Atonement
By Seniya
You
Suppose I never, ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you, kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Fidelity By Regina Skeptor
He awakens due to the cramp in his neck, not because of the soreness in his shoulder, although, that's quite horrible as well. One of his legs is asleep he soon discovers, but that isn't so unbearable. As with all sleepy minds, it does take a good few seconds for the muddy puddle to become stagnant, for the dusty memories to sink to the bottom of the pool, and then another few minutes for him to realize that each and every stab of discomfort is coming from the same source.
She's half seated across his lap, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder, her arms fall across his body—as well as her legs, lost to the darkness of the night. He swallows then, feeling uncomfortable suddenly, you understand, in that moment when the blood pounds and the mind whispers. And so, remembering propriety, he tries to pull himself away, to move those arms and those legs, but he fails, for once, just once, she stirs in her slumber—and she is slumbering, he can hear, not to mention feel, her steady breathing—and so he ceases his efforts, he doesn't want to wake her.
And besides, he's trapped in this chair, too confined to escape, and really, this prison isn't so…horrible. He won't try to.
No, in fact, he rather enjoys the feeling of her hair on his skin; every so often she'll shift and stretch her legs and arms, only to return to a more comfortable position. He realizes then that he's never seen her asleep before, his loss really—but no, he shouldn't be seeing her now.
They'd been talking; he could remember that, she had been explaining to him something about her dormouse, it was sick, she'd been telling him about some remedy that she'd have to buy, he remembered relishing in the sounds of her voice, and he supposed, that she'd dozed off then—and he'd fallen asleep after her, he'd been tired…
She'd be in trouble, he knew, she was late for her…curfew…yes, and when she returned home, she'd be punished; she wouldn't be able to see him again for a long while…well, no sense in waking her now, if she was to be punished anyway, it made sense that he should enjoy their last few moments together…
His hands drift cautiously from his side, hesitating, second guessing, until finally, they settle on the curve of her hip. She doesn't move, doesn't notice, he feels safer then, with her curled up against him, like a cat, yes, with his arms around her, cradling her soft sleeping form against him.
She looks so vulnerable from his vantage point, the darkness covers her almost completely, save for the few fingers of moonlight that dear to kiss her nose and lips…
He moves his hand away from her side to shield her from the advances of the night…surely the light would disturb her…surely.
It doesn't, it wouldn't, probably…
He can't help it though, this protectiveness…this paranoia that lingers sometimes near jealousy…he has to be, he tells himself…for his own sake, more than hers. Because even after all of this time, he isn't certain what he did in this life to deserve her—she's perfect, although that's foolish to think, because somewhere inside of his foggy mind, he knows that perfection doesn't exist, but to him, after all that she's done to him—stolen his heart, his mind, his soul—she has to be as close to perfect as God, any God, could have envisioned.
What pains him is that she doesn't seem to know…if she did, then, he was certain that she'd find someone else…someone who was better than he was, who could dote upon her endlessly, who could romance her with sweet words and love her without dirtying her innocence.
He couldn't, he wouldn't even dare to…
He's not used to feeling inadequate, really, it is something that has ambushed him, he hadn't been expecting this, of all things…he lowers his head to kiss her softly on her hairline; she doesn't move then either, although he does feel the soft intake of breath.
Of course he won't dare to tell her these things, she'd be upset, strangely, she'd chastise him for thinking that way and then she'd feel guilty; she was like that—constantly blaming herself for others' unhappiness.
He loves her, and he is selfish for holding her back, for sheltering from the world…but it didn't matter, he needs her, he wants her…and perhaps, yes, she deserves much, much more…but he was determined to become that more. He wouldn't deprive her of all that she deserves, but he couldn't find the strength to deny himself either…
"Caleb?" her drowsy voice slithered through his thoughts, and, finding that he was suddenly very flushed, his mind struggled to find an adequate response. He is saved the work in the next few seconds, for she, realizing her current…location, jumps from his lap whilst muttering all the apologies that her mind could seem to churn out.
"What time is it?" Her voice is strangely high pitched; he smiles at the sound, going to his feet so that he can be nearer to her. "What day is it…Friday right…well, she won't mind if I don't have school…"
"I love you." He tells her, and she meets his eyes in a prolonged moment of utter shock.
"What?" A breath, a mere whisper, but he doesn't feel the need to be quiet, he's been thinking of it for a while, a very long while, but he'd never thought that he should…
"I love you." Repetition, hopefully, this time she'll understand…or at least stop staring; she looks as though she'll run away.
"C-Caleb…" she's blushing, he can tell even though she refuses to look at him, she seems confused, finally dissolving into stammers as she attempts to reply, "I…don't know what to…thank you…"
It's alright he thinks, he hadn't truly expected her to reply to him, and she's simply too adorable when she's flustered, and he feels that knot of tenderness grow…
"Will, you…"
He is silenced by the sudden, warm, delicious pressure of her lips on his, her fingers are in his hair and she's trembling. He wraps his arms about her waist dragging her further into the darkness, holding onto her as though she's all that he has in this whole entire world…
Author: Well, I've nothing of relevance to say, so I'll ramble. I ate too much and now I have a tummy ache. Owwie, this is actually a follow up to Stay, because someone (can't recall who) told me that Caleb was being mean, he isn't he's just afraid, and he covers it with arrogance.