A/N: I know it took forever, but I have finally edited this damn chapter. Please enjoy!
Chapter 4: First Drink
Goku groaned and held his head in his hands for a few minutes.
"Hey monkey! No breaks!"
Goku glared at the man next to him, sighed, picked up his toothbrush, and continued to scrub at the temple floor. After a few minutes he sighed again and leaned back, his fingers numb from the work.
'How in the hell did I get myself into this again?'
'Oh, yeah…'
Goku bounced off the wall after turning the corner and dug his feet into the floor in order to continue on. The chase had been going on for a while now and Goku was pretty sure he'd eluded most of the other monks. Behind him, two monks (It's Happy Baldie Boys 2 and 3 this time!) were scrambling to catch up to the young boy.
"You (pant) can't run (pant) forever!" Baldie 2 yelled out.
Goku snickered. He might not be able to run forever, but he could run a lot farther than these two could. It was a good thing he knew the temple as well as he did. If he hadn't lived here for years on end Goku doubted he would of gotten this far. Goku clutched the small bottles under his arms tighter and turned the next corner. Just a few more turns and he'd be home free.
Fate, as she's always inclined to do, chose that moment to step in. Or step out into the hallway, as Sanzo had done after hearing the screaming monks and pounding feet. He was now standing, feet apart, fan in hand, in preparation to grab Goku's running form and whack the life out of his head. Goku, having too much momentum to stop now, did the only thing he could think of: he threw his feet forward and slide right in between Sanzo's legs. When he emerged on the other side, instinct took over and Goku jumped up and continued running. He was long gone by the time Sanzo had recovered enough to move.
And the word 'move' takes on a new definition in this instance. It now means- To erupt into an anger so fiery in its nature that deep in Hell a Scotty-look-alike is screaming about how they must be 'losing power'.
Sanzo was a little upset.
Goku however, being giddy at his accidental display of agility, continued to run down the hallways, speeding past angry monks and flying around corners at a breakneck pace. He figured he might as well enjoy the feeling of running as much as possible now; he'd more than likely be as good as dead when Sanzo found him. So Goku hurried on, bursting outside and making his way deep into the forest surrounding Chang'An. After a few minutes of trotting along (his legs were getting sore by now) he finally came into a small clearing and spied the person he was looking for.
"So? How'd it go?"
Goku stopped long enough to catch his breath before holding the bottles out and smiling.
The man moved forward, intent on claiming his prize, but Goku stepped back.
"Nuh-uh." He said, shaking his head in emphasis. "Where're the goods you promised?"
A large paper sack was thrown forth, landing at Goku's feet. The boy grinned and handed the bottles over to the greedy man. He sat down Indian style and opened the paper sack.
"Ahhh, meat buns."
He dove into the sack, stuffed several buns into his mouth, and savored the long-missed flavor. Goku looked up when he heard a chuckle from the man in front of him.
"Damn monkey, you'd think you hadn't had a bun in years!"
Goku glared at the redhead. "Stupid cockroach! They only serve vegetables at the temple; it almost has been a year!"
Gojyo snorted. "Please. Like I don't know the monk takes you into town and stuffs you full every other day."
He sighed and stuffed another bun in his mouth. "It's been weeks since Sanzo took me into town. He's been so damn busy even I haven't been able to drag him out!"
The redhead laughed and set the bottles down on the ground. He opened one gingerly and sniffed the ever-so-delicious aroma of sake.
"Ahhh. The temple monks do have some damn good sake."
Goku wrinkled his nose. "Blah. I still don't get why you had me go steal some off them. Why didn't you just buy your own?"
Gojyo rolled his eyes. "I told you monkey, Hakkai wouldn't let me. He banned me from drinking for a week. If he caught me buying alcohol…."
Gojyo shuddered. He wasn't sure he wanted to finish that thought, knowing Hakkai as he did.
"Anyway," he continued. "You didn't steal it. I mean, you did leave the money there, right?"
"Yeah, yeah." Goku said, stuffing yet another bun into his mouth. "Since I did pay for it, maybe Sanzo won't totally kill me."
The kappa grinned and threw back a long swallow from the bottle. "Oooo! That's some good strong shit!"
Goku, however, wasn't hearing the half-demon's words at that moment. Instead, all the poor boy could think about was the incredibly hot sensation now rolling around in his mouth. Whatever had been in that last bun was now sending shockwaves of pain and heat throughout Goku's mouth and it was all he could do not to start screaming like an idiot.
That came a few seconds later when he accidentally chewed down and straight into a jalapeno.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Goku jumped up, flailing about the clearing as if his very soul was on fire, while Gojyo sat back watching in a mixture of shock and amusement.
He thought for a few minutes. "Oh yeah…There's a jalapeno chicken bun in there somewhere…" Gojyo didn't bother to finish. It was obvious the boy had found it already and he was too busy trying to contain his laughter as the monkey ran circles around him.
Goku only wanted something wet and cool to get the rising fire from exploding out of his mouth. So Goku grabbed the only thing in sight: one of the bottles of sake.
And he chugged.
Gojyo, who had been ready to wet himself laughing, was now staring in complete shock as an entire bottle of sake disappeared down Goku's throat. Now, this was no ordinary bottle of sake. In truth, Goku had managed to grab an extremely old set of bottles, the contents of which contained sake rarely used because one sip would set even Sanzo a little tipsy. As it was, Gojyo was already riding the alcohol wave and he'd had just one glass. So the first thought riding through the redhead's mind at this moment, was how an entire bottle of the potent drink was going to affect someone who had never drank before.
His answer began as Goku lowered the bottle, cheeks already flushing from the heady feeling of the alcohol racing through his over-developed blood stream, and stared down at him through droopy, hazy eyes.
"Hoddy Shwif."
Gojyo nodded in agreement. Being as drunk as the boy before, and making your living playing poker with equally drunk persons surrounding you, had fortunately forced the man to learn drunk speak. Needless to say he was quite fluent in it, as was Hakkai.
Speaking of Hakkai, the healer was at that moment attempting to calm down one murderously angry Sanzo who had just learned of what Goku was doing running down the halls like a maniac.
"Now, now Sanzo. I seriously doubt Goku is going to drink 6 bottles of sake by himself."
The monk sneered and lit a cigarette. "Then what in the hell did he take them for? And where did he get money to leave behind?"
Hakkai sighed. Their visit to the temple was quickly going downhill. "I'm afraid Gojyo must have something to do with the matter. I forbade him to drink for a week. Most likely he bribed Goku into doing his dirty work for him."
Sanzo raised an eyebrow. "Forbade him to drink? Why not just make him quit smoking? The shock to his system would probably kill him faster."
The healer chuckled. "Well the last incident he caused while being drunk demanded some form of punishment and this was the most fitting thing to do."
"Incident?"
"Let's just say it involved a trumpet, a cat, two gallons of peanut butter, and several near murderous chiefs and leave it at that, shall we?"
Sanzo grunted in reply. He was pretty sure just hearing the tale would destroy several million brain cells.
"Now, I know they must be somewhere nearby, so why don't we search around until we find them?"
"Ch."
"Las cucarachas! Las cucarachas!"
Gojyo was desperately trying to calm down an extremely hyper monkey, who was now dancing around the clearing (though stumbling around would be more accurate) and was singing in Spanish. How in the hell did he suddenly know Spanish anyway? And didn't las cucarachas mean cockroaches? Gojyo sighed. Whatever he'd done to deserve such punishment he was sorry. Very, very, very, very, very, very sorry.
Goku chose that moment to sit down, cross-legged on the ground, causing Gojyo (who had been chasing the monkey around) to trip and land flat on his face.
"Las cucarachas entran, pero no pueden salir!" 1.
"What the hell is in this sake?"
Gojyo picked himself up and turned to look at Goku. The boy was grinning away, happy as a clam and humming the song he'd been singing while swaying every direction. He sighed again. This was going to be a looooong explanation when they got back. Gojyo shrugged and reached for one of the bottles. Might as well drink his last drink now. Sanzo and Hakkai were both going to kill him when he brought back a funky monkey to the temple.
"Ooooo! Finc Bungies!"
Gojyo looked at the boy, who was currently staring at a pair of rocks. 'Pink Bunnies?' He sniffed the contents of the bottle; smelled like sake, but he was starting to wonder what else might be in with it. That or just how drunk the monkey was right now.
The next time Gojyo looked, Goku was shirtless; apparently the 'pink bunnies' were cold and only his shirt could provide needed warmth. He slapped his forehead. If the monkey was going to start stripping, then he needed to get him back to the temple fast.
"Come on Goku." He said in his best Hakkai-leading-the-drunk-home voice. "Time to go home and sleep off the nice sake."
Goku shook his head and crossed his arms. "Nah-uh. I gonta fay!"
"Gonna play what?" Gojyo asked, curious as to what the drunk boy meant.
"Gonta fay dimob!" Goku replied enthusiastically, his hand reaching up for the limiter on his head.
"SHIT!" Gojyo scrambled forward and tackled the boy before he was able to finish the thought.
The wrestled around on the ground, rolling across the grass and leaves, Gojyo alternating curses and Goku screaming about 'wanting to play.' It was this very moment, as Gojyo had just managed to pin the boy to the ground, holding both wrist with his hands and leaning down trying to catch his breath that Sanzo and Hakkai walked into the clearing.
"Oh my…"
"What the…"
"This is soooo not what it looks like!"
Hiccup.
The three men looked down at Goku, still wearing his drunken grin and hiccupping away. It only took a few minutes, and quick glance around at an empty bottle of sake laying nearby, for the two men to figure out what was going on.
"YOU GOT HIM DRUNK YOU IDIOT KAPPA?"
THWACK THWACK THWACK
"Ahhh! Damn it stop it! I didn't do it on purpose!"
Hakkai sighed and stepped in to stop Sanzo before the monk remembered his gun.
"What did happen, Gojyo?"
So Gojyo explained, through alternating glares from Sanzo and several sighs from Hakkai, everything that had taken place. Goku merely sat there, half asleep and still hiccupping through it all. Fortunately the thoughts of his 'game' were now far from his memory's grasp. Along with any other thoughts he may have had. Sanzo, trying his best not to murder both the idiots; he couldn't do so with out killing his only witness and Hakkai really wasn't that bad after all, picked up the near unconscious Goku and made his way back to the temple. And after several hours of dealing with a groaning, puking drunk Goku, Sanzo was finally able to go to bed after the boy passed out.
His dreams were filled with different forms of punishment.
THWACK
"ITAI! Don't hit me you stupid cockroach!"
"I told you, no breaks damn it! We've got an hour to finish this floor or we have to do it all over again!"
Goku stuck out his bottom lip but picked his toothbrush back up and continued.
"S'not my fault you didn't tell me there was a jalapeno chicken bun in the bag."
Gojyo snorted and pulled the annoying pink frilly apron Hakkai and forced him into out of his way as he continued to scrub.
"And it's not my fault you downed an entire bottle of sake to ease your mouth!"
"Stop yelling! My head hurts!'
"It's called a hangover idiot monkey!"
"Don't call me that you perverted cockroach!"
THWACK THWACK
"Both of you shut up and keep scrubbing damn it! Or would you rather take punishment B?"
Both men shivered and immediately began scrubbing the floor again. Hakkai chuckled as Sanzo returned to the door next to him.
"What's punishment B again?" he asked his voice alive with amusement.
Sanzo smirked and held up his banishing gun.
"Don't ever say I never gave options."
A/N: As it's almost one in the morning and I have to work, I shall make this fast. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you guys are happy with the reposting of Goku's Firsts! I'll try to make the updates a little faster. (sigh) Stupid work. Please let me know what you think! Anyway, until next time, Ja!
1. Translation: The cockroaches enter, but they do not leave. (sheepish grin) I learned some Spanish in college, but this sentence came direct from a Ren Stimpy cd. Heheh…