Collide

Written by Tears of Mercury

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Nor do I own the lovely line "Nothing could compare to the real thing." –squees at Eman love- I do WISH I owned Daniel Clark, though.

A/N: I can't believe it's been over a month! I'm so incredibly sorry and thank you guys so much for your patience. If the last two pages hadn't been so hard, it would've been up so much sooner. But regardless, it was great to give myself a chance to miss the story and then get re-inspired. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and apologize for the mini cliff hanger. Hopefully this chapter will tie up the one loose end I feel like I've left hanging for a little bit. Enjoy! And Matthew, this chapter is dedicated to you, baby brother, for many shared TV viewing experiences at six in the morning. I hope that the "giiiiirl" stuff isn't too over-the-top.

The TV plays softly, the volume so low that I might as well mute it. I've been sitting here watching the news since four in the morning; I'm not sure why I thought that blood, guts, and tidings of impending and ongoing wars would lull me to sleep. Obviously, three hours later, it hasn't helped. I'm startled by the patter of feet, too loud to be Spike's and too light to be Manny's or Snake's. I smile while Jack stares at me through his sleepy haze, still garbed in his Scooby Doo pajamas. "What're you watchin', Emma?"

"Nothing you'd like," I reply as he crawls up, settling in beside me. A yawn escapes his mouth as he looks to the screen and wrinkles his nose.

"No, I don't like," he remarks. I'm about to offer him the remote when his head hits my shoulder. A lump rises in my throat when I realize that he's asleep, and even though I know that I should get him back to bed so he can catch another hour of comfortable sleep, I selfishly lean back and close my own eyes. When Snake had cancer and I had to baby-sit so often, I would sit on the couch with Jack in one arm, a pencil and a piece of paper for whatever homework I was doing in the other. Sometimes it felt like he was almost as much my baby as he was Spike's, and although I resented it sometimes, a part of me felt proud to be such a huge part of his life. Then he grew up… only a little, but enough that I was practically a stranger.

In moments like this, I feel like his big sister. He's the one person that I'm just plain old Emma to; not his anorexic big sister or Peter's girlfriend and Sean's ex-girlfriend, not the girl with feelings that she can't begin to decipher. And somehow, just having someone who sees me through those eyes makes it almost possible to see myself that way. I reach out to stroke his head, blinking back tears for some unknown reason. "I'm going to be a mess today," I mutter, swiping at my eyes.

"That makes two of us," whispers a weak voice from the stairs. I look up and see Snake making his way to the kitchen, offering me a brief smile. That's not what catches my attention, though; it's the small trail of blood coming out of his nose. I get up, making sure that Jack's head falls on a pillow before moving into the kitchen, grabbing a tissue and bringing it to Snake.

"Your nose is all bloody," I explain, and he nods slightly.

"I know… I was actually coming down to call my doctor." I close my eyes and take a deep breath at the words, willing myself to relax. This is good, I know. This way, the doctor can clear things up and assure us that nothing is wrong, nothing at all. "You were right, Emma. I haven't felt good for awhile, and putting it off will just make things worse… I'm going to have a long talk with Spike this morning." I reach up a hand to blot at a stray drop of blood, trying to focus on that solitary task and tune out his words. "Emma, please say something. Talk to me," he pleads, grabbing my hand.

"You're going to need a substitute. Do you want me to call the school first? Because, you know, it'll be better if they know now that you won't be coming in today, and obviously if cancer is killing you than you're not well enough to go and teach a bunch of kids."

"Emma…"

"Don't, just don't!" I yell, snatching my hands back. "Don't talk to me and make plans for today and for getting tested and going back to chemo and shaving your head in front of the entire school. No more! Not again!" I hate that I'm being so childish, so emotional when Snake needs me the most, but this is the time when I need him the most, too. It's all so unfair. Memories of late-night baby-sitting stints and a broken Snake lying on the bathroom floor in tears swim before my eyes and for a moment I think that I might pass out.

"I'm scared, too. I don't know if I can do it either," he says comfortingly. I crumple into his arms and he hugs me tightly. This can't happen to Snake. He's become a father to me over the years; he was the one to come with my mom to rescue me from Jordan, the one that I went to after the shooting, and the parent that I trusted with the secret of my STD.

"You can do it. You have to," I reply. "You're my dad. I need you around." My voice wobbles dangerously, only soothed at his next words.

"I'm not planning on going anywhere."

-0-0-0-

"It's going to be a tough day, huh?" Manny reaches out for my hand and nods, her eyes brimming with tears. I turn around and hug her, glad that Snake hasn't broken the news to her yet; the last thing that she needs is to hear that she'll have to either move back in with her parents or deal with being around the house while Snake goes through chemo. If he has to go through chemo at all, I remind myself. Nothing is certain until the blood work comes back. Nothing is certain, of course, but bloody noses and bruises that take too long to heal.

"I don't know why it's so hard for me to say goodbye this time. Last time it was hard, but not… not like this. This feels permanent for some reason."

"Are you guys having problems?" I ask cautiously. She shakes her head, lips pursed.

"No, but… he just… he said some things, completely innocent things, while he was here. About how Ellie came up to see him one weekend, and all of these things that I supposedly wouldn't understand about the music business, and… she called twice Saturday night, Em. And he talked to her, twice. What am I supposed to think?" she asks.

"You're supposed think that Craig is madly in love with you and that he realizes just how lucky he is to have you. He and Ellie are just good friends because of group and because they were in the band together," I assure her, smiling until I get her to smile back at me. I know what it's like to be insecure, but after seeing the way that Craig looked at Manny last night, I can't understand how she can even question whether or not he loves her. I'm set to joke, telling her that I'm jealous of the relationship she has, but it falls dead on my lips as I realize that it wouldn't be much of a joke to either of us right now. Manny switches the subject.

"So, what happened with you and Sean last night?"

"Try nothing," I reply, a little too quickly. "He came, said that everyone was worried, and then we went home." She cocks her brow at me and a smile tugs at the corners of her lips.

"Are you sure there weren't any secret make-out sessions in there? He seemed awfully possessive when the two of you pulled up." I laugh out loud at the suggestion.

"Sean is a lot of things, but he's never been possessive. Besides, he was just being nice… I was cold, so he let me borrow his jacket." I leave out how deeply the small gesture touched me and how then proceeded to fall apart in his arms, grateful beyond words that he was there to catch me.

"And of course, that little kiss on the forehead and those soulful gazes didn't mean anything either," she replies.

"Very funny, Manny. You know that there's nothing between Sean and me!" Her eyes flicker behind me and she tries to send me a warning glance. I'm not quite sure why until I turn around, almost bumping into my boyfriend. "Peter! I wasn't expecting to see you!" I squeak, leaning up to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Really? It is school," he replies, and I laugh nervously. I know that I'll need to do damage control after unintentionally avoiding him yesterday and that little remark about Sean that he overheard. Before I have a chance to say something, my eyes find Sean, and he's coming right toward us. There's that hint of a grin on his face, and out of something that I convince myself is only habit, I can't resist smiling back.

"Hey, Em." I nod slightly, trying to play the situation off. Peter glares at Manny, Manny is looking between me and Sean and giving me her trademark "I told you so" smirk, and Sean doesn't seem to be seeing anything but me. "Are you feeling better?" In truth, I've still been shaken since Snake's news this morning, but it isn't the time or the place to open up about that.

"Yeah, I'm doing a lot better now. Oh, I brought your sweatshirt… thanks again for the loan." He smiles almost imperceptibly and accepts it when I pull it out of my bag, finally sparing a glance to Peter and Manny and nodding at them before turning his attention back to me.

"I guess I'll see you in calculus." I nod, struggling to contain the odd urge to squeal that's building up in my chest. Of all the weird things…

"Later." I give him a slight wave as he walks off, turning to face Manny and Peter. The blatant jealousy on Peter's face is almost as irritating as the knowing smile playing across Manny's face; I'm expecting her to break into a victory dance at any moment.

"You were spending time with Sean yesterday?"

"Actually, she spent the day with Craig and then got lost going home. Sean picked her up and gave her a ride," Manny cuts in. Manny, who has been getting on my case about Sean since he got here from Wasaga Beach. But as much as Peter despises Craig, it still beats hearing that your girlfriend is spending time with her ex. Before Peter can finish the sentence already tumbling out of his mouth, the bell sounds loudly. Throughout the day I try repeatedly to focus on my schoolwork, but I can't get a familiar pair of baby blue eyes out my mind. For a moment I wonder if maybe Manny is right after all, if I am falling for Sean all over again or ever got over him in the first place, but the thought scares me so profoundly than I shove it down and focus on making it through the day. That, it seems, is more than enough to sap me of my energy these days.

-0-0-0-

"Hey, hey, slow down there!" Manny squawked, managing to grab Sean's arm between shallow, frequent breaths. "No offense, but I think that you need to start picking up the pace, okay?" she complained, sarcasm laced through her words. Sean sighed and shifted his books.

"What is it that you want, Manny? I can count on one hand the number of times we've talked apart from Emma, and it's never been about anything but her when we do," he said. School had killed him today, and he had been hoping to catch Emma before she left… Manny stood in front of him, arms crossed and one hip jutted out.

"Do you not remember the little talk that we had yesterday?"

"Oh, you mean the one where you practically threatened to slap a restraining order on me if I didn't stop talking to Emma? Gee, I'd almost forgotten about that one," he snapped.

"That's not what I said and you know it. I'd like nothing more than to see Emma happy again, but Sean… if you have feelings for her, you had better let her know where you stand, and soon, or steer clear of her altogether. You don't even know half of the things that are going on with her right now."

"And you do? When is the last time that she felt like she could talk to any of you about the shit that she's going through?" Manny reeled back as if he'd physically hit her.

"You know what, Sean? The next time you want to preach at me about not being there for the people closest to me, I'd advise you to remember running off to Wasaga two years ago." Sean remained silent. The brunette stepped toward him, searching his eyes for a moment before shaking her head. "You know, Ellie wasn't the only one who cried herself to sleep every night after you left; she's just the only one you heard about." Her footsteps barely sounded on the asphalt as she walked away.

As Sean went back to Craig's, did his homework in the basement, and finally dressed for bed, he couldn't get the image of a haunted, willowy blonde with tears in her eyes out of his mind. He had promised himself ages ago to never again be the cause of her tears, but he always seemed to find one way or another to screw things up between the two of them. And there was, whether she was willing to admit it or not, still a two of them.

-0-0-0-

I manage to catch Snake at a quiet moment with no one else around and touch him slightly on the arm, just enough to get his attention. "So when are the results from the tests going to come back?" I ask, not really wanting to know as much as needing to.

"They'll be back by Friday." He sighs, shifting the briefcase under his arm to his other side. "Emma, I don't want you to worry about this, okay? I know that you're always ready to swoop in and save the world; it's one of the things that I love about you. But this… let's just wait and see what happens. Your mom and I put a lot of pressure on you when I was diagnosed the first time around, and even though we didn't see another option at the time, it was a huge mistake. You've been through a lot the past couple of years, and I just want you to know… if you need something, you can tell me and Spike. It's okay to need something." The words mean more to me than he knows, maybe because I don't remember anyone ever saying them before.

"Thank you, Dad. And for more than just… this," I say, trying to clumsily thank him for being the only one who seems to be okay with the idea that I may never get back to the girl that I was when we first met. He looks at me oddly for a moment and then smiles.

"Hey, it's my job. I love you and Jack to death, and I know that I don't say it very often…" he trails off when I start getting misty-eyed and clears his throat. "No more tears today. There have been too many of those lately, and it's time to start seeing a few smiles." I laugh shakily and he touches my arm. "Promise?" His voice is husky, hinting at the onset of tears, but I know that he'd be embarrassed if I pointed it out, so I pretend that I don't see.

"I promise," I reply, waving as I step out of the room. I make my way to my locker, restraining from rolling my eyes when I see Peter standing there. "Hey, what's up?"

"Well, we usually meet at your locker after school," he reminds me. I can tell that something is wrong, but I don't bother asking what. At this point I don't think I can deal with anymore drama.

"I'm sorry I was late; I was just got caught up in a really important conversation," I apologize emotionlessly. He looks at the floor for a moment and scuffs it up with his sneakers before swinging his gaze up to me.

"Was this conversation with Sean?" Of course. How could I have been so stupid, actually thinking that Peter might be dissatisfied with our relationship for a reason besides my physical withdrawal or another guy?

"Actually, it was a conversation with Snake. We've had some family issues lately, and it's been kind of hard on us," I inform him, snapping my locker shut and grabbing my book bag. "I would have mentioned it, but every time that I call you lately you're too busy working on your documentary." I'm probably not being fair; when he is paying attention to me I feel stifled. Somehow Peter's relationship extremes don't seem to be something I can blame on myself anymore, though. I start to walk away, but naturally it isn't that easy to end the fight.

"Emma, wait up! I'm sorry that I haven't been around lately, but that doesn't give you any right to start hooking up with your ex!" I whip around to face him. Of all the completely idiotic accusations to make, that has to be the most laughable. Well, maybe not that idiotic, considering our history…

"Me and Sean?! He's only been in town since Saturday and you're already jumping down my throat! Do you even remember me telling you that he was living with a girl before he left for Wasaga? He doesn't see me like that, and even if he did you know I'm not that type of girl, Peter."

"You were flirting with him right in front of me this morning! There's something going on, and I hate that you won't just come out and tell me!" he shouts, stopping in the middle of the hall. A few people walk past, shooting us looks. Why did he have to do this here, of all places? Not that it would've been so much better if it was somewhere else; but I never have been able to get over my second-nature avoidance of public fights.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say but no, there isn't anything going on. Sean's an old friend, okay? He saved my life! So I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable that we hang out sometimes, but if you're giving me an ultimatum than the answer is no, I'm not going to stop talking to him!" I'm set to storm off or plant myself in place, glaring at him until he gets the message and walks away, when he reaches out for my arm.

"Emma, please. I'm sorry, okay? I know that I'm being a jerk, but I'm just scared of losing you, especially after we fought so hard to be together last year. I just… I love you," he pleads. It hurts more than it should to realize that maybe, even if he is in the wrong here, I'm not without fault either. I never am.

"It's fine. Don't worry so much. If I was going anywhere, don't you think that I would have gone by now?" I point out. As he kisses me and the hollowness that had receded the past couple of days comes back full force, I dig my nails into my hands at the guilt of it all. There's no way that he could know that words so comforting to him leave an aching in the center of my chest.

"Look, I want to make this up to you. How about we have that dinner that we were talking about Friday?" Before I have the chance to let him know that there's a very good chance that I'll be informed that my step father is out of remission and won't feel like going out that day, he adds, "Wear something dressy, okay?" I'm about to say no. I really am. If I'm being especially decent, I might even get up the nerve to break up with him. But the old fear of being alone and not having someone who wants me in some form or the other overpowers me and I nod in agreement, hating myself for being so damn selfish.

"I'll go shopping with Manny this afternoon. We both need a diversion, anyway." He kisses me goodbye passionately, no doubt happy that he's defused what could have been a very nasty fight. When I get to the parking lot Manny is leaning against the railing that splits the front steps down the middle. Something is gnawing at her, but I'm not quite sure what. "Don't look so gloomy. You'll get premature frown lines," I joke, sidling up to her and putting an arm around her. When she doesn't respond I look over uncertainly. I haven't seen her this upset in awhile, and it's starting to scare me. "Are you ready to get out of here?" I finally ask, fiddling with the strap of my messenger bag.

"You have no idea," she says, leaning her head against mine for just a moment before we link arms and walk towards home.

-0-0-0-

"Em, you have to try this on! It would look so cute with that denim mini-skirt that you bought last week." I whack her gently with the dress I'm appraising.

"Manny, stay focused! I have to find something to wear this Friday. What the heck did he mean by 'dress up,' anyway? Does that mean a nice pair of khakis and a cute top or a ball gown?" After two and a half hours of unsuccessful searching I'm getting ready to bang my head repeatedly against the nearest wall before trotting back home with my tail between my legs and looking for something remotely formal that Peter hasn't seen me in a hundred times.

"You should just wear that really cute dress that you wore last year to my Degrassi play. Or what about your grade eleven prom dress? It looked great on you, and if you dress it up he won't even… oh my god, Emma. Look. This. Is. THE. DRESS!!!" she squeals, holding it up to me. The words of irritation fall dead on my lips when I look at the dress that she's holding up. It's a simple purple sheath, the crisscross straps in the back thin but not too revealing, and the hemline coming down to mid-calf and tapering off in small ruffles. There are a million reasons why it's too formal or too expensive, the first and foremost that I've hated that deep shade of purple for as long as I can remember. It's gorgeous, though, and as I find myself staring at my reflection in the dressing room mirror five minutes later, I can hardly bear to take it off, much less put it back on the shelf. Manny's reflection appears next to mine, the hands on her hips and the satisfied smile on her face making her look more like a proud parent than a best friend. "I told you! This is going to be the most romantic date of your life… even if you do have to spend it with Peter." She wrinkles her nose in disgust and I pick up the price tag.

"I'll tell you what; if you loan me half the money, I'll let you borrow it the next time Craig comes into town," I bargain. She lets out a snort.

"Emma, even if I could come remotely close to fitting into the same clothing as you, I have a feeling that Peter's end-of-the-evening plans will require a ceremonial burning of the dress as soon as you get in." I smack her arm absentmindedly, hating that for once my nervousness trumps my indignation. It's unnerving how even the thought of taking that step with someone other than… with anyone, I mean… seems to reduce me to the grade seven who's just realized that bleach was invented for a reason and that sooner or later, everyone has to grow up. I was right to be worried that time; I can only hope that this time will be different.

-0-0-0-

The rest of the week passes slowly, and I alternate between spending time with Manny and Sean and slipping away for the required make-out sessions and "how was your day?" conversations with Peter. The two of us are better than we've been in awhile, but I still can't think of anything but Sean every time I lean over and kiss my current boyfriend. It's dysfunctional and wrong on so many levels, and if I didn't feel so safe and so completely terrified every time I made eye contact with Sean, I might tell Peter the truth. I've never wanted to believe that I'm one of those people that would intentionally use another person, manipulate them for their own benefit. It seems to be exactly what I'm doing, though, and I'm too afraid of the outcome to put a stop to my playacting. Possibly the worst part is that I don't confide with any out of the three people closest to me about the test results that my family's been waiting on for days.

I've barely gotten in the door Friday afternoon when Spike runs up to me, clutching me tightly. It can only mean one thing, and I cling to her, tears flowing down my face. "Oh, mom," I choke out, burying my face in her neck. She pulls away from me, smiling and laughing and crying at the same time.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I must've scared you to death. It's actually great news. There's nothing at all wrong with Snake other than a common cold." Disbelief coils in my stomach, and I search her face for any sign of dishonesty.

"But that's impossible. What… what about the nose bleed?" I demand.

"He got them all the time when he was a kid. He still gets them every once in a blue moon; he just assumed that it was more serious because of his medical history. Emma, Snake is going to be fine." When Manny walks in the door five minutes later we draw her into the hug too, giggling when she asks us who died.

"No one. No one at all," I answer, brushing the last remnants of tears from my face.

-0-0-0-

"Manny, this purple eye shadow is making me look like a hooker," I complain, drawing my arms around my middle. The girl in the mirror is almost completely expressionless, but her hands shake slightly and she blinks rapidly, mouth opened wide as Manny expertly applies lipstick.

"You have way too much class to look like a hooker. Now c'mere and let me get in another coat of mascara before we start ripping my side of the room apart for the clutch I promised to lend you…" The doorbell rings loudly, and we both stare at each other for a moment. Peter may be many things, but punctual isn't one of them. We should have had at least ten more minutes before he got here. We need ten more minutes before he gets here. Just as I'm about to start hyperventilating, Snake's amused and refreshingly teasing voice travels down the stairs.

"Emma, there's a young man here for you." I clutch Manny's arm, sending her a pleading glance. She shakes her head firmly back and forth, dragging me toward the steps.

"She'll be right up, Mr. S," she calls, immediately dropping her voice to a harsh, frenzied whisper. "Em, I am not going to force myself to have five minutes of polite conversation with Peter, even for you. Look, just slip on your heels and you'll be fine; you don't need the purse anyway." Arguing proves futile, so I slip on the sandals and trudge upstairs, head down and cheeks beet red.

"I didn't think that you'd be here this soon. You're usually a little –" The moment I look up I regret it. "Sean," I manage, my eyebrows rising and my mouth hanging open. He doesn't seem to hear a word that I'm saying, and as those eyes that I know so well bore a hole into me, stare through me, and somehow find me again, my heart breaks. When he finally remembers himself he nods distractedly, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"You look beautiful. I don't think… I'm not sure that you've ever looked this gorgeous before." It's funny how it's always something little that makes me fall for Sean Cameron all over again: talk about his old dog; the hurt in his eyes as he brushes off my apology for a rescinded wedding invitation; a simple compliment that makes me forget that anyone but the two of us are in the same room.

"I, uh… I wasn't expecting… thank you," I whisper, wringing my hands. The doorbell rings again and I jump slightly, closing my eyes as I try to steady myself. "That's probably Peter. I need to get going. Was there something that you needed?" My voice trembles slightly. For a moment he seems to hesitate, but he simply shakes his head.

"No, nothing I can't do without. Uh, do you think that we could talk later? Whenever is good for you. I just…" I avoid his eyes at all cost and nod my head stiffly in a gesture that we both know doesn't mean a thing.

"Sure. That would be good." I'm jolted by the gentle thumb that swipes a stray tendril of hair behind my ear.

"It was…" he motions awkwardly with his hand, "falling into your face." I nod, sparing a small smile in thanks. The urge to blurt out the words "I love you" is suddenly unbearable, and it's this realization that startles me enough to back away.

"I'll talk to you later, then." Without waiting for a reply I stride toward the front door, answering it just as Peter raises his hand to knock. He has a single red rose in his hands and a faint smile passes over his features as he takes me in. "Sorry about the wait."

"Hey, this is more than worth waiting for," he replies, taking me by the arm and leading me toward his car. It's only after we're driving away that I realize that I left Sean standing in the middle of my kitchen.

Thanks To:

Samitiny – Your enthusiastic reviews continue to be SUCH a huge inspiration to me! Thanks so much, and I honestly hope that you love this chapter as much as I loved writing it.

MHxxPAPERDOLL – I love Craig. Dammit, I don't want to love the manwhore that's broken three hearts, but he's just too adorable not to. I agree; Craig does seem to bring a certain flavor to Eman fics.

BeautifulxDreamer – This chapter should shed a little light on that, and if not, just wait for the next chapter! 

Sopherdoodle – Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you're enjoying my story! And don't you just love how typos pop up at the most inconvenient moments:P

FuN FiFi – Thank you! Emma's just one of those characters that got so under my skin (in a good way) that eventually I felt comfortable enough to try jumping into hers. Is it just me, or did that sentence make no sense?

Oua

Danyu – Ah! Someone who likes Leyton and Eman, and is a wonderful writer to boot? I've just died and gone to heaven! You'll have to be careful, or in the future you may end up getting a bunch of jumbled PMs about an idea I've had for a DegrassixOTH crossover.