Author's Note: Huahahahah! I'm back! and this is my first update under my much cooler penname, ResidentChevy. So now, to appease you little fanfic vultures(lol), here's some more RE Outbreak silliness and this one's kind of a let down if you're looking for an actual musical element The chapter got a little long, so I'm putting the musical number in part two.

Part Two will probably include some special guests, not telling you who, and don't complain about continuity issues. This is a comedy fic, and I reserve the right to do whatever the hell I want to get a laugh.

Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or the characters, or the song Downtown.

Outbreak: The Musical

Act I: Outbreak

Scene III: Downtown

Part I

We return as the merry eight-some finishes dispatching the crows and the zombie taking up residence atop the roof, and David begins to wordlessly tackle the fence.

Alyssa: Umm, what are you doing? Just throw a wrench at it!

Kevin grabs Alyssa and tosses her at the fence with an "oof" and a clang. The fence, unbelieveably, stays put. Alyssa springs back up and charges toward Kevin, pointing a finger in his face.

Alyssa: I said WRENCH, you asshole!

David speaks as he holds Alyssa back by her jacket collar.

David: Hmph, anyway... I only have 12 wrenches. once I use them all, they're gone.

George: Forgive me for interrupting, but, can't you just pick them up off the ground after throwing them?

David: ...

David stomps over and slaps George a few times. Hard.

David: Do me a favor. Don't think. It's thinking like that that could keep us from getting a File #3.

He turned to the others and spoke in a threatening manner.

David: Anyone else having any interesting thoughts? Hm?

A long pause.

Yoko: Yeah. I think we should try throwing Alyssa again. That fence almost gave way last time...

Cindy: Yeah, I mean, it conserves ammo..

George: And manpower.

Cindy turns to George

Cindy: You're so smart.

George: You're so hot!

They proceed to make out for the second time in 10 minutes.

Kevin: Aaanyway... All for throwing Alyssa again, raise your hand.

Everyone but Alyssa, Cindy, and George raised their hands, for obvious reasons.

Alyssa: Hey HEY! You all hate me! This isn't a fair vote!

David: Welcome to America.

With that Everyone grabs Alyssa, except George and Cindy (God damn, you'd think they'd run out of steam eventually.. Oh well..) and gives her the old heave ho. Viola! The fence falls over.

Jim: Aight! Let's get steppin'!

Yoko turns to whisper to Cindy

Yoko: I hope he doesn't survive long enough for us to do a hip hop song...

Then she noticed Cindy was still tounge-locked with George. She gave Cindy a sharp elbow.

Yoko: Wrap it up, guys, we're on the move again.

Cindy turned her head, wiping her mouth.

Cindy: Tee hee! Sorry! Come on George!

She tugged him by the hand to the new pathway, where the others were apparently listening to a police warning.

Policeman: Blah blah blah, get down here soon, or we cannot gaurantee your safety, blah blah blah.

David: Shit! We better get moving!

Mark: Look! There's a door on the other roof!

George: Did that police officer just say "blah blah"?

Alyssa, ahead as always, yells back at the others from the other roof that she jumped to while the others were panicking.

Alyssa: Hurry up, lardasses!

Mark: Hey! I have a gland problem..

Alyssa rolls her eyes

Alyssa: What ever! Hurry up and jump!

Kevin: Jump? Hey, isn't that a Madonna song?

Alyssa: How would you know? Are you part of her fanclub, queeny?

David: Don't mention song titles, you idiots! The last thing we need are more cues for this author to put us through more of this musical bullshit!

Kevin: You have a poi-- Wait a minute, she just called me a fucking QUEEN!!

Kevin screamed like a madman and dove across the gap and dove at Alyssa, attempting to strangle her.

Cindy: ...We'd better help her..

Jim: Why?

Yoko: She has lockpicks. If she dies, we won't be able to open simple locks.

Jim: ...so?

Cindy: Good point. But we should get across that gap and downstairs. We do have a time limit.

Cindy points to the clock that's rapidly counting down in the corner.

George: I thought I was the only one who saw that...

Jim: Yeah, me too.

Suddenly Jim looks up and notices he's the only one standing there on the catwalk.

Jim: Oh shit!

He runs for the gap and jumps, catching the ledge with his hands, and dangles...

Jim: Uhhh... Little help, yo..?

A crow perches on the ledge right next to his left hand.

Jim: What da fuck you lookin' at?

BACK ON THE GROUND FLOOR

Mark kicks open the door at the end of the hall and steps back, just in case a zombie is behind it. Seeing nothing except the outside, he turns back toward the others and calls for them.

Mark: Through this door! Hurreh, I found tha way out!

They all practically plow Mark over running through the door and come face to face with an older looking cop.

Kevin: Hey, Raymond! Wassup!?

Raymond: Oh, not much, Zombies, giant bugs, and evil dogs killing and eating everyone...

Kevin: Now that you put it that way, you must be pretty bummed, huh?

Raymond: Not really. I probably would have snapped and done the same thing in a few weeks.

Kevin: ...

Raymond: I hate everything..

Kevin: Backing away slowly...

Yoko: Oh look! A door!

Kevin: That's where we're going!

Everyone bolts for the double doors.

David: What was up with that guy?

Kevin: He's a few bullets short of a full clip..

Cindy: He's gay?

Kevin: ...no. Just.. nevermind.

And they pressed on, past the door that requires a shotgun to be broken open, to that part where you have to leak the gas and set the truck and zombies on fire.

Since they didn't have a lighter, they were fucked.

So I decided to change things a little, and they dove into the whatever-it-was that was full of dirty water on the side of the area to avoid the whole damn situation!

Kevin: Why didn't I think of that?

Alyssa: Shut up and climb.

Alyssa jabbed him in the butt with her stun gun(Don't worry, it was off. She's not a complete idiot.)

As Mark dropped down on the other side of the ledge, into the tunnel, Yoko asked the question I'm sure a few of us were thinking.

Yoko: Hey, why do we have our File #2 items?

Jim: Yeah, what da fuck?

Alyssa: Who cares? Well, of course you two do; your items suck...

David chuckled a little, but stopped after he saw the glare Yoko shot him. Back at the bar's top floor, Yoko had, for all intents and purposes, wiped the floor with Alyssa. She certainly wasn't a pushover, and David didn't want to end up killing the girl, should she get carried away.

David: Hmph.. sorry.

Alyssa: Pfft! Pussy..

Kevin: A litle early to be thinking about your next meal, isn't it?

Alyssa: What did you say!

Kevin: This tunnel should take us to a ladder, and the ladder should surface in Downtown Raccoo--

He was cut off when Alyssa tackled him to the ground

Alyssa: You wanna say that again!

Kevin: Get offa me you crazy bitch!

Jim: Wait! You hear dat?

Yoko: What?

Everyone listens closely...

Cindy: It sounds like...

George: More music..? No..!

Alyssa turns her gaze back to Kevin and her eyes widen in fear as she sees him humming to the song Downtown. She jumps up and stumbles backward quickly.

Alyssa: He's turning! NO!

To Be Continued...

(Dramatic Music)

Author's Note: About Raymond being crazy... uhh yeah... is it just me or is his voice a little on the creepy side? I can just imagine him saying "Believe me. If I started killing people... there'd be none of you left." like that one guy from that one thingy... (shudder)

Umm.. yeah.. anyway.. Please review if you can! I'll try and write Part Two and get it up ASAP!

Your favorite moron,

ResidentChevy