Hello! Bad news, you guys: there are only two chapters, well, one after this, and then Mixed Feelings is done... Please don't hurt me... that's all I ask! LOL! Anyway, thanks for the reviews, y'all! This chapter kinda bounces around a lot from flashbacks to reality and point-of-views. Yeah. But I have confidence that you'll be able to follow rather easily. Well, on with the show!
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Champloo or any of the characters.
Chapter 4: Heartache
As you stand behind me, I can't help but envy you.
So free and naive
I had to hurt you for you to realize the truth.
No matter what either one of us wishes, there's nothing we can say.
There's nothing you can do.
I can just protect you like always.
(Fuu's POV)
All I could do was stand there and watch him walk away from me- again. My tears mixed with the rain falling down on me, making my own storm of salt and depression. The cold rain beat down on my numb body, though I was too dazed to notice. The drops screamed a rhythm my heart suddenly began to pick up: a slow pitter.
'I don't understand...any of this... why? WHY? DAMMIT, WHY?' , I thought, "WHY?" My voice carried out to mix with the wind, only to be whisped away like the leaves of the trees above.
I couldn't move, rooted to the spot. Suddenly I came across the crazy idea to go-just like him- and never come back. Then, before I knew it, my feet were dragging my body along the muddy street. I talked to myself once I cleared the city, thinking it was better than listening to the rain.
"I wish Jin were here... I forgot to tell Mugen that I saw him not long ago... He didn't stay long either... Those two are more alike than they know..."
xXx
"So, how've you been?" she asks him.
The spectacled eyes seem to brighten when he hears her voice, his steely voice causing memories to resurface,"Fine, thanks. I trust you're doing well?"
She felt awkward with the pleasentries, answering his question and quickly changing the subject to something she could handle. While they walked, she couldn't tear her eyes for long from him, taking in his new look, so used to the navy kimono and black pants that what he wore didn't seem to click as 'Jin'. It didn't help that he hadn't replaced his glasses; the pale, lean face looked even more distant than what she remembered.
"Fuu?" he interupted her thoughts.
"Huh?"
"Are you all right? You don't seem yourself."
She faked a smile, waving off his comment, "No, I'm fine."
He stopped in the middle of the street, taking one of her hands in his to gently pull her to the side. Just in the few minutes it took to do this simple task, she could feel all the times he had weilded his sword, blood running down those cool hands. She was dazed at his sudden act.
"Whatever it is..."
She recovered, taking a deep breath, daring to think to even ask the question," It's just... I wanted to know..." her throat was dry, seeming to suffocate her," Are you here to stay? Or, just..."
She looked away, seeing from the corner of her eye an almost devastated expression cross his normally calm face. She didn't like it.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to meet you here."
She felt tears sting the corners of her eyes, once again forcing a smile and pushing the tears back, "Don't worry about me. If this isn't your final destination, then go."
There is nothing left to say, she thinks, besides a goodbye and the act of farewell. Her heart seems to break into a million more pieces when she does. There is now nothing left for her but to move on for the third time.
xXx
I couldn't believe any of it. Was there something wrong with me? No matter how many times I tried, none of my efforts could bring them back to me. It was hopeless.
The silk of my kimono was completely soaked, the ice cold seeping onto my skin. My face felt hot with a fire that I couldn't put out. I couldn't stop thinking about Mugen and what he said. He didn't want me near him. Was I responsible?
The path behind me seemed to grow behind me, the path ahead infinite.
(Mugen's POV)
No matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn't grasp what had just happened. It didn't seem right. Why would she want me around? Before she just wanted me to stick around cause of her journey. So why did I almost stay with her? Why did I feel at home with her at that damn temple?
The rain started to pick up around me, making me look up to see the temple coming into view. There was something wrong; I didn't know what it was, but I just had this feeling like something was missing. I hurried back, entering the place without even bothering to remove my shoes. The monks and other ladies were swarming around, talking as though they were lookin for somebody.
"We've sent some of our monks out, but there's really no way we know for sure."
"The last time anyone saw her she was with that strange man that arrived yesterday."
Oh shit...
Just as I started to figure it out, the head monk, the Father or whatever, came up to me and cleared his throat, "Mugen-san, I see you have returned. Where is Fuu?"
"She ain't here? Then I don't know."
His face grew tired, "Ah, so it is true."
"What? What the hell are you talkin about, old man?"
"She is gone, Mugen-san. No one knows where she is."
"Dammit!"
He started to say something, but I ignored him, turnin around to bust out the door and back in the rain. There was lightning and thunder way off in the distance, making me pick up the pace. I had to find her. For once, I really was the only one who could have. Fishface was gone, and the Father and his monks were too freakin afraid to do anything. It kept goin around in my head that she'd better be okay. God, she'd better be. I thought suddenly about old Jin, remembering when I had actually seen him again.
xXx
Their eyes meet at the same time, the same height, the same look on their faces. It is Jin who talks first, surprisingly, smiling at the corner of his mouth to his comrade.
"Hello again, Mugen. It's been a while."
"Yeah? Never would have known," the rogue replies sarcastically,"Hey, got any money? I want sake"
They walk simeltaneously to a teahouse, ordering drinks with the little money they have like always. At the table a lone pot of sake sits between the two men, almost forgotten. They don't talk until Mugen notices Jin peering out the window with a strange expression.
"What's up with you?"
"Hmm?"
He does not answer, Jin figuring it out for himself,"It's nothing."
"That's bull. Don't play with me, or we can settle that fight right now," the rogue says impatiently.
Jin's corner of his mouth rises again,"I was just thinking. I met someone a few days before now, but I believe we left on bad terms."
He looks up over the spectacles on his fine nose, seeing Mugen mulling over his words.
"Fuu, right?"
The ronin nodded.
"So?"
He was surprised at the slight sound of interest, "I was passing through and ran into her. Unfortunately she looked too far into it and assumed I was staying. She was not happy with the truth, though I can't do anything about it."
Mugen stands, looking disgusted,"Well that's just freakin great."
"What?"
"You and her've met up and I'm the one still standing with my ass flappin in the wind."
"That bothers you?"
There was a snort,"Naw, it just sounds screwed up to me." He looks back as a crowd enters the teahouse,"Let's get the hell outa here."
They leave, walking to the end of the town. Mugen stops, "See ya, foureyes. I got stuff to do, people to annoy."
"Hmm. I hope we will meet again. If you see Fuu, please give her my regards."
"Whatever."
xXx
I had forgot about telling her about him. Maybe I would after I'd get ahold of her.
(Fuu's Pov)
I thought about Mom and my father while I walked, unable to deny myself the safety of their memory. I also thoght about death, having come close to it myself quite a few times myself and seeing someone die right in front of me. My father, the pickpocket, Sara, and Momo my pet squirrel just a few years ago. I had almost lost my bodyguards, the very thought absolutly impossible to accept. The fever nested in my skull helped me to think such things, blurring my vision. The only thing I could clearly see were the faces of those I thought to be deceased.
The road roughened up a bit, making me trip. I felt my bare foot touch gravel, later realizing my shoe had come off. I let it be there, continuing down the long path before me.
(Mugen's POV)
I had broke out in a run a while back, realizing the rain would cover up any hope of footprints. She couldn't have gone far.
Dammit, woman! Of all the times that she had gotten captured or run off herslef, this took the cake. It was dark and rainin really hard, making it hard for me to see. My foot caught in a puddle, making me almost lose my balance. I stopped to see something poke out of the standing water. Wait, what the...
I bent down to pick it up, seeing a familiar brown sandle with pink straps. It was Fuu's sandle! I actually felt relieved at the sight, looking around to see if I couldn't make out anybody close by. It was too dark still. I sprinted down the road again, knowing slowly I was catching up.
(Fuu's POV)
I stumbled around tiredly, trying to ignore the faces in the shadows and the water. I felt a little afraid, but it was overruled by the fire on my forehead. I tripped again in a puddle, this time falling over flat on my face. I left myself there, cooled by the water splashed on my face. There was mud on my kimono know, but I didn't care. I used what strength I had to roll myslef over on my back to get my face out of the water. Raindrops fell in my eyes, but for once I felt somewhat peaceful...
Footsteps met my ears, making me pick up my dizzy head to look. There was an outline of a person nearby, and I could have sworn it was Mugen. There was something wrong, though. He looked relieved to see me, as though he had come looking for me.
"Mugen..." I sighed softly, trying to pick myself up. He was by my side in a minute, holding me up with strong arms.
"Fuu, what the hell were you thinkin, takin off like that?"
He sounded so real, I almost thought he was really there. His face was clearer than the others, and somehow I had generated the thought that he had picked me up.
"Mugen...you sound so real...I wish you were really here..." I said softly, tracing my fingers weakly over his rugged chin, a mud smear now there. His eyes widened at my touch, his arms tightening around me. "I forgot to thank you for going with me today around town, but I guess it doesn't do any good."
His hand went to my forehead, "You've got a fever. C'mon with me to the temple."
He brought me to my feet; I pulled away sharply, "No, you're not real. Mugen left. Why would he come looking for me?"
"It's me, Fuu. We need to get you back."
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I screamed," JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU'RE NOT REAL! MUGEN IS GONE AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK!!!" The rest of my words were drowned my the tears that seemed to fall like a floodgate had been opened. I really didn't know how I could cry so much.
He was taken aback, quickly regaining his ground. "Why do you think that?"
"He left me there. On the bridge," I blubbered," I just wanted him by my side and he left. He said I didn't want him around, but I do. He doesn't know... he won't know..."
The wind picked up, my kimono fluttering along with the ghee of Mugen's figure. Wait, how was it moving?
"Tell me somethin- if I wasn't standin right here, if I really was just a figure of your imagination, would you fill me in?"
"Tell you what? You want to know?"
He was silent. Just what I would expect, no matter if his ghee had moved with the wind.
"I wanted Mugen to know that I had always felt safe around him. That he wasn't as bad as he thought. I could always see in his eyes that he was lonely inside. I just wanted to be the one that he could trust, the one he could go to for comfort."
On his face came a look I have never been able to place in all my life. I have never seen another person look the way that he did. In a way, I felt frightened. He came forward and took me by the shoulders, scanning my eyes. I looked into his own like so many times before, suddenly realizing...this was Mugen. I cried out in surprise, shocked by my find. My knees buckled, pulling me down to the ground, Mugen with me. I don't know why, but I began to sob, pushing the top of my head into his chest. I could make out a steady heartbeat beneath, finding comfort.
I brought my eyes level with his own,"You came back."
He remained silent, allowing me to finish. I felt warmth grow from my heart, leaning up to him slowly.
Just as I realized that I was nearing him, my heart quickened and my vision blurred again, this time causing me to faint completely. It was relief on itself that I was spared from those agonizing minutes, freed from the increasing fire.
xXx
She fit completely into his arms, her head bumping against his chest as he carefully carried her. Her hands were folded in her lap, as though she were peacefully asleep. He looked down on her every-so-often, finding himself a little perplexed at the innocence surrounding her. The town came into view, and with that, the temple for the second time that night. He knew she would be out for several days at least, but it was better than being out on the street somewhere.
When he stepped into the grounds, the rain seemed to let up as though tears had been wiped away.
A/N: This chapter was kinda short compared to the others, I know, but at least I updated, huh? I actually had a hard time with this one for some reason...but at least I got it out. Reviews please, and thanks for your patience!