Atonement
By Seniya
Epic
I hear the bells
So fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant
I Hear The Bells By Mike Doughty
Sing along mockingbird, for a broken heart will not hear you. This melody of loneliness, like a curse, stirs the senses and confuses the mind, the heart; still aching is the only organ left with the ability to feel—and feel it does.
Not taste, no touch, just a shiver, a meek sensation, like the caress of the invisible man, borne from within the cracks of a broken armor, and all consuming, never ending—panic, fear. Hope, no hope, nothing, nothing. Ignite and consume, devour, completely.
She's afraid.
Her entire body is wracked with terror; uncertainty, rumors, they've made her older, weaker? Fear is for the weak—isn't it?
He's gone, he's gone yet again, and she's alone, she's alone once more. She has his promises to keep her company at least, and his words of love and ardor to warm her bed, but—just but…words aren't enough to mend her shattered heart and life, all her world has been reduced to a waking dream…
The sun rises and sets, the moon chases its lover across the sky—but she doesn't see it…he isn't in the sunlight, after all.
There's no need to look.
Even the light only heralds the start of the fall, in her mind albeit half asleep, she can recognize the redundancy; the habit…out of practice, perhaps, but it won't stop…
This, this is a sad, sleek world.
Would it help if time simply stood still? If the clocks outside ceased chiming? If her heart stopped yearning? Could she feel nothing at all?
Even the hope?
But the hope, it lays in waiting, and the waiting, oh yes, that lies in the passage of time. Bittersweet. A brief interlude, the dream pauses with a note, with a whisper, with a prayer. He's coming, he'll be home soon. Soon? How long is soon?
Waiting, for a sign, a whisper, anything…no, nothing, the winds are silent.
The hope vanishes, mingled with despair—surprisingly they mesh magnificently.
And so suddenly, she isn't alone anymore.
…………………………
It wasn't supposed to be this way, and so she's naïve and stupid, because of course she knew…it had always been this way; this had always been a part of him. Then, even now it seemed impossible to segregate the two. So had she expected that he'd change, that he'd stop because of her…Yes, she had, and now, she dared to complain that things weren't going according to plan.
She's started crying a lot more, its usual, and normal, she's been assured by the countless tomes that she's perused…for a person, in her condition. And the sickness, yes that too, the loss of appetite, no, not that, that was just an added bonus. That came from the fact that he had been gone for the last seven weeks.
Her stomach now is used for churning, for leaping and dancing at the sounds and prayers for news…not for eating, and so now, she's shrinking, fading, withering away. A waif…a pregnant one…
He won't be here for the birth of their child…he doesn't even know that she is…he never wanted a…and she, she was far too young…
…to be alone.
…………………………
Will doesn't know exactly when he returns, days have long since abandoned their names. But when he does, come home, it is without fanfare, without the heralds that she was certain would accompany his arrival.
But by now…it's too late.
She's alone again.
…………………………
"I missed you." He finds her upstairs in the hallway, curled into a corner, darkness her blanket, silence her lullaby. He joins her there, brushes his lips against her neck, relishing in her soft, clean taste.
She swallows.
"Did you?" Her voice is dry, empty, a beautiful collision of anger and sadness. Why should she be sad? He's here—yet, the company; she who kept her company for the past two months…she's gone.
"What's wrong?" He asks, and she cries, barely able to think, far less capable of saying a word.
"I am sick of this," she breathes, she sobs, her shoulders shaking, the hand pressed against her stomach shivers, it can't shiver back.
"I'm sick of waiting for you…I can't do it any more."
"We've been through…" not what he'd expected no kisses, no caresses…
"I know," she snaps, "I know, and I've always been fine. But things change…and I'll leave..."
"Will…" he pleads, watching, awestruck as she staggers to her feet.
"Why can't you stay here for me? I'm twenty two…and what do I do? I wait like some psychotic old woman for you. I can't…I've been waiting since I was thirteen…"
He's on his feet now, following her as she backs away; her beautiful hair is wild about her face, her eyes are wide and bright with tears.
"Calm down," they've never fought before—not really, and her tears, they don't help him through this confusion.
"No…" she whispers, "She's dead Caleb…my baby…"
"What baby?"
"I…" the tears fall again, she's so small, so fragile, "…we were…you weren't here to know!"
"Will…" it shocks him, and he's drowning in the sudden icy cold knowledge, "…are you…"
"No." then, softly, "not anymore."
The shadows have fallen away, and reality, borne in the light, slowly seeps through the space in between them.
"Are you…I mean…"
"Pick. Choose, go on do it…" she stares at him, those mesmerizing brown orbs, dead, murdered by his own hands, still, beneath the layers of liquid emotion. "I'm sick of being selfless and brave for you…if you love me…then stay. There's no reason, absolutely no reason for you to keep…"
And he's closed the distance, he's cradled her in his arms, and she's melted into his chest, and she's crying again, harder this time…until he can feel it as it edges into his being. "Please love," he prays into her hair, "don't. Not any more, I'll stay. I promise."
Atonement, it brings salvation, willingly poured into a lonely soul. Whispers and prayers, answers union and happiness, tomorrow.
…………………………
Author: So yeah, I sat and said to myself, how to make epic, epic? Then I went on the WxC C2 and just started jotting down the story names of some of the WxC stories. I found it fitting.
Thank you, I am touched, for nominating me for all those Awards. I don't think that I'll win, but it does feel nice to be recognized, even if it is on such a small basis.
Ah well, the title of this chapter is seriously based on my fixation with Veronica Mars and this one episode with her and (drools) LOGAN…le sigh, right um, yeah, epic. The song is from that episode.