Firewhisky, by Rosarita Sauvage.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... duh.
Note: Just a little oneshot I came up with and wanted to type up before I forgot it. Enjoy.
"Writing lines! Me??" Hermione Granger thought to herself angrily, thinking back to the events of earlier today.
Draco Malfoy had proceeded to call her names again in the hall after Potions. It wasn't meant for her to hear, she overheard him muttering to one of his slimy Slytherin friends about her being "Know-It-All Granger" and of course, the obligatory "filthy little mudblood". Before she could help herself, she'd already whipped out her wand and shot sparks at his behind. He, in turn, grabbed his wand and tried to set her hair on fire.
There was a short duel in the hallway, students crowing and egging them on, before Snape finally emerged from the Potions chamber, making sure to wait until after Draco had turned Hermione's nose into a pig snout. He disarmed them both and immediately took points from Gryffindor and rewarded Hermione with a night of detention.
Fortunately, however, McGonagall had been randomly walking down the corridor and noticed the ruckus. She proceeded to intervene by stating that by returning fire, Malfoy had initiated a sparring in the hallways, which was also against the rules. Upon this statement, she promptly deducted points from Slytherin (against many protests from his peers), and also gave him a detention.
This was all grand, thought Hermione, until McGonagall stated that it was up to Snape where and when they both serve detention since it had happened near his quarters. Naturally, Snape -- being the sadistic bastard he is, thought Hermione darkly -- had informed them that they'd be spending detention alone in the library that very night, writing lines... together.
Hermione was snapped out of her recollection by the sound of someone clearing his throat. She rolled her eyes and glanced over at Malfoy, who was sitting at the other end of the long table they were having to write lines at. He smirked at her glance at him.
"Checking me out?" he asked casually while levitating his quill with his wand. How he managed to get his wand back from Snape, she didn't know, and wasn't sure she necessarily wanted to find out. She merely snorted in reply and looked down at her parchment.
'I will not duel in hallways' had managed to fill half her page in her temporary fit of anger from remembering earlier events. She wasn't so angry now, just annoyed as hell at the stupid blonde ferret sitting at the other end of their table.
Malfoy tucked his wand in his pocket, letting the quill drop lightly onto the table. He looked at Hermione mischieviously.
"Want to meet my little friend?" he asked her. Her head shot up from the parchment as soon as the words left his lips.
She slowly looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "Come again?" He smirked and pulled a small flask-like bottle from his robes. She eyed it suspiciously. The glass was tinted brown, and there was no label. A tinted kind of liquid sloshed around inside beckoningly. He held it out toward her.
"Try it."
"No, thanks."
He got up and slid into the chair next to hers. "Come on. Taste it. Just a sip." She shook her head and continued writing on her parchment. He pulled the parchment out from under her moving quill, making a long gash of ink across the paper and completely ruining whatever she had been writing. She rounded on him furiously.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she snapped at him. He didn't answer, only twisted off the cap from the bottle and took a little swig. She watched him sit the cap on the table and hold the drink out to her. "See? Harmless." His breath smelled like alcohol. She stared at him like he was insane.
"You're drinking. You're drinking in detention." He shrugged.
"Nothing better to do. Come on, you prude. What do you think I'm gonna do, poison you?" She glared at him and he waggled the bottle at her again. "Last chance..."
She stared at the bottle, and then looked at him annoyedly. She sighed and jerked the bottle from his hands. "If it'll make you leave me alone."
She looked into the bottle to see the alcohol within, as though she could actually tell if he had done something to it just by looking at it. She heard him snort with amusement at her paranoia. "...Oh, what the hell." She put the bottle to her lips and took a large swig of it, swallowing quickly.
The hot liquid burned the back of her mouth as well as her throat, and she felt as though hot coals were sliding down her insides. She grimaced at the taste, her face twisting up into something hilariously ugly. She could almost feel it burning in her stomach, giving her an odd sort of feeling almost immediately. She could hear Malfoy laughing at the face she was making.
"Tastes like ass, doesn't it?" he laughed. She nodded, her mouth still twisted disgustedly.
"But, it's awesome!"
She rolled her eyes and handed the bottle back to him. "What on earth would provoke you to drink that shit?" she asked him as he took another swig from the bottle. He smirked at her and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Take another few drinks and you'll know."
She eyed him, her resolve slipping. It wasn't as though there was honestly anything else to do..
An hour later...
"...And then Ron was like, 'Geremoffmee!' and went running from the room with those damned yellow birds taking nose dives at him. It was the funniest damn thing I've ever seen in my life!"
Malfoy was rolling on the floor at her story, both of them laughing hysterically. They'd given up the chairs at the table and were sitting in the floor, Hermione cross-legged and Malfoy on his stomach.
"Damn, I wish I'dve been there. You should have seen the time I put laxatives into Crabbe's cupcakes he stole from the Great Hall at dinner. The bloke said he wanted to lose weight... I guarantee I made him drop a good 15 lbs without too much time!"
Hermione was laughing so hard she had fallen back onto her back. Malfoy proceeded to do an impression of Crabbe's face after he'd returned from the lavatory, and she was laughing so hard she could scarcely breathe.
"Malfoy, stop... I'm gonna wet myself!" she gasped, rolling onto her stomach. For a good five or more minutes, all that could be heard in the library was the echoing sounds of their giggling and guffawing.
Hermione took another swig of the bottle that was lying between them. It was nearly gone, but they couldn't lay off it.
Malfoy rolled back over on his stomach and propped himself up on one elbow, waiting for her to be finished so he could take another drink as well.
"God, this is the best fun I've had in a long time. Let's get detention more often," Hermione slurred, sitting the bottle back down haphazardly. Malfoy took only a small sip, sitting it back down on the stone floors.
"I have an idea." Draco said after he'd propped himself up on both elbows, looking over at Hermione.
"Yeah?"
"Go out with me."
Hermione's laughter.
"Nuh-uhhhh."
"No, seriously."
"No, seriously." she mimicked him, her voice lowering ridiculously to where she sounded absolutely nothing like Draco Malfoy. He kicked her.
"Noooo, for seriously."
"Malfoy, when and where would we possibly go out?" she rolled onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow so she could look at him.
"There's a Hogsmeade trip coming up. We could go get some shit from the Leaky Cauldron."
"That's in Diagon Alleyyyy," she said dramatically, rolling her eyes along with the words.
"Oh... well, we'll go somewhere in Hogsmeade then. There'd be no time to go to Diagon Alley."
"Yeah, you're right."
"D'you want to?"
Hermione looked at him thoughtfully, though Malfoy was more than certain she couldn't be honestly thinking coherently. That'd be like a hippogriff dancing ballet with a tuna. Malfoy blinked at that last thought and guffawed out loud at the mental image he got. Hermione didn't pay any mind.
"Yeah, let's do it," she said finally, with a serious look on her face as she reached for the bottle again. Malfoy wheezed in laughter.
"Oh my God, you just said 'let's do it'."
"What? ...Oh my God, I did."
They laughed some more and took turns finishing the bottle of booze.
Suddenly, the creaking open of the huge wooden doors leading into the library echoed through the huge dungeon.
Severus Snape stalked down the aisles until he got to the back of the library, where he found Malfoy and Hermione each sitting at opposite ends of the table, their quills and parchment before them, exactly as he had left them. He snatched up their parchments and glanced over them. Hermione's was about halfway full of 'I will not duel in the hallways'. Malfoy's barely had five copies of the phrase. He sighed.
"You delinquents made slim to no progress tonight. I'm afraid this calls for another detention Thursday night."
Hermione and Malfoy began cracking up. Snape shot glares at both of them. Malfoy quickly played his off as a cough while Hermione quickly covered her mouth, staring down at her parchment with her face red with a fit of silent laughter.
"Go to bed. Now." he motioned with his arm, pointing to the door.
They both got up immediatley. Hermione stood up and shook Snape's finger that was outstretched.
"It was a pleasure to do detention for you, Mr. Snape. Really, it was an absolute awesomeness of my time. I look forward to next detention with great eagerness, sir. You look a lot like a depressed flamingo. G'night, Professor!" she staggered off down the aisle, giggling madly.
Malfoy meant to just walk by, but when he saw the look on Snape's face at Hermione's dismissal, he burst into laughter, quickly drawing Snape's attention on himself.
"I freakin' love you," he said, throwing his arms over Snape's shoulders, nearly toppling him over with his weight. Malfoy pulled back and patted Snape on the cheek, "See you in Potions."
Malfoy caught up to Hermione, throwing his arm over her shoulders and both of them laughing so hard they could scarcely stand up straight. Hermione grabbed Malfoy's bottom and they laughed harder, staggering out of the library the best they could. Snape stared after them blankly.
"...What the hell?"
Lol... But yeah. Sorry I've been away for so long. I just got a random mental image of Draco and Hermione getting drunk off Firewhisky out of boredom during detention. Of course, I had to write it down. Just to let everyone know, I am presently working on a new chapter for an abandoned Twilight story of mine, "Unforgotten", which I kind of left hanging and am attempting to kind of bring it back to life. Anyway, thanks for reading. Review and tell me what you think, thanks!