Chapter 4

Sonea woke up with a gasp so loud she feared it would wake the whole guild. Drenched in sweat and concentrating on nothing but keeping her breathing even, she sat up in bed and stayed still until her frantic heart beat slowed to a steadier rhythm. Only then did she look up and take in her surroundings, trying to stop flashbacks of her dream from playing in front of her eyes.

The colour seeping into her room told her it was nearly dawn; the grounds were still quiet. She got up and opened her window wide, leaning on the window pane and taking great gulps of the cool air until her head stopped spinning. The could still see the dark robes covering her mouth to muffle her scream, feel the jolts of pain rippling through her body as a hand sent her scorching heatstrikes everytime she struggled...

Sonea shuddered and shook her head to dismiss the images and sensations. It wasn't the first time she had a nightmare like this one ever since that night. It was always the same. She would watch as he entered the room, and would feel wonderful as he kissed her gently. But then the atmosphere would change in one swift movement when his controlled, loving caress became one of merciless hunger, until she was sobbing so hard she could hardly see his cruel smile through her tears.

Despite being terrible moments to experience while asleep, it did make Sonea look at the events of that night in a better perspective. The situation could have easily turned into the one in her nightmare. She didn't know Akkarin well enough to assure herself that he had enough self-control not to take it to such extremes. Perhaps he would have if he had continued... She shuddered, and somewhat hated herself for letting her desire overrule her common sense. It was obvious Akkarin had had every intention of raping her that night. She should have been thinking of how she could reveal his crimes instead of how things would have been if she consented.

But then again, what could she have done? She had kept quiet under his blackmail about many things, and she would have to this time aswell. Sonea had no doubt that he was serious about his threats. Rothen would suffer, after all he had done for her... No, I mustn't say anything, Sonea reasoned. The risk was too great.

She ignored the small voice in her head which told her he hadn't actually done anything that night that she hadn't wanted him to do. Gathering her things and heading out, she figured she might as well have an extra half hour at the baths than she usually had. Perhaps the long soak would clear her head of these thoughts.

-

It was an uneventful day, or even if there had been anything significant, Sonea was so distracted that she would barely have noticed it. Her heart rate increased as the High Lord's residence loomed into view, the stone an odd purple-grey from the twilight. This was a reaction she had often had ever since she became his novice. But only now did Sonea acknowledge that it wasn't only racing out of fear.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Thats it! I sort this out right here and now, Sonea said to herself. She was sick of her emotions being in such a mixed-up state. She felt like she'd lost control of herself, and hated the feeling. She turned on her heel and headed into the gardens. Hiding her bag of books under some low bushes, she walked at a steady pace between the small, maze-like hedges, until her breathing was deep and slow, and her stride was steady. Picking a secluded spot between a hedge and a large tree, she lay back into the cold grass. It wasn't very comfortable, lying on wet ground just as the sun was setting and the air getting chilly, but it soothed her thoughts immediately.

After a few minutes, she began to think about the emotions she had been feeling recently. It completely exhausted Sonea, mentally and emotionally, to be in Akkarin's presence- that much she was certain of. And she knew he was attracted to her... for some reason. He was also dangerous, powerful, and not to be trusted. They why do I shiver in delight everytime he looks at or talks to me? Why am I attracted to him? Is it simply lust or something more? So many questions which she couldn't trust herself to answer.

A cold breeze blew through the garden as the last rays of the sun disappeared and the sky turned a dark purple. Heading back to the hedge to pick up her books, Sonea walked towards the residence at last, the temperature not the only reason she felt so numb.

The door opened at her slightest touch, and she was disappointed yet also relieved not to see Akkarin in one of his usual chairs with a book or letter. She went up the stairs softly and put her books on her desk, then changed from her grass-stained novice's robes into a plain grey dress. When she went back downstairs, Akkarin was standing at the window, body tense and eyes fixed on a distant point. Guessing he was having a mental conversation, she turned and was about to head to the dining room when Akkarin's gaze returned to the present and he acknowledged her presence with a nod. "Hello, Sonea- back at last, I see."

"I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting, High Lord, I... I stayed behind for a few minutes to ask some questions about the lesson," Sonea answered quickly. Stop being so uncomfortable! She scolded herself. It was bad enough to be stammering- she shouldn't be blushing as well.

Akkarin didn't seem to have noticed, or perhaps he was simply used to people stammering in his imposing presence, or perhaps his piercing gaze was looking much deeper into Sonea than her mere words. "I shall not be dining with you tonight- a meeting has come up in the city. Takan will provide for you. Goodnight," he said in a reserved manner.

Sonea couldn't hold his gaze and looked down. "Goodnight."

By the time she looked back up, she heard the soft closing of his basement door.

"My Lady? Would you prefer to eat in your room?" asked Takan, coming out of the basement and closing the door securely behind him.

Sonea swallowed and nodded, "Yes please, Takan." She headed silently up to her room and lay on her bed. What is wrong with you? Why this sudden disappointment? His curt manner had stung her somewhat, but she didn't understand why. He had always been cold towards her. Why did it matter to her now?

Ignoring her tray of luscious food, she lay back and closed her eyes, feeling drained.

-

She awoke to the sounds of footsteps going up the stairs, and a door shutting loudly. Sonea turned sleepily and winced in pain at her cramped muscles after having fallen asleep fully clothed and in an awkward posture. How considerate of him to place me in a bedroom right across from the staircase, in a residence full of bedrooms... by all means, stomp up and down as hard as you can... it's only 3 in the morning after all... Sonea thought sarcastically, then with a sigh, got up and tied her hair back. Guiltily, she picked up her tray of uneaten food and decided she might as well take it to the kitchen and get rid of it without Takan seeing. He got ever so upset when his food was wasted...

The hallway was dark but a faint strip of light spilled from under Akkarin's bedroom's door. So he had finally returned from his mysterious meeting. If it was a meeting at all. Sonea headed down the stairs and towards the kitchen, being as swift and silent as possible. She smiled when she reached the kitchen without having made a sound. She was glad to have maintained some of the skills she had acquired in the slums.

After carefully disposing of the cold food, she left the empty plates on the table and crept back up the stairs. The light in Akkarin's bedroom was still on. Just as Sonea was about to head across to her own room, she heard faint footsteps from behind Akkarin's door. Her heart felt like it had leapt to her throat. All she could do was crouch near the stairs and hope the darkness hid her well, because in the next moment, his door had opened and Sonea could make out his shadow among the light that spilled forth.

Judging from the shape of the shadow, he didn't have the upper part of his robes on. Sure enough, as Akkarin moved into her line of sight, Sonea could see he was wearing a black vest instead, and was holding his hands at arm's length. They seemed a shade darker... or was it because of the lighting?

Thankfully, he had his back to her, so Sonea took the chance to slowly transfer her weight from her knees to her feet, easing the ache. The position gave her a chance to lean a little more forward, see what he was doing more clearly... and she forgot all thoughts of concealing her presence, letting out a loud gasp. His hands were stained with blood.

Immediately, Akkarin spun around in one swift movement and his eyes locked with hers. Sonea's hand flew to her mouth but it was too late.

"Sonea," he said softly.

Sonea winced, but then realised his voice held to trace of annoyance. Instead, it seemed almost... pleading.

"Sonea," he repeated, now much more sharply, "What are you doing over there?"

Sonea's mouth was completely dry. "I- I..." but all she could do was gaze at his hands."I'm sorry," she finished worriedly.

He stood silent for a moment, then inclined his head. "Come here please. I've sent Takan to the city for an... errand, so can you assist me for a moment?" he asked calmly. But his reserved exterior didn't fool Sonea. He had spent a considerable amount of power. She could sense that it had diminished a little.

Sonea straightened and took tentative steps towards him. Her initial fear had disappeared and she felt common sense kicking in. He was perhaps injured, the blood his own. Easily, he may have been caught unaware and stabbed by some thief while in the city, and may not have healed himself properly because his power was diminished. Though what could have made him use so much power in the first place?

As she drew closer to him, she could see he was leaning heavily on the door. Akkarin pointed at a ceramic bowl in his room. "Could you please fill it with water and bring it to me," he said, more of a statement rather than a request. Not that Sonea would have dared refuse- she was too intrigued by the questions in her mind. Hurriedly, she stepped into his bedroom- feeling as if she had entered an area full of landmines- and took the simple but heavy bowl to the bathroom and filled it with cold water. Her fingers were slippery with sweat so she clung onto the bowl so tightly her knuckles were white.

When she returned and set it down on his table, he was sitting on the bed. When he saw her he stood up tentatively and reached for a linen cloth, dipping it into the water and washing the blood from his hands. Sonea peered closely but she could see no injuries, on his hand or anywhere else. She felt her body stiffen slightly with fear. So it isn't his blood after all.

"That will be all, Sonea, thank you," he said, jolting her back to the present. Sonea stared at him. Surely he didn't expect her to just stroll back into bed and pretend she hadn't seen this? Then realisation hit her. She now had witnessed something he hadn't wanted her to see. It was perhaps even proof of an act of murder. I now have something to use against him, she thought. Blackmail wasn't something she had ever used, but it seemed fair enough... in the circumstances.

"What have you done," she said to him, her voice coming out smaller than she wanted it to be.

For a moment Akkarin seemed taken aback by the fact that she had refused to go after being dismissed. Then he raised an eyebrow and his eyes grew colder. "What I have or haven't done is of no concern to you, Sonea. Goodnight," he answered, with a finality in his tone.

He will not get rid of me that easily, thought Sonea. She was suddenly feeling a little angry, and fed up both with the situation he had put her in and for her own confusing desire. "That blood isn't your own. What have you done," she repeated.

Akkarin looked extremely annoyed for a moment, then his expression became more morose. "Yes, the blood isn't my own. And what I've done is merely defend both myself and the Guild. Now please leave."

Sonea contemplated his words. It was very likely he was lying, but she decided not to use this as blackmail yet. She would let this slide, for now. At least now he knew that she had something to use against him. The knowledge of that would be a subtle little form of blackmail in itself anyway, she thought. Besides, I'm never one to jump into sudden decisions without considering them first, especially not at 4 in the morning.

Sonea gave him an incredulous look and inclined her head only, without a bow. "Goodnight, High Lord," she answered, then walked back to her bedroom.

-

Akkarin watched her leave. When he heard her door close, he threw the cloth back into the bowl and lay back on the bed. How, how could I have been so careless? He frowned. The fight with the latest Sachakan slave had taken more of his power than he had calculated, and by the time he had killed him and gotten back through the passage into the residence, he had forgotten Takan wouldn't be there to draw power from. He was away in a meeting with the thieves, projecting any important decisions they came to through the blood gem.

He cursed himself for his absentmindedness. But then again, he hadn't thought he would use enough power to need to draw from Takan again. He shook his head in anger. That is no excuse. Look what you have done now. Sonea had seen him in that state and of course it was bound to bring up questions. Questions to which she knows I have all the answers.

Akkarin sighed, untied his hair and dimmed the lamp. Lying back, he rubbed his forehead in exhaustion.

I have long owed her an explanation, he thought. If I don't provide that soon, she might take the wrong actions.