FAULT LINE

CHAPTER 8

EPICENTER OF THE SOUL

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Hutch stumbled down the steps and into his car. He didn't realize that despite the dream, he'd slept more than he had on previous nights. He looked around, confused and surprised to see that it was light. He turned the radio on in his car and hunted for the news channel. 7:00 a.m. He'd actually slept. He started the car and felt comforted by the cough and wheeze of the engine. Some things never change.

He now felt the urgent need to apologize to Starsky. He thought about the dreamy look Starsky got every time he looked at Kira. The man had a way about him when he was in love. But how could Starsky be in love with someone like Kira? She was not a woman who took sex seriously. Like a lot of men Hutch knew, sex to her was sort of an art form. Just a way of expressing herself. He wanted to apologize for being so competitive. That was not a game that they played. It was sort of an unwritten rule between them. One of the things they would never do because it would just end up hurting the other. So why was he working so hard at hurting Starsky now? He needed Starsky back in his life and knew that Starsky would be the only one to help him straighten up.

Driving toward Starsky's, Hutch slammed on his brakes and pulled the old car to the side of the road. He had such a strong thought, that it physically caused the blond to react in pain to it.

Hutch suddenly was hit by a new revelation. The anger toward himself at his failure over Lionel had been like the last thing to pierce his soul. He remembered standing, looking into the water, wishing that the waves would carry away all his problems. He had trusted that throwing away his badge represented all that he hated, all the baggage that weighed him down. Just as he was ready to release his badge, Starsky's presence stopped him. Starsky wanted to join Hutch. Now Hutch wished he could have had the strength to either change Starsky's mind or let Starsky convince him that life wasn't as bad as Hutch felt that it was.

But still on the premise of 'Me and Thee', Hutch encouraged Starsky to throw his life away too. After that, Me and Thee somehow just wasn't enough for Hutch. But he wanted that back. Now he would do what he needed in order to get a firm footing again on the foundation of their friendship.

Hutch put the car in gear and grimaced as the poor machine chugged and sputtered in protest.

He reached Starsky's before he was ready and just sat out front in his car. He didn't feel so restless but he was nervous. He had to apologize for his actions. For Hutch, Kira represented everything he hated about himself. She was like toxic waste. Why were they damaging their friendship over a woman who went through men like a tree shredder? But she wasn't the only problem. Hutch realized that he himself had started this shaky, rumble of discontent. He had no right inflicting his imperfections on Starsky.

Finally ready to face the truth, Hutch climbed out of the car and trudged up the steps. He opened the door slowly, looking around before fully entering the room. He still wondered if he'd be welcome but thought it was a good sign about Starsky's frame of mind when he heard the dark haired man singing some nameless tune. Hutch had picked up the morning paper from the bottom step and now as he walked further into the room, he followed the sound. He turned the corner into the kitchen and slung the paper at Starsky. The paper landed in the sink and Starsky stopped humming to his plant. Hutch felt incredibly uncomfortable so he tried to hide that feeling by using humor.

"Hey, don't you know plants don't like cat fights? You'll scare them to death with that kind of noise!"

"Hutch!, 'mornin. Want some coffee? It's kinda strong. Didn't get home till a little while ago and now I gotta stay awake, ya know?" Starsky seemed nervous too, which further increased Hutch's discomfort.

"Sure, but Starsk, I just came over to try to work through what ever it is that's got us bitching at each other." Hutch accepted the coffee and took a swig. He quickly spit the sludge into the sink.

"Starsky, that's the worst coffee I've ever had. Like wallpaper paste!"

"Well, I did say it was strong!" Starsky leaned against the counter, watching Hutch, wondering what was next.

"Starsky, I'm sorry about the distance between us lately. I don't know why I've been so nasty. I apologize." Hutch started pacing around the kitchen until he finally sat at the table.

"For some reason, I just seem to say the wrong things to everyone. But buddy, particularly you're the one I'm hurting. I've taken you're relationship with Kira to a different level. We should be beyond this high school shoving match type of behavior over Kira. No woman should get between our friendship. I'm sorry."

"It's okay Hutch. At first I was jealous. I didn't know how Kira felt about things but now, I do. It's okay." Starsky folded the kitchen towel on the rack above the sink and turned around and smiled shyly at Hutch.

"You were jealous? Of what? Of me? What exactly are you talking about?" Hutch was beginning to get a bad feeling. Was his hunch about Starsky right?

"I love Kira. It's all worked out. Last night we---, well we love each other." Starsky seemed shy. Not a quality used to describe the dark haired man.

Hutch shut his eyes and rubbed the space between his eyes. Starsky said he was in love, but if so why did he seem uncomfortable? It seemed Starsky was trying to convince himself that things were okay. Was that directed at Hutch or at himself?

Hutch swallowed and stood up from the table. He started pacing again, thinking about the other night when he'd been with Kira. Starsky's name never came up. He was in trouble.

"She loves you too? You sure?" Hutch wanted to be wrong. He didn't want his best friend's heart to be squashed by a wandering, careless woman.

"Yeah, it's okay now. Kira makes me happy and we're good together. We fit. Man, she is beautiful! Hey, you want breakfast? I can make eggs, bacon?" Starsky suddenly bubbled with happiness. Hutch saw the desire, the need in his eyes. Kira did that to him? Bitch.

Starsky took a couple steps closer to the table. He tentatively reached out to fondle Hutch's shirt sleeve. Just a shy, light touch but it burned Hutch's arm. Hutch remembered the quaking, shifting earth under his feet in the dream. Or was it a dream?

"Umm, no I gotta, No-- I need to do some things. I'll catch up with you later." Hutch watched the disappointed look come across his friend's face. But Hutch needed to get out of there. He was falling further down that crevice without a handhold. There was something though he could do, maybe find out for certain. He had to be the one to repair and correct. He had to talk to Kira.

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Joey sprawled out on the single mattress. His arm was over his eyes and he mumbled to himself. There was one more spy that had to be dealt with. But now, the whole building had to go. The headquarters for their operations had to be dealt with. They all had to die.

"In a day or two. That will be soon enough. They'll all be there."

Joey sat up and rubbed his leg. His serial number ran through his head. He reminded himself what information to give should he fail and be caught. He stood up and hobbled to the storage cabinet. He ran his hand over the guns and rifles lined up on the shelf. But then, the drawer underneath caught his eye. Yes, that's it. Take it all down in one big blast. There would be nothing left. He was prepared to sacrifice his own life for the cause.