Aunt Amelia is dead. Her father cries now. She has never seen a grown man cry, and it is disturbing and uncomfortable - like watching an accident she cannot prevent. She can tell when he's going to cry - his eyes get glossy and he stares at the air in front of him. After a while, Susan leaves the room when her father starts to stare.
It is a relief to get back on the train. Her Muggle mother, who doesn't understand, gives her a rape whistle as a parting gift - "just in case." The whistle makes her laugh, which she hasn't done for months, because she sincerely doubts that if she meets a Death Eater, rape will be the first thing on his or her mind.
The whistle also reminds her of how scared her mother must be, not understanding, not knowing. Susan promises to wear the whistle.
On the train, Hannah hugs her, and Susan hugs back. Hannah has heard, of course, about Aunt Amelia's death, and looks at her like she will break. Justin offers nervous words of comfort, and Ernie practically goes on a crusade trying to get her to "talk about her feelings."
The truth is, Susan doesn't know what her feelings are anymore, and couldn't talk about them even if she'd wanted to.
Terry is not in the compartment with them, and after a while, Susan leaves to find him. Anything is better than Hannah's worried looks and Ernie's incessant, though kind-hearting, prattling.
She finds him in a compartment with Mandy Brocklehurst, and they are arguing. Susan waits outside the door, and can't help but listen to what's being said. It's funny, she thinks, I could have sworn they broke up ages ago.
"-two years, Terry. Two years I've been with you," Mandy was saying, and tears were falling down her pretty, Ravenclaw face. It wasn't fair, Susan thought, to be pretty and smart, when Susan wasn't anything at all. "You didn't write me but twice all summer. I was worried sick, d'you realize? You always chose your friends over me, and you know it. Always. This is even the first time we've sat on the train together, and it's only because I'm breaking it off-"
Terry, who had been staring at the floor of the compartment shamefaced, now looks up in alarm. "I'm sorry," he says, always the gentleman, "but I don't believe I heard that last part. Did you say you were-"
"Breaking it off, Terry," says Mandy forcefully, impatiently, angrily. Susan's chest swells. No one may talk to Terry that way. "In times like this, I need someone who's going to take care of me. All you ever think about is Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones, and I don't know anyone who would stay with you if that happened for two years."
"I... I'm sorry, Mandy," says Terry, trying to plead, but Mandy stalks off without another word. She doesn't see Susan at the door, and Susan resists the urge to hex her, because Terry is there, and Terry would say it wasn't prudent.
Slowly, Susan enters the compartment. Terry is staring again, at the floor, like Susan's father, but he's not going to cry, Susan thinks. She realizes she's never seen Terry cry, which is funny. She'd always assumed he was the type of boy who would cry.
"Hello, Terry," she says, giving him a warm smile as he looks up in surprise.
"Hello, Susan," he replies, sounding oddly pleasant. "Did you... did you hear all that, then?"
"Yes... I'm sorry, Terry, I couldn't help but overhear." She would have said she was sorry that Mandy ditched him, but she wasn't. Mandy obviously wasn't good enough for Terry.
"It's all right, it was bound to happen sometime," Terry says. He sounds... normal, which of course isn't normal at all at a time like this. "I heard about your auntie. I'm very sorry, Susan."
He sounds like he means it, like he understands.
"Thanks, Terry," Susan says, "but aren't you upset? We don't have to talk about me right now."
Terry, to Susan's great surprise, laughs. And not a denial laugh, either, a real and true laugh, and now he is smiling like nothing at all happened.
"I think I would be upset, except that there are more important things than a girlfriend right now," he says. "And, anyway, she was right. I was an awful boyfriend. I really did choose you and Hannah over her. All the time."
"There's nothing wrong with that," Susan says defensively. "You're supposed to-"
"You wouldn't choose me over Harry, would you?" asks Terry, and Susan's mouth closes in an instant. She thinks of Harry's smile, and his hair, and his eyes, the way he's grown, and looks like he's actually eaten sometime in his life now. She thinks of the way she trusts him, completely and wholly, the way she would follow him anywhere. And she thinks of Terry, and doesn't know anything at all.
"Well, that's not fair," Susan says, "he's not my boyfriend."
"Yes, I know," says Terry, "but... you still love him anyway."
Susan nods, and Terry moves toward her and in one motion hugs her tight. "I'm glad you're safe, Susan."
She hugs back, and says into his shoulder, "I'm glad you're safe, too"
For years, Susan has lived through Harry's private triumphs and losses, and in sixth year, this continues. She smiles when Ernie tells her of Harry's newfound Potion's talent, and is angered by Snape's attempt to jinx him. She is thrilled when he is made Quidditch Captain and is upset for him when Hermione and Ron have some sort of lover's spat after the Quidditch game and stop talking.
"Everyone knows they're going to be together anyway," Susan overhears Sally-Anne Perks say to Megan Jones one evening as if the whole Ron-Hermione thing was yesterday's news. "They should just go shag or something and get it over with."
The thought makes Susan uncomfortable. She doesn't like thinking about anyone their age shagging, and if Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger are supposed to do it, that means Harry probably is, too. And what if he already has? He could have any girl in the world right now, and what's stopping him, anyway?
Although, knowing Hermione, she'd probably have a fit if he did, but still.
And anyway, was Susan supposed to think of Harry that way, since she loved him? She'd daydreamed about kissing him for what seems like her whole life, but those sort of thoughts never crossed her mind. They began to, though, now that stupid Sally-Anne brought it up. Every time she saw him, she thought of his calloused hands on her hips, of her fingers in his hair, of other much more unspeakable things, and she would go hot and red and ask to be excused from class for a moment to catch her breath.
She couldn't even breathe around him. He made her weak.
And it was awful because of course Zacharias would notice and of course he would make a big deal of it. Zacharias knows exactly what she's blushing about when she looks at Harry, because he always did seem to know exactly what she was thinking.
"I think it might be blasphemy for someone like you to think of our lovely, worshipped hero like that," Zacharias whispers in her ear one day. He is treating the whole thing like it's their little secret, like he holds something over her head. "Tell me, when you do, does he have a hero-sized - "
"Sod off, Smith!" Susan shouts at him, and runs up to her dorm room, just to escape him.
"I wouldn't worry about it too much," says Hannah, who is the only one Susan is comfortable sharing with. "Zacharias has always been terribly jealous of Harry, and I'm sure he just wishes you were thinking of him that way instead."
"Oh, hell," Susan mutters.
"Oh, don't worry," says Hannah, "it's not that he fancies you, or anything. I think he just doesn't want Harry Potter to have one more thing, is all."
Hannah is a much better judge of character than Susan thought. Soon she is gone, and her mother is dead, and so many people are gone... Susan doesn't know what to do without Hannah.
Around Christmas, Susan hears that Harry has asked Luna Lovegood to go to Professor Slughorn's Christmas party with him, and is confused and hurt by the match. Really, who would have guessed.that Harry had a crush on Loony Lovegood?
"I wouldn't be too worried about it," Terry says as he's getting on the train to go home, "Luna says they only went as friends. Happy Christmas, Susan!"
"Happy Christmas," Susan says distractedly, and leaves to go back to the dorm just to smile to herself.
However, months later, when she sees Harry and Ginny Weasley kissing on the grounds, she knows he isn't kissing her "as friends."
Of course Harry would chose Ginny, who is pretty and fiery and brilliant and has always been there for him. Susan can never measure up to that.
The night of the Battle of Hogwarts, Susan is asleep, and when she wakes up she will never forgive herself.
"Harry could have died!" she rages at Ernie, who looks bewildered and ashamed.
"We all could have died, in case you're forgetting," retorts Zacharias, "and someone did die, someone more important than stupid Potter will ever be."
"You're such a prat, Zacharias!" yells Susan, tears in her eyes.
"And you're a moron, Bones!" he shouts at her, she can't believe he is shouting at her at a time like this. "We haven't got a headmaster, we probably haven't got a school, and we haven't got a prayer, and your worried about the Boy who Can't Even Save an Old Man!"
"In my opinion, we do have a prayer, Zacharias," Ernie interjects, puffed up importantly. "Harry is our prayer, and we must stand by him, or..." he pauses rather dramatically, "it shall be our downfall."
"Well if my choice is side with Potter or face my downfall, I choose downfall anyday," Zacharias announces. "That idiot won't get us out of anything, and I'm not staying to watch him fuck it up."
He leaves before Dumbledore's funeral, and Susan doesn't miss him, but she can't help but worry about him anyway. After all, he was the boy who made her feel strong.
On the train, Susan starts a letter to Hannah, reading it after she's done to Ernie, Justin, Terry, and Anthony.
Dear Hannah,
You've probably heard the news, that Dumbledore is dead. Well, if you haven't, there it is. He's dead. But we're not giving up. We've got to do something. I'm sure you agree, after what happened to your mother. Stay where you are until you recieve further word from either me or Ernie. We'll come for you soon. Be ready and be safe.
Love Always,
Susan
They will fight back. They have to. Susan won't let Harry be alone.