Disclaimer:
Nothing is mine. Still.And it has a title now! Yayness! Thanks to Procella for coming up with it.
Chapter Four: The Rubber Duck fiasco.
To: Ginny
From: H. Potter
Subject: Hermione
Gin, I really think you should talk to Hermione. Moody sent me to clear out the closet full of broken Sneakoscopes and stuff, and I found Hermione in there muttering.
I think she could possibly have gone mad.
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: You Ok?
Are you OK? According to Harry you were in a cupboard this morning…
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: You Ok?
I was hiding from Malfoy. Ginny, he's coldasice. So, now we're avoiding each other. Also, he's wearing those damn leather pants again.
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: You Ok?
Does he know you're Curlz?
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: You Ok?
YES!
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: You Ok?
Well, you work in the same office so you'll have to face him sooner of later. And it might as well be today, that way you have an excuse to look at that body…
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: You Ok?
GINNY!
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Meep!
Malfoy just walked into the office! What do I say?
Maybe I could send him an email…that's less awkward than face to face…oh! He just sent me an instant message.
Start planning my funeral now, OK?
To: Ginny
From: Ron
Subject: Hmmm…
Ginny, what do you think about a piercing?
Sexonlegs: Hey.
Hermy: Hi.
Sexonlegs: Listen, we're making a big deal out of this.
Hermy: Right. I mean, we exchanged about two letters.
Sexonlegs: Yeah. It's not as though there were declarations of undying love or anything.
Hermy: That's very true.
Sexonlegs: So we're…ok? I mean, no more hiding in cupboards?
Hermy: Malfoy, we hate each other. We'll never be "Ok." And how on earth did you know about that?
Sexonlegs: Potter told me, I just bumped into him.
Hermy: Oh.
Sexonlegs: Do you…do you really hate me?
Hermy: Well, no. Not really. You're just an annoying prat most of the time, that's all.
Sexonlegs: I aim to please.
Hermy: Malfoy, why were you so, you know, horrid back in Hogwarts? I mean, you ended up fighting for our side, so there was no need to be…
Sexonlegs: Do we have to drag this up again? I did what my father told me, was a complete git to anybody who wasn't a Slytherin, got bored, joined the Order the Phoenix, the war ended, we won, I got a job and tried to be nice to people. But apparently I'm an annoying prat, so the last part isn't really going to plan, is it?
Sexonlegs has logged off
To: Ron
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: Hmmm…
NO! Honestly Ron! What's up with you these days? Facial hair? Piercings? You're too young to be having mid-life crises!
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Malfoy
Attached:
Read the last part. What's up with him?
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: Malfoy
Well, it's Malfoy isn't it? He probably wanted you to say 'Oh Draco dearest, why were you so horrid in school? Couldn't you see all I wanted to do was shag you? Couldn't you feel the sexual tension?'
He did look pretty pissed earlier though. I saw him in the canteen buying a chocolate muffin. Ah, Draco and chocolate-my two favourite things. Apart from, you, know Harry.
To: Ginny
From: Ron
Subject: Re: Hmmm…
Stop being so unsupportive! I just want to be trendy! Luna has a thing about earrings, you know she does. Not that I care. I mean, we ate lunch together today and stuff, but I don't like her. Not really.
Yeah.
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Malfoy
He has a crumb on the side of his mouth.
That is all I have to say.
To: Ron
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: Hmmm…
Oh just act the crazy earring lover out, for crying out loud.
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: Malfoy
Ooh, I sense your pain. What willpower it must take not to just lick the damn thing right off that smooth skin and then move your tongue…right. Um. Work! I have work. To do. So off I go, doing work.
To: Ginny
From: Ron
Subject: Re: Hmmm…
I will. Just…not yet.
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Malfoy
GINNY! I am shocked.
Harryisagit: Don't act so scandalised. You're thinking about it too.
Hermy: I am not! And what happened to MrsPotter anyway?
Harryisagit: Harry eyed you up!
Hermy: Oh.
Harryisagit: Anyway, I thought you'd…vaguely sorted things out with Malfoy. Apart from the whole incredibly-pissed-off-for-no-reason thing.
Hermy: We have. Ish.
Harryisagit: Well, I just spoke to Ron in the corridor, and he found you in yet another closet.
Hermy: I've been in two, ok? And for your information, I was hiding from Bones; I'm late on a report. Besides, it's cosy in there.
Harryisagit: Hermione Granger? Late on a report! Never.
Hermy: Shut up, I'm trying to finish.
Hermy has logged off.
To: Hermione
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Hey
Hey. Listen; sorry I was so weird earlier. These damn ducks keep being sent to the office-one every hour. D'you know who's sending them?
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
Ducks?
And since when did you apologise for stuff?
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
Yes, Granger, ducks. You know, quack quack? I know who's sending them now anyway. The last lot came with some sort of love note. And, no, it's not from Justin.
And I happen to be a very nice person, and I apologise for things that I feel I need to apologise for.
Sexonlegs: Potter, why have you sent a bunch of rubber ducks and what can only be described as a love letter to my office?
Lightning: What?
Sexonlegs: Yeah. It says, "My darling, sorry about the Hermione thing. Please forgive me. The ducks are just a reminder about a certain fantasy. Love, Harry."
Lightning: Oh, crap. They were for Ginny-the stupid delivery guy at 'Duck's 'r' us' must have sent it to the wrong office.
Sexonlegs: Good, 'cos I'm sure a very attractive or whatever, but you're not really my type.
Lightning: No, you like Hufflepuffs called Justin, don't you?
Sexonlegs: Oh ha-ha. But, seriously Potter, ducks? You know, there's kinky, and there's just plain wrong.
Lightning: Shut up Malfoy. I'll sort it out.
Lightning has logged off.
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
I know what ducks are Malfoy. Who was it sending them anyway?
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
Potter-they were meant for the Weaslette.
Are you doing anything tonight?
To: Draco
From: Justin
Subject: Ducks
Thank you for the ducks, sweetie! And I totally forgive you.
To: Drakie
From: Pansy
Subject: WHAT?
How could you do this to me Drakie? I can't believe you!
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
…Why?
To: Justin
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Ducks?
What the hell are you talking about? What's Potter done with the ducks? Forgive me for what?
To: Parkinson
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: WHAT?
Has everyone gone mad today or something? What have I done now?
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
Is it that hard to work out?
To: Draco
From: Justin
Subject: Re: Ducks
You sent me rubber ducks! With a message saying: "Justin, I'm sorry I was so cruel to you. I'm having trouble dealing with my newfound sexuality. Do gay people like ducks? Yours, Draco.
And don't worry-it's hard at first. And, um, no, I don't have any particularly strong feelings for ducks. But it was a v. nice gesture.
To: Drakie
From: Pansy
Subject: Re: WHAT?
You sent that stupid Hufflepuff guy presents! You never get me presents! You'd better do something really nice to make up for this, or I'll never marry you!
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
I'm assuming that's your way of asking me out. You're not doing very well.
To: Potter
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: You git.
I'm going to kill you, Potter.
Actually, no. I've thought of something better.
To: Justin
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Ducks
It was a hoax, obviously. If I were gay, I'd fancy someone like…Oliver Wood. Someone with muscle.
To: Parkinson
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: WHAT?
I don't want to marry you Parkinson, now piss off.
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
Fine.
Dear Hermione, goddess of all that is wonderful, would you kindly take your very beautiful nose out of your extremely fascinating book so that you may grace me, Draco Malfoy, god of all that is humble, with an hour or so of your time after work?
Better, Granger?
I really hate you, you know.
To: Malfoy
From: H. Potter
Subject: Re: You git.
Well, I'm quaking on my broomstick now.
To: Entire Minsitry
From: Justin
Subject: Draco Malfoy
Draco Malfoy is in love with Oliver Wood because, and I quote, "He has muscle"
To: Drakie
From: Pansy
Subject: Re: WHAT?
That's it. I'm sleeping with Zabini. Ha!
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
The feelings mutual. I might be able to stand a few minutes with you though. If you're not to busy chasing Oliver Wood, that is.
To: Git with a scar on his head
From: Ginny
Subject: What the Hell?
Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? Two thousand rubber ducks with Hermione's face on, just sitting in my office? Are you on drugs or something?
To: Granger
From: Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
I'm sure I can manage not to lust after that Gryffindor ponce for a few moments.
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
Are you sure? Why have I just received a gigantic rubber duck with the words "D.M 4 O.W." on it?
To: Ginny
From: A very sorry person.
Subject: Re: What the hell?
Malfoy did it as revenge for something I did. And then I did something else and now I have a black eye. I'm sure you're happy.
To: Harry
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: What the hell?
Nice one, Malfoy.
Did you hear he asked Hermione out?
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey.
Why you're friends with Potter is beyond me. He's a complete and utter git.
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
Only sometimes. Ron would like to know if he could borrow your leather pants.
To: Granger
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Hey
No! He can borrow my mirror anytime though. Why is he wearing a feather in his ear?
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Hey
Something about bird rights. How wearing their feathers is helping them I don't know.
To: Malfoy
From: Ron Weasley
Subject: Leather pants.
Hi, um, listen. Don't be mad Malfoy, but, well, I snuck into your apartment at lunch and stole a pair of pants. The thing is, I must be too big for them or something, and now I'm stuck! You have to help me! I'm in the men's bathrooms...
Wheeeeee so many reviews last time :D
Anyway, why don't you pass the time between now and the next chapter by….oh, I don't know…reviewing: )