Atonement

By Seniya

Jealous

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl

Crazy For This Girl By Evan & Jaron

The daylight fades, it beckons the sun to rest with whispers, fall, come, Lady Sun obeys. She sinks into that crack near the start of the horizon, and it is there that she remains trapped, oh dear, the stars laugh whilst Mistress Moon prepares her finest attire, she pauses—what is that?

Lady Sun fights, she struggles, she will not remain within this cage—yet, her cries are in vain, the earth is deaf, the winds are malicious, she falls silent, her arms curving upwards in one last attempt – success? No, destruction, her fingers catch in that great curtain above, setting it aflame, ashes to ashes.

Blue turns to black; soot; memories stretch across the canvas, dirtying the faces of all those who house there, ashes, dust, and then, Lady Sun becomes quiet.

The night has begun.

Her skin is like porcelain, her eyes like amber pools that pull me under within seconds, her hair is curled, ruby red tendrils knotted at her nape – and she is simply radiant. I swallow, unable to breathe – she bites her lip—

Her eyes don't look at me, rather, one look at my face and she seems to falter, staring instead at her feet, the tips of her toes as she can see them from beneath the folds of her dark green dress. I notice the slight flush moving upwards from her neck—

"Will…" Words struggle, sentiments fade – confessions, rehearsed thoroughly for the past two weeks, now shrink away, hiding behind that shadow of nervousness that is tugging at my gut. "Y-You look…" Amazing, gorgeous – beautiful? No, all I manage is a breathy chuckle, one that she accepts with an easy smile.

"This is the third dress that I've ever worn in all my life." She states conversationally.

And I reply, as I feel that I must. Her voice – the melody of it, the graceful movements of her full, pink lips and the slight flash of teeth – I yearn for them all. "Well…I think that you should wear them more often. Dresses I mean…you look nice in your other clothes too…"

I'm fumbling, tumbling, falling, and yet she only smiles at my awkwardness, simply laughs at my frozen tongue. Somehow that makes the entire situation a great deal less strenuous.

"Are we going to the dance now Caleb?" She is so close now that I can drown in her. And that's all it is – drowning. Death as the flames of longing and ardor pour through my lungs and into my veins until – until I can scarcely breathe.

Will reaches for my hand then, her slim fingers wrap so tenderly about my own rougher ones – and she frowns. My hands must be shaking, and damp as well. But of course, how could she know of the miniscule velvet box, tucked safely in my pocket – the current location of my hopes and dreams.

"What's wrong Caleb? You've been acting…weird all night."

"Have I?" I feel the blood drain from my face – this isn't going according to my elaborate plans…plans in which I was always imagined as being smooth, suave and charming. Rather, now I've been transformed into a bumbling, clumsy boy – shivering as though he's in his first act of lovemaking.

"I-I…we should go down. They'll wonder where we are." And so I detach my hand from hers, forcing myself to ignore the manner in which her face breaks at the words. She nods mutely then, and I, equally soundless, smile back.

It isn't true of course, the halls are crowded, hundreds have descended upon the Palace tonight, but if she knows this small fact, she of course, keeps it to herself.

She is silent throughout her entire journey down, walking by my side, matching my long, brisk strides effortlessly. Pausing only once to adjust the front of her elaborate dress. My hands ache to help her. To hold her and to kiss her until she feels as beautiful as she looks.

But, I don't, instead I announce our blatant arrival as though she's a small child under my care. And then I excuse myself for a drink, rushing away from her as though she's contagious – leaving her standing alone in this crowded room, watching me with blank eyes and a baffled face.

I only intend to be away from her for a few moments – truly, my absence is scarcely because I don't wish to be near her, no, rather it is from the slight annoyance of what her presence does to me still. It is necessary that I calm my chaotic mind. But of course, I've grown accustomed, five years is a terribly long time and just as terrible a teacher.

It isn't that I mind – no, understand simply my frustration for tonight. A night that I'll most certainly remember for as long as my life stretches out before me. Is it so wrong to crave perfection for this one evening? And no, perfection does not include my bumbling and stammering. She, at the very least deserves better than that.

By the time I've returned, she's already left – worry now, replaces my nervousness and I flutter about the corners of the room looking for her, an apology already heavy on my lips. Has she left already?

No, she hasn't. She's on the swarming ballroom floor, smiling weakly at some young puppet that simply can't believe his luck. The look that covers her face is friendly; kind; but in the mind of an arrogant adolescent male, it can become so much more.

I'm by their side in less than five strides, and he upon seeing m, drops her hand and well as his, and begins to back away from her company, behaving as though I've caught him in the act of stealing some rare artifact rather than just dancing.

At the departure of her dancing partner she turns to face me, arms folded, her delightful little mouth twisted into a small frown. Her face is slightly pink and her eyes are brighter than I can remember seeing them. "What?" She whispers.

And I take her wrist in my palm, pulling her with one hand whilst using the other to clear a pathway through the multitude of now disgruntled partygoers. I ignore both their shrieks as well as hers, stopping only when I have her alone on the balcony.

She, of course is furious. "What is wrong with you!" She makes no motion to look at me, only staring at the wall of people behind her, who in turn stare back.

The realization strikes me…oh…

"I…who was that boy?"

"What boy? Him? I don't know, he asked me to dance." She shrugs lightly before pressing her back against the smooth stone wall. "I didn't realize that I wasn't allowed."

"I thought that you didn't like dancing."

"Don't change the subject. If I want to dance then I should be able to without you pulling me around as though I'm five."

"I don't want you dancing with him. You should have seen how he was looking at you."

"So? He was in the middle of all those people, what would he have done? Stared me to death?"

"Stay out here with me."

Moments before she would have longed to do just that, but now, the only thing she wants to do is to infuriate him – hence dance.

"No. You were very rude to my dancing partner. I think that I'll go apologize to him."

"Will…wait." I move to block her path, she frowns and attempts to move around my body but I grab hold of her wrist.

"What is it? Do you want to chain me outside?"

"No…look, I'm sorry. About tonight…I apologize for ruining it for you."

She doesn't reply, and my throat, now suddenly dry, protests as I attempt to swallow my trepidation. "Do you forgive me?"

"No." She snaps, although I can tell that she doesn't mean it.

"You can dance with him if you want to. I'll wait until you're finished."

"You?" Now, she stares up at me, an incredulous look trapped on her face. "What about boys only want one thing?" Her pathetic imitation of my voice makes my lips curve upwards in a small smile; I release my grip on her hand.

"They do." And my eyes travel slowly along the front of her dress, "believe me, but…if you want to dance then…you should."

Her face has softened completely by now, and she edges forward slowly, ceasing only when she has my hands in her own. "You don't have to worry Caleb. Despite your numerous flaws," she laughs at my baffled expression, "You're the only one that I want."

She stands on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss on my lips. It is merely a whisper, a breath of air, a flutter of wings that leaves far too soon. "I want to dance with you…if you'd like."

"I love you Will." This wasn't supposed to be this way, there was supposed to be romance, the air was supposed to be heavy with the scent of flowers. I was supposed to be stronger, but I feel myself trembling again…it is impossible to control it.

"I love you more." She whispers, now placing a steady hand on my cheek before looking at me strangely. "Are you cold?"

"No…" I struggle for air…but my lungs, alas, are already full. "I want to ask you something."

"Caleb, you're scaring me."

"D-Don't be scared…it…it isn't really that important."

"What…" She doesn't believe my last statement, I can tell, but she is still smiling faintly at me, her eyes however urge me to melt.

"I've been thinking…about us recently. And I've decided…that I need you. Yes, that's it…I-I need you here with me, because I worry if you're not."

"You want me to move here?" She breathes heavily and relief momentarily, covers her face. "That might be a little easier said than done, I still have another two years left in college and then I have to…"

"No," I shake my head fervently, and her expression changes once more to confusion. "Well, I mean, yes…but, what I'm trying to ask you Will…what I'm trying to say…is that…I want you to…marry me." It's like the frustration has melted away from my body, leaving my stronger somehow. Without the weight of uncertainty…but it is fleeting, the silence following my question causes me pain unlike anything I've ever felt. "Please." I conclude, and then, I wait.

"Caleb…I…" There are tears in her eyes, and they worry me more than the trembling in her arms and the catch in her voice.

"Don't…cry…please. It was only a…suggestion…if you don't want to...I understand."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

She nods then, slowly before laughing, this time a low, careless sound. "Yes Caleb. I'll marry you."

I'm laughing too then, once the initial shock has worn off. A feeling explodes deep within my gut, it causes my skin to freeze over, and likewise, it causes my insides to warm exponentially. I pull her closer to me then, lowering my head before she has a chance to protest and I kiss her full of the mouth, raiding her warmth again and again, until at least the burning in my chest has subsided a bit.

"A suggestion?" She laughs once she's free to speak again.

"It…wasn't very romantic…but…"

"It was perfect," She traces the curve of my ear with her fingertips. "We might have to wait a while before we can…I mean, I'd like to graduate."

"I'll wait." I want to kiss her again, hell, currently I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her to my chambers, to accomplish there, things that I've wanted to do since I laid eyes on her in this dress—

"I love you." She pulls my face closer for another kiss and I willingly comply. Running my tongue along her lips until we're both breathless and shuddering. "I want to…go upstairs." She whispers, but of course, by then I'm already tugging her along in that very direction.

"Wait," I pause when the weight in my trouser pocket alerts me to something that I've apparently forgotten. "I have a ring…that's what they use on earth isn't it?"

She nods while giggling as I remove the piece from the elaborate box, "Where…where do I put it?"

"Here," she indicates while still holding onto my arm, again I'm fumbling, the ring seems especially small in my hands…"It's too big…" I murmur halfheartedly.

She slips it off of the chosen finger, placing it onto her thumb instead. "It's fine." And then she kisses me again, longer this time, slower.

"Upstairs…" I'm dizzy and she's still laughing, and as we weave through the thick crowd we obtain more than one disapproving look.

Author: Aww fluff. See, look, I can do happy stuff. I just choose not to so that I can keep my bad ass street rep. But I honestly prefer writing smex than killing off everyone. I hope that puts you at ease Zadien.

I'm trying to study. Trying is the key word. I awoke at six this morning intending to hit the books, read something in physics about electrons and grew tired of such things. But it's only about eight now, so I suppose I can cram something in. I'm just so tired right now, I've been studying since April and apparently, I've forgotten all that I've learnt. Blah.

According To Plan will be updated in June like I promised, I've already jotted down some points for the next two chapters.

Review please.