A/N: Heh… funny story, guys. I seriously, no lie, thought Christmas was Tuesday instead of Monday … my little sister clarified this matter for me later, but I was unable to update in time so … well, here it is now.
Feel free to crucify me in reviews.
I deserve it.
Here is Gone
1032
Harm's Apartment
Mac's POV
"Hey, guys, why don't you watch TV in my bedroom? Aunt Mac's still sleeping …"
I rolled over on the couch, burying my head in the pillows. I heard the scrambling of little feet across the wooden floor followed by a string of childish giggles, and though still in a semi-slumberous state, coaxed a smile to my lips.
I felt someone lift my legs up from the end of the couch and I opened my eyes to see Harm sit down on the farthest cushion, delicately placing my legs over his lap. I shivered slightly. Harm's hand grazed my bare leg.
"Hey stranger," I said, and Harm smiled in response. I moved to sit up, and Harm released my legs. I pushed my hand down over my hair, desperately trying to tame my standing locks. Harm watched me with a semi-amused grin. I rolled my eyes. "What time is it?"
Harm's eyes flew to the wall clock. "Ten thirty-five."
I looked up in surprise. "Wow … I slept in …"
Harm smiled sympathetically, "You've been working hard."
"Not really … not anymore than usual, anyway."
Harm's eyes could not seem to pull away from me. I stared back, with a defiant sort of elegance. It had been a long time since I'd seen those eyes. What was that look he was giving me? That message he was trying to convey. Could it possibly be … no … it couldn't …could it?
Harm broke our gaze, turning away suddenly. "Here … I'll get you some coffee."
"Thanks," I said, looking down. My heart seemed to pound.
He looked at me for one second longer, and then gently touched my knee as he stood up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. I clasped my hands, my skin seemed to burn. Why had his touching my leg felt so strangely intimate?
I looked away. You said no to HIM, remember? YOU said NO to HIM.
… Why was that again?
Flashback to a Year Ago
My hands run themselves up and down his arms. My expression is dead serious. Harm sighs, and I follow suit. The weight against me is crushing. I tilt my head down in defeat, leaning my forehead against his. I look up to meet a pair of perfectly blue eyes. I'm crumbling.
"I don't want you to leave the Navy, Harm."
There's a change in his eyes. He releases a slow and shaky breath, one of his hands taking the liberty of running itself up and down my back. Our eyes never break the bridge they've built. "And I don't want you to leave the Marine Corp, Mac."
Both statements seem to hit us hard. The crossroad. We had to have known it was coming … how could we not?
End Flashback
"Mac?"
I looked over. "Oh," I said, and gently took the coffee cup from his hands. "Thanks."
He sat down next to me. The awkward silence dominated. "What were you thinking about?" he asked softly.
I looked up. "Sorry?"
"What were you thinking about … just now …?"
I opened my mouth to speak and then realized … I didn't quite know what to say. I paused, and then decisively relented. How much damage could the truth possibly do? "I was thinking about the night before you left to London and I left to San Diego."
Harm looked slightly caught off guard. Clearly that was not the response he had been expecting. His eyes met mine, analyzing me carefully. "Do you think about it a lot?"
It was my turn to receive an unexpected question. I couldn't help but look at him. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Nerves seemed to take over my body. I nodded my head slowly. "Yeah," I whispered in response. "I can't help it."
Harm exhaled. It suddenly struck me that we were quite terribly close. He touched my hand gently. I withdrew as though electrocuted. He stared at me, and I flashed him an apologetic look. I replaced my hand in his, and he squeezed it . "You're my best friend, Mac."
I felt my throat tighten. "You're mine too, Harm."
This was becoming an almost unbearably emotional conversation. His eyes were a very deep blue. My whole body seemed to tense. Can someone please tell me what this is? Why am I feeling this way? I rejected him. I turned down an offer I can't begin to even comprehend. Is this it? Is this all I'm ever going to get? Is this all me and Harm are ever going to amount to be? Best friends?
Because that's not enough any more.
I looked away. Why does everything just have to be so goddamn hard?
"Mac."
Harm's voice is unbearably soft. I didn't turn to look at him. "Leave me alone," I whispered.
"Mac," Harm stretched. I refused to look over. "Come on … talk to me …"
"I just …" my voice was breaking. I'm breaking. "I just can't do it anymore, Harm."
Harm's voice strikes me as so pure and so innocent. "Can't do what, Mac?"
"I can't do this!" I screamed in frustration. I turned around to face him. "You … me … this friendship. I just can't do it anymore, Harm. We leave each other on terrible circumstances. We don't talk for a year. And then what … we're back to being best friends? Harm, stuff just doesn't work that way!"
I suddenly feel so tired, though I'd just woken up. "It's been years, Harm. Years. Years of screaming at each other, and fighting with each other, and ignoring each other, and hurting each other and …and I'm still …"
I stopped.
Harm's voice comes out tentative and soft. "You're still what, Mac?"
I froze. What do I say …?
Harm approaches me cautiously, as though I might explode. His eyes explore mine, with a profound understanding of exactly how I work … down to the very last ticker of my internal clock.
He stood in front of me, his head bent low so that every word he spoke case a soft breath upon my lips. "You're still what … Mac?"
I feel completely 100 percent entranced by his lips. They looks so soft … and his eyes, a deep blue. I seem to tremble beneath his gaze. "I still feel …" I begin, but to the end sentence seems suddenly too difficult.
Harm moves closer, if even possible. As close as he can get without touching me. He moves his lips slowly towards mine, as though we're about to kiss. His eyes seem to gently flutter shut. "You still feel what … Mac?"
I can feel his breath upon my lips. The entire experience is intoxicating. "I still feel …"
My knees are weak. His hand gently brushes my thigh, once again forcefully reminding me that I'm wearing sleeping shorts. It suddenly seemed to strike me how incredibly undressed I was. I shivered through the heat. The heat emanating from Harm's body … from my body … from the fire roasting beneath his mantle …
The whole experience leaves me spinning.
"I still feel …"
"You still feel what?"
If his lips got any closer, they'd be on my own. The electricity between us shocks me to the core. I'd forgotten how good this felt … how right this felt … the perfection that was our chemistry.
"I still feel …" I murmured, his lips barely a centimeter from mine. "I still feel the way I felt when we …"
"Aunty Mac! Uncle Harm!"
We broke apart as though violently shocked. I felt my skin burn bright red, the effect of any and all embarrassment inflicted upon me. Harm regained composure far faster than I did. He stepped back. "Hey, AJ, what do you want, kiddo?"
"Come play scrabble with me!" AJ begged, grinning. "Pleeeeease. Jimmy doesn't know that many words."
Harm smiled, and patted AJ on the back. "Sure, buddy. We'll be there in a sec. Just give me and Aunt Mac a moment, okay?"
"Sure," AJ said companionably, and ran back into the next room.
"He's such a great kid," Harm said softly, still staring in AJ's direction. "He's really grown up since the last time I saw him … I just still can't believe he's sev – Hey, where are you going?"
He turned back to me as he saw me grabbing my pillows off the couch.
"I just … I think – I think I'm gonna get changed and grab a quick shower," I said, and bit down on my tongue. Why do I always have to stutter? And why is my skin so goddamn red?
"Um …" Harm said, hand lightly scratching the back of his head. "Okay … we'll talk later?"
My breath caught in my throat. "Yeah," I whispered. His blue eyes were back to staring at me. "Later. We'll talk … later."
And I stumbled out of the hallway and into Harm's bathroom.
Later …
But how much later?
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Subject: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Harriet … I'm in trouble. I think … I don't know what I think. I don't know what to do. Harriet, I'm lost. I'm emailing you from inside Harm's bathtub, for god's sake.
Help me.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Oh no … you didn't see him naked again, did you?
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
No … but, Harriet, I think Harm might return feelings for me …
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
MAC. THAT'S GREAT! CONGRATS.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
But Harriet … he lives in LONDON. LONDON FREAKING ENGLAND. This is NOT great. I'm finally ready for a serious relationship with a guy who may just return my feelings and he lives in LONDON.
WHAT PART OF THIS IS GREAT?
P.S: sorry for shouting.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Just leave it to me.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Harriet …tell me what you're doing …
Now.
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Just enjoy yourself. Leave everything to me.
Harriet
To: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
From: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
Jeezus, I hate it when you get all superior on me. :p
P.S: How's little William doing?
Mac
To: Sarah Mackenzie (sarah(dot)mackenzie(at)theJAGoffice(dot)com)
From: Harriet Sims (ih8barney(at)hotmail(dot)com)
Re: Harriet … I'm in trouble …
It's JORDIE.
Harriet
A/N: Thanks for all the positive feedback last time, guys. I also really liked those suggestions people left. If any of you have suggestions for the plot line, please don't hesitate to ask in a review/personal message/ or email. Whatever's better for you.
You may be wondering why I titled this chapter Here Is Gone … well, today for Christmas I got "Gutterflower" by the Goo Goo Dolls and I was listening to it just now when I was writing the chapter, and they have this great track on it called "Here is Gone", and I just couldn't resist naming the chapter that.
Just in case you were wondering.