Chapter five is here! Sorry it took a little longer to get this one up, but it's also quite a bit longer than any of the other chapters. So hopefully the length makes up for the lateness. Also, thank you all for your wonderful reviews! Reviews are really what keep me writing, so I really appreciate all of your support. Enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter; wish I did, but I don't.
Sirius ran a hand through his shaggy hair and sighed for the five hundred and seventy-eighth time. He sighed again when he realized how pathetic it was that he was counting his sighs. Five-hundred and seventy-nine, he thought dully.
With a shake of his head, he glanced over at James, who had drool dripping as he snored lightly with his head on an open book. Peter was faithfully holding a book, but Sirius could see his head nodding. He picked up the book he had been futilely trying to stare at and dropped it loudly into the silence of the common room.
"Eggs!" James yelped as he snapped his head up from the book. "The eggs ate my homework!" He suddenly realized where he was and his face turned an unusual shade of red.
Sirius wagged his eyebrows and cracked a grin. James wiped his mouth and fixed his askew glasses, pointedly ignoring Sirius. Peter simply gawked uncertainly at them.
"Really now," Sirius grinned, "That's almost as good as 'I didn't punch him, he just ran into my outstretched fist.'" James groaned and contemplated throwing the book at him and settled for glaring instead.
"I can't do this anymore," Sirius moaned, grin disappearing as he looked at the book. "I give up. I have been defeated by the book. I admit defeat. Just don't make me read this anymore." He poked at his book as if it were about to attack him.
James grunted his agreement. "This isn't working. I know Remus said there are some great ideas in here, but all I've learned is that you can make great chocolate if you spend three years stirring it." He ran his hands through his hair, making it stand on end.
"I like chocolate," Peter added unhelpfully.
"Maybe it was all part of his evil plan to stop us from terrorizing the entire school?" suggested Sirius. His face began to light up. "You know, he was against this from the start. Maybe he still is and is sabotaging our efforts! He's trying to kill us with boredom to save the school from us!"
"If that's the case," James sighed, "then he's more devious than we thought. I'll have to congratulate him when he gets back." He slouched further down into his seat. "His plan of murder by book is working pretty well."
James's face suddenly turned thoughtful. Sirius looked at him inquisitively and tapped his fingers on the evil book impatiently. He desperately hoped James had thought of something that didn't include murder by book.
After a few minutes, more like seconds really, Sirius couldn't wait any longer.
"James?" he asked, "Did you think of something?" James continued to stare into space. "James? Hello? Jamesie?" James finally looked up, seeming not to notice the dreaded nickname.
"I've got it!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Murderous books and evil chocolate. Remus is a geniou – hey!" He stopped talking to glare at Sirius. "Did you just call me Jamesie again?" But it was Sirius's turn to not listen.
"Books…chocolate…evil.." he muttered under his breath. His eyes were slightly unfocused.
"Hello? Siri?" James snapped his fingers in front of Sirius's oblivious nose. "Earth to Siri-poo, this is Commander James. Do you read me?" Sirius spun around to grin at James.
"That's it!" he hooted. "Evil chocola – wait!" He turned on James with a strangely familiar glare. Peter wondered at their ability to even make similar facial expressions.
"You, you just – " Sirius spluttered. James just grinned innocently.
"Exactly," James said, ignoring Sirius's glare. "Remus is bloody brilliant! I knew there was a mischief maker under that studious façade." Sirius grinned too.
"Too true, mate," Sirius said, "too true. We'll have to thank him tomorrow. I know he'll be proud of our prowess with his horrible, death-bringing books." He used a pencil to gingerly push the book away from him. "Bad book," he muttered, "no eating Sirius today!" Peter stared at him as if questioning his sanity.
James looked suspiciously at the book. "I know I should be thankful, but I can't bring myself to thank the book," he said. "I'd really rather burn it." Sirius looked up enthusiastically. "But that would be truly unfair since it inspired our idea."
They looked longingly between the book and the fire. Sirius could feel his fingers itching to chuck the book into the flames and hear the sound of its defeat.
"Come on," James said, turning regally from the temptation of burning books. He walked toward the portrait hole, pulling Sirius away from the books along his way.
"Time to work our magic," Sirius smirked, and they walked out of the common room with Peter scrambling after them, completely bewildered at their strange exchange.
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Remus stared in horror. The dorm room – their dorm room – was full of a weird green smoke. A cauldron, the source of the smoke, was bubbling merrily over a small fire in the middle of the room.
"You did WHAT?" Remus choked. He could feel his throat constricting and his heart palpitating. He wished he had stayed safely downstairs in the common room with Peter.
"Well, you see," began James, "we went to the library –"
"The library," emphasized Sirius, "do you know how desperate we were?"
"And nicked this great book of potions," finished James. "Very nifty this." He patted the book fondly. "Has some wicked potions in here. Most of them have rare ingredients though, so we had to stick to something simple."
Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times. James stirred the potion carelessly as Sirius added some orange powder. The smoke turned briefly orange and some bubbles popped dangerously.
"Hold on a minute," Remus finally spluttered, "you nicked the book. So that means you stole it. You stole a book from the school library." He gaped at them, feeling like his tired body was about to collapse.
"We think of it as indefinitely borrowing." Sirius gave him a lopsided grin.
"But, but why?" moaned Remus, sinking to the floor. He nearly upset the mountain of chocolate on his bed.
"It was on its way to be returned to the restricted section," James shrugged. "So we intercepted it." If possible, Remus looked even more horrified.
"You alright?" Sirius asked, a touch of real concern in his voice. "You're looking a bit pale."
"I'm just a bit tired," Remus responded, "no thanks to you." He rolled his eyes sarcastically, silently glad that their stupid antics kept their minds off him.
"No worries mate," Sirius said in mock consolation, clapping Remus on the shoulder, "you should be proud. After all, you were our inspiration." Remus looked as if he had just been stabbed.
"Yeah," James said, "we realized you were trying to kill us with boredom."
"With books on how to make chocolate," added Sirius.
"So we decided to use your idea!" James exclaimed.
"You're really quite clever," Sirius said thoughtfully, "you should speak up more." He paused. "Although on second thought, you did try to kill us by book."
"Ugh," James muttered with feeling, "those evil, evil books." Sirius nodded in agreement.
"We really should have burned them, James," Sirius said darkly. "It would be a favor to the world." Remus's head snapped up at this.
"Y-you were going to burn my books?" he asked slightly hysterically.
"The books tried to kill us," Sirius moaned. "How could we stand by and let something so evil live on to torment others?"
"The books are very lucky that Sirius and I are such wonderful, merciful men," James stated proudly. Remus just shook his head wordlessly.
"Those weren't even the books I recommended," Remus said weakly. "I told you to find the books on the right side of my bed. There are some books of simple spells we could use. But no, you had to go to the left side of my bed, being directionally challenged as you are, and find the books I read for fun."
"You read those," James began and Sirius finished, "for fun?" They looked equally horrified. "You have a book on how to make four hundred year old chocolate, and you read it for fun?" Remus looked uncomfortable now. He didn't want his new friends to think he was strange.
"Well, erm," Remus squirmed, "it's a history book and it happens to include some history of chocolate. The goblins live for a long time and make wonderful chocolate, you see." Remus's explanation sounded lame even to him.
"You're a strange boy," James finally concluded. But he pat Remus on the shoulder with a grin.
"But that's why we like you!" added Sirius. "Since you seem to like the history of chocolate, why don't you enjoy some real chocolate?" He dropped a bar of chocolate from the bed into Remus's lap.
Remus looked at the bar and then up at the two boys hesitantly.
"Do you mind if I take some dark chocolate instead?" he asked. Sirius laughed. His laugh was very much like a bark, Remus mused. Rough, but warm and friendly at the same time.
"Knock yourself out," Sirius smiled. He tossed a bar of dark chocolate at Remus.
"Hey, look at this," James interrupted. He was standing by the right side of Remus's bed, flipping through one of the books Remus had originally recommended. "These are really good! Here's one for boils, but you already did that…" He drifted off as he continued flipping.
"It would be good to have some other pranks," Sirius said as he looked over James's shoulder. "The potion will take another three days to be finished, so we should have pranks to fill the time up till then."
"Um, guys?" Remus looked uncertainly at the cauldron. James and Sirius ignored him.
"LOOK OUT!" Remus yelped, as the cauldron hissed ferociously and bubbled over. Sirius scrambled madly to stop the overflow, which had caused the fire to spit and sizzle. He then worked frantically to ensure that the flame didn't go out from the potion. The smoke was worse than before and all three boys were soon coughing.
"This is it!" exclaimed James excitedly. He waved the book around and jumped aside as sparks from the fire nearly singed him. Shoving the book into Sirius's face, he waited eagerly.
"Brilliant!" nodded Sirius jubilantly. As he and James examined the charm, the potion began to bubble over again. James dropped the book and both boys worked fervidly to fix the problem.
Remus groaned and buried his head in his hands. This was going to be a long week.
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"Alright mates," James whispered conspiratorially, "We are now going to commence with stage one of Operation Holiday Spirit!" He pumped his fist.
"Why are we whispering?" asked Remus. He looked dubiously around their dorm room, which was empty except for the four of them. "Will our voices cause the cauldron of doom to explode again?" Peter gave a whimper.
"No, no," grumbled James, "whispering just makes this seem more like an exciting, top secret operation." He and Sirius shared grins.
"Okay, so we have the Great Hall rigged. When the Slytherins walk in, we can stop the levitating charm and have a good laugh."
"Why do we have to resort to something so elementary?" whined Sirius. "Why can't we use the chocolate?"
"Because, er," James paused uncertainly. "Why aren't we using the more interesting stuff, Remus?"
"Because," Remus sighed, "we have four days before leaving and we want to use the best prank last. Also, the cauldron of doom isn't done destroying the room or my peace of mind, so we can't use it yet."
"Yeah, that's why," James agreed as if he had thought of that himself.
"Oh," Sirius nodded, "that makes sense." Remus rubbed his temples. He was sure they'd had a conversation exactly like this only ten minutes ago.
"Alright, let's go to breakfast," James said getting up.
They took their seats and began to heap their plates with an amount of food only growing boys could even consider eating. But even the delectable food couldn't hold their attention today.
"Where are they?" complained Sirius around a mouthful of ham. "The Slytherins," he clarified when Remus gave him a look.
"It's only been two minutes," Remus said, "have some patience." He pat Sirius sympathetically on the back. "And you too, James."
"I don't think they have any patience," Peter chimed, and Remus had to agree. Sirius and James were fidgeting horribly, alternately stuffing their faces and glancing at the doors.
"They're here!" James exclaimed in a muffled whisper. The three boys whipped their heads around to stare at the doorway. The Slytherins were coming in for breakfast, totally unaware of their danger.
"Stop looking so suspicious," hissed Remus. Reluctantly, James and Sirius turned around. Peter couldn't stop himself from sneaking another peek.
"Here goes," muttered Sirius. He pulled out his wand under the table and whispered, "Finis." The other three boys did the same, each pointing to a different position around the doors.
CRASH!
The entire Great Hall jumped three feet in the air as an avalanche of books fell on top of the unsuspecting Slytherins. Screams and sounds of tumbling books and crushed people filled the room.
James had his hand stuffed in his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. He was pounding on Sirius's back as it seemed Sirius had choked on his ham while sniggering. Peter sported a huge grin and a corner of Remus's mouth was twitching suspiciously.
"Would you look at that," James said, shaking with the effort of holding in his laughter, "it seems those murderous books worked out alright." Then he broke into uncontrollable whooping along with the rest of the Great Hall.
A familiar blonde head poked out from beneath a particularly heavy looking book. Lucious Malfoy's normally impeccable hair was sticking up in odd points, making him look like a bleached porcupine, and he sported a rapidly growing bump on his head.
Beside him, Snape's greasy hair could be seen twitching miserably as he flailed wildly in a vain effort to free himself from the Attack of the Books. Other Slytherins were extracting themselves from the mess, faces burning with humiliation.
"Thanks for the spell, Remy," Sirius gasped after he stopped choking, "This was much better than I expected." Remus smiled and continued to plow through his breakfast.
The next morning, everyone was extraordinarily careful upon entering the Great Hall. The four boys snickered as Slytherins sidled in, fearfully checking above their heads every few seconds.
Halfway through breakfast, Sirius picked up a plate and dropped it on the floor. James and Sirius broke into hysterical laughter as several people screamed and many jumped out of their seats. One of the Slytherins actually fell to the floor in fright and had to be coaxed out from under the table by a professor.
"Aren't you taking this a little far?" Remus asked with a frown. Sirius sneered and threw him a dark glare. He seemed to take vicious joy in the Slytherins' misery. Remus decided to drop the subject for the moment.
"Time for stage two," James interjected into the silence. Sirius grinned again, his eyes lightening back to warm gray.
Remus valiantly tried, and failed, to pay attention in morning classes. It was impossible to concentrate with Sirius and James whispering and plotting next to him, especially when they poked him for comments and suggestions every three minutes. He eventually gave it up as a lost cause after Sirius poked him and his hand jerked, drawing a line across all of his neat, History of Magic notes.
As soon as class was over, everyone heaved a sigh of relief and rushed to lunch. Sirius and James sauntered through the halls, supremely sure of themselves. Peter followed, happy to be a part of the group, and Remus chewed his lip worriedly.
Remus knew they were up to something, but he hadn't been completely in on this prank. In fact, he didn't know how they could have set it up already when he had been with them the entire morning.
They entered the Hall and took their customary seats. Remus noted the new decorations surrounding the room. Mistletoe hung from the ceiling, was wrapped around the chairs, and added cheer to the tables. There was even some mistletoe on a few of the seats. Red bows hung on the back of some chairs and tinsel was strewn around the floor.
Chattering filled the Hall as people began to dig into their food and relax. Remus watched nervously as James and Sirius took out their wands and shared a smirk.
Concentrating on their task, James and Sirius furtively waved their wands at Slytherin's table. When they finished, they returned to eating the wonderful meal, hiding grins by stuffing their mouths.
A commotion seemed to be starting at the Slytherin table. Several students yelped as they reached for more food. As others turned to look at them, there was a mad scraping of chairs, and many jumped to their feet howling.
James had to spit his turkey out to keep from choking as Snape jumped up yelping and holding his rear end. Sirius pounded on the table in silent hysterics. The rest of the Houses laughed at the antics of the Slytherins.
"You didn't," Remus said slowly, the truth dawning on him.
"Oh, we definitely did," James sniggered. Sirius flashed a thumbs-up.
Remus looked carefully at the mistletoe at the Slytherins' table; the mistletoe that wasn't really there for decoration. Shiny silver met his eyes instead of deep green.
"You placed the mistletoe," Remus said, "and then you transfigured it into needles." James and Sirius just grinned like maniacs. "But when?"
"You know that awfully long break we took to go to the loo?" Sirius asked.
"Well," added James, "we didn't go, obviously, but not because we just wanted to waste time."
"Although we were being bloody bored to death by old Binns," Sirius remarked. "It was worse than your goblin chocolate history book." Remus scowled.
"We were actually here decorating with our precious mistletoe!" finished James.
"And then we spiked it," grinned Sirius. "Haha, get it?" They looked terribly smug about their own cleverness.
"You two are brilliant," squeaked Peter. He looked awestruck by the mischief of James and Sirius, who gave bows of acknowledgment.
"So those Slytherins holding their – " Remus began.
"Yep," Sirius sniggered, "they have needles stuck in their arses." Remus had to agree that this was a rather ingenious prank.
By the next morning, the Slytherins were completely on edge. Every loud noise or strange looking object caused them to twitch. Sirius didn't waste any chances to torment them further.
Dung bombs were dropped as several classes finished, causing chaos in the halls. A few knights were knocked over as students passed by, convincing a poor little boy that the knights of Hogwarts were out to get him. Strange mishaps kept occurring.
Remus knew Sirius was behind all of theses little pranks and that he had talked James into helping him. He wasn't quite sure why Sirius was so intent on causing misery, but the memory of Sirius's dark eyes kept him quiet.
That evening, their stage three of Operation Holiday Spirit was put into action.
"Righteo, mates," James smirked as they left their last class, "we fixed this one up after lunch, so now we just watch and enjoy."
"But we basically did this already," Sirius complained, "they might not fall for it again."
"Never underestimate the stupidity of Slytherins," James said wisely. Remus wanted to smack him in all his smugness.
And then screams erupted from the school entrance.
"See?" James grinned. Peter's eyes glowed with hero worship.
They trotted over to the entrance along with what seemed like the entire school. When they arrived, they found some rather frightening snow monsters stumbling around in circles, sending some of the students into a panic. Some arms and legs were sticking out of the mound of snow behind the monsters.
Two of the monsters collided and fell in a heap on the floor. As the snow melted and was shaken off, some familiar faces appeared. Everyone laughed as the monsters on floor melted into the mortified figures of Snape on top of Lucious.
Snape jumped to his feet, almost steaming as his red face melted the icy snow. Other students were slowly struggling their way out of the snow trap.
"I can't believe they fell for it again," Sirius chortled, "this was exactly the same as the books, except with snow."
"You'd think they would learn," Remus said amusedly.
"How did you know the Slytherins had Herbology outside?" Peter asked amazedly.
"Observance, dear Petey," James said superiorly, "and of course, our pure genius." He and Sirius smirked.
"More like freaky stalking," Remus muttered.
"You!" a voice shouted suddenly. The boys whipped around to look at furious Snape pointing a shaking finger at them. "It was you."
"Whatever are you going on about?" James asked with twinkling eyes. He cocked his head with falsely innocent curiosity.
"You're the ones behind all these catastrophes," Snape accused vehemently. "I don't know how I missed it before."
"So what if we are?" Sirius sneered coldly. His fists were clenched and his eyes slit dangerously.
"Filthy blood-traitors," Snape hissed, glaring straight at Sirius, "I wonder what your mother thinks."
With a roar, Sirius launched himself at Snape. Snape never had a chance. Before anyone could react, he was thrown to the floor with Sirius beating his face in.
"Sirius!" James yelled, trying to pull Sirius off Snape. "Not now!"
"Stay out of this," Sirius growled, violently shoving James off of him and into a wall. James rebounded right back, and tackled Sirius off of Snape. With Remus's help, Sirius was restrained, though his eyes were nearly black with hate and he struggled against their grip.
"What's this commotion?" rang a voice of authority. James swore under his breath. Now was not a good time to get detention. He nearly laughed in relief when he saw that it was only the air-headed Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
"Nothing, Professor," James said meekly, "we were just momentarily overcome with holiday spirits." He grinned at her like a little boy caught stealing candy.
Snape tried to say something, but James discreetly hexed him behind his back. Professor Addley pushed her thick glasses up her nose and peered at him with a distracted smile, not noticing Snape's muffled exclamations.
"Yes dear," she said, "the holidays are quite exciting, are they not? Well, let's off to dinner." James smiled widely and nodded his assent.
The entrance slowly cleared as students pushed their way to the Great Hall, talking happily about the "snow monsters." James stayed right where he was, holding Sirius in place too. Remus and Peter stayed with them.
"What the bloody hell was that all about?" James asked angrily when the entrance was empty aside from the four of them. Sirius glared mutinously at him.
"Snape's a bloody prat," Sirius scowled. He tried to move away from James.
"True," James answered, "but now is not the time to get detention. You should know that." James looked exasperated and Sirius looked enraged.
"Don't go lecturing me," Sirius said, his lip curling, "you don't know anything." He brushed off James's hold and stalked into the Great Hall. James stood staring for a few seconds.
"James?" Remus said tentatively. James looked at him and smiled half-heartedly.
"Let's go." They walked to dinner, which was the quietest meal they'd had in a long time. Peter's eyes darted nervously between Sirius and James, who were carefully avoiding each other. The atmosphere was so thick that Remus wanted to cut the proverbial silence.
Finally, the meal was over and they returned to the common room. Sirius fell into the chair closest to the fire and stared blankly at the dancing flames. James took the chair farthest from the fire and tried to read a book, but kept shooting glances at Sirius.
Peter looked uncertainly from Sirius to James and decided to take a seat near James. Remus couldn't take the tense silence anymore and went to their dorm room.
"Hey, mates," Remus's voice traveled down the stairwell a few minutes later. "I think the cauldron of doom is done working its mischief, at least for now." He poked his head out of the room to see if anyone was coming.
James dropped his book, which had been upside down, and sprinted up the stairs. Peter looked thankful for the change and followed James. Remus stayed at the top of the stairs and stared at Sirius's hunched back.
When Sirius didn't move, Remus walked down and took the seat next to him. Sirius didn't acknowledge him and continued to stare into the fire. Remus looked at Sirius, really looked for the first time, and saw the pain in the set of his mouth and the defeat in slump of his shoulders.
"You know," Remus said after a moment, "he's not mad at you." Sirius glanced up at him and then down at his hands.
"I know," he muttered, "and that makes it even worse. I can't be mad at him." Remus smiled softly as Sirius looked at him with sad eyes. "But he might be disappointed."
"I don't think so," Remus said gently. "Come on up. It will be better to talk to him than to beat yourself down here." He rose and waited expectantly for Sirius. Sirius finally got up and followed him reluctantly up the stairs.
"Hullo," James grinned a little awkwardly as Remus and Sirius walked in, "looks like the potion's finished." The cauldron was shooting tiny gold sparks and the surface was a marbled cherry color.
"Nice," Sirius smiled, "just in time." He walked slightly timidly over to James's side.
"Want to try it out?" James smirked, giving Sirius a playful punch in the shoulder. Sirius mock-scowled and shoved James back, eyes sparkling again.
"Alright, alright," Remus chided, "let's finish this before the cauldron of doom decides to attack me again." Sirius and James made faces but began to work. Remus was just glad that they were talking again.
The next morning, Sirius groaned as sunlight shone though the curtains, and he buried his head under his pillow. He was exhausted from their late night and had almost fallen asleep again when one side of his bed sank dangerously low.
"Rise and shine, my beauty!" sang a familiar voice. Sirius swatted wildly at the voice and buried his head deeper.
"Now, now," grinned the same, annoyingly cheerful voice, "we have to be up bright and early today!" The covers were thrown off Sirius's prone body and he shivered as cold air hit him.
"Today's the day," the voice continued excitedly, "the day before Christmas break begins, the day with no classes, the day of our great prank that will put us down in Hogwarts history!"
He could hear footsteps leave his bed and the creaking of someone jumping onto the other two beds. The sound of groans and sheets being tossed to the floor told him that Peter and Remus had received the same fate as him.
It was no use trying to sleep with James cheerfully babbling. He traveled from bed to bed, systematically poking and bothering until all four boys were up.
"You," Sirius mumbled accusingly, "are one of those bloody cheerful people I can't stand. There is no reason to be so bloody happy." But there was no force behind his words as he peered groggily at an enthusiastic James.
"We're getting up," Remus said to preempt another round of poking from James. He got to his feet and trudged to the bathroom. Peter sat blinking for a few more minutes before stumbling after Remus.
Sirius contemplated falling back into bed, but a glance at James told him that it would be a futile effort. He tumbled out of bed, hit his head, and made it to the bathroom with James whistling behind him.
After washing up, Sirius felt like a person again – a tired person, but a person nonetheless. He scowled at James who was still irritatingly perky.
"How can you be so chipper?" Sirius asked exasperatedly.
"How can you not be?" James retorted as he skipped down the stairs. "Now come on, we don't want to miss a moment of breakfast today!" Sirius had to agree so he walked a little more quickly down the stairs.
James was waiting impatiently at the foot of the stairs and he grabbed Sirius's sleeve when he reached the bottom. He dragged Sirius along until Sirius pulled away and walked at a more acceptable pace. Remus and Peter ran to catch up.
They were among the first students at breakfast. James spun into a seat, fidgeting in anticipation, while the other three boys fell exhaustedly into theirs.
"Would you look at that," James smirked, "there's chocolate for breakfast." Sirius snickered and popped a piece into his mouth.
James began to wolf down his food, glancing every few minutes at the doorway and almost choking several times. Sirius piled his plate, but was eating with tired resignation. Peter watched James eat with appreciation. Remus had to admit that James ate an impressive amount in very little time.
Students slowly filtered in with varying amounts of holiday cheer. Finally, the Slytherins arrived and all four boys perked up, involuntarily straightening in their seats.
"Here we go," Sirius murmured in anticipation. The boys tried to watch discreetly so as not to give themselves completely away.
For an agonizingly long moment, nothing happened. Several Slytherins ate some chocolate. A few others began to fill their plates. Nothing out of the ordinary occurred.
Then, Lucious stood up so suddenly that his chair was knocked backwards. Everyone turned to look at him, but he didn't seem to notice.
"I'm bringing sexy back –" Lucious sang, sounding eerily like a girl. Several people's jaws dropped nearly to the floor. Lucious began to dance, unaware that he looked a beached jellyfish with his torso squirming and his arms flying everywhere.
"H-how does he even know that song?" James asked as he gasped for breath. He didn't wait for an answer and he was laughing too hard to listen anyway.
"Maybe the cauldron of doom was worth it," Remus mused aloud, smile stretching his face. This was priceless.
"And they'll never guess why it happened," Sirius added, eyes never leaving Lucious, who was embarrassing himself spectacularly.
"Because we brilliantly mixed the potion in with the chocolate!" James exclaimed, keeping his voice low enough that no one else heard. "And we only put special chocolate on the Slytherin table."
"I wonder who else ate chocolate," Remus chortled, enjoying himself immensely.
Lucious quickly gathered an audience and many were enjoying the fantastically horrendous show. It only got better when Snape shot to his feet, knocking his chair over too.
"I like big butts and I cannot lie –" Snape began. He jumped up and began to dance like a puppet with broken strings. Sirius's eyes widened in delighted shock.
"Why is he thinking of that song?" Sirius snorted, eyes beginning to water from laughter.
"I think I truly love this potion," James snickered. "It's supposed to make them sing, but I didn't know it would make them sing these songs." He had to hold onto the table to keep from falling into a laughing lump on the floor.
The Great Hall was roaring hysterically now. Even the teachers seemed to be enjoying the morning entertainment, though they tried desperately to hide their amusement behind shaking hands.
"My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps –" Bellatrix joined the show. Her dancing was plain disturbing. James and Sirius stared at each other, tears streaming down their red faces.
"Bloody hell!" they exclaimed in unison. They slumped over and let hysterical laughter take over. Remus couldn't help himself; he gave in and laughed along with everyone else, not caring that he let his restraint go. Even Slytherins were laughing.
The three of them were in the middle of the Great Hall, where everyone had a clear view of them. Their singing was completely off tune and almost made people wince. The dancing was absolutely hilarious and terrible.
After several minutes, Lucious finally stopped singing and dancing, or rather, wailing and flopping. He looked confusedly at all the laughing and pointing people. Then he turned and saw Snape and Bellatrix, and understanding dawned on his face, which flushed fluorescent red.
Slowly, the potion wore off Snape and Bellatrix too. Snape flushed much like Lucious had and looked like he wanted to disappear. Bellatrix looked ready to kill someone, but too many people were laughing for her to choose just one.
"Professor," Bellatrix shrieked at Dumbledore, "you have to do something! Someone was controlling us. That's breaking all school rules! And I'll wager that they're the same ones that have been causing problems all week!" Her face was flaming and spit flew as she yelled.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement and the students still hadn't stopped laughing. But he stood up nonetheless and the hall fell silent aside from the occasional chortle.
"Well," Dumbledore began gravely, "it seems we have some marauders in our midst." He stopped and James could have sworn he looked straight at them.
"However," Dumbledore continued, "as I have no evidence pointing to anyone, I can do nothing at the moment." Bellatrix hissed in anger and Dumbledore held up his hand in warning. "If anyone has proof as to whom the culprit is, please feel free to share with me."
Remus felt panic rising in his throat. Though they hadn't told anyone explicitly that they were the masterminds behind the pranks, there were quite a few people who suspected them. And there was plenty of evidence in their dorm. Then he remembered that James was ridiculously popular amongst just about everyone, and he knew nobody who could get evidence would rat them out.
"It's my traitor cousin and his mudblood loving friends!" exclaimed Bellatrix, pointing furiously at Sirius.
"At least I have friends," Sirius sneered into the uncomfortable silence that followed Bellatrix's words. Dumbledore stopped Sirius with a glance and turned to Bellatrix.
"As I have no proof," Dumbledore said calmly, "I cannot convict Mr. Black and his friends. I do, however, have a problem with the word mudblood. You'll be serving detention with Professor Slughorn when we return from Christmas holidays."
Bellatrix opened and closed her mouth like a fish, completely shocked and enraged. Dumbledore gave her a sympathetic smile and turned back to the rest of the Hall.
"And now," Dumbledore said, "let's finish our delicious meal and then go pack for the holidays." He sat down and dug into the food remaining on his plate.
Everyone soon followed his example and the Hall returned to normal. There was a lot of giggling and many side glances at the Slytherin table, but nothing too out of the ordinary.
But for Sirius, it seemed like everything was different. Even after James had accepted him unconditionally, others had looked at him with suspicion. Everyone loved James but distrusted Sirius, and though he understood why, it had still hurt.
But suddenly, things seemed different. The laughter and jokes at the table seemed to include him fully, not just as an extension of James. Other people were actually talking to him.
"Nice job," a sixth year named Gideon Prewett laughed, giving him a pat on the back. "You've got quite a witch of a cousin, eh?"
"We know you, James, Remus, and that other kid were the ones behind the pranks," Gideon's twin brother Fabian grinned, misinterpreting Sirius's look of shock. "Very creative. How'd you get them to sing like that?"
James popped over and saved Sirius from sitting silently in shock and looking like an idiot.
"It's a secret," James said mischievously, pinching Sirius to get his head working again. "We'll only share if you have something to give in return." He winked playfully.
"Well," Gideon said thoughtfully, "as you're first years –"
"And you can't get to Hogsmeade," Fabian continued.
"We could supply you from Zonko's in exchange," Gideon finished. James looked like Christmas had come early, and it was Sirius's turn to save James from making a fool of himself.
"That sounds like a fair trade," Sirius said with a huge smile. He and Gideon shook hands, sealing their deal. James and Fabian followed suit and shook hands as well. They agreed to exchange the items after the first Hogsmeade trip after Christmas.
Glowing with success, the boys traipsed back to the common room after breakfast. Socks and shirts were thrown around in a frenzy of packing as it seemed clothing ended up in weird places after months of living without parents.
"I've been thinking," James said as Remus threw a pair of underwear at him with a grimace.
"Really?" asked Sirius with a smirk, "That's new." James scowled and threw a pair of shorts at him.
"I'm a good thinker," James said with a hurt expression. Sirius threw a dirty sock at him from under the bed.
"You were thinking what?" Remus asked to get James back on track.
"Oh, right," James said, "marauders." Remus looked at him blankly and Peter yelped a Sirius threw a shoe at him. "Marauders," James repeated.
"Hey, I like that," Sirius said, turning to James. "Marauders." Remus finally understood their disjointed thinking.
"Marauders?" he asked doubtfully. "Doesn't that sound a little…evil?" James threw a sweater at him.
"But my dear Remi-poo," Sirius said, "we are the good kind of evil. We use evil to fight evil." He gestured grandly, and Remus rolled his eyes.
"That makes absolutely no sense," Remus told Sirius. Sirius waved off his statement as if it meant nothing. James grinned wickedly.
"We are the Marauders."
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