Previously:
To: Entire Ministry
From: Susan Bones, Minister of Magic
Subject: (None)
As of 12:00 today, all email accounts and AIM conversations will be disabled thanks to our wonderful team in MagicTech. Have a nice day.
Chapter Six: Where Newspapers take nonsense to new levels.
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: WHAT?
WHAT? THEY CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S…IT'S…EVIL THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
To: Ginny Weasley
From: MagicTech Email service
Subject: Undeliverable
We were unable to send the following email:
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: WHAT?
WHAT? THEY CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S…IT'S…EVIL THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
The minister of magic says: "HA!"
Ginny: Hermione? Tell me if you get this message, ok? Maybe they did it wrong and AIM still works. Oh, God, what am I going to do?
We were unable to send your message.
Ginny: Damn it!
We were unable to send your message.
Ginny: SHUT UP!
We were unable to send your message.
Ginny has logged off.-
BANNERS 'R' US ORDER FORM
Deliver to: Ginny Weasley
Size of banner: The biggest you have.
Text on banner: STRIKE AS OF TOMORROW! Protest outside of MoM building tomorrow at 10! Be there!
Payment Details: See Harry Potter. Mention bathrooms and he'll pay up.
A MEMO FROM THE MINISTER
Dear Mr. Potter
Please could you ask your fiancée to come down from the roof, and remove that ridiculous flag thing? If she won't come down, please could you suggest that she wear some clothing, as it is freezing outside, and I wouldn't want her to catch hypothermia. You may also be interested to know that there are reporters outside taking photos.
Congratulations Mr. Potter, your girlfriend's a porn star.
Broomstick Babes-1 galleon
POTTER'S PORN PREDICAMENT
By Neville "Shagadelic" Longbottom
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, has got a new dilemma on his hands. His fiancée, Ginny Weasley, whom he has been dating for over a year, is alleged to have recently decided to become a porn star. Weasley was seen earlier today dancing in the nude on the top of the Ministry of Magic building. Could this new profession be from sexual frustration? Knowing some men are happy to see her body? Is Potter not good enough in bed for her? Maybe he's too busy saving the world to satisfy her needs. Watch this space guys! She may turn to you for some 'comfort' next!
Turn to page 8 for hot, hot, hot pictures of the fiery redhead.
The Quibbler-1 Knut
LUCIUS MALFOY IS THE REAL PORN STAR!
Ginny Weasley was supposed to be dancing naked in public early today-but what she? Startling new evidence, coming from Harry Potter himself, suggests otherwise. "Lucius Malfoy has always been fascinated with the female body-I've even seen him feel up Minerva McGonagall to see what saggy ones felt like. Using a polyjuice potion he transformed into Ginny, and apparated to the top of the building to show off his assets. Ginny wouldn't do something like that."
Ginny,
Why is there a big protest sign outside? Is it 'cos of the email thing? You do realise we can just owl each other, don't you?
And what the heck is this about you running around the ministry naked? I haven't read Broomstick Babes myself, I prefer Broomstick Boys, I mean, um, Broomstick Babes is the best. Yeah. Bloody brilliant, that magazine is.
Ron
Ron,
Um, of course I did. Do you think I'm stupid? Owls are the greatest; do you think I'd just forget them? It's the principal of the matter, that's all. And the nakedness was just to attract attention to my sign.
And, Ron, it's ok if you're gay. Although you might want to get over your crush on Malfoy (don't deny it, Harry told me) because Hermione'll hex you to hell and back if you mess with her man (she was calling him "my Draco" earlier, it was so cute).
G.
Gin,
So, finally come round about the bathroom thing, huh?
Harry.
Of course not you daft git.
G.
Gin,
But the delivery guy said that you would.
Harry
That's because I lied, darling.
G.
Gin,
Well that's nice. I make up a load of crap about Lucius Malfoy so people won't think you're this nutty slut who likes to strip, and you still won't even set foot in the bathroom with me.
I didn't ask you make up that story; you were just embarrassed for yourself. Now shut up, I'm still plotting against the ministry.
G.
Ginny, Draco,…Malfoy, and everyone else,
You know, muggles use emails too. There are hundreds of free email services we can use, and the minister won't be able to read them. Why don't you just get one of them instead of organising silly protests that never work Gin, and moaning loudly to anyone who'll listen, Malfoy?
Hermione.
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: I LOVE MUGGLES!
They really are wonderful. And why are you in such a foul mood?
To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: I LOVE MUGGLES!
I'm not.
To: Hermione
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Your letter
You can call me Draco, you know. I don't mind.
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Your letter
What?
To: Hermione
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Your letter
In your owl. You wrote Draco, seemed confused, changed your mind and wrote Malfoy.
A MEMO FROM THE MINISTER
Employees,
Anyone caught sending non-work related owls will be suspended. And I know you're sending them, they've been flying past my office all day. You're not so clever, you know that? Bwahaha!
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Re: I LOVE MUGGLES!
Then why was your letter worded in such a bad tempered way? Ah, who cares? Did you get the latest ministry memo? "Not so clever," huh? That's what she thinks! We're all back into our not working ways thank to (in my case) Hotmail. Why is it called hotmail anyway? My mail doesn't burn me.
Daily Prophet -2 sickles
MALFOY HEIR TO MARRY MUGGLEBORN By Colin Creevey
Draco Malfoy, heir to the three million galleons Malfoy fortune, was seen last night in the company of Hermione Granger, a muggleborn who graduated from Hogwarts two years ago with top honours. It is believed that the two have been dating since their graduation two years ago, and are now engaged.
While the opinion of muggleborns has changed drastically since you-know-who's defeat, Lucius Malfoy, Draco's father is not happy with the situation.
"Draco has broken the heart of a beautiful witch called Pansy Parkinson. I had hoped for the two to marry as her father is very rich-um, I mean, she's a very lovely girl," says Lucius. "She would not have my only son skipping in fields of daisies with house elves like this Miss. Granger will."
Draco's mother, Narcissa is much happier about the turn of events, "Miss. Granger is a highly intelligent, pretty witch" she gushed. "I couldn't be more thrilled about their engagement. Their wedding will be a spectacular event. There'll be daisies and house elves everywhere! According to Lucius, she likes them."
To: Malfoy
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Your letter
I didn't mean to write Draco, you know.
To: "Hermione"
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Your letter
Well you should really, considering we're getting married.
To: "Draco"
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Your letter.
WHAT?
To: Hermione
From: Ginny
Subject: Aaaaaaggggghhhhh!
You're engaged? Why didn't you tell me? Tell me everything! Did he go down on one knee? Was it romantic as Harry's was? Oh my god, we could have a double wedding!
To: "Hermione"
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Your letter
Attached:
You clearly haven't seen the garbage in today's Daily Prophet.
To: Drakie
From: Pansypoo
Subject: Engaged?
Drakie deerest, the profet is liing isn't it? You wood never du this two me! Drakie, tell me you wood never du this to me!
To: Parkinson
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Engaged?
Did you forget to use spellchecker again Parkinson?
To: Malfoy
From: Blaise
Subject: Congratulations
Wow, you sure act fast don't you? Anyway, congratulations, mate!
To: Malfoy
From: Ronald Weasley
Subject: Hermione
If you ever, ever hurt her I will kill you. However, if she hurts you, then, um, let me know.
To: Malfoy
From: H. Potter
Subject: Engaged?
Couldn't you have eloped? Now Ginny's going to want a double wedding, you git!
To: Malfoy
From: Ginny
Subject: Congrats!
I can't believe you proposed! I mean, you've been on one date! You must be so in love. Ooh, I'm swooning!
To: Draco, Hermione
From: Justin
Subject: Well…
Well, this is certainly unexpected. But, um, congratulations I suppose. I won't be attending the wedding however, I may, ah, produce tears.
To: Hermione
From: H. Potter
Subject: Ron
Ron is crying. I'm not sure whom he's crying over, though…
To: Hermione
From: Ronald Weasley
Subject: Draco
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
To: Granger
From: Pansy
Subject: Ugh.
Bitch. I'll get you my pretty, and your bushy hair too.
And if Drakie reads this: How d'you like that for spelling, fucktard?
To: Drakie
From: Pansy
Subject: I LOVE YOU!
Drakie, I'm so sorry! You are so way fully not a fucktard, I was just really, really angry. Drakie, I LOVE YOU!
To: "Hermione"
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Shoot me now.
I keep getting all these congratulations! What the hell are we going to do?
To: "Malfoy"
From: Hermione
Subject: Re: Shoot me now.
I'm thinking we have an engagement party, get loads of presents, decide it's too soon for marriage and break it off.
To: "Hermione"
From: D. Malfoy
Subject: Re: Shoot me now.
I like the way you think. Now, come over here and give me a kiss.
Next time: The party! Pineapples! Draco doing the limbo!
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