Notice: elements of mild shoujo-ai ahead, so for those who are not fans of the genre…
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Claus and the royal escort continued down the hall until they reached the last intersection. They then made a right turn, in the direction of the banquet hall, when who should they meet walking in the opposite direction, but Tatiana, Alistia and Alvis, all heading home after having helped Lavie prepare for the upcoming event with the one who had confessed to her, albeit indirectly. But Claus had no knowledge of that.
"Girls!"
Claus greeted the three, surprised to see them here today. He had run into Tatiana and Alistia just this past Tuesday, but he hadn't seen Alvis since she had started regular schooling about two weeks ago. Neither did they expect to run into him, since they (Tatiana in particular) thought they had left early enough to avoid crossing paths. For each of the three, and for different reasons, and at various levels of intensity, their hearts suddenly beat faster.
Tatiana suddenly found her breath caught in her throat, as she had barely had time to sort her feelings out over his comments regarding his hoped-for relationship with Lavie. And now, here he was, in living color, a few feet away from her. She felt her cheeks begin to warm, as she responded to his presence.
'Seeing him so soon after… How cruel, fate?'
Alistia smiled warmly, her soft brown eyes sparkling as she acknowledged him.
"Hello, Claus."
"Hi, Claus!"
Alvis chirped. Seeing her "big brother" with such a surprised smile on his face, and not a look of concern, or worry, made her so very happy, and now that she knew that things would be even better for him and Lavie, she could barely contain herself. Claus knelt, and she nearly leapt into his arms, hugging him warmly, pecking his cheek, and then turned her face slightly so that he could plant a kiss on hers. The security she felt while in his embrace was a real, palpable thing.
If not for him, she would likely not even be alive.
Until fairly recently, she'd still had dreams, very bad dreams as a result of her ordeal, dreams of being captured by the starships, dreams of being shot out of the sky while fleeing her captors, dreams of the earth rushing up to meet them as they crashed. She hadn't really understood the nature of her gift with regard to the Mysteria, why it had to have been her of all people, and unleashing the tremendous amount of power that had resurrected Exile still frightened her, in retrospect.
Indeed, her whole world had collapsed after first understanding and becoming aware of Gita's sacrifice, as that one took the shrapnel as she shielded the child with her own body, and then Ralph died trying to protect her, detonating his vanship in order to stop that pursuer. For one so young, to have stood face to face with death as it grasped at her, now and again, with ever more ferocity…
She had been so afraid that Claus would also be taken from her in similar fashion, or even worse, that he would abandon her in the face of the great danger he'd had to overcome in order to protect her.
But he had kept his promise to her, and had delivered her from evil. He had come to her rescue, then, and many times after, following her to the Sylvana and beyond, even, to look after her. For her sake he threw himself into the fray, not quite knowing if he would make it through himself, in one piece. Many times, in the face of danger, she had looked up at him, into his eyes, and had seen only determination and resolve. No, he would never abandon her.
He was her hero.
And she didn't know it yet, but one day, a few years from now, she would search for someone with many of those same characteristics, ingrained mannerisms that were such an integral part of his character, her beloved "big brother". She would be fortunate indeed if she was successful in finding one who came even close.
"Hello, Al. Have you been good?"
Claus was always happy to see her, the bond between them as strong as one of blood, given what they had been through together. Just to play with her a bit, however, he jokingly asked her that question.
Almost reluctantly, she disengaged her arms from around his neck, clear hazel eyes blinking as she pulled back to look into his own, finding warmth, trust, truth, everything therein that had helped her to send her fears fleeing to someplace far away. She opened her mouth to reply, of course in the affirmative, but then her goat slipped from her hand. Claus saw, and quickly reached out and caught it before it hit the floor.
"Naa-aa-aa-aa-aagh!"
It seemingly replied to his question. Al blushed deeply, an infinite silent moment passing as the others looked at each other mutely. Then they all broke out in spontaneous laughter. Even the guardsman, standing a short distance away from them, pressed his lips together to stifle his own outburst, trying his best to maintain professional decorum. Al, now quite embarrassed, took the braying toy from Claus and shook it as she pouted.
"Silly goat. Of course I've been a good girl!"
She exclaimed to everyone, but mostly to Claus. Continuing to play with her, he stood and raised an eyebrow.
"That's not what I just heard…"
Al looked bashfully at Claus then, and, now realizing that he was only joking, started to slowly rock back and forth, hands (and goat) behind her. In spite of what he had just said, his eyes told her the truth. His eyes would never lie to her. She sighed as she released her anxiety.
"I… I knew you were only having fun…"
The scarlet of her cheeks only added to her unbelievable cuteness, and so of course he could no longer continue to tease her.
"You're right. I know you're a very, very good girl. The best."
He placed his hand on the top of her head, stroking her hair, and allowed her to wrap her arms about his waist once more, as she directed quite a bit of love, and not a small amount of relief, in his direction. He leaned over and whispered something into her ear, causing her to smile once more, and then giggle outright.
Tatiana regarded the interchange between the two, and had stopped smiling when the thought struck her.
'Claus… would be… a wonderful father.'
Where had that thought come from?
It was followed immediately by a jolt of emotion, laden heavy with regret. It hit her full on, and she reasoned that although her speculation was probably true, she would never know of it first-hand. Before meeting Claus, she couldn't ever picture herself as a mother, her brilliant military career leaving her at the end of her life as a high-ranking officer, perhaps admiral if she were so fortunate, as she gave herself entirely in service to her country. But things had changed; the world had changed.
She had changed.
Claus, and indeed, Exile itself, had shown her that a person could create other realities, that there were almost infinite possibilities. And so, yes, that thought had snuck up on her, until one day it confronted her directly.
Mother to his children..?
Why, that would simply be…
'Arrgh!'
Before she would allow it to gather momentum once more, she grasped at the thought and tried to crush it. Because Claus had clearly made his choice, you see, and so...
But…
Even after having heard him clearly, with her own ears, she couldn't… because…
'Don't be stupid. He has Lavie... then, now, and always. So…'
Because she was still… still in love with him.
He didn't love her as she loved him. He had chosen the one with whom he would spend his life, so how could that dream, or any other, with him, ever…
She set her jaw and clenched her fists.
'Come on, now. Discipline and control. Discipline and control. Discipline and…'
This was much more difficult than she could have ever imagined, as that notion bound itself to all the other feelings she had for him, their combined strength a formidable thing. And then they, all of them, began their assault anew. Much as she had tried to choke them back down, they regurgitated, making certain to not be ignored.
And now, here was the object of her unrequited affection, turning next to Alistia, grasping that one's hands and pulling her into a warm embrace. Wait a minute! That meant that she was… she was…
Next?
Her increased breathing threatened to match the cadence of her heart. In spite of her placid outward appearance, inside, her altimeter was spinning rapidly even as she fought to keep the horizon in view.
'Oh no. Claus… Please don't. Not now. Don't… don't come near me. Not after… Please don't… please don't touch me. I don't know what I'll do if you...'
The proud, brave sky warrior licked her suddenly dry lips as she looked nervously up and down the hallway for an avenue of escape. It was not in her nature to flee from conflict, but this…
"It's good to see you, Alistia."
Claus had pulled back from the slender brunette to regard her warmly. She smiled.
"As it is for me to see you again, Claus. You're looking quite handsome today, I must say."
"Well, umm, Empress Sophia…"
Claus stalled briefly, rubbing the back of his neck, not sure about how much he should reveal to them of what the girls already knew. Alistia intercepted the pregnant pause, ending it.
"Of course. We won't keep you. I hope you'll attend our picnic the weekend after next."
"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry I haven't yet responded, as I've been preoccupied lately, but you know I'll be there."
"Excellent. We'll be expecting you, then."
She released her hands from his, and clasped both hands in front of her as he next turned to Tatiana. Alistia gasped as she only now noticed her friend's distress, as that one tried her best to look anywhere but directly at Claus.
'Claus, please… I can't… Lavie…'
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
"Tatiana…"
If you touch me, I'll…
He grasped her hand, then, feeling her resistance as she tensed nearly every muscle in her body, and seeing her take a step back, knitted his brow in uncertainty. Was something wrong?
"Tatiana?"
"Claus…" She fought to keep her voice from cracking.
"Are you all right?"
'No! I'm not all right! You and Lavie are going to be happy for the rest of your lives, and I'm… and I'm…'
Discipline and Control.
Biting the inside of her lip so hard that she nearly drew blood, she steeled herself to regard him face-to-face, lovely pale crystal eyes looking directly into his own. Then, after stilling the vibrations in her body and regulating her breathing to the best of her ability, she made her decision.
'I can no longer lie to myself…'
She moved in closer and returned his embrace, speaking now softly into his ear.
"I'm sorry. Yes, I'm fine. How are you Claus?"
With his hands still about her waist, Claus began to drone on about something or other; she wasn't exactly sure what he was saying, processing it as some kind of weird, vacant resonance. All she knew was that she was now as close to him as she would ever get physically, and it was nearly driving her mad. This was it for her. Her arms wrapped themselves about his neck as he continued to ramble. It was all she could do to not bring her hands up and run them through his hair, before… pulling his lips to hers?
No!
He… Lavie…
The vibrations passed from his body to hers as he spoke.
'Oh, God…'
He had also developed a quite powerful, masculine build, as she could now feel as well. And why did he have to smell so good? Her mind was spinning. Was their embrace for just a brief moment? Or… forever?
'Claus… I'm…'
"So if I don't run into you guys before then, I'll see you at the picnic, o.k?"
Discipline and Control.
Tatiana regained her senses.
"S… sure."
'And now, let go of him. Just let go. Just… let… go.'
Every ounce of will power relaxed her muscles as she released him, bringing her arms slowly back down to her sides. Softly, evenly, she let out the breath she'd been holding.
He disengaged himself from her, and looked once more into her eyes, Tatiana swearing that he could see directly into her heart, because she no longer had any power left to seal it from him. But that just couldn't be true, because then he would know exactly what she was feeling just now, and he couldn't, wouldn't be cruel enough to just walk away, leaving her so...
'Just stop it. He and Lavie will… they'll…'
After saying his goodbyes to them all once more, Claus nodded to the guard, and those two then headed down the corridor to their destination. Tatiana, still distracted, took a step in that direction, and when they turned the corner, her tears came unbound.
"Goodbye, Claus."
She almost whispered.
Alistia had seen everything, and had also felt every ounce of the weight of Tatiana's distress. When the pilot took another step after him, Alistia rushed up behind her friend and grasped that one about the waist, burying her face in Tatiana's back.
"No, Tatiana. You can't do this to yourself. He's…"
And now, neither could Alvis contain herself after witnessing all of the sorrow and torment.
"Tatiana…"
She sniffed, trying her hardest to be a big girl right now. Tatiana did not sob, indeed, she made no sound at all, but her tears continued to flow, some falling and now splashing onto Alistia's hands as the lovely brunette did her utmost to save her best friend from the grief that threatened to overcome her.
Her best friend.
And the long-held object of her affection.
"Alis, I thought I could give him up. How stupid am I? I mean, I lost, so the winner takes the prize, and the loser gets to go home, right? But, seeing him again, and touching him, holding him… I… I don't know how…"
Tatiana's eyes, those stunningly beautiful, pale portals to her soul, continued to deliver moisture down the delicate slope of her cheeks, but it was now Alistia who was sobbing, trying as hard as she could to absorb Tatiana's pain, as if that were possible. Tatiana blinked, finally realizing who it was that clutched onto her for dear life.
"Alistia… but..?"
"When you hurt, I hurt."
Came the muffled reply. Tatiana turned to face her friend, who briefly released her, then captured her in an embrace once more.
Alistia then called upon every ounce of courage she had, as she realized what could transpire, if she were so fortunate. Her valor and daring were beyond reproach, as she had survived, often barely, many dangerous missions with her pilot. This, however…
'The time is now. I have to be brave.'
Slowly, she lifted her head until her face was now mere inches from that gorgeous face, the face of her dreams, closer than she had ever dared to come before. Tatiana blinked in uncertainty.
"Alis..?"
Alvis, eyes wide and mouth agape, was by now barely breathing, crushing her pet (having by now forgiven it for its transgression) to her chest as she waited for this to play out. The slender navi stood up to her full height as she now would confront her deepest fear as well as express her deepest desire. In life, as in a dogfight, there are windows of opportunity. Here was one for her. She almost wheezed, trying to get the words out, however, her normally light, airy voice now strained.
"Tatiana… you… you don't have to feel… you're not all alone… there is someone… someone who loves you… right now, right here…"
"Alis… you don't mean...?"
"That person… is right here… right in front of you…"
Alistia's blush had turned her normally downy cheeks a bright scarlet, as her own heart pounded away like the winds of the Grand Stream beating the bolts out of a fuselage. Realization hit Tatiana, and she was rocked emotionally for the second time today.
"That… that person you mentioned at the tea party?"
Alistia fought against the impulse to turn away as she confessed, to spare herself the potential for even greater pain in such close proximity, because Tatiana could reject her, and it would probably hurt worse than anything. She was sucking in oxygen as she almost panted, but she needed to see Tatiana's face, needed to see her reaction, so that she would remember this day for the rest of her life, regardless of the outcome. The gentle dove had now become a hawk, as she took the boldest move yet.
She reached up with both hands and caressed Tatiana's cheeks, wiping away the tear-tracks with her thumbs.
"Yes, it's you. It's always been you."
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Author's Comments: This chapter is dedicated to girls who like girls, and the millions of us fanboys who love them. For my inspiration, I used the sketch found here:
forums(dot)toonzone(dot)net/showthread.php?t98965
I actually preferred the image second from the bottom (as opposed to the finished product), and saved it as my wallpaper as I worked, since I thought Tatiana's eyes were much more expressive. And Alistia's showing some 'tude, eh?
This is my girl. Keep back, y'all!
Kudos to the artist.
ChoboChan: You can come out now. I read your entry about this fic in your journal. This is my thanks for your support.
AyanamiEraclea: Hey! I just got it! You must be Rei and Dio's kid. Just kidding. Thanks… and for the glomps, too.
Prometheus: Thank you. Next chap will be the last, as he meets up with Sophia, and finally, Lavie.
Jak: Thanks. And say hi to Daxter!
rcmene: Thank you. T&S is a complete stand alone from this continuation. And you too are awesome!
DarkGoddessVidel: Gomen-nesai! I hope to have the end posted much sooner. Thanks!
BJ-Blatzkowitz-reborn: You must have beaten me, as this tortoise was just passed by the hare, so…
pcy-623: You don't have to whine any longer. Thank you.
Ja.
W.