Vindicated

Disclaimers: I do not nor ever will own Conan or Shinichi and co. It's a cruel sad world, isn't it?

LAST TIME ON VINDICATED
"So what now, Kudo?"
"I don't want to put you in danger, Hattori."
"You can't tell her Kudo. She'll hate you," Hattori said urgently.
Conan wasn't listening.
"You can't control me," said Kudo briskly.
"You're selfish, Kudo," Hattori found himself saying.
"Agasa is dead because he helped me," Conan said softly reaching for the doorknob again, "I don't want anymore help."
"I will kill you if you try to tell Ran."
"I'm telling her. I'm sorry," said Conan.
One more night as Conan. After this, I'll tell Ran.

Chapter Thirteen: Unlucky Me

Tsuki ni muragumo, hana ni arashi.
-Japanese Proverb

Hands clamped tightly in his lap as he listened obediently to the songs that swept through the room. Lyrics danced in visual displays on the two television sets in the opposite corners of the room- mocking his inability to sing along. Ran and Kazuha stood perfectly center stage, singing along to some song about mirrors, shattered confidences and defiance. Dodging the glances from Haibara and the half-assed attempts of conversation from Hattori, Conan sat lonely in the corner.

Ran swayed back and forth to the music, grasping a concept of sound he himself has never understood. Kazuha sung just as well but to Conan, Ran was on an entire different level. His infatuation with her made her sound all the more heaven-sent. Her hands swept out in front of her while holding her position as the alto. Kazuha gripped her own microphone in response reaching octaves higher. And all the while Conan couldn't help but watch Ran's lips move, her chest sigh out breath, and her eyes captured by music. He'd have to tell her soon.

She sent a smile and wink his way. Conan couldn't find anyway to respond so he just hid his face from her. His insides were squirming with anxiety. There were a thousand ways do this wrong. And Conan wasn't sure if there was even a right way to tell it at all. Twisting his folding hands between his knees, Conan tried hard to wash away himself in the song. He was finding it hard to with the song so defining and him doubting his own previous certainties.

"You shouldn't tell her," Hattori said again, when reaching across the table for some rice balls near him.

Conan forcefully shoved the box closer to the dark skinned Osakan, nearly tipping the whole contents on the floor. He hissed in an ominous tone cupping a hand over one side of his face so Ran would not see, "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

Hattori only frowned in response, plucking out one of the rice balls and biting deeply into it before turning his head back to where the two girls sang. Haibara was looking Conan's way but he ignored her. He de-curled his hands and grasped the plastic cushion on either side of his legs, trying hard not to loose his nerve.

The song ended rather abruptly leaving both girls still singing to no sound. They shared giggles while Hattori and Haibara politely clapped. The score spun on the screen bringing up some useless numbers that really meant nothing. Still Kazuha and Ran exchanged congratulations off of the imaginary grade they had supposedly gotten. Conan was too busy thinking to notice they had finished. Ran sent a sympathetic look his way that he couldn't see behind his doubts.

Kazuha noticed the look between them. Thinking quickly, she brought a proposition to her lips, "Why don't you and Conan sing the next song?"

Conan looked up wearily, blushing when Haibara nonchalantly pulled earplugs out of her pocket and proceeded to plugging her ears. Hattori winced only slightly, hiding his expression from Conan as soon as he realized his thoughts displayed on his face. Conan smiled weakly and shook his head while responding in his almost foreign childlike drawl, "I'd rather hear Ran-neesan sing the next one."

Ran smiled, "Alright then, Conan-kun. I'll sing the next one for you."

Conan only lightly flushed at her statement, giving a weak nod in approval. Ran went back on the stage just as the next song flashed on screen. Kazuha sat next to Hattori thankfully distracting him from picking on Conan.

Hazy English lyrics seeped through the room and Ran kept pace almost seamlessly. She probably didn't even know what she was singing, Conan mused. Her voice was smooth and unhesitant confessing feelings the song made her confess. Through the song it seemed as though he could tell her anything without consequences, but real life didn't play out like song lyrics.

I'm weak… it's true, she sang and Conan couldn't help but smile. What a lie that was. If anything that song was his own. He closed his eyes and tried had to believe that everything was back to normal. That he had no secrets to keep at all.

The song ended and Conan clapped numbly with the others. Ran's score was fairly higher then normal, leaving Kazuha and Hattori impressed. Conan never made much sense of the numbers anyhow. A song was a song.

A techno beat song came up and Hattori was dragged up on stage with the two girls before he could even sputter a protest. He sung decently- far better than Shinichi ever could. The song was upbeat and in a faster English than Hattori could keep up with. The girls had good time poking fun at his feeble attempts to snatch pieces of lyrics out of the air regardless. It was almost too much English for even Conan to understand. He was impressed with how good Kazuha and Ran were to keep beat.

Conan found himself smiling for some reason while watching them. It was hard for him to think that he'd have to leave all this behind.

"She's happy, isn't she?"

Conan turned slightly seeing the blonde haired girl staring with eyes that saw right through him. He irritably jerked his gaze away from her, not wanting another talk from either of them. Although Hattori had done most of the talking. Haibara hadn't said much of anything since they left the house.

"She won't be happy if you tell her," Haibara continued when he failed to respond. "I doubt she'd ever be as happy as she is now…"

She smiled wryly before looking Conan's way as if to see if he was listening. "Ignorance is bliss, Conan-kun."

"Ignorance kills too," Conan retorted with a sharp glare in her direction. She was unfazed.

"You said once that Mouri-san was the kind of person who cries and worries herself about other people's problems," Haibara cast him a sly smile almost perfectly reciting a private conversation between him and Hattori ages before. "Are you presuming that she's different now that the tides have worsened?"

Conan tried not to be bothered by it, but she had him there. The song washed over the two of them in their silence. As happy as it sounded, Conan felt the comings of horrible foreboding in the silly rhymes. He closed his eyes and spoke into his hands at great length.

"You're right, Haibara," he said causing Haibara's eyes to widen with surprise. "I won't tell her."

Haibara frowned at the boy, feeling it much too easy. But his voice carried so much burden that she found it hard to believe that he'd lie. As soon as the song ended, Hattori looked about ready to force Conan on stage. But before he could so much as reach the table, Conan stood up and smiled an eerie sort of smile to him.

"I need to use the restroom," He said politely before turning and making his way to the exit of their small karaoke room. His little hand had only just brushed the doorknob when a voice broke out across the room.

"You'll come back?" came the question. Conan turned his head only slightly so he could glimpse Ran standing there. Her eyes were beautiful and sad. Conan could only bend slightly under the weight of her gaze and chuckle falsely. It felt wrong to do so.

"Um," He nodded. But quietly, so they wouldn't hear, he added a curt, "Someday."

The door closed behind him with a click giving everyone a sense that that would be the last time they'd see him.

It didn't take long before Hattori decided to check on Conan. And much to his expectations, Conan was nowhere in the male restroom. He checked half heartedly beneath every sink, urinal, and stall. But he knew somewhere deep inside that Conan would not be there- that any search would be futile. When he returned, the others could all tell by the look on his face that Conan had lied to them.

"He's not there," Hattori said unnecessarily.

"W-what? Where could he have gone?" sputtered Kazuha who was the farthest out of the loop, where the loop was concerned. Before Hattori could think of a logical response, Ran began slipping on her jacket.

"I'm going after him," she explained, tugging the sleeves into place.

But before she could get to the door, an umbrella blocked her path. Ran looked down in surprise to the little blonde girl at her feet. "Dozo," she said tipping the handle out for Ran to take. "You'll need it."

"Arigatou Ai-chan," Ran smiled softly accepting the gift. Hattori nodded her on, reassuring her that they would get Haibara home safely. The three watched as Ran left shutting the door behind her not much unlike how Conan had. Kazuha looked about like she was going to cry.

"Ah, Kazuha… What's wrong?" Hattori stuttered touching her shoulder in a weak attempt to console her.

"I can't pay for all this," She cried with a sweep of her hand over the food on the table. Her statement caused both Haibara and Hattori to blanch.

"Yo-You're kidding, right?"

The pavement rang with the sounds of the pounding falling rain and his slow sad footsteps. He had started out running but now was walking onward to nowhere in particular. The rain was relentless sticking his wet hair to his face in stringy soaking wet clumps. He was soaked appearing if someone had dunked him fully clothed into a bathtub- his long sleeved cotton shirt sticking to his arms and chest like a layer of extra skin. His jeans hung so heavy with water that he was having trouble keeping them up around his waist. His body was chilled and his feet burned as he walked in soggy sneakers through an even soggier night.

Where was he going? Conan wasn't sure. He had felt that if he left perhaps they would have better chance at surviving. It was impulsive and without any consideration of what to do after the initial response. The act was too far done now to remedy. Conan didn't know where he was anymore- walking along the dark streets of Tokyo aimlessly in his futile attempts to disappear.

What was wrong with him? Where had this impulsive foolish creature come from? Where was the detective he always thought he had been?

Conan paused by an alley corner, pressing his back against the wall to just catch his breath. He was cold and miserable. The alleyways were dark, dank, and filled with nasty things. The only place worse to walk would be the sewers- but for some reason Conan theorized he might be drier down there.

"Heh," Conan smiled wryly up at the cloud filled skies. "Rain all you want. I'm not going back."

Raindrops collided with and streamed down his face rewardingly- slipping over his cheeks in replacement for tears. So now what? In all honestly, Conan had no idea. He figured he had enough loose change to ride the rail for a while provided he found the train station. But what after that? Was he to wander endlessly until the Black Organization found him and put him out of his misery? At the moment, the idea seemed morbidly amusing. To think that the Black Org could do him a favor by finding him.

Conan exhaled a cloud of cold mist before peeling himself away from the wall. He couldn't just stay here where the others might be able to find him. That would ruin everything he had been trying to accomplish by leaving.

His sneakers squeaked lonesome sounds as he trudged. The farther he got, the more he felt the weight of his decision sinking in. He wouldn't see any of them ever again. Haibara, Hattori, Okaasan, Otousan, Ojisan, Eri, Kazuha, Meguire, Ayumi, Genta, Mitsuhiko and Ran. Were they all to just forget he ever existed? Would they come looking for him? Would this noble sacrifice of his even amount to anything? What if something happened and he wasn't there to protect them? What if this action was nothing more than running away?

Conan came to an abrupt halt, staring at the pooled reflection of himself splashed with the slowing rain. He looked paler then he remembered himself looking. His hair was unkempt, hanging in messy strands around his fogged glasses. He looked a little ill with bluish lips and fatigue etched into his posture. But his eyes were the most compelling part of his reflection glowing like stars in the low light. He had been crying without even noticing, tears welling up within his gaze and distorting his vision.

He hit his knees, hands slapping the water inside the puddle on either side of his reflected face. Conan felt an incredible anger and helplessness rise in his chest at the person who stared back at him.

"Who are you?" He sobbed, his body convulsing with sudden grief. He bent lower to the ground moving his hands in time to catch his face before it plunged into to mirror there. He buckled beneath his sorrow, falling deeper upon himself. How could he have willingly ripped himself from a life he loved? How was he any different from those who ruined him in the first place?

"I hate you, Conan," He wept upon himself. "I hate you more than anything… I hate you. I hate you."

And he didn't know how long he knelt there before his tears ran out. His glasses fell to a clatter into the puddle without his consent and he went to no great lengths to retrieve them. Wiping his face wearily on his sleeve to no effect, Conan pulled himself up to his knees just in time to feel the barrel of a gun press against the back of his head. Chest tightening, Conan barely mustered enough courage to look back down into the reflection.

No nightmare could be a real as what he was seeing now.

"Stand up nice and slow, kid," said the crow named Gin puttering a dead cigarette in his mouth. "We're going to go for a walk."

To Be Continued…
Please R + R!

Omg! What the hell? Yup… I bet that's what you're saying right about now, ne? I promise it's not random and that everything will eventually come to light.

It's ironic that this is the thirteenth chapter. I didn't plan it out this way. And funny thing is that the 13th chapter also brought out some problems when trying to post this up. I had to wait two hours for fanfiction dot net to start working again. Geez.

I'm too lazy to name off everyone who reviewed last time. You know who you are. Heh. If I didn't respond back to you already I'm probably not going to do so in my lj anymore. I just don't have time lately. So I apologize for that.

Anyway, any fanart is greatly appreciated! I post it up on my profile too just so you know.

Please review if you have read. I appreciate all comments beyond "update soon". And remember: with a keen eye for detail, one truth prevails.