A/N: We are officially at fifty-nine pages! Boo-yah! –settles down- Okay, now this chapter is admittedly shorter than my usual chapters, but adding any more to the length didn't seem right and there's tons of drama and fluff (hint, hint) packed in. I'm so happy that I get to post this on Christmas Eve, so let me just take a moment to dedicate this chapter to all of you, my faithful readers and reviewers. Whether tomorrow signifies the birth of the savior of the world, a time of family togetherness and love, or just another day until Hanukkah, I wish that your holiday season would be blessed. This is my Christmas present to you. Now, onto official business… After the first section of this chapter, we do a time jump backwards. I know this means that any claim I had to writing a non-cliché fanfiction is probably going down the drain with this and that I'm probably breaking tons of rules, but it worked with the chapter much better this way. It'll make much more sense once you read it. I hope you all enjoy!
"I can't believe you!" I scream, walking quickly across the asphalt. I have no idea how I'm going to get home, how I'm going to keep the tears of humiliation at bay any longer, or how my feet are going to last one more minute in these heels.
"Emma, wait! It was a one-time thing, and I was kind of buzzed and you weren't there—" I whirl around to face him, my voice raising another decibel.
"So cheating on me when I'm out of town is excusable?! I should have known that you were only using me to get to her. That you were only using me period," I spit out. When I turn again Peter's hand closes around the wrist I twisted this morning. I shove him off me with a squeal of surprise, and suddenly someone is running towards us. In moments Peter is under him on the ground, pitifully trying to ward off the punches. "Sean, stop it! You'll seriously hurt him!" People are bursting out of the restaurant and it looks like someone is pulling out their cell phone to call the cops. Panic fills me. My voice catches in my throat as I look on, frozen in place. Sean, you have to stop, I want to say, but I feel helpless to stop any of this. Despite the increasing sense of déjà vu, I make my feet move forward and grab his elbow when he's paused for a moment. "Sean, please."
-0-0-0-
Sean looked around the kitchen of the Nelson household. There wasn't a hole in the ground to swallow him up, and apparently there wasn't a back door, either. "Jack, sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you not to eat the acorns lying underneath trees?" He started at Mrs. Nelson's voice coming from the next room. How did he explain this without looking like a complete ass or lying through his teeth? The basement window. Of course. Sean practically sprinted to the door, swinging it open to reveal Manny precariously leaned up against the doorframe.
"Were you eavesdropping?" he asked incredulously. The raven-haired girl pulled him through the door and shut it quickly.
"Downstairs now," she hissed. After swaying for a moment, Sean regained his balance and joined Manny on the bottom step. "I heard your voice, and I was… curious. I could only get bits and pieces of the conversation, though. So I may have edged a little bit closer to the door…" Manny admitted guiltily. "But what's your excuse? You come over here, clearly set on declaring your undying love for her, and then you chicken out because she's a little skittish?"
"Peter was at the door," Sean argued weakly, running a hand through his hair as he settled in next to her with a decided thump. "And she was standing there looking like something out of a fairy tale, and all I could think was, 'This is it? This is the grand moment where I tell her to break up with her boyfriend and be with me?' We both know I don't deserve her, Manny. I never have."
"Okay, first of all, Emma Nelson isn't a high maintenance girl, contrary to popular belief. And after all of the mistakes she's made and all of the crappy things that have happened to her, I can't believe you still have her on this pedestal. She's not too good for you. She certainly doesn't think so," she pointed out.
"She practically ran out the door, Manny. Tell me what that is if it's not rejection."
"It's fear, plain and simple," Manny replied. "You don't realize how in love with you she is. She doesn't even realize it. But you have the power to break her heart… again. If I thought for one second that you would, we wouldn't be having this conversation." Sean leaned forward and took the words in.
"So what am I supposed to do?" he finally asked. A smile lit up Manny's face.
"I know the name of the place where Peter is taking her. Go there, tell her how you feel, and give her the kiss of her life. The grease stains on your wife beater are unfortunate, but we don't have much else to work with," she said, wrinkling her nose. After a moment's hesitation, Sean stood up. "But I swear Sean Cameron, if you screw this up I will hunt you down and beat your bad gangsta ass," Manny threatened. Suddenly she was engulfed in a bear hug from an excited, adrenaline-filled Sean. "Yeah, I know, I'm the life preserver of this dysfunctional relationship. Now let me write down the address before I change my mind."
-0-0-0-
My eyes wander around the restaurant uneasily, taking in the upper-end clientele and the layout of the open room. It feels suspiciously more like a museum than a place to eat. Instead of saying any of this to Peter, though, my mind continues to drift back to the boy who may very well still be standing in my house. A tangle of thoughts race through my head, each vying to be heard above the others. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Why did you have to do this to me again? Why can't I ever help myself when it comes to you? I have a boyfriend! And he loves me and he's not going to leave me at the first sign of trouble, which is more than I could ever say about you. I don't deserve any of this; the good or the bad. I hate knowing that I'm in the wrong and that there's no way that I can fix this without hurting one of us. The flourishing script on the menu jumbles and loses focus for a moment, but I blink rapidly a few times and regain my focus. Almost everything is written in French. At least, I think it's French. It might be Italian…
"I'm so glad that you're here with me. I'm the luckiest man on the planet," Peter says, reaching out and clasping my hand. I spare him a smile, wondering how a break-up speech is supposed to follow a statement that sweet; because as I see it, I don't have any other choice. It's always been Sean; I knew this when he came back and I know it now. "You know," he continues, looking down, "I really felt like we were growing apart for awhile this summer. Now I feel like we're finally in a good place again, and I just can't believe that we've made it through all this. It's like we've finally reached another level." There isn't really anything that I can say in response, so I simply squeeze his hand and look down at my plate. I'm torn between this sudden urge to run out of the restaurant and find Sean as quickly as possible and my desire to do this the right way. I've never broken up with anyone before, unless you count the fight in grade seven with Sean. Considering the results the last time I said something insensitive to a boy, it isn't really any wonder that I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing now.
"Look, Peter…" I begin, but the waiter comes up and asks for our order before I can finish. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Peter rattles off two orders in perfectly accented French, smiling a bit as the waiter leaves.
"You were saying?" he encourages, smiling expectantly. Sweetly. Why does this have to be so hard? I glance down at my lap, the rose he presented me with earlier still resting there. The red and purple clash horrendously. They shouldn't, but they do, and I can't turn my attention to anything else until I figure out some way to fix it. "Em?" he asks. He waves a hand in front of my eyes.
"I was just going to say that… Oh, wow. I really don't remember. It must have been one of those brain hiccoughs, you know?" I laugh uneasily, the sound brittle enough to shatter glass. Peter looks at me strangely for a moment and then shakes his head.
"Anyway, I really think that you're going to like what I ordered. No snails or unpleasant surprises; I promise," he assures. I smile again, taking in a deep breath. Doubts are suddenly swirling through my mind. As uncomfortable as I feel, this is a tremendously sweet and romantic gesture. Peter has stuck with me through so much; am I really going to break up with him for some confused feelings? It's more than that, a small voice at the back of my head nags me. You love Sean. You've loved him for six years. The waiter appears with two glasses of water. I immediately start drinking, pouncing on the excuse to not talk. Peter starts describing the documentary, getting more and more animated as he goes on. He really loves this, I realize. The smile on his face is genuine; a smile that he's never given to me. That grain of truth gives me the courage to press on.
"Peter, maybe we should talk…" I suggest once there's a break in the conversation. "A lot's been going on the past few months, and I feel like some things have changed. I know that I've changed." I pause to collect my thoughts, giving him a sad smile. "I feel like we're moving in a new direction…" Wonderful. Now I'm making us sound like a ship. To my surprise, he smiles knowingly at me, reaching out and tracing designs on my hand. A faint glimmer touches his eyes. Something indecipherable is clouding his eyes, and I suddenly realize that these feelings I've been harboring aren't so one-sided after all. Thank God.
"I feel exactly the same. Actually, there's something that I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you. I kind of got us a room," Peter tells me, blushing with false embarrassment. "I thought, you know, it's a lot less tacky than prom, and I wanted our first time to be special." I blink stupidly at him for a good thirty seconds. We are so not on the same page.
"Why didn't you talk to me about this first?" My voice is accusing, but I know I have no right to act self righteous. It looks like I'm not the only one with a few bombshells to drop tonight. His forehead creases.
"I didn't really think that I needed to. I thought we were both ready for the next step. Look, Em, if this is about your body issues, you know that I think you're gorgeous." His tone is patronizing, and for a moment I have the overpowering urge to slap him.
"This has nothing to do with anorexia," I say a little too loudly. After the interested onlookers get the hint, I continue more softly. "What gave you the idea we were going to have sex?"
"Don't play stupid. It's not like you're new to all this," he replies. I can feel my face flaming as anger boils in my stomach. Count to ten, Emma. Count to ten. Count to…
"What are you talking about?" I ask him quietly.
"I think you know what I'm talking about," Peter answers. I stare at him incredulously for a moment before throwing the cloth napkin clenched in my hand on the table.
"You know, I have spent the better part of our relationship giving you the benefit of the doubt and trying to convince my family and friends to do the same. I can't believe that you would throw my hook-up with Jay back in my face, especially when I let you off the hook so easily with Manny," I rant, throwing my hands up in the air for emphasis. His face drains of all color as he looks at me fearfully. When he speaks, his voice is shaking.
"Manny told you about that?" There's a beat filled with sickening silence as I connect the dots in my head. The avoidance, Manny's venomous remarks about how Peter can't be trusted, his discomfort around her; it all makes perfect sense now. I swallow before getting up.
"I can't believe you. So tell me Peter, did you have to get her drunk first this time? Did you?" My voice is too shrill. No matter how desperately I try to regain my composure I can feel myself falling apart at the seams painfully slowly.
"No. It wasn't even like that! I got drunk at Heather Sinclair's party that day last July that you were at your aunt's, and I called her for a ride and then tried to kiss her before I got out…" I can't take it anymore.
"We're done," I whisper, rushing toward the front of the restaurant. Even though I know that he's right behind me, I picture myself striding outside alone and finding the nearest pay phone so I can call Sean and tell him how sorry I am for everything and that Peter was so not worth the easy letdown I tried to give him, but I'm through with that mess now. Because Sean, rumpled, car loving Sean with his awful timing and perfect kisses, is all that I want right now. All that I've ever wanted.
-0-0-0-
As soon as Sean turned the car off he knew that something was wrong. Emma had just burst out of the restaurant, jaw clenched in an effort to hide her trembling lower lip and glistening eyes. He got out of the car quickly, hanging back when he saw Peter trailing behind her. He wouldn't step in unless she needed him. The closer Emma got the harder it was to restrain himself, though. He suddenly caught sight of Peter reaching out, wrenching her around harshly. She had hardly let out her soft scream before he was running for the other man. In a moment they were on the ground, a mess of fists and blood and the rage he felt slowly taking over him. Techniques from the anger management courses his social worker had forced him into swirled around in his head: stop, breathe, talk out your feelings; they were all worthless now. Nothing in his peripheral vision registered. Then:
"Sean, please." Her voice was so soft he should have missed it. The hand on his elbow was cool as ice, and his natural reflex was to shove it off as hard as he could. For a split second he remembered throwing Emma Nelson's restraining arm off on another occasion, hurting much more than her body when he threw her to the ground. It was a mistake he'd promised himself to never make again. He forced his arm to relax. Peter scrambled out from under him, hurrying towards his car without another word to either of them. Sean tried to control his breathing, closing his eyes when Emma sank down onto the ground next to him, her arm going around his shoulders. As soon as he had regained control he looked up at Emma uncertainly.
"Are you okay?" A tear spilled from the corner of her eye. Without warning she leaned into him, and then his lips were on hers and he was falling, falling, falling so fast and so hard that nothing could stop him. She broke away from him entirely too soon, her eyes meeting his.
"I am now."
-0-0-0-
"You're back! Manny yells. "And you're battered, too," she adds, frowning slightly.
"Why didn't you tell me that he came onto you?" I inquire. I can feel Sean's grip on my hand tighten slightly, and he glances questioningly between us. Even though I don't want to, I let go of his hand and nod slightly. This is some way to start our first evening as a reunited, happy couple, I can't help but thinking, resisting the impulse to pout. After Sean is in the kitchen, Manny lets out the breath she's been holding for well over a minute and presses her fingers to her temples.
"First off, he was drunk. I know firsthand how messed up your head can get after a few too many drinks. Plus, nothing actually happened, and I slapped him when he tried to change that. How was I supposed to know Sean would be coming back to Degrassi still hopelessly in love with you? It seemed like Peter was making you happy, and I didn't want to ruin that for you." It's faulty reasoning at its worst, and I don't hesitate to tell her so.
"I wouldn't have gone off and thrown up all of my food, you know," I continue. Well… she sees the flicker in my eyes but is kind enough to ignore it. "Thank you for caring enough about my well-being to cover for him," I say softly.
"So, are you and Sean, like, a thing now?" She asks me in a stage whisper. I laugh and close the distance between us with a hug.
"I think we're definitely a thing; a very big thing," I say, surprised at the unstoppable smile it brings to my face.
Because we are finally a couple. We can go out alone without having to worry about the rumor mill catching wind of it, we can do the senior prom cliché and enjoy every cheesy minute of it, and I can finally hold his hand and let him brush my hair away without feeling guilty. Which reminds me… "I'll be back," I tell Manny, running into the kitchen. I'm struck by just how handsome he is, leaning up against the counter.
"Miss me?" he inquires teasingly. And because in the past five minutes ninety-nine percent of my thoughts have been about him and because it's true for me in so many more ways than he means, I reach out and trace his cheekbone with my fingers, letting them linger there.
"An indecent amount," I remark honestly, smiling into the kiss he places on my lips. His arms encircle my waist and I lean into him, finally letting myself go like I've wanted to since the moment I opened up the door to him two weeks ago.
"Let's dance," he murmurs into my ear, leading off in a slow, gentle waltz that seems built for us. There's no song, I almost say, and at any moment Spike and Snake are going to come down the stairs and ask us what the hell is going on. But it's so natural and I fit into him so well and I've missed dancing with him so much more than I ever realized, so I follow his lead and rest my head against his shoulder.
I still have all of the small things that he says with his gestures memorized, I realize. In that transcendental way that you discover things that you've known for ages, I realize that Sean Cameron loves me just as much as I love him. Suddenly all of the memories that have haunted me nonstop these past few weeks disappear, and I feel gentle excitement curling in my stomach in anticipation of all of the new memories that we'll get to make: the day when we'll know each other so completely that we won't just love each other, we'll be in love with each other, and the first time that we'll whisper "I love you's", and the first time that we'll fall asleep in each others' arms. As I lean into him, reaching up to run my fingers through his curls gently as his hands smooth across the small of my back, I realize that the future doesn't seem so dark anymore now that he's in it.
-0-0-0-
They must have been in that kitchen dancing for hours. When they finally sat down at the kitchen table, holding hands as Sean ran his fingers across her knuckles, he cleared his throat nervously. "I want to do this the right way. I want to get to know you again, all of those little things that have changed over the years," he told her earnestly, looking into her eyes.
"I want the same thing. I just… I can't believe that this is finally happening," she said, wonder in her voice. And as she looked at him, her eyes lighting up her whole being with a smile that didn't require the rest of her face, Sean knew that they would be ok.
Thanks To:
LuLuOceanEyes: I'm so sorry to keep you waiting this long! I hope this update is worth the wait for you.
Urharmony: This chapter should make you happy. And yes, I know, it's crazy the things we do because we're scared of being alone. It was torture for me to write them for so long without being together, and even now I feel like maybe I should have waited a little longer. After working on this story for a good four months, though, my patience had pretty much expired.
Samitiny: Thanks once again! You have no idea how encouraging it is to hear kind words when you're in the middle of a "my writing sucks, I need to delete all the files on my computer and forget about ever picking up a pen again" phase. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.
BeautifulxDreamer: I know. Doesn't Peter just make your skin crawl? "and it is not with that awful Peter" made me laugh so hard. I'm very glad that I've made Emma communicate that point to you guys, even if she hadn't quite realized it herself until this chapter.
Oua: Yes, I do tend to feel bad for Sean in this fanfic, especially given some arcs that I have planned for the future that may or may not be worked in… but in this chapter, being abandoned in the kitchen turned out to be helpful.
MHxxPAPER DOLL: Do you know, I almost used your idea? I seriously toyed around with it when I was in the middle of my terrible month of writer's block for this story, and I was going to dedicate the chapter to you if it worked out. Alas, it did not, but I still smile every time I read that review. Thanks for the kind words.
Stormsandsins: Yay! A new reviewer! And thanks for the shout out to not being cliché. It's so incredibly hard to try and write something that escapes falling in with all of the other fanfics out there, and sometimes it's incredibly hard to trust the characters. When I first got the idea of Sean fighting Peter this chapter I kept fighting it off, convinced it would be way too contrived and corny and just all levels of awful. It ended up connecting to the past and leading into the Eman reunion in a way that I thought seemed true to the story, though, so I went with it anyway. I hope you continue to read and enjoy my story. And really, isn't Semma sexual tension just the greatest?
Okay, guys, whenever you get the chance (which may not be for the next few weeks due to the holidays, I understand completely), I really need you to respond to this poll.
In this story, do you want Craig to end up with Ellie or Manny?
Manny! The two are true love, and separating them would be story suicide.
Umm, I don't read this story for your stupid and rambling side plots; I read it for the Sean and Emma stuff. I couldn't care less; I'll probably just end up skimming over any scenes written to this end anyway.
Ellie and Craig have a real, deep connection, and it would create lots of edible awkwardness between Sean, Emma, Craig, and Ellie in future chapters before Sean moves out of the Jeremiah household. Need we say more?
Leave Craig out in the cold. It's about time he learned what it was like to be without any women waiting in the wings.