A/N: (chuckles) I'm glad everyone's enjoying the stories. :) This one is, by far, one of my favorite chapters. I remember how much I giggled while writing it, so I hope everyone gets at least that much enjoyment from it. :) Thank you all for the reviews! (big squishy hugs)
Chapter 10: First Problem
BANG BANG BANG BANG
"DAMN IT GOKU, GET OUTTA THERE!"
Silence.
"HEY! MONKEY!"
Silence.
BANG BANG
"If you don't come outta there in the next five minutes, I'm busting this door down!"
Silence again.
Gojyo snorted. Damn ape. It was past time to get back on the road and somehow he had been picked to find their missing companion. After searching the entire hotel, the redheaded man had come to the only room left: The bathroom. After several minutes of banging on the door, it was obvious that if Goku was in there, something was wrong.
"All right! That's it!"
He walked down the hall to the other end, turned around, and took a deep breath. If the monkey won't come out, go in and get him. Gojyo took off as fast as he could, turning his body so his shoulder slammed into the door. The resounding splat that followed was enough to shake the entire hotel and a nearly flat Gojyo slowly drifted to the floor, arms and legs splayed wide. After a few seconds, he managed to sit up, rubbing his aching head.
"Geez, what a strong door."
"Gojyo? Is something the matter? We thought we heard an explosion."
Turning his head, which he realized then hurt his neck, Gojyo saw Hakkai and a slightly-more-than-pissed Sanzo striding his way.
"That would be me, meeting the strongest door ever made."
"What?"
Gojyo sighed. "He's in there." He said, pointing towards the door he'd just flattened himself against.
"Oh."
Hakkai stepped around the redhead and knocked on the door. "Go-"
"HURRY IT UP MONKEY!"
Hakkai winced slightly and turned to his companion. "Honestly Sanzo, there's no reason to shout."
The monk grumbled. "Like hell there isn't. We could have been outta this damn town by now." Impatient, he starting slamming his fist on the door. "GET OUT!"
"I can't." The quiet voice of Goku finally said.
"What?"
"I said I can't."
Sanzo felt his eye twitch. "And why the hell not?"
Several minutes passed, each one furthering Sanzo's irrational (but usual) anger. Finally, the blonde pulled out his gun and aimed it at the door handle.
"You have five seconds to respond or I'm shooting this damn door down!"
The five seconds came and went in silence…
BANG BANG BANG
The three men ran for cover as the three bullets bounced off the door and began ricocheting off the hallway walls, zigzagging back and forth until finally burying themselves in different locations. One sailed out a window, meeting harmlessly with a tree outside. The second went into a linen closet, which Gojyo had opened in his attempt to escape the chaos, launching into a pillow and sending feathers everywhere. The third, however, met a more… interesting end as it buried itself straight into the bent over Gojyo's rear end.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh dear."
Sanzo looked up, slightly amused as Gojyo began hopping around the hallway holding his wounded cheek. "Oh well."
The redhead seethed. "YOU BASTARD! I OUTTA SHOVE THAT GUN RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!"
Sanzo sneered. "Why? So my ass can hurt as much as yours does?"
"THAT'S IT."
"Calm down both of you." Hakkai said, somehow managing to maintain his smile throughout. "If you would be so kind as to limp yourself downstairs Gojyo, I'm sure the innkeeper would be happy to fetch you a doctor."
"Huh? What the hell are you, healer boy?"
Hakkai cocked an eyebrow. "Fine. I'll be happy to help you Gojyo, but I'm afraid I don't carry any numbing agents with me. It's going to hurt a lot more coming out than going in."
Gojyo stared at the creepy smile the brunet was giving and shudder. "No…No you're busy right now. I'll just go find a doctor."
The healer shrugged. "Suit yourself then."
Turning, Hakkai knocked on the bathroom door again. "Goku?"
"Yes Hakkai?"
"Is something the matter?"
"Umm… You could say that."
"Are you hurt?"
Goku was silent for a few seconds. "Kinda."
Sanzo, who had been patiently…and the term is used loosely…waiting as Hakkai played twenty question with the monkey, finally lost what little shred of patient he had left.
"Then open the damn door, let's fix it, and get on the damn road already!"
"I…I can't."
Sanzo sighed and began slowly massaging his temples. Breaking the door didn't work, shooting it didn't work…although it was amusing to watch the aftermath…how to get the monkey out.
AHA!
"If you come out now I'll buy you whatever you want."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
Goku was silent for a few more minutes, a slow puddle of drool creeping out from underneath the door. Hakkai and Sanzo stepped to the side to avoid it. This had to work…
"I still can't…" the brunet sighed.
"I'm getting a drink."
Hakkai watched as Sanzo turned and stalked down the hallway. Something had to be wrong for Goku to not even come out for food…
"Goku? It's just me out here now. Is something wrong in there?"
"Yeah." The healer strained his ears to catch the near whispered reply.
"Um, is it something embarrassing?"
"Yeah."
Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Now to find out what it is.
"You can tell me Goku, I'll help you out. I won't say a word to Sanzo or Gojyo."
The teen was silent for a few moments before he finally asked. "Promise?"
"I promise."
After a few more silent minutes the teen finally spoke. "Remember last time? It won't go down again and I need to…you know."
Hakkai furrowed his brows for a few minutes, trying to think until the realization hit him. Ooooohhhhhh…
"Well, that's all right! I'll go down to the local pharmacy and pick something up that'll help you, okay?"
"Okay."
"I'll be back in a few minutes!"
He smiled slightly as he made his way downstairs; bypassing the curious glance Sanzo threw him from the bar before heading to the local pharmacy. He could understand now why the teen was a bit reluctant to talk about this in front of Gojyo and Sanzo; the two men would be laughing their asses off and teasing their youngest companion for days. Especially Gojyo.
Making his purchase, he noted Gojyo limping out of an office down the street and hurried back to the hotel. Seeing Sanzo still at the bar, Hakkai went back upstairs and knocked softly on the bathroom door.
"Goku? I'm back. Crack the door and I'll hand it to you."
"Umm, I can't Hakkai."
"Hmm? Why not?"
The embarrassment was evident in the teen's voice as he explained. "Well, I've been sitting here for so long trying to make it go...and...my…my legs are asleep."
Hakkai chuckled. "I see. Is there a window in there?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Simple, I'll have Hakuryu fly the bag up to you, just open the window."
"Oh! Okay."
Sending the white dragon off, Hakkai waited patiently at the door until he heard Goku's thanks to Hakuryu and the brown paper bag containing the solution being opened.
A few seconds later and a thought struck him. "Goku?"
"Uh huh?"
"Don't use too much or you'll have the complete opposite problem on your hands."
Silence.
"How much is too much?"
Hakkai sighed. "How much did you use?"
Silence again. Then…
"About half?"
Oh boy. "I'm afraid this is going to get worse before it gets better, Goku."
He heard the teen groan. "Why me. Why not that damn perverted cockroach…"
Hakkai chuckled. "Sorry my friend. I'll inform the others we'll be staying a bit longer."
"You won't tell them why will you? You promised Hakkai and-"
"I won't say a word, Goku."
He walked downstairs to inform the others. Goku had actually had this problem once before, but had managed to take care of it himself. Hakkai was hoping he wouldn't have to help the teen out this time.
A few minutes later he was back at the bathroom door.
"Goku?"
"Yeah?" The teen sounded tired. He must have been trying hard to alleviate his problem.
"How's it going?"
Goku was silent for a minute. "Just like you said. Umm, do you think maybe…you could…"
"But how would I get in?"
He heard a slight giggle from the other side. "It's not locked or anything."
Hakkai couldn't help but laugh. "All right, I'm coming in."
Stepping inside, he saw the teen sitting on the toilet, an embarrassed flush gracing his face as Hakkai shut and locked the door behind him.
"Hmm, I see. That is a rather large predicament isn't it?"
"This is starting to hurt Hakkai!"
The healer smiled. "Don't worry Goku. I'll take care of it."
"You won't say anything…right?"
"Mum's the word." The brunet assured him.
Hakkai squatted down in front of Goku and reached out with one hand. The teen flinched slightly and he stopped.
"I know, I know. I'll be gentle with it."
Goku nodded again, the blush growing slightly as Hakkai began.
Meanwhile…..
Gojyo and Sanzo, both a little more than smashed at this point, stumbled their way upstairs. Well, Sanzo stumbled. Gojyo stumbled and limped. The numbing agent was wearing off now and the alcohol hadn't quite kicked in enough to numb the pain away.
ANYWAY
Both drunken idiots stumbled to the bathroom door intent, in their alcohol induced stupor, to lure the locked up Goku out. What they heard was not quite what they expected.
"Hold still Goku, you're almost there."
"Hnnn…I know! I know! Keep going, Hakkai!"
"I know this hurts after so long, but I'm going to have to be a little rougher."
"I don't care! Just don't stop now!"
Hakkai grunted in response, obviously working hard.
"Yessssss! Almosstttttttt!"
Sanzo and Gojyo stared at each other. What in the hell?
"Just a little more…"
"YES!"
Silence.
"Thank God. I'll go get you another pair of pants, all right? Just let me wash my hands first."
……
"Goku, you all right?"
"Yeah. Hurry please."
A few seconds later Hakkai stepped out of the bathroom, looking at the two men before him before shutting the door behind him.
"What?"
Both men's eyes were wide. Sanzo managed to speak first. "What in the hell was going on in there?"
Hakkai shrugged and went outside to fetch a new pair of pants from Goku's bag in front of the hotel. When he returned a few minutes later, he found them both still standing in shock and nearly laughed.
"Why don't you two go wait in Jeep and we'll be down in a minute?"
Having no real way to continue with questioning Hakkai, both men simply shut their gaping mouths and left. Hakkai chuckled again and knocked on the door.
"Come in."
He walked in and shut the door before handing the teen a new pair of pants.
"Thanks, Hakkai. I didn't think I'd ever get my zipper down. I had to pee so bad!"
The healer laughed. "I know. I thought we threw these pants out after the first time."
"I guess I forgot to." Goku said, dropping the pants and sliding into the new pair.
"Honestly though, I didn't think you'd use a half a tube of lubricant on the zipper. Too much and it just makes it worse."
Goku grinned and scratched the back of his head. "Sorry. I just wanted the zipper down. I wasn't thinking."
Hakkai smiled. "Well, at least we took care of that problem."
The two men exited the bathroom and started downstairs.
"By the way…" Hakkai said, stopping until Goku turned to face him.
"If Sanzo and Gojyo give you strange looks, just smile and give them a wink."
Goku looked at him puzzled. "Why?"
Hakkai grinned. "Trust me. It's going to make the next few days very entertaining."
(-end chapter-)