A/N: Okay, i'm very well aware that this is the JAG section and not the SVU section but WHO SAW 'FAULT' ON TUESDAY? It was amaaaaaaaaazing. Please review if you saw it, I need to rant about how incredible it is.

Online Assistance

1056

JAG Headquarters,

July 17, 2005

mutheruv4: So what did HE say?

Mac'n'cheese: Harriet, for the love of god will you stop e-ing me at work. The General put a ban on instant messaging last week!

mutheruv4: He's not in your office - how will he know?

Mac'n'cheese: that's not the POINT, Harriet! I'm supposed to be working! What if one of MY officers found out I was spending the day IMing my friends! I'll be laughed out of the office.

mutheruv4: you're overreacting. And if anyone DOES catch you - fire them. Now stop avoiding the subject. What did HE say?

Mac'n'cheese: He as in Harm?

mutheruv4: Y as in YES.

Mac'n'cheese: jeez, you don't need to be sarcastic.

mutheruv4: When Harm's concerned everything needs to be spelled out for you.

Mac'n'cheese: Ouch

mutheruv4: Oh, get over it - now seriously, what did he say?

Mac'n'cheese: I don't know if I want to tell you any more.

mutheruv4: Maaccc.

Mac'n'cheese: He didn't say anything important okay? He seems bored at work and . . . he also says it's not that cold in London.

mutheruv4: And that's ALL you talked about?

Mac'n'cheese: Hey, I came to you in my weather crisis - and you said the temperature is a thoroughly appropriate subject!

mutheruv4: Appropriate, yes. Interesting - no.

Mac'n'cheese: thanks

mutheruv4: I'm just saying . . .

Mac'n'cheese: I don't want to know what you're saying, Harriet. Frankly, your thoughts scare me.

mutheruv4: Hmm . . . that's what Bud says.

Mac'n'cheese: Look, Harriet - it's good enough that Harm and I are just TALKING. We haven't said two words to each other in months. Even if we are only discussing Vic and the weather - it's at least something.

mutheruv4: Vic?

Mac'n'cheese: Lt. Vukovic

mutheruv4: I KNOW who he is - but did you call him Vic in front of Harm?

Mac'n'cheese: . . . maybe

mutheruv4: boy, Mac, you sure know how to play 'em.

Mac'n'cheese: I beg your pardon!

mutheruv4: never mind.

Mac'n'cheese: I'm not PLAYING Harm!

mutheruv4: of course you're not

Mac'n'cheese: besides, what would Harm care if I called Vukovic Vic?

mutheruv4: I think Harm would care very much.

Mac'n'cheese: that's where you're wrong, Harriet. Harm's moved on.

mutheruv4: Mac, he PROPOSED to you! A man just doesn't move on after something like that!

Mac'n'cheese: he just has

mutheruv4: right, because Harm's never been known for dwelling the past, right?

Mac'n'cheese: Hey, that's mean

mutheruv4: sorry, it's the hormones

Mac'n'cheese: huh?

mutheruv4: I think I might be pregnant again.

Mac'n'cheese: YOU WHAT!

mutheruv4: shh, stop shouting. I can hear you clearly.

Mac'n'cheese: Are you sure?

mutheruv4: I haven't tested yet - but having gotten pregnant four times, I think I might be qualified to say.

Mac'n'cheese: CONGRATULATIONS. Harriet, that's wonderful!

mutheruv4: Yeah, well don't tell Bud yet. I want to make sure before I surprise him.

Trekkie2000 has been added to this conversation

Trekkie2000: Mac, Harriet, you're not supposed to be e-ing during work! The General said . . .

Mac'n'cheese: Harriet's the one that keep's e-ing me!

mutheruv4: oh cut us some slack Bud. I slave away at home all night taking care of your four children while you review case files - and you're telling me that I can't have a tiny conversation with my friend in some of the only peaceful time I get a day!

Mac'n'cheese: Take it easy, Harriet

Trekkie2000: if the General catches you . . .

mutheruv4: fine, but u can make dinner tonight AND pick up AJ from soccer practice.

Mutheruv4 has logged off.

Mac'n'cheese has logged off.

AlmightyGeneral has logged on.

AlmightyGeneral: Commander Roberts! You know the policy on instant messaging during the work hours.

Trekkie2000: yes, sir.

AlmightyGeneral: don't let me catch you doing this again, Commander, or there will be series consequences.

Trekkie2000: yes, sir.

AlmightyGeneral: now bring me the files on the Collins court martial - and fast.

Trekkie2000: yes, sir.

AllmightyGeneral has logged off.

Trekkie2000 has logged off.

Mac'n'cheese has logged on.

Mutheruv4 has logged on.

mutheruv4: don't you just love beating the system?

Mac'n'cheese: Ah, it's my one pleasure of working every day.

mutheruv4: so I'll see you in a week and a half?

Mac'n'cheese: you can count on it - oh, Tiner's calling me. Gotta go.

mutheruv4: Bye.

Mac'n'cheese has logged off.

Mutheruv4 has logged off.

To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney (at) hotmail (dot) com)

From: Sarah Mackenzie (Sarah (dot) Mackenzie (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Subject: Talk to HIM

Hi,

Okay, so Bud caught us e-ing. There's no ban against e-mail in this office, is there? Now, listen, go online tonight at . . . a late hour, because it will be early in the morning or something over in London. And just talk to him okay? The faster you speak, the better the conversation. If you have all this time to type a message (I know you take hours Mac, you hit the delete key almost as much as you hit the lettered ones).

Now, before you press the DELETE button on me – just remember. You're going to see him in London. Don't you want to at least be able to HAVE a conversation that won't start with, "Oh, it's raining."

Harriet

To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney (at) hotmail (dot) com)

From: Sarah Mackenzie (Sarah (dot) Mackenzie (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Subject: I will NOT!

Hi,

I will not even attempt to begin the thousands of reasons that I have NOT to start an online conversation with him. I will mess up, make a fool of myself, or even worse – we'll dive into all those horrible memories that we've spent all these years trying to forget.

Do you think he's just going to wake up one morning and just FORGET that he proposed to me!

I hurt him, Harriet. I hurt him badly. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me for it. I don't know if I'm even ready to forgive myself. Could we just . . . leave it at that for the moment?

When I'm ready to talk to him . . . normally again. I'll let him know . . . and then maybe I'll let you know too. LOL – now seriously, stop e-mailing me, I'm getting nothing done.

Mac

To: Harmon Rabb (Harmon (dot) Rabb (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

From: Sturgis Turner (Sturgis (dot) Turner (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Re: She calls him Vic

Alright, I order you to BREATHE. Follow my lead, buddy. Breathe in . . . and out . . . in . . . and out . . . have you calmed down now? Listen to what I'm about to tell you. Let it go in one ear and STAY THERE.

Vukovic is an ass. Mac does not like asses. Mac does not take to Vukovic, I can't say the same vice versa but the point is: MAC AND VUKOVIC WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

So just chill, will you?

Your friend,

Sturgis

P.S.: will you stop bugging me about my flight? I'll arrive on time, okay?

To: Harmon Rabb (Harmon (dot) rabb (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

From: Sarah Mackenzie (Sarah (dot) Mackenzie (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Re: the conference

Hey,

are you delusional, flyboy? You MISS Vukovic! I miss the NON-Vukovic days. Ah, and so far in the past they were. So – where's the conference going to be held? There's an awful lot of people coming, aren't there? Now that there's more chains of command and everything.

And for god's sake, Harm, your job can't be any more boring than mine can. You sound like Chegwidden – take the comment any way you want to.

Love,

Mac

P.S.: Harriet and the kids are coming with Bud.

P.P.S: I'm online tonight at around eleven (hopefully I'll have all my papers done by then) and . . . I don't know what time that is for you in London but . . . whatever, doesn't matter.

Harm's Journal

July 17, 2005 –

Good lord, she drives me crazy. And I mean it very literally in the best way possible.

She's going to be on at eleven o'clock her time. The time difference is eight hours. I'll have to wake up at SEVEN o'clock. Ugh, I swear . . . I'll have to drag out that alarm clock that Jean got me for my birthday (in a not-so-subtle way of hinting that I should be on time more. I mean, jeez, you're late for ONE date and she gets all uptight . . . okay, it was the two hours kind of late, but the night before I'd come back from Russia. I was beat.)

I should be worried. Seriously, I should. I mean, not about Jean. Jean's just fine. I mean about Mac and me. It's been ages since we've seen each other. Which, I'm too split on deciding whether that's good or bad. I bet I sound terrible. But she REJECTED me. I . . . I was ready to take the next step and . . . I've never asked anyone else to go as far with me as I did with Mac. Didn't she realize that? I just don't want to split in two again. I'm too damn tired of getting my heart broken continually.

And I know that too. All Mac's ever given me is heartbreak. Well, no – that's not true. Friendship. She's given me friendship and heartbreak. She's been different – don't ask me how, I couldn't tell you. From the moment I met her, EVERYTHING was different. The first day we knew each other I FELT like I could tell her anything. And for a guy that usually has is guard up 24/7, that's pretty different.

And don't think just because you know, I got used to her being around all the time that anything was any different. Every second that flew buy felt like an all new moment, a whole new experience as long as I was with her. And she had the unbelievable ability to coax out the strangest emotions from me. I mean, one smile at another guy she had my ugly green monster rearing its evil fangs internally whereas one smile towards ME on the other hand could melt me into a puddle.

Who is she AND WHERE DID SHE COME FROM? She looks like a goddess, she's as smart as a whip, and what can I say? She knows how to push all the right buttons and at the right time. And, sure, it infuriates me. No, nix that, it annoys the hell out of me. But I tend to look at it this way – if ANYONE is going to aggravate me to the extent that Mac does, it better be her.

Twisted logic? Yes, I do believe it is. Ugh, I've got to go to bed now – if I even stand a chance getting up in time to talk to Mac. Why does she do this to me, Lord? She knows I can't get up on time if my life depended on it. Why does she wish to torture me? Because . . . and I grin at myself as I write these following words:

Because she's Mac.

To: Sturgis Turner (Sturgis (dot) Turner (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

From: Harmon Rabb (Harmon (dot) Rabb (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Subject: new problem

Hi,

Okay, forget about Vukovic (or Vic as Mac would say). I'm onto a fresh new crisis. I'm supposed to meet Mac online tomorrow morning!

Your desperate friend,

Harm

P.S: you so will not arrive on time. You'll get hung up at the airport, your flight will depart late, arrive even later, you won't be able to get a taxi and then you'll come into the conference room drenched in rain and insufferably tardy.

To: Harmon Rabb (Harmon (dot) Rabb (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

From: Sturgis Turner (Sturgis (dot) Turner (at) theJAGoffice (dot) com)

Re: new problem

Okay, so let me get this straight: you e-mail me in your pre-midlife-crisis to scream and rant about how a girl you don't even TALK to anymore, that you haven't seen in a whole YEAR, calls some guy who you know she doesn't like by an abbreviation of his last name – WHICH, if you remember, my severely deluded friend, you call Mac by – an ABBREVIATION OF HER LAST NAME.

So now you've moved on to your new emotional disaster: you're meeting her online.

Forgive me if I don't see the problem,

Sturgis

P.S: my god, you make Kurt Cobain look like the world's greatest optimist. I will make it on time, okay?

A/N: New chapter (okay well old) will be posted on . . . saturday maybe. Or Friday. I don't know . . . when I get around to it.