FAULT LINE- PART 3
CHAPTER 18
AFTERSHOCK
Minnie and Starsky made their way in comfortable silence to the park around the corner. The day was beautiful; unusually clear and pleasant.
Starsky poured his heart out. Once he started he found he couldn't stop. Disappointments, tears and anger tumbled out around him. He told her about the fight over Kira. The punches, the betrayal. But the breeze seemed to carry all the anger and hurt away as he peeled back the layers of time. The remnants of the past dropped away and were picked up by the little currents of wind, much like the scattered, swirling leaves and litter that fluttered past their feet.
"It all seemed so easy up until a few months ago. I'd always believed that I knew how to do the right thing and to know what the right thing was. Hell, that's what motivated me every day. I knew that if we just could nab the scum and lock them away, then every thing else would fall into place. For the victims, the right thing meant keeping them safe from any more indignity. You know me, I'm the glass half full kinda guy. But Minnie, that goal sure got further away and harder to see over the past months. I could see what it was doin' to Hutch but me, well, I just thought I could continue with my simple formula and the mess wouldn't touch me. But you tried to warn me before, didn't you?"
Minnie knew that Starsky didn't expect her to answer. She knew that he had found it himself and was ready to take action. Starsky just needed a guide.
Starsky was ready. He had to draw that line again between doing the right thing and failure. He had to make sure he was on the right side of that line in order for him to fix what was wrong.
Starsky continued but the frenzy of his mood had changed. He didn't feel so lost now. He thought back to his dream and knew that he had the the power to stop his world from falling out from under him. All he had to do was take the hand that was always pleading for help and grab onto it. Together they could break the cycle of defeat.
"I thought I had somehow screwed up with Hutch. He became so angry and his attitude was crap. But I didn't see that mine wasn't much better. He called me a stuffed shirt before and well, he was right. Instead of believing in him, I wanted to believe in the rules. Not just enforce them but live them. I wanted to make everything better by going against what had always worked for us. He was doing his best to become a flunky and a smart assed slob. I decided that if I was perfect, if I did everything according to the 'system', then he'd see how wrong he was. Do you understand Minnie? We were fighting against what worked in the past. It just seemed that we had no control anymore over the ugliness around us. Well ya know what they say, if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. Hutch joined his way and I joined the establishment that we thought we had tamed."
Starsky turned back toward Minnie. She smiled at him as she saw the lightbulb above his head brighten.
"You know what else they say Starsky? --If it ain't broke, don't fix it.--- You guys are the best damn cops I've ever known. I'm not saying it because you're also the sexiest, but you guys manage to bend the rules just enough to make it work out on the street and still keep the brass from tagging you as vigilantes. When your way got challenged, for some reason you gave up on that. Then you gave up on each other and that's when it all started going to hell for you."
She tapped him on the forehead to make sure he understood that he had just figured out that all he had to do was stick with Hutch.
"Minnie, I never hated anybody like I hated Hutch when I saw him come out of Kira's bedroom. At first it was his fault. I really wanted to kill him. But when he slammed me against that wall, I saw it in his eyes. He hated himself for what he did but he still cared about me. Then I really saw Kira for the first time. How could I let such a bitch fool me like that? But she did it because she saw I was weak. I was without Hutch and there was a crack she could break apart."
Starsky flicked away the tears that still dripped down his face. He lowered his head away from the people that passed. But finally he didn't care about anything other than the woman beside him and getting back his friendship.
When he finally ran out of breath and words, he slumped back against the bench and stretched his feet out in front of him. He took Minnie's hand in his and kissed it. She pulled their joined hands up to her lips and kissed his. She had been waiting a long time to reach out to this man.
"Starsky, you really need to talk to Hutch now. He needs you. The two of you are not meant to go through life without each other. When you thought you gave up your jobs, you not only gave up on your career but I think you gave up on your selves. I'm no shrink but believe me, I've seen partners lose their faith in the system and each other. But they didn't have what you have. They were able to go on to other partners, other precincts, but neither one of you could survive if you were separated. Don't the last few months show you that? You each tried to manage alone and look where it got you. Kira was just the last straw. The only good thing that came out of that is that I got to have you all to myself for awhile!"
Starsky had been watching the trees and pidgeons. He soaked up Minnie's words and when she stopped, he suddenly understood.
He stood and pulled Minnie up with him. He enfolded her in his arms and kissed her cheek.
"Minnie, why the hell are you still single? It's just too bad you're always right! No man wants to be told he's been an ass hole!"
They both laughed. For Starsky, finally, his laugh reached his eyes and his whole body broke out in the vibration of glee.
"Oh shit, but I-- we still gotta nail this sucker at the dance club! Which means Kira'll be there. I just don't know if I can face her without wantin' to punch her! But Hutch already knows what you just told me. After all, he's the thinker. I saw it this morning. I was so angry but I saw. I just didn't want to believe he could do what he did and still care."
Starsky looked at his watch and grabbed Minnie. He continued talking as they walked. It was late now and Minnie'd be in trouble for being gone so long but she assured him that her supervisor was putty in her hands!
He left her outside of the building with a bear hug and the pledge that he and Hutch would be okay.
He headed for his car but stood looking over the hood at the retreating figure of the petite dynamo who had just saved his life.
The ground under his soul had finally stopped shaking. His dream no longer had the capacity to predict his future.
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Hutch rubbed at his chest. The punches that Starsky had landed there still burned his chest and stomach. Yeah, he deserved them. But maybe it could still be okay. But he didn't want to sit in his car outside Kira's any longer. If he took too much time just sitting there, he was afraid of going back in there and----. No more. He sat on his hands rather than act on what he really wanted to do. She did not have the power any longer to make him weak.
Hutch eventually went back to Venice Place. As he watched the Torino speed off, he wanted to jump in his car and follow the man. But in the end, Hutch knew that Starsky needed time to himself. Just as he had discovered on his own, Hutch was sure that wherever Starsky ended up, he would find the truth waiting for him. Hutch knew that he needed Starsky. He could no longer deny it or survive by pushing Starsky away. Hutch had tried to bury his hurt and anger in late nights, different women, booze. Anything to mask the real issue.
No matter how long his hair would grow, no matter how loud or defiant his attitude, it had no effect on changing the crap that they fought against every day. All those changes did was take him further from his beliefs.
He had decided that if he couldn't fix things anymore their way, then he'd attack them his way. What a crock! His attitude pushed Starsky away and caused the dark haired man to turn the other way. Starsky had tried to be the perfect cop and of course the two styles didn't work. The only thing that would work was their way. Me and Thee. When he realized that, he figured it was too late to fix it. So he continued with his boldness and crass appearance. He felt trapped. Hutch at first wanted to self destruct.
No he would never, could never have ended his own life. But there was a time when he was sure that it would have been easier than to face his downfall. After Lionel was killed, the real reason Hutch had wanted to give up the force was because he had failed. There was nothing he could have done any differently that would have prevented the man's death. Hutch had to accept that he was not perfect. For a long time that is exactly what Hutch did. He was bent on proving that he was not without flaws. Self destruction seemed to be the best way to verify his destiny. But common sense and his desire to hold on won out. There again, he was wrong. His destiny was in his friendship with Starsky. If he would have trusted that bond, then perhaps there never would have been Kira.
Hutch had been home and pacing the confines of his apartment while thinking and worrying about Starsky. Several times he reached for the phone. He wanted to apologize but he knew that it would not mean enough until Starsky had his own epiphany. Hutch would hold his own moment of clarity in his heart always and put up his badge of friendship against his detective's badge any time.
The only thing that really worried him now was tonight at the club. He would have preferred to have had that heart to heart with Starsky before tonight, but it didn't appear that would happen. Well, all he really had to do was stay away from Kira. That should be easy to do. He doubted Starsky would be too anxious to be near her either.
He thought back to the last murder and remembered about that black piece of rubber found beside the body. It had been a few days so maybe something would break with that soon.
But Hutch felt confident that they could survive the shaky way their lives had been going. He thought about the dream that had plagued him lately. He knew that he had the capacity to reach out and hold onto the hand that kept searching for help. He knew that it represented both himself and Starsky. They needed each other and Hutch wasn't about to let that fall away or get burried in the rubble of life.