Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.
Chapter Three: The chapter where Draco manages to get everyone pissed off.
To: Entire ministry
From: Ron
Subject: Hello!
Hello everyone! You'll be pleased to hear that I'm back from sick leave, and I'm now completely clean-shaven! I'd like to thank Harry for showing me how to use a razor, and also Ginny because she cooked my tea for me.
To: R. Weasley
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hello!
Aw, can't ickle Ronniekins cook his own tea? That's pathetic, Weasley. And you need help using a razor? I thought you had to have a brain to be an auror?
To: Harry
From: Ron
Subject: Malfoy
Why is Malfoy in the ministry?
To: Malfoy
From: Ron
Subject: Re: Hello!
Sod off, Malfoy.
To: Ron
From: H. Potter
Subject: Re: Malfoy.
He works here now. He's Hermione's boss. Apparently he and Justin Finch-Fletchley have thing going on.
Sexonlegs: Morning, Granger.
Hermy: Hello Malfoy.
Sexonlegs: Are you going to talk to me today, or do I have to continue to IM you? Seems a bit pointless, what with us being in the same office and all.
Hermy: I'd prefer not to speak to you either way, really.
Sexonlegs: Likewise, Granger, but it's fun to annoy one another, yes? Listen, has an owl come for me? It should've gone to my house, but it hasn't…
Hermy: No, there hasn't. Are you sure it's been sent? Maybe the sender realised you were a git and decided not to send it.
Sexonlegs has signed off
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject?
Malfoy, did I just offend you?
To: Granger
From: Malfoy
Subject: Re?
No. How was your book club meeting?
To: Justin
From: Ron
Subject: Malfoy
Justin, is it true? Do you and Malfoy have a thing?
To: Ron
From: Justin
Subject: Re: Malfoy
Justin, is it true? Do you and Malfoy have a thing?
Not that it's any of your business, but I do find him very attractive, yes.
To: Entire Ministry
From: Ron
Subject: Fwd: Malfoy
You heard it here first, folks!
Justin, is it true? Do you and Malfoy have a thing?
Not that it's any of your business, but I do find him very attractive, yes.
To: R. Weasley
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Fwd: Malfoy
Weasley, I am going to fucking kill you!
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Hee hee!
Draco and Justin…has a certain ring to it, don't you think?
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hee hee!
I thought you were going on strike about the 'breach of privacy'?
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: Hee hee!
I didn't think me striking alone would've had much of an impact.
To: Entire Ministry
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Justin
I would like you all to know that while Justin may like me, I most certainly do not like him. I am as straight as…as a very straight object. And no, Granger, I am not talking about that part of my body, I'm talking about my sexuality. Not that…that thing isn't straight. Because it is. Very straight. And long.
Anyway, to prove my straightness-Granger, I'm in the same office as you, if you start laughing I'll know why-I have complied a list of women I wouldn't mind screwing:
-Pansy Parkinson: Okay, I've done her already, but it was fun. She was up for whipped cream.
-Ginny Weasley: She has shiny hair. I like things that shine like hair, and money. Plus, I know she wants me too, for I am "sex-on-legs."
-Hermione Granger: She has a nice figure. And don't tell me you haven't noticed, Potter, I've seen you staring.
-Luna Lovegood: Ron's been eyeing her up, and it'll piss him off to see her on the list.
-The chick at Pizza Hut: She's got to be 36D, at least.
As I'm sure you'll all want to hit me, or each other (this would amuse me greatly), I'll be inviting you all to an AIM conversation.
Sexonlegs: Welcome, everyone!
IloveDraco: Hey, Drakey. Shall we try chocolate next?
Sexonlegs: Sure!
MrsPotter: That's disgusting.
LuNa: Ron?
Ihaveredhair:…Yeah?
LuNa: You know, I…I eat lunch.
LuNa: In the canteen.
Ihaveredhair: I know.
Sexonlegs: Told you he's stalking you!
Ihaveredhair: Shut up, Malfoy.
Lightning has signed on
MrsPotter: Oh, and here he is!
Lightning: Don't get angry at me- you called him sex-on-legs!
MrsPotter: You eyed up my best friend!
Lightning: I didn't!
MrsPotter: Well, I didn't call him sex-on-legs!
LuNa has logged off
IheartDraco: Draco, could you ever feel the same way?
Sexonlegs: Who is this?
IheartDraco: Justin
IloveDraco: Draco is mine!
IheartDraco: Who is this?
IloveDraco: Pansy!
MrsPotter: Draco, were you serious?
Sexonlegs: About wanting to sleep with you? Sure!
MrsPotter: Ew, no. About Harry checking out Hermione.
Sexonlegs: Course I was. But, everyone checks out Hermione.
Hermy: Hey!
Sexonlegs: When did you get here?
Hermy: I've been here the whole time, you pervert.
Lightning: Malfoy, can I borrow your leather pants?
Sexonlegs: No, buy your own. You're not Weasley, you can afford it.
Ihaveredhair: Hey!
MrsPotter has logged off
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Malfoy
Do you have water in your office? Or any form of liquid, really. Just pour it on Malfoy's head, Ok?
Lightning: Well, that's nice.
Sexonlegs: But now we can talk about her behind her back.
Hermy: Are you aware her best friend, fiancé and older brother are all here?
Sexonlegs: Good point.
Hermy has logged off
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Malfoy
I'm on it.
Sexonlegs: Why is everyone leaving?
IloveDraco: I'm still here, baby.
IheartDraco: And me!
Ihaveredhair: And me, for some inexplicable reason.
Lightning: Ditto.
IloveDraco: Draco, are you still there?
Sexonlegs: Yeah. I'm wet. Granger just dumped coffee on me.
Lightning: Nice one.
IheartDraco: Poor Draco…shall I kiss it better?
Sexonlegs: NO!
Sexonlegs has signed off
Hey Curlz,
So, you haven't replied to my last letter. I'm guessing you're bored of me already, huh?
Well, thanks for letting me know.
Cold
Sexonlegs: Granger, what have you done now?
Hermy: What?
Sexonlegs: You just said 'Oops.'
Hermy: Oh, it's nothing. I just forgot to do something-don't worry, it's non-work related.
Sexonlegs: You shouldn't be getting owls unrelated to work sent here.
Hermy: Malfoy, it's been a long day, and I'm tired.
Sexonlegs: Granger…that's my owl! Why is my owl sending you letters?
Hermy: Don't be stupid, it can't be your owl…unless the, ah, company use the same owl that sent the letter to send it to the addressee…but then…that would mean…
Sexonlegs…Curlz?
Hermy: Oh, crap.
I don't like this chapter very much. Anyway, let me know what you think in a-you guessed it-review. I live off reviews-I love them to pieces!
Next time: Rubber ducks, Draco in leather, hiding in closets, and a deep and meaningful conversation. Ish.