Chapter Six: D isn't the focus if you squint:

She'd been reading so long that the print had started to blur. It was a complete bitch reading twelve type Times New Roman when you'd been at it six hours. She couldn't even rely on cigars anymore because she could no longer taste them. Her mouth felt like a canyon. She pushed her glasses up and rubbed at her eyes. She heard someone knocking on the heavy wood of her office door. She tilted her head back, sighed and then righted herself.

"Come in." She looked human by the time the door was open. It was one of the younger secretaries.

"This note just came from Captain Bernadotte, Ma'am." The girl was fairly fresh out of high school, attractive but a bit of a dreamer.

"Thank you Sarah." She flushed, pleased that Integra had remembered her name.

The silly chit didn't know that Integra remembered everybody's names. It was her business to know. She even knew that the girl was crushing madly on one of the Geese, a womaniser called Jareth. The only thing that had stopped him sleeping through the typing pool was Walter. Walter didn't approve of ungentlemanly behaviour.

Although, from the way the girl kept mooning over the men in uniform, perhaps she did.

Sarah left quietly and Integra was left with Pip's missive. It was slightly more colourful than usual.

Sir Hellsing,

Seras included D in tonight's war game. He doesn't follow orders too well. I've been told Seras had to take him down a peg or two and did it in front of five other guys. They're trying to get him pissed as we speak so they're either ok with him or they're hoping to get laid. Maybe getting henpecked and plastered will get him to tow line more. In any case he can tag along with us the next time we go out. That stick up his ass doesn't slow him down too much.

Oh yes, you and I won the betting pool again. Seras was the only survivor and she took me down with a bullet in the brainpan. Squish. D took two hits before he was out. Might want to remember that for future rounds, hey?

Well, I have to go and try hopelessly to get Seras to love me. Her tits look fantastic tonight, don't tell Alucard.

With great dedication,

Pip Bernadotte (Sex God)

Integra didn't know why she let Pip get away with his unique brand of information trading. She thought it might have something to do with how much money they won collectively on office gambling. She was slightly worried that it meant she was going slowly mad. Not enough to stop. She needed something more than Alexander Anderson breaking up the boredom of bureaucracy.

The door opened again and Integra ignored it. There was only one person that was actually allowed to enter without express permission. Walter put down a cup of tea next her paperwork. A strange impulse compelled her to raise her head and look at the man. He'd been with Hellsing since long before she'd been born. He was like part of the woodwork. He was probably the only member of staff that she didn't keep close tabs on. He smiled and bowed politely, then turned to leave.

"Walter?" Integra almost felt a younger version of herself speak but knew he wouldn't hold it against her.

"Yes ma'am?"

"You know, I don't think I ever thank you enough for all the work you do in this madhouse." Integra rested her chin against her steepled hands. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Walter stiffened perceptibly and Integra realised that her impetuous sentimentality probably meant a lot to him. It was interesting that she was so perceptive, yet had missed such a simple thing. Strange when you thought about it. She didn't know it but the wheels of fate were spun on such small observations. Integra didn't believe in all that crap. If she'd been feeling more philosophical she might have noticed that ignoring a good employee might bite you in the ass later. She wasn't, so none of it matters much.

"Thank you, ma'am." Walter bowed politely. "I have something I would like to discuss with you, if you have a moment."

Elsewhere the wine was flowing.

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It took Pip a good half hour to convince Seras to drink vodka. Since becoming a reluctant blood-drinker it seemed that she couldn't eat food. She refused to even try. Vodka wasn't food though and if Seras had chosen to bite any of the men in her company at that present moment ("Hypothetically Seras, I meant hypothetically!") she'd have been ingesting a great deal of it along with their red stuff. So that meant that vodka was ok and didn't count as a food because it could be present in blood.

"Oh, I guess that's alright then. Wait, what did I just agree to?"

Seras was no match for flawed logic.

D was already participating in a drinking competition in the corner with Jareth. Jareth fortunately lacked D's constitution so it was doubtful that his virtue would be compromised. Sam, Dean and Winchester kept egging them on, even as Jareth tipped alarmingly off his seat and hit the dirty floor with a loud thump. The three men paused and then kept shouting.

"Scull! Scull! Scull!"

"Shut up, would you." D downed another shot. "You wouldn't last a minute out on the frontier."

"What, with cowboys and Indians?"

"What is an Indian? We've only got werewolves and shit." It seemed that hard liquor made D's vocab a lot more fun.

Seras sipped at her vodka cruiser. When the first was gone Pip bought her another. Then he bought himself three fingers of whiskey for courage. Things pretty much degenerated from there.

"Hey, how did we end up in the tower of London?" Seras drunkenly leaned on an equally pissed Pip.

"I can see my house from here!" Dean said whilst precariously leaning over a stone ledge.

D was walking on top of the battlements, bobbing up and down with the geometric pattern of the blocks. Jareth had passed out on the way in but Winchester was just managing to keep up with him.

"Sheras, Cherie, Sheras, you're gorgeoush, you do know you're gorgeoush?"

Pip tripped over one of the bottles that Winchester had dropped, taking himself and Seras out in the process. Seras started to laugh louder than was appropriate. The she and Pip started shushing each-other, index fingers wavering across their noses. D ran past them again and Winchester jumped over their legs.

"Not gorgeous, just have big tits," Seras used her hands to demonstrate, "S'only reason why anybody ever talks to me."

Sam was slightly less drunk but was still watching them both with his mouth open. Seras certainly did have fantastic breasts. He had to lean against a wall so he could truly appreciate their magnitude and unrealistic perkiness. D was running back along the wall again with Winchester still hot on his heels. He caught his left boot on Sam's elbow and went sailing over the side.

"You motherfucker!" he yelled on the way down.

Pip and Seras fell over each-other in their haste to stand up again. Then they fell over Winchester who had kept running for a little while and had to double back. Then they looked down towards D. He was lying on the ground.

"I'm ok!" he gave them a thumb up.

They had to remind Seras to use the stairs before she went down to check on him.

"I'm walking you home D, you'f had enough." Seras pulled D to his feet like she was hauling a rag-doll, "Home it ish."

Pip staggered behind and the others remained to pick up all the weapons they'd left scattered all over the place.

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You may remember that Lefty knew D had some power of persuasion over Seras. What you may not know is that D is usually aware of what Lefty was doing at any given time. Except for when he's not in complete control of all his mental faculties, such as one is when under the influence of alcohol.

Yes, Oh dear indeed.

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Left-hand was feeling slightly disgruntled. D was still ignoring him even more than usual, all because he'd made some new human friends. Damn human lover. He didn't even have Seras to entertain him because D had him clutching her shoulder. When she did come into view all he could see was her back. Her uniform-clad back that only had a waist to entertain him and no other curvy bits what-so-ever. He started to huff, bored out of his wits.

"I wish you'd turn around, Seras."

D lurched suddenly and then lefty had a face full of Seras' shirt. She started jabbering and D responded colourlessly. He couldn't hear them through the fabric but he could feel softness underneath him. Hello, there. It seemed that a drunken D gave over more control to his technically-parasitic body buddy. It was hardly surprising that D could exert influence given his relationship to her sire. That he had some power though... power in excess of making sarcastic remarks, eating things and embarrassing D…

Now that was an excellent idea.

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Seras must have been more legless than Pip had originally thought. She was acting weird, turning around at odd moments, skipping or hopping. She'd even spun on her heels at one point and almost run into him. She'd looked as confused as all hell too. She'd even started stuttering apologies and the shutting up before she'd completed them. If she blushed any more he thought her head would explode. By the time they entered the Hellsing mansion again she was clutching at her shirt and shivering like mad. Pip and D were trying to hold her up at that stage.

D was looking worried that she'd been possessed or poisoned.

"Serash, is anything wrong, Cherie?" Pip waved a hand in front of her eyes.

She flinched as D extended an arm towards her. When she turned her head toward him, body firmly in the opposite direction, her eyes were almost entirely black. D smoothed his hand along her shoulder, looking more closely at her face. Pip followed suit. She flushed even harder under their scrutiny. She wasn't foaming at the mouth, her skin held no burst capillaries or unusual discolouration. As Pip fought to focus his attention he thought he heard mumbling.

"Take off your shirt. Come on, do it. Take it off."

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D started to clench his hand but it was too late. Seras went rigid and pressed her fingers between the buttons of her shirt. After that she pulled. D decided to stop paying attention to her clothes because it was likely to make her angry in the future. He heard, rather than saw, buttons hitting the floor. Seras softened and then looked down. Pip started muttering praise and obscenities in French. Although he was trying not look, D could see her magnificent bosom in his peripheral vision. Blood that didn't move much was starting to flow again. For some reason it allowed his head to clear enough for a few un-slurred words to make their way into open air.

"You parasitic son of a bitch, stop whatever the hell it is you are doing right now."

Left hand started sniggering. Seras shifted her focus back to him and her chest began to heave. Her lips drew together and her brows furrowed. She crossed her arms across her chest, pushing her breasts higher. Seras started to sway. Pip was trying to steady her but she kept shrugging him off. D backed up slightly as a sudden light entered her eyes. He had seen that expression on the faces of many a female that had desired him. It scared the shit out of him.

His left hand would not stop giggling.

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Seras felt out of sorts. Normally she avoided men, as much as one could in a male dominated profession. She wasn't comfortable with sex. Sex. Funny word. She could barely think it without blushing. Strange thoughts were filtering into her head and they sounded old. It was like dust was settling over her brain. Oldy, mouldy, dusty dust.

"Pip, Harry, I feel sick."

"Oh look," said a voice unlike her own, "D is standing right over there."

D? Wait, Harry, why was she doing this to Har…

Oh, oh, D! D who looked so much like her master, master's estranged son. He was really tall and she told him so. Much taller than her and she was also tall. She leant into his chest and used her hand to mark her height. She came up to his clavicles. They were so sharply defined that she could run her finger up and down them. Up and down, up and down.

D pushed her away gently and she swooned. It was like walking through water. Normally she was really coordinated. She could run and carry heavy things and catch things and… Her head hurt. D had cold skin. Seras pressed her aching forehead against his chest with a sigh of relief. That felt better, her headache was gone. D moved backwards again and Seras followed, just so it wouldn't hurt so badly. If she kissed him would it stop hurting forever? Something told her that it would.

She thought she could hear something within the background noise.

"Give me a knife,"

"What? What are you doing to her?"

"Not me doing it."

D wrapped his arms around her. He had something in his right hand.

"Don't panic, Seras."

"Do you have cotton in your mouth? You sound so far awaaaaayyyy." Words slurred and her mouth stopped working too well.

D made a jerking motion that pushed his elbows into her sides. Seras' vision cleared.

She was clutching her Master's son and she was topless. In front of Pip. Topless.

Oh God.

Harry's left hand was bleeding profusely.

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When Alucard heard Seras scream like a bansidhe he went to her side immediately. The first thing he noticed was the smell of alcohol. The second was Seras' state of undress. The third was D and all of his blood on the hardwood. Pip kept getting in the way of him noticing these things.

"Get out, Police Girl."

Seras didn't hear him the first time; she just clutched at her head and cried out weakly. Pip put an arm around her but kept his eyes hardened on her Master. D pulled an army blade from his hand and threw it on the floor.

"I told you to get out of this room, Seras." This time her glassy eyes swivelled towards him.

"Yes Master." The sound was broken.

Pip helped drag her out of the room. Alucard turned his attention towards his son.

"I am going to kill you," he said, "With my bare hands."

"Can you wait until I stop vomiting?" D said and then emptied his stomach all over his father's shoes.