A/N: Wow, eleventh chapter. That means . . . we're halfway through from where I stopped. Mwahahahaha. Wow, i'm evilly laughing a lot these days. Kinda hard on the throat.
The Meaning of War
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
OH MY GOD! I'm so happy for you! You're in love with him, aren't you?
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
I am in no such thing.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Mac, that email PROVES there's chemistry between the two of you!
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
It proves nothing. Now this is a seminar that we're SUPPOSED to be listening to! Jesus, Harriet, could you be any more obvious? Sturgis has been staring at you from across the room ever since you started e-ing me. And if Sturgis can see it, I bet you everyone else can too.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Jeez, chill will you, girl? It doesn't matter if Sturgis is staring at me or the whole freaking Navy. You and Harm!
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Harriet! Drop it!
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Merely pointing out the obvious. But I'll drop it if you want me to. No sense in things being rushed. Now after this seminar, why don't you and I go get a bight to eat? If you have no seminars this afternoon, then we can go shopping!
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
You think it's right to just ditch the guys? I mean, I know THEY won't want to come shopping. And what are you going to do about the kids? Dump them all on Bud? . . . Not that I'm not loving the idea.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Aw, come on, Mac. Bud is Bud and it's good for him to spend a little quality time with the kids – just as good as it is for me to spend a little without them. And, besides, I need to spend a little quality time with my best friend. And we're in LONDON, Mac! LONDON! Let's hit the shopping mall as fast as we can! Come on, we'll have lunch in that café that Harm showed us yesterday and then max out our credit cards.
Live a little,
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
Alright, you've convinced me. But one thing – we HAVE to stop in one of those funky brand t-shirt stands. You know, where they have all those stupid and rude sayings. Yeah, we HAVE to get one of those. It wouldn't be a vacation without one.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: DINNER!
You didn't shop much as a child, did you?
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com), Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: AJ Chegwidden (admiral(dot)aj(dot)chegwidden(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: e-mailing
Hello Ladies,
Now, if you would kindly store away your supposedly work-related blackberries back into your bags perhaps you stand a chance of listening to this seminar rather than chatting through it. Now please, as senior officers, I expect more from you.
Admiral AJ Chegwidden
To: AJ Chegwidden (admiral(dot)aj(dot)chegwidden(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: e-mailing
Yes sir.
To: AJ Chegwidden (admiral(dot)aj(dot)chegwidden(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: e-mailing
Yes, sir.
To: Harmon Rabb (harmon(dot)rabb(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Bud Roberts (bud(dot)roberts(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: Busted
Did you see the look on both Harriet and Mac's face just now? Red as tomatoes. I think their cover just got blown.
Bud
To: Bud Roberts (bud(dot)roberts(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harmon Rabb (harmon(dot)rabb(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Busted
Slow down there, sci-fi boy. Busted by who?
Harm
To: Harmon Rabb (harmon(dot)rabb(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Bud Roberts (bud(dot)roberts(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Busted
The Admiral! Look! The Admiral's got HIS blackberry out and the girls are putting THEIRS away. Is this one backwards world or what? Jeez, they need to learn to be discrete.
Bud
To: Harmon Rabb (harmon(dot)rabb(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com), Bud Roberts (bud(dot)roberts(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: AJ Chegwidden (admiral(dot)aj(dot)chegwidden(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: SENIOR OFFICERS
Now Gentlemen,
As I just reminded the ladies, you are SENIOR OFFICERS. Put away those damned things and pay attention! I am no longer your CO but I'm sure General Cresswell would be very interested in the procedures of his staff and their supposedly crucial communication between each other in what is clearly NOT a social activity!
Roberts, I expected better of you. Rabb . . . I thought I stamped this out of you when I left.
Admiral AJ Chegwidden
To: Bud Roberts (bud(dot)roberts(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harmon Rabb (harmon(dot)rabb(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Busted
(cough, cough) – you were saying?
Harm
To: General Gordon Creswell (general(dot)gordon(dot)creswell(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: AJ Chegwidden (admiral(dot)aj(dot)chegwidden(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Aww, we did good by them, didn't we?
AJ
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: where are you?
Okay, I lost you around the make up section. Where are you? I'm looking at jean jackets at the moment but you're no where in sight. This store is HUGE! I mean, look – it's the middle of the day and it's jam packed! Can you even begin to imagine what this would be like on a Saturday afternoon? But, God, these clothes are soooo gorgeous!
Aren't we just the luckiest that Bud agreed to take the kids? 'Cause as soon as you said shopping, I thought AJ would never let go of your leg. Lucky for Bud that Harm jumped in with the possibility of visiting the science museum. All I can say, Harriet, is that you'll have four terrifically smart kids by the time we get back. Between Bud and Harm in a SCIENCE museum, you'll have a set of young Einsteins on your hands.
Now where are you? I need you tell me if this jacket looks good on me.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: where are you?
Oh, believe me – Bud has TRIED to take the kids to the Science Museum back home many times. It's only when their Uncle Harm suggests it that they get interested. LOL, I bet Bud's pissed. Shame we didn't stick around and get to find out. And please don't joke with me on the Einstein subject, the last thing I need is four children asking more questions than they ALREADY do. AJ's going to be a philosopher I tell you. Either that or a psychologist, answering questions only with questions themselves.
Now as for my location, I'm in the shoe section. Dammit, I can't even SEE the jean jacket rack. Why don't we just . . . meet by customer service! That's it – do you see the big bold lettered sign at the front that says CUSTOMER SERVICE? You can't miss it – I'll meet you there (trying on the cutest pair of boots).
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: where are you?
I see it . . . I see it . . . okay, I see you! And you're standing right next to . . . oh no . . .
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Subject: sorry
I've said I'm sorry like a million times already! I had no idea this was the store Jean was working at, honestly! And do you think that if I had I would have ever intentionally MET her? I like her about as much as you do! Maybe even less . . .
And it was soooo not my fault that she offered to show us around the store. You agreed, remember? AND she can get us DISCOUNTS. Look on the bright side, that jean jacket looks awesome on you.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: sorry
WHAT does Harm see in her? I mean HONESTLY. She's about as deep as the profound lyrics of a Britney Spears song. I mean, COME ON. She's chatting about leotards! I have never heard so many brand names thrown at me at once. She's a freaking life-size Barbie!
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: sorry
Aw, I've missed spending time with you, Mac . . . a little shopping, a little gossiping, and good old fashioned bitching. I've tried with Bud but it just doesn't work the same way.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: sorry
So glad to be of service . . . oh my god, she just asked her manager for the afternoon off! Please say no, please say no, please say no . . . damn. Okay, I am prepared to faint. And then you have to wheel me off back to the hotel, okay? Pretty please? You know I'd do the same for you.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: sorry
Mac, you're looking at this all the wrong way! We pressed Harm for info on Jean and we might as well have been talking to a wall for all that we got. But Pants is so chatty! We'll get the whole scoop in like three seconds flat. The more info you have, the more you can use against her. Now come on, let's go out to lunch. I have a feeling that as soon as she loosens those jaws up for food, they'll spew out anything.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: sorry
Beautiful pictures you're painting in my mind. Truly. Now stop e-ing me. Pants is looking suspicious.
Mac
Same Time
China Garden Restaurant
Mac's POV
Jean giggled loudly and shrilly, snapping her chopsticks together on her plate. I catch some disturbing glances that are being sent our way but do my best to ignore them. How could I let Harriet talk me into this? This woman was absolutely REPULSIVE and I did not just mean that because she was dating Harm . . . I didn't.
She was loud, and girly, and all . . . ugh. I mean, how can Harm even LIKE that. I mean, I can't tolerate it for one LUNCH period and Harm's been with her for . . . how long?
"So how long have you and Harm been together?" Harriet asked, leaning over slightly.
Ah, Harriet . . . it's times like these I really believe in telepathic messages. I turn to Jean with a stare (read: glare) that can only be compared to that of a human x-ray. I'm really beginning to appreciate all that the Admiral's taught me at my time at JAG.
"Um, let's see," Jean screws up her face in though, mentally calculating. "I guess . . . maybe . . . seven months? Or eight?"
"What month did you meet in?" I helped slyly. Harriet shot me a look that very clearly said 'If Harm was here, he would put a stop to this'. So what if I am taking discrete shots at her intelligence level? It's not like SHE'S smart enough to know it.
"Well, anyways – is it serious?" Harriet butted in before Jean could answer. This WAS the important question after all. Harriet barely seemed to be able to contain her excitement. I, on the other hand, having realized that I was currently lunching with Harm's present girlfriend, and the fact that she drives me nuts, was much less enthusiastic.
Jean looked thoughtful. "Um . . . yes. I think so."
"You mean you haven't actually spoken about it?" Harriet asks in surprise, stretching out her words. I shoot her a glare but she waves it off. Besides, I guess I want to know where this is going too.
"Oh, well, you know Harm," Jean rambled on, diving into her carton of pork something-or-other, "he's not much of a talker. All about the action."
I gagged on my noodles. HARM not much of a talker? ACTION? I have known the man for the last ten freaking years and all we've ever DONE was talked! No . . . no, she can't know him at all. She must be confusing herself with some other Harm . . . oh ya, because it's such a common name, my traitorous brain says. And I don't even WANT to know what "action" she is referring too. This conversation is OVER.
"Well, we best be going," I said quickly, as we neared the end of our meals. "We promised the guys we'd be back early to help them take care of the kids." I'm lying through my teeth.
"Oh, yes, well then – I suppose I'll see you soon," Jean stood up with us as Harriet and I scrambled to get our shopping bags. "Oh, and Mac, I almost forgot to ask you – how did your night with Harm go last night?"
Now, there were many ways to take on this question: head first, being honest and truthful and admitting to the fact that it was, well . . . in our usual fashion, let's just say – a complete and total surprise but not necessarily an unwanted one. Or . . . I could tell some wildly romantic tale that would have Jean both drooling and snarling in jealousy. But of course, it's really no choice.
"It was . . . good," I said, failing dismally at any chance for a REAL story. "It was fun. He took me to the carnival."
"That's nice." Jean's smiling, damn her. I went out with her BOYFRIEND last night, and said I had a GOOD time and she's not taking me seriously at all! Does she not think that I'm a potential threat to her? Look at me! I'm . . . oh god, please tell me I at least LOOK like I have a shot with him . . .
And then – just like that – she says the absolute WORST thing possible. "Well, it's nice to see that you and Harm can still be friendly, considering what you've gone through."
Ahem, WHAT have we gone through? How would SHE know? Harm didn't tell her about our . . . past, did he? Dammit, did he? I mean, I don't go around telling people about Harm and I. I mean, I don't think even Harriet knows the whole thing, and dammit – she's the person I've told the most to. I can't believe Harm would just fly across the world and tell the first girl he meets about us!
The smile on my face is sickeningly sweet – to the point of a grimace. "And, um, what is it that we've gone through, per say?"
I try to sound nice but I do a piss poor job of pulling it off. Luckily Jean is not the brightest and does not pick up on that vibe.
"You know . . ." Jean rolls her eyes like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Separating and then going half a world away! It's so great that you can still talk to each other like you do!"
And she flashes me a fake smile. And it was then that I realized something that I should have long before. Something that I DID realize but did not take seriously. She saw me as no threat. And this could only mean one thing . . .
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: Pants
This means war.
Mac
A/N: POLL TIME! Alright, scale of 1 - 10. How much do you all hate Pants right now?