(camera zooms in on Scar and Roy at a cooking counter. They are wearing funny aprons that say "knife-wrench")
Roy: What'll we be making today Scar?
Scar: Today we're cooking some delicious cabbage surprise!
Roy: Sounds horrible!
(laughter)
Scar: It is!
(laughter)
Scar: no seriously. Anyways, the ingredients are...a-hem...
1 pound of ground beef (yummy)!
1 large onion, chopped (Ogres are like onions!)
1/2 bell pepper, chopped (Yellow peppers work too!)
6 teaspoons of garlic, chopped (to repel vampires!)
(laughter!)
1 teaspoon of salt ( Good ol' sodium!)
1/2 teaspoon of pepper ( Uh...ch-ch-ch chia!)
1/2 teaspoon of oregano (whats oregano?)
18 ounces of can Rotel tomatoes with green chives (ch-ch-ch-chives!)
One 8 ounce can of can tomato sauce ( mmmm...sauce...)
1/2 cup of raw rice (RAW.)
1 Cabbage (about 2 lb.), shredded (moo)
1 cup of grated American or Cheddar cheese ( cheese is GRATE! Oh god...)
Scar: Okay! Now you fry together the first 7 ingredients after mixing them up and stuff in a small amount of oil.
Roy: Can I lick the spoon?
Scar: no. No spoon licking for you Roy.
Roy: cries
Scar: The next step is to remove the crap from the fire like device and set it aside. Then you must lick the floor.
(laughter)
Roy: Yay! licks floor but then realizes that it's dirt Eww...
(laughter)
Scar: right...ANYWAYS, moving on...Mix the next 3 ingredients (tomatoes, tomato sauce, and rice) together thoroughly in a bowl and set them aside for a while.
Roy does this But sticks his finger in and eats a tomato
(laughter)
Scar smacks him with a spatula
(laughter)
Scar: Now then... Shred the cabbage and set it aside; Then cut the cheese.
Roy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Scar: (sighs) GRATE the cheese. hits roy with spatula
(laughter)
Scar: anywho, mix all the fried ingredients together with tomatoes and rice mixture reeeeeaaaal good.
Roy: Well. Real well.
(laughter)
Scar: What the hell is up with the laugh track?
(laughter)
Scar: SHUT UP!
(laughter)
Scar: Oh forget it! In a buttered 9x13x2 inch pan, layer 1/2 meat mixture, 1/2 cabbage and 1/2 cheese in it...i guess.
Roy: I like cheese.
(laughter)
Scar: I know you do. Now then... Repeat the layer, ending with cheese and then--
(laughter)
Scar: WHAT THE HELL?!?! STOP IT WITH THE FREAKING LAUGHING!!!
Roy: (laughter)
(scar hits roy with spatula)
(laughter)
Scar: Anyways, cover the pan well with aluminum foil and bake for 1 1/2 to 2 hours in yo' oven at 350ºF.
Roy: (puts it in oven)
(crying)
Scar: Well at least it wasn't the laugh-track.
(Laughter)
Scar:...It makes eight to ten servings...
(roy takes out an already done cabbage surprise)
Roy: WHO WANTS TA TRY IT?!
Random jerk in the audience: I DO!
Roy: Too bad!
Random jerk in the audience: waaah!
(laughter)
Scar: Well, that concludes Scar's cooking show with Roy mustang! Have a nice night!
(laughter)