Collide

Written by Tears of Mercury

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or the incredibly cute jumper that Stacy/Ellie got to wear in the premier.

A/N: I'm so sorry that it took this long to update! First the computer that all of my stuff for this story had been on got damaged irreparably, and when I got the files back my internet connection went down. Thankfully, though, this means that the fourth chapter has already been written and will probably be posted in the next couple of days. I hope that you guys enjoy the chapter (reviewing wouldn't hurt either )! Oh, and I have reviewer responses at the end of the chapter – a habit that I'm going to try to get into.

"Uh, please don't punch anything or throw anything," Craig cautioned. Sean had been pacing around his room like a damn pit-bull about to go in for the kill for the last hour or so. When Craig had opened up the door he hadn't gotten any explanation, and he'd known that insisting on one wouldn't have been the wisest course of action. After Sean finally disclosed what was bothering him, Craig had resigned himself to another two to three hours at least before Sean was ready to talk. He'd considered working on a few songs that had been giving him trouble to pass the time, but the mental image of Sean trashing his guitar flashed before his eyes every time he had the urge to break the tense silence with a few chords, so he settled for spastic fidgeting instead.

The aforementioned friend only seemed to be growing more agitated, so Craig decided to try a diplomatic, albeit cautious, approach. "Look, I know that you're upset—"

"Upset? I wanna go kill him!" Sean roared, clenching and unclenching his fists. Craig jumped slightly before objecting.

"That doesn't sound like a very good idea. Look, man, that was two years ago. It's in the past; people hardly even talk about it anymore. At least, the polite ones…"

"How can you be so calm about this! Emma and Jay…" he drifted off and then turned to Craig. "I don't even know how bad it is. Were they… did they…?" Craig shook his head quietly.

"It didn't get to that point. Emma wouldn't have gone all the way with him, even at her lowest point; it was something that meant too much to her." The comment seemed to calm Sean for a moment, so Craig continued. "You've just gotta chill, man. I mean, would you be this upset if it were Ellie we were talking about?" Sean snorted.

"I'd still want to bash Jay's face in, but… no, probably not. But how would you feel in my place, man, if it was Ashley or Manny or whoever the hell your first love was?" The brown-haired boy's eyebrows raised and suddenly his expression changed. Of course, he surmised, nodding slightly. He'd never been the first to catch on; why should now be any exception?

"You still love her, don't you?" Sean paused for a moment at the question and ran a hand through his hair before turning to glare at him again.

"Of course I do. Why did you think I came back, to steal a few laptops with Jay?"

"That's not what I meant. It's just, you know, you and Ellie were really serious before you left and then after that I know that you went through a pretty rough first year back at Wasaga…" Sean squinted as he thought back on grade ten. Even with his parents there beside him it had been a living hell. "… I guess I kind of just thought that maybe you came back here to get away from it." The blond-haired boy shook his head.

"I'm done running from things. This is where I needed to be, with my friends… with Emma." Craig ran a hand over his face.

"You guys did cover the eating disorder and the boyfriend, right? She didn't just spring Jay on you first thing?" Sean sighed and nodded.

"She told me about all of it. Jay just kind of… spilled out with the rest of it. Who is this guy, anyway? She didn't exactly sound too happy to be with him." His friend snorted, smirking and crossing his arms.

"I don't know why she would be; the guy's a grade A asshole. Last year when Emma first liked him he took advantage of Manny while she was drunk and videotaped her flashing the camera. Then, when she wouldn't agree to go out with him, he sent the video to everyone in the school. Emma and Manny had a falling-out but made up pretty quickly; after that they both ignored Peter. He wouldn't stop pursuing Emma, though, and they started seeing each other behind Manny's back… when Emma stopped eating and Manny got suspicious, Emma sprung the news on her so that Manny would get off her back. Eventually Manny and Peter both realized how much trouble Emma was in and they set aside their differences long enough to help Spike and Snake stage an intervention… Emma had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital for a day. She started seeing a therapist, and Manny was by her side through the whole thing. I swear to God, though, every time that that guy is around her, he's either acting like her babysitter or her pimp. Manny finally got so pissed at him that she stopped talking to him altogether." Sean frowned and gritted his teeth for a moment before looking back at Craig.

"So why is she with him?" Craig let out a short laugh.

"Honestly? I'm not even sure that she knows. As soon as she's in the same room as him it's like she loses her personality… even the pain in her eyes just goes blank, and she's this model girlfriend," he spat out bitterly. Somehow Sean couldn't believe that anything could be worse than the searing pain in Emma's eyes that had caught him so off guard when she had answered the door that morning. Even her smiles had been tinged by it; all but one or two. Craig's voice snapped Sean out of his thoughts and brought him back to the present. "Okay, I need to go meet my manager, but please, Sean, whatever you do, don't go see Jay and kill the guy. And it probably wouldn't be the best idea to talk to Emma right now, either. She is with Peter, whether we like it or not, and drama of the Sean and Emma variety won't exactly be easy for her to explain." Sean didn't miss the meaning in Craig's words and nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah, she is." But that didn't change the spark that he'd felt as soon as his hand touched hers. It didn't change the way she fit in his arms when he held her, the way he knew that there was nothing else he wanted more in the world than to do exactly that one more time.

-0-0-0-

Jay looked up from his perch on the couch and sloshed around the beer in his can. A Cheshire cat grin lit up his face and he inclined his head to the side. "Hey, man. What took you so long to get back?" Sean didn't move from the doorway, part of his face still masked by shadows. Even though the first boy squinted to get a better view of him, he couldn't make out the expression on his friend's face.

"You know, I've been going over and over it in my head, and I just can't figure it out. I always knew that you were an asshole, but at least you were an asshole that had my back. So what the hell did you think you were doing convincing Emma to go down on you?" Shit. Jay let out a long-suffering sigh; he'd known that this was going to come up sooner or later. Nelson never could keep her mouth shut for long. Of course with Sean back in town she had to suddenly decide to drudge it up, very likely getting his ass kicked in the process. Then again, who was to say that that wasn't the point? He set down his beer and rose slowly, moving towards Sean cautiously.

"Look, buddy, you and Emma were over. She was lonely, and I just thought that I could… help." Sean lunged at him and had him pinned against the wall in seconds.

"You thought that you could help her by stealing her innocence and giving her gonorrhea? Some help," he spat out, grabbing Jay's shirt even more tightly. Jay slunk back against the wall and his eyes widened.

"That was an accident, okay? I had no idea that she was going to get sick from me! And I tried to talk to her about it, but blondie wouldn't say two words to me!" They were both silent for a moment. A small, hardened grin came onto Sean's face and he released Jay with force.

"Emma always was smarter than me," he whispered. Before Jay had a chance to reply, Sean had slammed the door behind him and was stalking towards his car. He stopped back at Craig's house, relieved when his friend simply showed him to the couch. When he'd finally found the courage to go and see her he drove quickly, going twenty miles over the speed limit and barely screeching to a temporary halt for stop signs and red lights. There was a very strong possibility that she didn't even want to see him; not that he'd ever let that stop him before. He could only hope that she would still be willing to talk; and maybe, if he was lucky, to listen.

-0-0-0-

I know that I must look awful, but I don't realize just how bad until I see Manny's face as I walk through the door. "Oh my god, Em, what happened? You look like you got run over by a truck! I've been home for two hours waiting for you." With a glance at the clock I realize that it's almost 5:00; if I'd waited much longer to come home, Spike and Snake would have been the ones waiting for me when I got here.

"Sean's back," I say hollowly. Her brown eyes widen and I watch as she connects the dots in front of me. Her face is a slideshow of expressions.

"Earlier, on the phone… the 'walk'… so things didn't go well?" For some reason the question is hilarious to me, and I double over laughing until tears are blinding my vision.

"No, they didn't. Everything was fine, a little too fine, really, until I told him about Jay. Manny, he thinks that I'm a slut," I confide, my voice cracking at the words. I hadn't even realized that I was thinking it until it was out of my mouth, but now it doesn't seem like I can take it back. In an instant her arms are around me, practically squeezing the life out of me.

"Of course he doesn't," she replies fiercely. "And you know what? Even if he did, it wouldn't make it true. Sean just cares about you so much… that's the only reason that he's angry." The words snap something inside of me and I stiffen in her arms.

"Manny, Sean doesn't care about me, okay? He was in love with Ellie, and things didn't work out, and Degrassi is just home for him." Manny studies me and then smiles a little, shrugging her shoulders as she speaks.

"Em, if he doesn't have feelings for you than why were you the first person that he came to see?" The silence is thick for a moment and she continues slowly. "If Sean did have feelings for you, what would you do?" I give her a blank look and cross my arms. The strangeness of the whole scenario, of this whole conversation that I never really thought I'd have, is finally catching up to me. My squirming continues as I search for words. What would I do if Sean told me that he still had feelings for me? Would I really be able to look him in the eye and tell him that I didn't feel the same way, that he's too late and that we never made any sense anyway? If I could, would either of us believe it?

"I have a boyfriend, Manny. His name isn't Sean, his name is Peter. And Peter… he cares about me," I answer pathetically. Even if she wasn't my best friend she would know that I wasn't answering the question; because she is, though, she not only knows, she's going to call me on it.

"That wasn't the question, Emma. Boyfriends… they're dispensable. But love isn't." It's such a corny line that I'd laugh if she wasn't so serious and I wasn't so busy trying to locate an escape route.

"What makes you think that Sean loved me? More importantly, what makes you think that I still love him?" I finally ask. Her eyes are knowing, shining with the hint of compassion that she only spares for me.

"Because you're one of the best liars I know and you can't even look at my face and tell me otherwise."

-0-0-0-

The dining room is silent, and there isn't a person that doesn't know why; the family's token anorexic hasn't so much as attempted to touch her food and she won't even bother offering a reason why. Mom clears her throat meaningfully before swallowing a huge bite of baked ziti, and Manny inquires, less than tactfully, "Aren't these green beans amazing, Emma? They're so juicy and rich and… green bean-ish." I snort and pick up my water glass, forcing down a few swallows and making a show of it.

"Manny, you happen to hate green beans. And for the record, prodding glances aren't going to make the food disappear off my plate any more quickly than threats would." Before a blush can settle onto her cheeks, Snake clears his throat.

"I think that Emma understands what you're trying to say, guys. How about we just ease up on her a little bit? She's been doing so well, and it's a shame to reward that with mistrust," he says gently. Our eyes meet across the table for a moment, and it's all we need to do to apologize to each other. If only I was brave enough to apologize for lying to him, too. I try to make up for it by bolting down dinner, but disgust turns my stomach. Didn't I used to love mom's ziti? It's so hard to remember now that it all tastes like cardboard the moment it hits my mouth.

We finish eating and I'm washing the dishes with Manny when Peter makes a surprise visit. Usually he steers clear of the house, but tonight he seems to be in an especially attentive and demonstrative mood. Oh, joy. "Emma, you won't believe it!" he exclaims, slipping his arms around my waist and kissing me heavily. I know that Snake is watching carefully and Manny is sending him a pointed glare, but he doesn't even seem to notice. "I finished the documentary! It's only the rough cut, of course, but this is huge! It means that I can start thinking about submitting it to some filmmaker's competitions, maybe even a small festival if I'm lucky! This is just… god, I love you!" The train of thought makes no sense, but I don't bother pointing that out, instead smiling at him and nodding as he goes on. He's been working so hard on this, and I find that I actually am proud of him. "You know what? We should celebrate, just the two of us; how about tomorrow I take you out for a romantic dinner, we can go driving in my car…" Spike clears her throat and I send her a comprehensive glance, nodding slightly. She seems surprised, but nevertheless relieved.

"I have a really heavy workload this year, so I may not be able to stay out too late… but dinner sounds good," I tell him gently. If I was expecting him to be upset or even slightly disappointed, he's not. It's like he hardly even notices that I've spoken; notices me at all as he keeps on talking, gaining more and more momentum. I open my mouth to say something, but the doorbell rings and I freeze. I can't explain how I know it's Sean; just something in my gut. It's almost like I can feel him pulling me towards the door. I mutter some incoherent excuse and race to the front of the house, pulling the door open quickly.

Neither of us say anything for a moment; then he gestures with his head to the porch, and I follow him out, closing the door softly behind us. When we're out, he takes two long strides and suddenly he's so close that there's no place that I can be that I'm not surrounded by him. He struggles for words and I reach out for his arm. As soon as I've found it I realize what a stupid mistake it is; the last thing he needs is someone touching him when he's already agitated. Instead of reacting with a few sharp words or by yanking his arm away, though, he hugs me tightly enough to take my breath away. "I'm sorry I walked away from you. God, Em, I just… I wasn't expecting that," he murmurs into my hair. I pull away and take in his face, so hopeful and earnest, and melt the way that I always do when he's like this.

"I'm sorry, too. I hate that I hurt you, and I hate that I did it. I just wish that I could put it all behind me," I confess in frustration. I walk a few feet away and sit down, sighing deeply. He follows in suit, close enough to me that I could lean over and put my head on his shoulder. If I wanted to, that is. "Some days I wonder if I should just walk around with a scarlet letter on my chest. People… they still talk about it. They always will." He offers a small smile and reaches out to finger a strand of my hair.

"Let them try with me around." I'm not sure how our faces end up inches away, but it's over as very pronounced footsteps approach. I jump away, scared of appearances like always. Sean simply sits there for a moment. Before either of us have a chance to say anything, Manny shoves open the door, a fake and bizarrely huge smile gracing her face.

"Sean! It's so nice to have you back!" she practically yells. Peter appears in the doorway behind her, a confused and slightly irritated look on his face.

"Emma, who is this? I didn't realize that you had a guy coming over tonight." My hands find their way to my front pockets and I shrug, trying to smile but failing.

"I didn't; it was just a really nice surprise. Peter, this is Sean… Sean, this is my boyfriend Peter," I introduce awkwardly. Sean stands up and offers Peter his hand, and the two of them stare each other down for a long, infinitely uncomfortable moment.

"You must be the Sean that I've heard so much about," Peter comments. He purses his lips and crosses his arms in what I'm sure he thinks is an intimidating gesture; I would be struggling not to laugh if the situation wasn't so awkward. Thankfully, it's already dark outside and no one can see the embarrassing blush stealing across my face.

"Well, unless Emma knows another Sean, I guess that would be me," he replies, raising his eyebrows at me. What the heck is with people sending me these glances tonight?

"No, this is him. We've been friends for a really long time."

"Friends?" he challenges. From the corner of my eye I can see Manny kick Sean in the shin. Peter looks at me and frowns slightly before glancing back at Sean and snaking an arm around my waist. I move away quickly, too quickly, for a reason that I don't quite understand. All I know is that with Sean looking on, it feels wrong somehow; even more than usual. Manny clears her throat and smiles at Sean.

"Well, you probably have a lot to do, right, Sean? After all, if you're planning on transferring back to Degrassi, you're going to have to play catch-up." He sends her an amused glance as he shakes his head slowly.

"Actually, I'm pretty well set up. Craig and I had a good talk today and he offered me a place on his couch until I can get a job, and I had a meeting with Ms. Hatzilakos yesterday after school."

"You're not staying with Jay anymore," I state. Catching my eye for a moment, he nods slowly as a corner of his mouth twists up.

"Yeah, I guess you can cite irreconcilable differences. We would have needed freaking couples' therapy just to get through a week without rearranging each other's faces." We share a smile before Manny stalks over and latches onto my arm.

"Boys, we really need to be getting inside. The dishes won't do themselves and homework is really a killer this week in math…" she trails off.

"We don't have any math homework this weekend," Peter points out.

"Well, Emma's still not feeling entirely better. She's going to need a lot of rest if she's going to make it to school on Monday," Manny retorts, half leading, half dragging me to the door.

"Emma's stomach bug was on Wednesday. She was in school all of last week, Manny," my boyfriend bites out. I look to Sean for an escape route, and he nods slightly.

"Guys, I'm gonna go… I wanted to catch up with Craig before he heads back out to Vancouver." As he heads off I run after him, catching him by the shoulder of his sweatshirt. He turns around and smiles a little. I hate that suddenly he has to avoid my gaze, looking down at the ground or at the area behind my shoulder. "So that's the boyfriend, huh?"

"Look, Sean, you don't have to go. We can all sit down and talk, and… talk," I finish lamely. Sean smirks and shakes his head, turning down what we both know would be an invitation for distaster.

"I think that between Manny and Peter you've got enough company for now. You should call me later, though… maybe we could hang out tomorrow. Like old times."

"Yeah, like old times. And Sean?" I ask as he walks towards his car. He turns halfway around and I hug him tightly, letting a silly grin come over my face when I step back and see the way his eyes dance. We step away from each other and I let him go, for once having the assurance that I'll see him sooner or later. I don't notice Peter until he's right beside me, eyes set to start rolling at any minute.

"He's got a nice car," he finally mutters. Normally I would put my arms around him, smile, and coo about how much more masculine and attractive his car is, how much more masculine and attractive he is. I did it only two days ago, after all. Instead, I simply nod and fight even harder to try and wipe the grin off my face.

"Yeah, he does."

-0-0-0-

"What were you thinking! If you're going to make out behind your boyfriend's back, it would be wise to make sure that he's not within a fifty foot radius first," she stews.

"Manny, it wasn't like that. We didn't kiss or anything, we just… got kind of close by accident." Manny smirks and shakes her head.

"You and Sean 'getting kind of close by accident' has happened before. Actually, you and Sean going through an ugly break-up and putting everyone else through hell has also happened before, twice: need I remind you of grade seven and grade nine?" I turn from my position at the bathroom mirror and set down my toothbrush on the sink.

"Manny, that was three years ago," I remind her. She walks towards me and grabs me by the shoulders, shaking me slightly.

"Exactly! All the more reason for you to not make the same mistake a third time."

"I'm not even thinking about getting back together with Sean! Who says that it would be a mistake, anyway? Just a few hours ago you were practically shoving the idea of me and Sean down my throat. What changed?" Her eyes shift toward the toilet before she can stop them and she bites her lip.

"Look, Em, I know what I saw at dinner tonight. I just think that maybe with all of the stress that you're under right now, adding a love triangle into the mix might not be the best idea," she finally says. It only takes a moment to shake off the hurt that her implications bring, but it's there for a moment all the same.

"You know what, Manny? If I wanted another therapist I would hire a professional, not someone with even more issues than me." She brings a hand up and scratches her ear, looking down at the floor.

"I know that you're upset right now, Emma…"

"No, I'm not! I'm just so sick of the constant monitoring, okay? Peter gave me the third degree for the better part of an hour after Sean left, and you haven't been able to keep your facial expression even remotely straight tonight." Any interest in backing down is gone, and Manny raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms.

"So we're suddenly the enemy because we care about you? Not everything is meant to be an invasion of privacy," she lectures. There are so many therapy conversations that this reminds me of.

"Okay, you want an invasion of privacy? When is the last time that you talked to your parents? Or, why is it that I can deal with you shunning my boyfriend, no questions asked, when you can't even let me get through a morning without practically frisking me for discarded food?" Tears fill her eyes as I realize too late that I've gone too far. Why can't I ever just keep my mouth shut?

"This is like going through intervention with you all over again," she whispers before brushing past me. A good best friend would go after her and apologize. I haven't been that in awhile, though, so instead I sink down onto the bathroom floor and rest my head on the sink. I can hear her talking to Craig through the door, begging to be picked up and trying to stop crying.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the tiled floor. My voice echoes faintly, scratchy and strangely emotionless. It's always easier to say the things that need to be said when the person that needs to hear them isn't listening.

-0-0-0-

"Come on, come on, come on," I urge the computer. My English homework was supposed to be a "couldn't wait" at ten; now, three hours later, I'm still leafing through the recycling bin on my desktop trying to recover the photos I deleted after my breakup with Sean. I'm officially starting to scare myself. Just as I think I'm making some sort of progress, the screen blacks out and my computer starts rebooting. After five minutes of gritting my teeth while the screen loads again, I decide to look at pictures of Peter and me instead; those are the pictures that I should have been looking at in the first place.

Just as I'm about to shut it down, though, I find what I've been looking for all night; a poorly taken picture of a squinting but smiling Sean and a too-serious me fighting off a close-lipped smile. His arm is wrapped around my shoulders loosely and our heads are tilted in. That was one of the best days that we had together. I remember that summer; it was the summer where we spent every waking moment joined at the hip, the one where we finally became comfortable making regular physical contact greater than a peck on the cheek. It's hard to believe that three months, three good months, flew by so quickly. Then came grade nine. What had gone so wrong with us that couldn't be fixed? What did I do to make him hate me; what had he done to get such a firm grasp on my heart? They're questions that I haven't asked myself in years, and for good reason; answers never come easily anymore.

I know that I need to get a jumpstart on my schoolwork, but instead I walk back to my bed without bothering to turn the computer off. It's only Saturday night, after all; it's been awhile since I was the responsible one who didn't leave any time for unplanned bumps in the road. As I start to fall asleep I hear Spike singing and smile to myself. Every once in awhile a voice will drift down, late at night, and I'll hear the two of them laughing or talking, always in tones that they think are quiet enough to fade into the floorboards. Before Snake went through chemo I used to try to listen in once in awhile, always wondering what they were talking about in secretive tones that late at night. After treatment it became too painful and I started hearing things that I didn't want to; so I closed my ears. I reach out for my phone, poised to call Peter, or maybe Sean; instead I snap it shut and settle in, tossing and turning until I somehow manage to drift off to sleep.

Thanks To:

Samitiny, my first and by far most enthusiastic reviewer. I'm really glad that you like my story!

Jazzy Raveler -- At first I considered only doing the prologue in first person, but overall it just felt a lot more comfortable to do it first person -- plus, it let me pour a lot of myself into Emma and by extension the story, which always helps to keep me invested and updating.

MHxxPaper Doll -- Yeah, it does seem that progress is painfully slow, huh? I was actually debating putting in a lot more Emma angst and issues and THEN having Sean come in -- but because I can't stand writing something even remotely dramatic/angsty without either 1. humor or 2. romance, I decided that it would be easier to bring him in a lot sooner. Plus, I love Sean too much to do more than one complete chapter without him. And BTW, I like your screen name. :)

ENSC28, thanks for the encouragement! I'm going to leave it as is, no spoilers needed.

Richi03

FindMeBroken -- huh, I'll have to try that technique in real life some day ;). Don't worry, though; regardless of when or why a Pemma break-up happens, it is imminent.

LuLuOceanEyes -- Semma kissing scenes are love. I've watched the season premiere at least five times in the last forty-eight hours and I still bite back a scream every time their make-out session comes on (I am allowed to say that, right? I don't think I'm spoiling anyone).