Vindicated

Disclaimers: I do not nor ever will own Conan or Jimmy and co. It's a cruel sad world, isn't it?

It seems that recently I really can't make up my mind about what I won't and what I will update. I was supposed to be working on FYOG but here I am again- doing exactly what I hadn't planned.

So yeah enough of my banter and on with the chapter.

LAST TIME ON VINDICATED
It was preventing him from waking- to protect him.
"He's awake."
It was just the way this woman looked at him- it was as if… her questioning stare caused him to want to hide his face behind something.
"What happened?"
A storm was brewing outside the hospital- foreshadowing the mistake of trying to climb the wall in his mind.
Hiroshi Agasa was dead.
And this emotion that was ripping and tearing him up inside, crying did it no justice.
"I know he's dead, dammit. I know… I know…"
Doctor Hiroshi Agasa would never come back.
"Hiroshi," Conan said softly. "I'm so sorry. So very sorry."
"I'm sorry, Kudo," She said at last.

Chapter Eleven: Disappearing

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
-Maya Angelou

A grave had never seemed so full of flowers. Ran suppressed a heavy sob- wiping away a stubborn tear. Agasa was very missed.

She had half expected Shinichi to show himself. But he hadn't. Surely he must have heard by now. But then again, Ran realized with a heavy heart, that she might have been partially the cause for his absence.

Ran let out a deep sigh releasing the heavy weight on her heart. The wind pressed past them through the labyrinth of tomb stones and marks- rippling the girls' dark dresses and all of their locks of hair from their eyes.

Conan bowed his head, hiding his face in his hands. Tears leaked out between his fingers and Kogoro placed a gentle hand on top of the boy's head. Conan's sobs stopped at his touch but he did not look up.

"Let him go, Conan," said Ran's father softly. And with that being said, he ruffled the boy's hair kindly and started off down the path. Ran stared after him.

How kind he had been recently. It was rather astonishing. When Megure came to retrieve the now homeless and guardian-less Haibara- without any persuading at all, Kogoro took the little girl in. Little had she known how truly remarkable this change was. Conan had set up his tranquilizer watch to make Kogoro admit Haibara into their home- but he never had to use it. Conan was both impressed and surprised.

But after Agasa's wake, the guilt had surged back in tenfold. He could no longer wonder about Kogoro's change, what happened to Tetra, nor how should handle the situation now. His mind that was usually so sharp- had become dull and clouded.

"Conan," Ran began causing the young boy to look up at last. She didn't turn to face him- too afraid of losing her will for this question.

"Is this the first time… you have really felt- a death?" she said slowly.

Conan lowered his gaze. Haibara was staring curiously at him.

"That's a mean question, Ran-neesan," said Conan at last.

"Maybe this is a bit more healthy," Ran said turned back to look at the child. "Little boys shouldn't be so surrounded by death. Maybe now… You won't…"

She faltered off when seeing the strange look in Conan's dark eyes. He was glaring at the cobble path, his fists tightly clenched. His eyes shined with a determination she had not seen for a long while. It was almost frightening- knowing that nothing could get in his way now.

"Nothing will change," Conan said darkly.

Ran bowed her head, and left the two kids alone. She knew they would be alright- both she and Kogoro were only going to be feet away in the nearby temple. Most of all, she just needed to get away from Conan. He hadn't been himself recently- and it frightened her.

Conan watched her go almost indifferently. He felt Haibara's gaze and looked back down at the marker, gleaming with his favorite neighbor's name. How close the two had become over the years.

Conan remembered it- his first meeting with Agasa. The memory flashed through his mind like a collection of old worn out photographs. He had been playing detective as usual- and his murderer- the soccer ball, the culprit at this time, rolled through a hole in the fence.

Shinichi, as he was then, not much younger than he was now, was determined not to let his culprit escape and climbed through the whole after it. He did so just as Agasa's back porch exploded. Caught in a mix of fire and smoke, Shinichi had cried out loudly. When the smoke finally cleared, he was childishly shielding himself with his soccer ball- that took most of the soot and dirt of the blast from his face.

And that's when Shinichi saw Agasa for the first time. Standing there in the remains of a white lab coat, with a broad sheepish grin peeking out from beneath the tip of his long nose. He had hair then- dark hair that covered his whole head instead of just parts. It was starting to thin and gray- but it hadn't done so just yet.

Shinichi was transfixed by his appearance- convinced that he was still in danger. Agasa cast him a side long glance and then grinned even brighter.

"Oh. You must be Kudo's son, Shin-chan."

Shinichi made a face, but was soon again entranced by Agasa's big nose. Agasa came over, still smiling and taking in the boy's appearance.

"I was so busy I hadn't the chance to come see you. Hullo there, Shinichi. My name's Agasa Hiroshi."

It was then as if Agasa suddenly saw the soccer ball. He smiled and said, "You like soccer?"

Shinichi nodded, prodding the ball with his fingers. "A little."

"Ah. You wouldn't happen to be a detective fan like your father?" Agasa asked and it was Shinichi's turn to grin.

"Sherlock Homes!" Shinichi declared, dropping the ball and pointing at it. "You're da murderer!"

Agasa made a funny face and gently tossed Shinichi's light brown hair. "You can't be more that two and you already want to be a detective. Figures."

"Sherlock Homes!" Shinichi protested.

"Right, right," Agasa grinned. "There's no doubt in my mind… that's who you'll be."

Conan frowned when staring down at his hands that should have been much bigger than what they were now. That event was almost seventeen years ago. Yet here he was, barely taller than the tomb stone Agasa rested beneath. Or rather, his ashes rested beneath.

"Ran's worried about you," Haibara said at last. "The detective boys are too. In fact… I'm worried about you, Kudo. How- how are you taking this?"

"How am I supposed to take this?" Conan retorted somewhat harsher than he intended it to sound.

Haibara lost her ground and fell silent.

Conan noticed her lack of resolve and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, Haibara."

Haibara blinked and muttered, "No need to apologize. It was out of line… for me to ask you."

Conan didn't know what to say to that. So instead he decided not to respond. He cast his gaze wearily down the path that Ran and Kogoro had taken. The detective boys were down in that crowd somewhere. Lots of people were there, paying their respects to such a generous man.

"He really didn't deserve this," Conan said softly. "He shouldn't have been the one to die."

Haibara plucked a rose petal from the ground and rubbed it between her fingertips. She cast Conan a sympathetic stare and said, "You mean, you should have?"

Conan didn't answer. Haibara rubbed the petal some more. The oils in it spread across her fingertips.

"Do you want to die, Conan?" Haibara said, deliberately calling him by his false name.

Conan smiled softly and looked back to her.

"Conan didn't do anything wrong," he said simply before turning back and heading down the path.

Haibara released the petal at last- watching it fall lazily as a clump on the cobbled path. She called after him. "But Kudo wasn't even here. How could you blame him?"

Conan smiled again, but Haibara couldn't see it with his back facing her. Without turning around, he softly muttered, "But that's exactly the point. He's never here. So what's wrong with him… dying at last?"

And with that, Conan left Haibara to the light spring wind and her guilty thoughts. He had no intention of repeating himself- nor had he any real thoughts of suicide. There was only one thought in Shinichi's mind. He was too embarrassed to admit to anyone that such an ugly monster had arisen from his heart. But all he wanted, at this point, was revenge.

And he wouldn't let anyone stop him from getting it.

Haibara woke to sounds of shouts echoing around her. It took her several minutes to register where she was. She was no longer at Agasa's. His house had been reduced to little more than rubble. She was no longer at Kudo's- it probably wasn't safe to stay there longer than she had to.

She was living with the Mouri's. That's right. Ran had kindly sacrificed a portion of her room to the little girl, and Haibara was laying on a child sized cot next to Ran's closet.

The shouts vibrated the floor beneath her. Haibara easily came to the conclusion that it was Mister Mouri in one of his drunk rages. Kogoro was not a quiet man with any stretch of the imagination. Haibara, while turning on her opposite side, wondered how Conan was able to sleep so well sometimes.

But as she lay still, listening to the noises below her she quickly realized that Kogoro's deep grunting roar was not among the voices she was hearing.

She lifted her head- noting Ran's still empty and untouched bed. So she hadn't come to bed yet… So with that in mind- Haibara could conclude one of the voices was definitely Ran's.

Growing all the more curious, Haibara left her bed and headed quietly down the narrow hall and stairs. She had just reached at the head of the stairs when she finally understood what had awoken her.

It was Ran and Conan fighting.

Curiosity was hard for Haibara to swallow. She had a terrible tendency to eavesdrop. It was something she never really learned to let go of even when living with Doctor Agasa.

Pressing herself as flat against the wall as she could, Haibara dared a peek through the banister.

Below her, Haibara could just make out Conan and Ran's silhouette. She ducked back at the sound of Conan's angry voice.

"Don't call him!" Conan shouted.

Haibara held her head back against the wall- attempting just to listen rather than peek for awhile.

"What's wrong with you, Conan? Let go!"

Haibara could see their shadows through the barred banister's shadow. It seemed they were struggling over something. Haibara could only assume it was the phone- due to the weak dial tone Haibara could hear faintly in a wave length below their noisy fight.

Finally the shadows receded, and there was a loud thump of sorts. Ran's voice sounded upset as her shadow on the wall grew larger.

"Oh my god! Conan! Are you alright?" She cried softly, her shadow bent over the shadow of a lump- the couch. Had Conan been flung into it when they were fighting? Haibara didn't want to risk taking a peek.

"I'm fine," came Conan grumpy reply. Haibara let out a deep sigh of relief. So he wasn't hurt.

Conan's shadow remerged on the wall, his arm bent over his head as he rubbed the bump he had most likely received when colliding with the couch.

"I'm so sorry, Conan," Ran whispered attempting to comfort him but Conan pulled away. He said nothing more to her until he was on the bottom of the stair.

Haibara's heart hammered painfully against her ribs- unable to get away before his eyes met her own.

Conan hesitated- only momentarily. He then turned back to Ran as if he hadn't even seen Haibara there and said, "Go ahead and call him, if you must. It's not like he'll ever answer."

And with that Conan dashed back up the stairs, not even looking to Haibara as he went past. Haibara leaned against the wall, letting her heart resume its natural beat. And downstairs she heard Ran starting to cry.

Haibara walked side by side with Conan, occasionally daring to look him over. His change over the past week was rather unnerving. He was constantly lost in thought, constantly moody, and his smile if he ever shared it had lost all its heart warming qualities.

It was as if he had become an empty shell or shadow after Agasa's death. Everything about him had become ghost like. His voice never moved from its monotone detective voice. He didn't bother keeping up his charade with Ran anymore. In school, he went to no effort to hide his vast knowledge. It was as if he had been uncapped- pouring out anything and everything out of him. Over the past few days, Haibara had to cover for his lack of concern. His disguise could have been blown so many times because of his coldness. He even reprimanded Ayumi at one point when she hadn't done her, as Conan had called it, "incredibly-easy-would-only-take-ten-minutes-to-do" homework. Truth of the matter was she was she spent all night working on a get-well card for Conan that she had forgotten. Haibara saw her shredding the card later when she went to the bathroom crying after Conan scolded her.

Haibara was resisting the urge to take the boy by his shoulders and smacking him a few times. He was being reckless, careless, and cruel. It wasn't like Conan to be so cold to everyone. He was in pain and made the choice to unleash his frustration and wrath on everyone around him.

Haibara knew for a fact, both he and Ran had gotten into a fight the other night. While Ran had not relented like Ayumi- Conan was still able to make her equally as upset.

Ran claimed there had been no fight. And Conan refused to talk to Haibara about it. It wasn't until later, the next night when Conan could not hold back his frustration anymore, that he ranted about their argument.

She had been worried about Shinichi… Conan was upset because she still cared about him. When Haibara tried to understand Conan's reasoning- he shut himself up again.

Haibara should have probably seen it coming. What with what happened when she pretended to have killed Agasa that one time- back when they first met. Conan had completely flipped out. She could have only wondered how he might have acted if she really had killed Agasa.

She probably wouldn't be alive today.

Looking at Conan now, he still seemed taken by his thoughts. She wondered if it would be alright to interrupt him.

And then she decided that she didn't care. "Kudo."

"What?" Conan frowned, obviously irritated.

"Why are you being such a jackass?" Haibara snapped harshly.

Conan seemed somewhat taken aback. It seemed he had suddenly remembered that word once having an effect on him. Haibara took her lead. "You asked me once if you were an ass. Well, you weren't really one then. But you are a hellva one now."

Conan and Haibara stopped. They were in front of Shinichi's house- a few blocks away from their 'home.' Agasa's ruins stood behind them. Conan looked rather hurt, but at the same time- angry.

"Who the hell cares?" Conan grumbled pushing past her.

Haibara didn't relent. She grabbed a firm hold of Conan's wrist. "Don't give me that," she snapped. "Talk to me, Kudo."

Conan tried to pull himself free, but then gave up. He looked up- straight into Haibara's eyes. "Agasa is dead because of me."

And instead of seeming shocked or sad, Haibara started to laugh. Conan was completely bewildered by her taken course of action. She released him, and laughed some more.

"It's true! I should have died. I should have been the one that was shot… It's my fault that this all happened."

"You complete bastard," Haibara hissed suddenly drawing back her hand. Conan didn't have time to react before Haibara smacked him full across the face.

Conan blinked in surprise, holding stiffly onto his red cheek.

"Are you really so selfish!" Haibara screamed at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "Agasa did this to save you! And this is how you repay him?"

Conan couldn't answer. He just bowed his head.

"What about me!" Haibara continued, still in a heated rage. "You weren't with him- telling you to run! Knowing that if you ran up to the door and bargained that his life might have been saved! How could know how it feels, shut up in cellar watching the only home you've ever known go up in smoke. The only man you've ever… Who ever really cared…"

Haibara faltered, tears falling freely now. "Hiroshi was a good friend of mine."

Haibara fell forward to her knees, crying softly. Conan just watched resolutely above her as the tears made dark circles on the sidewalk.

"I want to kill them," Conan said at last causing Haibara to look up.

Haibara's face was full of fear but Conan continued- "I want to kill… them all. I want their blood. I want to see them die."

There was a long silence before a sudden voice made both of them jump. It came from behind Shinichi's gate.

"Well, that's kind of creepy,"

Both children turned their eyes to the voice, seeing none other than Shinichi Kudo, himself staring down at them. Haibara's jaw dropped but Conan on the other hand was not as easily fooled.

"Hattori."

Shinichi smiled, wiping off the makeup to reveal his true rich dark colored skin. He grinned and made a cool guy pose while saying, "Ta da."

"You shouldn't dress up like me," Conan said bitterly. "You might get yourself killed."

"That's a terrible way to greet someone, Kudo. Especially when I came all this way cause I was worried about you." Heiji said grumpily lifting up the latch on the gate.

Both the kids wandered in. Heiji's face softened as he got down to eye level with the one great detective of the east.

"I heard what happened to Agasa."

"That's nice," Conan said ungratefully.

"Hey, hey. I was worried," Hattori muttered. "I came all this way to help you. I can play Shinichi for a couple of days so that-"

"No thank you," said Conan, glaring up at the much taller Osaka teenager.

"You could use the help. Don't you even care if the Black Organization…" began Hattori, before Conan walked off into his former home. "Hey, hey. I'm talking to you, Kudo!"

"Don't bother," said Haibara who was at his side. "Kudo hasn't been himself lately."

"He's being reckless," Heiji grumbled.

"He doesn't want you to get involved," replied Haibara. "Besides, I don't think Kudo cares if the Black Organization finds him."

"What- why is that?"

"I think he's purposely being cold and mean. He probably wants everyone to hate him… so he can guiltlessly disappear." Haibara bowed her head, trying hard to figure the detective out. She found herself only discovering what she, herself, had already tried to do. "He wants to lure the black organization away from the rest of us… by cutting all his ties."

"That's stupid," Heiji snorted. "The black organization won't leave us alone."

"True," Haibara nodded. "But Kudo was never really one for sensibility."

There was a long pause before Hattori said at last with a smile, " Hmmm. What a selfless little brat."

Haibara smiled softly and then looked back up at Hattori, a hard look back in her eyes. "Stop him, Hattori. He's too close to the edge…"

Hattori frowned. His response was a soft nod, "Yeah. I figured as much."

He cleared his throat a little and almost awkwardly added, "Course I'd do the same in his position."

"You and me both," Haibara retorted, starting off towards Shinichi's front door. Hattori followed, keeping to her side and politely holding the door open for her. "But he wouldn't let me disappear. So I sure as hell am not gonna let him disappear either."

"Amen," agreed Hattori as he shut the door behind him.

To Be Continued…
Please R & R!

Yay! I am a 2005 winner of Nano Wrimo! So here is your updates as a present for those readers who were poking me with a stick and wondering if I had died the past month.

Sorry for the chapter being so dull. It's really just filler as I try to reach a point and what not.

Thanks to all who reviewed last time. The review responses are in my journal- just like always. Go to my profile and click the link to memories. From there just follow the story links. The reviews for last time should be under ten but sometimes I miscount. ; Sorry.

Those that reviewed last time were: Elvin Flame, windchaser90, Sadie Janelle, Teya Yashitoda, Inumaru12, Kobacha-Chan, DaisyAnimeluvr, AntiSora, Lady Mirror, The Blimp Alchemist, YumeTakato, and Fyliwion. Thanks to all of you. Each and every one of your reviews were very appreciated.

Please review and remember,

With a keen eye for detail, one truth will prevail.