She tried, god knows she tried, but it got to her from time to time. Sam was so upset and was thoroughly annoyed at herself for being that way. They lay down to sleep at night and she could not stop herself. The words came pouring out of her mouth.

"I hate it here. I want to go home. I hate this planet. I hate the people. I hate everything about them. You did this before, how did you stand it?"

She felt as though she were falling off the deep end.

"I know Edora wasn't as bad as this but how did you stand it? How did you manage?"

And as soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. It was Laira that got him through and he… Well she didn't want to hear about it, life was crappy enough as it was.

His voice was soft and low and she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear a word. At least it was dark and she could barely see his face.

"I hated it there, at first. Sitting in that damned cave waiting for the meteorites to stop impacting the ground. It was worse than any shelling you could imagine. We were waiting there for days – just waiting for it to stop or for the cave to come crashing down around our ears. The kids and Laira were scared senseless so I had to put on a front for them while Laira tried to crawl inside my… well she was frightened.

When the planet stopped shaking it was on fire.

I kept checking at the mouth of the cave. The meteorites started falling … well, you know when, through the day, throughout the night and most of the next day setting everything on fire. Then torrential rains started. At least they put out the fire. Only a few of the homes escaped. One scored a direct hit and three families were killed. The rest of the people the ones who survived hated me and blamed me for the disaster as if I brought this on their village. They didn't seem to understand that more would have died if they hadn't gone through the Stargate. Bunch of pig headed fools – instead of being grateful for what they had, they would have been happy to see me starve."

Sam didn't know this. She didn't realize that it was hard for him as well as those on her side of the gate.

"Laira forced them to let me remain with them…for shelter and food. They would just as soon see me dead as if it could bring back their people and their village. And if that wasn't bad enough I found out the Stargate was gone. I couldn't begin to tell you how I felt. The place where it was…it was scoured out. It was just a giant rut of rocks and dirt not a hint of what had stood there before."

"When Teal'c and I left a very large meteorite, the size of your truck was barreling down at us. We jumped through; actually Teal'c pulled me through right before a direct hit."

"That was another thing, I didn't know if you and T had made it through.
I got a shovel and I tried to find the gate. I had to help the villagers prepare for the winter and let's face it I was in the same boat. I went back every night until I had nothing left."

"We were working on both sides."

"Not very effective on my part.
Laira let me stay at her house while we rebuilt and repaired the houses and barns and also worked in the fields."

Sam tried not to let her distaste for the other woman to show. Jack felt her stiffen every time Laira's name was mentioned and ran his hand up and down Sam's back.

"She tried to convince me that it was time to leave my 'old' life behind and embrace the 'new' one – to become one of them. And they did accept me at this point. And I did kind of enjoy the simplicity of the life there but it would be like excising part of my soul, part of who I am, to leave it all behind."

"You didn't forget us?"

"How could I forget you?"

"I thought sometimes you just have to move on."

"It doesn't mean you forget.
She...Laira... wanted another child…she wanted me to give her a child."

Sam had no response to this. They had never discussed this and she was now truly sorry she had asked and queasy at the turn the topic had taken. And she was afraid of her emotions so close to the surface would betray her. She wanted no display of tears or of anger.

"I was lonely you know… and she kept offering…"

"You don't have to tell me this."

"She said their custom was to mourn for one hundred days and then to move on. Well just about on the dot they had a harvest celebration and got me good and drunk…"

"You don't have to make excuses either." She bristled.

He continued as if she hadn't spoken, needing to get it all out in the open so they could get passed it.

"I wanted to; I was tired of being alone. And I had even begun to give in but she wasn't who I wanted. She would have just been a substitute and it wouldn't have been fair to her or to me. She was good to me – she didn't have to be. And maybe if I had been forced to stay there I would have made something of it but, crap, I just don't know. But I made a life for myself while I had no other choice is what I'm saying…I kept on living. I think that's what we've got to do here as repulsive as you find the situation. We'll make it better for ourselves and we will get out of here – make no mistake about that – we will get out of here."

"At least I'm not alone." She said.

"I don't know if I make it better or worse for you."

"It's the only thing keeping me sane."