taste that's all, it cannot be helped. If he thinks that she's who he wants, then far be it from me to try to break up their little fling.

Because, you see that's all that it is. Yes, yes. Rebound, whatever you want to call it, I broke his heart you know. And apparently I'll soon have to kick his ass once he gets this entire thing explodes. The thing about Will is just that she is too nice, like I said before. And she, poor thing, unlike me, doesn't judge people by their appearances. They take advantage of her; you see I could do this fling thing, easy, no problem. But she, nope, what she sees is what she thinks that she's getting.

Which is why I know she hasn't told me yet. To think I had to…I mean what if had walked in on then doing other things. Ew. Just Ew. I don't care of course; it doesn't bother me at all. Obviously, the reason why she hasn't told me is because she knows that I'll see through their little sham. She broke up with Matt, he broke up with me, and now, suddenly after years of not caring they're suddenly interested?

Right. Like I said I am judgmental, and I don't believe this for a moment.

I mean, of course I don't care. Yes, yes, I know that it's popular belief that I am cruel/evil/mean girl, but the fact is that I'm just honest. I am a realist. Practically a victim here, a realist in this land infected with fairy tales and day dreams.

I do love the two of them, to death I mean, but come on; does no one else see how ridiculous this is?

Of course they don't. Because they all want to live in lies. Whatever. Their problem. I'll just wait it out.

You see, I'm right about this too.

I've reserved the bragging rights.

Blunk, stop touching me…we are not friends. I was just explaining this thing to you. So that you'll stop spreading those little rumors of yours. What did I tell you? That's right. I know everything.

Author: How to be a good CxW shipper? First, you kill/write out Cornelia, second you change Caleb's personality completely. So why not mix it up? Cornelia can't BE ALL BAD; I'm trying to think of her as a victim of the shoddy writing as we all are.

Hey you know, I forgot about this story and the reasoning behind me writing it. No fear, I'll get back in the game.

Review please.

Oh and thank you for nominating me for this story in the WITCH Fanfiction Awards. They're on a forum on our forum board here if you want to nominate anyone. It means quite a bit to me, since I've never been nominated before.

NEXT: E is for Epic. This whole epic thing is a little running gag between Zadien and myself. It's our official CxW word/theme.