Atonement
By Seniya
Nervous
Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But I have not the words here to explain
Gone is the grace for expressions of passion
But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain
To tell you how I feel
But I am speechless, speechless
That's how you make me feel
Speechless By Michael Jackson
She hadn't spoken a word to him since he'd arrived here, usually; she'd have at least complained about the chilly autumn breeze or commented on the muddy evening skies, but not today. He hadn't minded, really the silence was a welcome change from the heated arguments and frustrated breaths that had been growing more frequent over the past few weeks.
From the corner of his eye he watched as she tugged at her long blonde hair, the glossy strands caught and held the few remaining rays of the day, although she seemed oblivious. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat before releasing a long withheld sigh.
"It's getting late." She offered at last.
It was a conversation that wasn't meant for his ears, he was certain, in fact as she continued on about having to study he felt like an outsider looking in at her life from the opposite side of the world—not the bench.
She stood up, granting him a hasty peck on the cheek by means of goodbye. He watched as her narrow form, made significantly larger due to her thick overcoat, retreated, winding through people and trees alike until she merged with the darkness and mists.
It would be over soon, he knew that…despite his lack of experience with these personal relationships and women on the whole, he was certain that this—what was left of it at least—was drawing to a close.
Left to his ponderings in the company of stagnant sun, he allowed his mind to run, on images of the past, of the future—on a longing and sadness that his heart couldn't seem to conjure up…
"Caleb?"
Thoughts broken, serenity shattered, his eyes flew to the owner of the voice, "Oh, hi Will."
She was smiling, a wide friendly grin that brightened most of her face, her hair was wild, askew and tangled and she was dragging a massive duffle bag in her wake. She was a sight, and he couldn't help but to smile as well.
"What are you doing here?" Taking his smile as an invitation she joined him on the bench, tapping her sneakers on the pavement in a strange erratic rhythm. He didn't mind.
"I was just thinking—enjoying the quiet." He pressed teasingly.
"You looked bored." She shrugged.
"And you decided to change that?"
"If you were a bit nicer, I could tell you a really funny knock-knock joke that Haylin told me."
"Haylin's not funny…disillusioned maybe…"
"I beg to differ, knock-knock."
"What?"
"Say who's there?"
"No."
She laughed, "come on Caleb it's funny."
He sighed, "who's there?"
"Bless."
He stared blankly at her, she whispered, "say bless who."
"Bless who."
"Why I didn't sneeze."
The blank look didn't change, "wow, you're a tough one." She began to laugh again.
"That is not a joke…it's not even remotely humorous…what's a knock-knock anyway?"
"Ah forget it," She got to her feet and adjusted her jacket, while reaching for the strap of her duffle she said, "you're my good turn for the day. I'm going home."
She had begun to prance along before he called her back, moving to his feet as well, "where did you just come from?"
"Swimming," she stated, "practice ran late…"
"You're going home by yourself?"
"Yeah." She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, looking at him as though he was very strange indeed.
"I'll walk you."
"No, you won't."
"Why…"
"It's really far away from Haylin's house…we moved remember, besides I walk myself home everyday without incident." She turned on her heel and stomped along the path, he followed.
When she noticed she rolled her eyes but didn't say anything for a while, before mentioning, "I saw Cornelia when I was coming here—were you here with her?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
He watched her rumpled head from out of the edge of his eye, "can I ask you something."
"I guess…"
"You and that music boy…"
"Matt? When are you going to learn people's names?"
"I know it…I just…forgot it…temporarily…but you two, you're still…with each…"
"Yes Caleb, we are." The words were almost embarrassing to hear coming from him.
"Are you sure?"
"What…" she stopped in her tracks and stared at him with a look of pure confusion etched onto her features.
"I mean…when two people aren't together anymore…how…how do you know?"
"Caleb?" Her mouth fell open and her eyes glanced nervously around the park. "Well, I mean…they usually tell each other—you know, they break up."
"I…" he felt uncomfortable due to look of concern mixed with sympathy in her eyes, so he decided to end this conversation now, it had been foolish to ask her in any case. He should have simply asked one of the others…Will had always been different.
But…well, it made no sense trying to search for answers within the pea soup that was Haylin's mind, none of the other girls would do as a matter of fact—they all had this uncanny habit of prattling even the most minute details to each other, and no, he most certainly couldn't tell Cornelia this. Even in his confusion mingled with ignorance he knew that she wouldn't take this bit of news well…and he most certainly didn't wish to upset her.
"Look Caleb," She reached across the space separating them to touch his hand with her gloved one, "I'm sure that…you two will work it out." She smiled again, and he felt his heart jump…the place where she was touching him exploded with heat suddenly, he couldn't tear himself away.
"Sure," he swallowed, watching as she looked at him with genuine happiness.
"Of course you will, you two are…you're…good together." She pulled her hand away, but the heat didn't leave with her.
"Err…thanks…I guess." He managed, forcing himself to look away…why had he never realized just how stunning she was, even with her hair like that and her clothes wrinkled and…oh God, something within him stilled.
She turned away from him, walking along the semi deserted path, before realizing that he hadn't followed her, "aren't you coming?"
"No…you're...fine on your own…"
"Caleb, trust me," obviously miscalculating his behavior for worry, she tried to placate him again, "you'll be fine."
"I know." He repeated, and then with a sudden pang of surprise he realized that he somehow believed her.
She turned away then, duffle in tow, and he watched her until she too faded into the evening mists.
Author: I'm really enjoyed this over protective Caleb thing. SMEXY! I wrote this pretty fast, although I'm about 90 certain that FF's alerts things aren't working, AGAIN, so noone will read this. Ah well.
Hail Michael Jackson, confession time people, I am the number one Michael Jackson fangirl. I don't care that his nose fell off…or whatever, he is the most talented sexy (black or white music video) artist in the world! Anyway that song had nothing to do with the plot, but what kind of MJ fangirl would I be if I didn't include a single song in my fic?
Has anyone else noticed that after a week's break the sissies are back and stronger than ever? They're like roaches…never mind, I'm gonna write chapter…next, twenty-one I think for ATP next week, but I don't know when it will be up. I have 3 or so paragraphs for it so far…