Unspoken
By Seniya
'Cause I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding on to you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become
Mouth Shut by The Veronicas
The sun called out to the weeping sky, urging, begging, pleading for it to follow, come along, far past the shadows of the horizon, because it's lonely in the darkness. Few, precious few can survive after the death of day. And even the sun fears solitude…
Mistress sky is not so sympathetic, she has the children of the earth to mind, and they are troublesome without her watchful gaze. She lowers her eyes in shame, gently, tenderly almost refusing the sun's invitation; darkness follows, lonesomeness visits, and the world pauses in that delicate time before the dusk.
……………………………
The winds were warm, dry, and humid—the sun was long, hot, and smoldering. It rained torment and near suffering upon the exposed necks of Meridian's army…and it rained, rained, without reprieve, for hours upon hours; whilst their one, sole salvation; the Captain, watched with stoic eyes as they withered beneath the heat.
The complaints were many, this was the seventh day straight with this sort of behavior…indeed, today the number outside was substantially less than the number eight days prior. And so the Queen, out of concern for her country's defenses as well as concern for one of her closest friends, dared to question the motives of the Captain one evening, knowing that she could postpone it no longer, seeing as several men had collapsed upon the training field that very day.
Now, the women were complaining.
And as any good ruler knows, a war started by women is far, far harder to end than a war formed by the hands of men.
……………………………
He stood; erect, still, arms folded across his chest, and his face, was as hard and as still as the rest of him. She walked cautiously, (for all her years of being Queen she had somehow managed to retain the awkwardness of her teen years). She chose her words carefully, placing into them, just the right combination of authority and kindness, of ruler and friend.
"You know Caleb…if you need to talk about this…" He seemed to have to tear his eyes away from the scene before him (men, crawling, gasping, falling), but he did, and for a single instant, she watched him as he watched her.
"Talk? About what?" He seemed uninterested, and soon he'd returned to attention to the world that played out before him.
Men! At least women talked! But men, they had to hide their feelings, they had to remain brave and bold and proud. Everyone knew that he and Will were over, everyone knew that she had left him or something, and everyone knew that he was taking it out on anyone that he could—mainly his troops. "Well, you know…err…it's just that you've been drilling the guys awfully hard today…and well, Almere collapsed…twice and Icarius wasn't always that color."
Almere was a whiner, and Icarius was never the right color. But she didn't want to bring up the fact that Kelvin, Jacobin and Lucidius (each one a Corporal) had also fallen victim to this torture—no, this needed to be handled delicately. "You're too soft on them Elyon. What, so you think that in wars they'll have breaks?"
"I really don't think that they'll need to run around with rocks on their backs in wars either." And they both watched, well he watched, she gasped with a mixture of shock and unease as Grelin also fell, immobile, onto the grassy plain.
"It's good discipline."
No, no it wasn't…what, did he plan to kill them all? Swallowing her harsher words, she tried to reason with him again. "I'm sure that it is…but…look Caleb, I'm the Queen here and I won't let you kill my troops because you're having girlfriend problems."
His eyes had found hers even before the word girlfriend had left her lips, and she found herself chilled, ice cold, in this scorching weather. "…Or so I've heard."
"I'm not having problems." He explained, quite calmly in fact, but she could see that small muscle in his jaw trembling. And before them, yet another man succumb to the agony of the sunlight.
"Good, then let them come inside…they haven't eaten all day." Caleb turned away, she could feel the warmth in her arms returning, and for the first time in days she found herself grateful for the heat.
"There's still some sun left…" He mentioned, but she could already feel him losing interest. Now that he knew that everyone, (and she did mean everyone, seeing as one of the chimney sweeps had whispered this news to her only this morning) knew the truth, he'd want to conserve as much as his pride as possible.
If it was one thing that she could count on, that was Caleb's untiring pride.
"Caleb look, either you do it now, or you do it when fifty angry wives come to attack you." Elyon stated matter-of-factly, then she turned away, quite proud of how she had handled the situation, however, when he didn't reply, she found that she was forced to utter, "Your choice."
Only then did she hear what was in her opinion, his version of acquiesce.
"Fine."
………………………………
Gossip, like water flowing downhill, moves quickly. Impossibly quick in fact, with the mouths of women (and men) as its raft…over bumps and ridges, until it is still and calm, pooling in the ears of another.
"They broke up? Are you serious?" Haylin's brown eyes widened to an unprecedented size, afterwards her mouth fell open in a kind of lopsided circle.
"See, I told you that they would." Cornelia looked up from the mobile phone in her hands, pausing, if only for a second, from texting her boyfriend, to rub it in everyone's face that yes, she had been right…again.
"Corny, you told us that like, two years ago, it's null and void now…no bragging rights for you." Irma waved away the blonde's last comment, gladly moving onto to answer Haylin's next question: "But why?"
"I dunno…but Will's really broken up about it…she's looking a bit…um…"
Cornelia was never one to be shut up—especially not by Irma…"Haggard? Forlorn? Homeless?" She clicked her phone shut, looking at the two girls with one eyebrow raised, as though challenging them to dispute her descriptions. "Let's not mince words here people, she looks like crap."
"She's going out tonight anyway." Irma, far too absorbed in this latest bit of news to initiate a fight with even Cornelia, continued talking to Haylin as if the blonde hadn't spoken at all. "Sarah Welch asked her to go with her to see a movie, and I convinced her to say yes. It's just not healthy to stay cooped up like that."
"Why did they break up anyway? From what I heard, Elyon said that Caleb's murderous." Cornelia spoke again, to no one in particular, simply to make it known to Irma that she was far more informed in this matter than she was.
"They're so ridiculous…" Haylin breathed, slowly coming to the realization that she was, indeed the last one to find out about this…
"I think that Will mumbled something about it being hard with College and stuff," Irma mumbled, "…then she started sulking and I couldn't get anything out of her."
"This Meridian thing again?" The Asian shook her head, looking at the algebra scattered out before her with a sort of disinterest not uncommon to this type of situation.
"Tsk tsk…" Cornelia clicked her tongue, "She should have learned that long distance relationships…"
"Which College is she going to again?" Irma looked to Haylin for the answer.
"Trent…it's really far away." She chirped; excited to finally know something that the others didn't.
"Ouch." Even Cornelia seemed to feel that one.
"Oh joy, freaking joy!" Six eyes turned at once to meet Taranee's livid cinnamon orbs, "At least Will can get into college, but with you guys yapping and yapping all I can hope for is a mail order degree from out of a Victoria's Secret catalogue! Aren't we supposed to be studying?" She was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Kill joy." Cornelia teased.
"What the hell are you doing here anyway? Didn't you already do your SATs?"
The older girl's face reddened at once with indignation…"as a matter of fact," Another rant was looming, suddenly; Algebra seemed much, much more interesting…
……………………………..
Will found, that contrary to popular belief, chocolate was not a cure-all device for depression. Rather, it just made the situation worse…because it reminded her of the time that he had brought her this thing that the Meridian people called chocolate…but really tasted like refined mud…it had been Valentine's Day and…
She tried to sink even father into the sofa cushions, but to no avail…
This was for the best, she reminded herself. They both needed to move on; it wasn't fair to drag it out…
She was supposed to be going somewhere tonight wasn't she? Probably…she couldn't remember. Her mother wasn't home, every other teenager's dream to be home alone on a Saturday…but she couldn't wrap her mind around the possibilities. And so she stayed alone in the darkness watching Casablanca, because those people were just as miserable as she was…
And where was her pizza anyway? She'd ordered it at least an hour ago…well they most certainly weren't getting a tip.
……………………………..
A slow, steady pounding at her apartment door awakened her from her stupor. Finally, brushing several chocolate bar wrappers from her legs, she shuffled across the carpet to the door, pulling it open…only to wish that she had stayed put.
Her stomach, chocolate covered as it was, sank to her knees; the door knob in her hand grew heavy, felt cold and warm all at the same time—and damp, that couldn't be forgotten either, her hands were sweating.
"Caleb…I…" She avoided his gaze, rather, staring at her woe-be-gone slippers, falling apart at the seams…she was immediately conscious of the state of her uncombed hair and the pajamas that she was wearing…clothes that she imagined were at least seven years old.
"Is this how you lock a door? Anyone could get in here…you need to…" He brushed past her…she let him…her entire body was numb until she felt his arms upon her shoulders, her heart swelled, choking her—then, he pulled the knob away from her grasp, turning and closing the multiple bolts and locks that her mother had installed years ago when a so called serial rapist had been on the prowl, "…see that's how you lock a door."
"What…are you…" She recognized that she was alone with him…her heart shuddered, her mouth went dry.
"We're still friends…aren't we, I mean, I thought that…" He stammered and whispered, his discourse mimicked the pauses in her pounding blood—and still she couldn't see him, although sometimes, the light from the street caught in his eyes…warming her entirely.
"I can't do this." He concluded, and she noticed that she was shaking her head violently, forcing herself to disagree.
"You should go…I have…to go out soon and…and you shouldn't be here…" Now, it was her turn to stammer and whisper, he turned to watch her…he moved to touch her, and she tried to pull away, but she couldn't for the door was in her path.
"I miss you." He admitted…and yes, she missed him too.
"I'm not allowed to have boys over, you know that…and when my Mom comes home…I won't be able to explain why you're here…"
"Don't do this to us…to me. Please." I'm sorry, she wanted to blurt out and cry and sob into his chest, he'd hold her, he'd kiss her and love her—but she couldn't be so selfish…
"Caleb…"
"Anything you want…I swear, anything, just…don't leave me…I'm miserable without you." He'd kissed her by now, over and over atop of her forehead; on top of her hair…she raised her head, parted her lips…then closed them, whispering what she needed to be true…for both their sakes. "It can't work. It was hard enough as it was…but this…"
"We can try…at least." His breath was on her face, his hands on her neck…she needed him so much…
"Do you really want to go through that? What if it doesn't work, then what? We'll just go through this for nothing." She was moving away from the door—he wasn't pulling her, she was simply moving with her heavy feet, until, finally she was wrapped safely in his arms. Acceptance; simple.
"This isn't nothing," she heard his voice before his lips came crashing down upon hers, she curved into his embrace, kissing him like he was kissing her…
And outside, the sun met with sky, and the darkness descended, and suddenly, oh so suddenly, the night didn't seem so lonely to the world anymore.
……………………………..
Author: I'm sick now. I don't want you guys to worry, but it's bad. Not cough cough, I have a cold sick…I might have to get an operation within the next few months. Um, yeah...bypass is the word of the month. Never pinned myself for heart problems. Well essentially, my heart is simply fucked. One of my fancy smancy arteries is too small and I have to get myself chopped up to fix it or else I'll keel over by thirty.
I don't know what else to say, I just figured that you guys should know. Because, well I'm scared right now, because I know that people die in operations, especially during the one that I might have to get…and well, if I suddenly disappear, well you'll know that I'm dancing with Elvis on the other side of the pearly gates. It's strange you know, how life changes. I was just on the phone with my best friend Catherine, we were talking about our hatred for those "skinny jeans" and then my mother tells me that the doctor called…and well…well, what do you do?
I write when I'm upset. Hence I wrote this because I can't be expected to update ATP in my current mental state. Pray for me guys.
XOXOXOXOXOXO