A/N: (chuckles) Okay. I know there's a few people that have been waiting for this chapter to come out. It was a few chapters down the line, but I figured I just go ahead and slap it up. FFN hasn't been letting me do anything the last few days or so, hence why it took so long to update. All I've been able to do is log-in, couldn't upload. So it sucked. It sucked huge, hairy monkey nuts. Still no luck in coming up with something for OBW. The frustration will eventually cause my head to explode. (nods) Also,I've been considering creating a LiveJournal, but I'd hate to be all alone with my insanity. Anyone got one? I promise I won't try to pick your brains for ideas. Umm...really. I won't. (evil grin)

Chapter 12: First Drabbles

First Present

Sliding the door back, Sanzo stood with a very outwardly calm expression on his face and surveyed the damage.

Thick billows of black smoke had stained the walls and a few small tendrils still drifted from the now shut off oven. Flour and sugar littered the countertops, creating a rather festive display of fake snow, indented in various spots with handprints, footprints, and what appeared to be the profile of a face in one place. Something dropped past his eyes and the blond glanced up, surprised and yet not to find several eggs still barely clinging to the ceiling. Batter was splattered across the room and mixer was still running inside an overturned bowl.

Sidestepping the dripping eggs Sanzo calmly walked through the kitchen, picking up his robes to avoid ruining them, and strode to the other side of the island. There, huddled and trying to be quiet, was a soot, batter, and flour covered Goku. The boy looked up, startled to have been found and his eyes were already shining with unshed tears. Looking him over, Sanzo noticed the way the young boy was clutching his hand and extended his own without a word.

The brunet hesitated for a moment before extending his small hand out and revealing the large cut crossing his palm. The monk remained silent; opting instead to lead the filthy boy to the nearest bathroom, where he began cleaning and dressing the wound. The two remained quiet for a few moments until the small child murmured something that Sanzo couldn't help but smile at.

"Happy Birthday, Sanzo."

First Math

"Alright, very good. Now, nine times nine is?"

Goku's brows furled together in concentration, his eyes straying to the ceiling as the gears in his brain began to turn. He kept silent and still, trying hard not to use his fingers to try to help himself along. Hakkai watched patiently, amusement and pride dancing in his eyes as he studied the young man in front of him. A quiet snort broke the teen's concentration, and Goku lowered his head to glare at the redhead sitting across the room.

"What?"

Gojyo chuckled as he lit a cigarette. "Give it up. Monkeys can't do math."

Hakkai could see Goku bristling at the statement.

"Can too!"

"Can not."

"Can too!"

"Can not."

"Can to-"

"SHUT UP!"

Sanzo stood up, more than fed up with Gojyo's constant interruption. Goku may not be the smartest of creatures, but the boy was trying.

"Come on, monk. Even you have to admit monkeys can't do math."

The blond's eyes narrowed at the redhead before he turned his gaze to Goku.

"What's sixteen and nine?"

"Twenty-five."

"Twelve times twelve?"

"One hundred and forty-four."

"Thirty and fourteen?"

"Forty-four."

"Moron and pervert?"

"Gojyo."

Sanzo turned, a smirk gracing his face as he looked at the open-mouthed and now fuming redhead.

"Can too."

First Insomnia

After fifteen times of sighing, Gojyo couldn't take anymore. Sitting up, he launched his pillow in the general direction of his roommate, more than pleased when a muffled 'hey' echoed back to him.

"You stupid roach! What was that for?"

"You! Idiot monkey. Why don't you quit fidgeting and go to sleep already?"

Gojyo gritted his teeth as another sigh greeted him.

"I can't."

"Why not? It's easy. Lay down, close your eyes and SLEEP."

"I tried that!" the indignant huff answered. "I just can't get to sleep!"

"Fine. Then shut up or get out. You might not be able to sleep, but I WANT to."

He heard the creaking of bedsprings and a few footsteps before his pillow was smacked back into his face. Pulling it off, he missed his chance to insult the teen again as the door closed.

Goku padded down the hallway, stopping in front of the room Sanzo and Hakkai shared before moving on. Halfway down the hallway he stopped and turned back, only to pass the door again. After a few times of this, the door suddenly opened and he was grabbed by the collar and jerked inside. A hand was over his mouth before he could say anything and he only relaxed when the familiar scent of Sanzo reached his nose.

"What the hell are you doing up?" the monk whispered.

When the hand didn't move, Goku stuck his tongue out and licked the palm. Jerking back with a near silent cry of disgust, Sanzo immediately whacked the teen over the head with his other hand.

"Idiot. That's disgusting. Now answer."

"I can't sleep."

"So you thought it'd be a good idea to keep everyone else up?"

Goku sighed. "No. Gojyo kicked me out."

"I'm not surprised."

Nothing more was said, but Goku could faintly trace the blond's silhouette as he retreated from the doorway and moved to lie back down in bed. After a few minutes, he began to bounce back and forth on his feet, debating on whether to leave or stay.

"Well?"

"Huh?"

Looking across the room, Goku waited for his eyes to adjust before he noticed the covers on Sanzo's bed were pulled back and that the monk had scooted to the far side of the bed. Smiling, he hurried over and slid in, pulling the covers to his chin and settling in. After a few moments of silence, Goku could feel himself beginning to drift off.

"Sanzo?" he whispered.

"What?" came the equally quiet response.

"Thanks and goodnight."

The monk grunted in reply and the two fell silent again. Just before he fell asleep, Goku barely heard the last statement from his bed partner.

"Kick me and you die. Goodnight."

First Story

"There once was a peace and quiet-loving monk who lived…"

"What was his name?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, Sanzo, he has to have a name!"

"God da….Alright. There once was a peace and quiet-loving monk named Shu…"

"Who would name their kid after something you wear on your feet?"

THWACK!

"SHU not shoe you moron."

"OW!"

"Now shut up."

"All right all right…"

"Anyway. So he lived in a boring, but peace and quiet-filled palace which he enjoyed very much. But one day, a loud and obnoxious monkey brat invaded the palace and.."

"What was HIS name?"

"Son of a…"

"……"

"……."

"That's not a very good name either."

THWACK THWACK THWACK

"I'm thinking you retard!"

"OWW!"

"Now shut up before I knock your ass out."

"…crappy cranky monk…."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing!"

"Hmph. All right. The loud and obnoxious monkey brat's name is Kugo."

"….A-"

"Don't say a word."

"Right."

"So, the poor monk was besieged with headaches and.."

"Sanzo?"

"What now?"

"What's bes…besei…"

"Besieged."

"Yeah. What's that mean?"

"Pretty much that he had a shit load of headaches."

"Oh. Okay!"

"ANYWAY. So the poor monk Shu stocked up on as much aspirin as the pharmacy could let him buy at one time, forcing the cause of his headaches to carry the…"

"Sanzo?"

"God damn it what IS it?"

"Why is this starting to sound like our trip to town today?"

"……"

"……"

"…I have no idea what you're talking about.."

"Liar! This story is about us isn't it! I'm not obnoxious! And I'm NOT a monkey!"

"Lie back down you moron."

"I want a different story!"

"Forget it. I can't believe you talked me into THIS one."

"Come on Sanzooooooooo!"

"Shut up."

"Sanzo!"

"No."

"…..Sanzo?"

"…..Shit. Don't give me those eyes…"

"….."

"It's not going to work, monkey."

"……"

"Damn it. ALL RIGHT. Lie down and I'll tell you a different damn story."

"Yeah!"

"But this time, one word and I'm out of here."

"…(nods)…"

"Alright. About a hundred years ago, in this very temple, there lived an evil monster…."

First Meal

All he could do was stare.

Just a scant hour ago, Sanzo had returned from Mt. Kaka with the golden-eyed, brunet child called Goku in tow. The child's constant rants of "I'm hungry" had finally driven the blond to the point where he'd walked into the first diner he saw, slapped down his credit card and told the server to keep it coming until the boy couldn't move.

That had been sixty-five plates of food ago.

Watching in a combination of awe and disgust as the child placed dish number sixty-six down and grabbed the next, Sanzo couldn't help but wonder where exactly all that food was going to.

And if this was the reason the child had been imprisoned for so long.

He snorted quietly. It was an acceptable excuse.

Watching as the boy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before belching –rather loudly-, Sanzo buried his face in his hand and tried to pretend as if he wasn't there.

"Excuse me, Master Sanzo?"

"What?" he asked, not bothering to look up.

"..er…I'm afraid your card has been rejected."

This time, his head did snap up and he glared at the woman standing before him, holding out his now shredded card.

"Excuse me?"

The woman shifted nervously from foot to foot under the piercing gaze, but nonetheless repeated her previous statement. Sanzo gawked at her for a few moments, then began racking his brain for another means to pay. After several minutes (in which the dish count had rose past seventy), the monk sighed in frustration.

"Um…We have ways of letting you work off the bill if you'd please, Master Sanzo."

Sanzo's glare intensified.

There was no way in hell.

Thirty-minutes later the blond was standing in front of a sink full of dishes, wearing a pink frilly apron and scrubbing at a plate with more venom than necessary. Behind him, curled up on the floor, lay a full and utterly exhausted brunet child. Despite many beatings, Sanzo had been completely unsuccessful in waking the boy up and was now forced to 'pay' their bill himself.

Someone, someday, was going to pay for this.

(Several years later)

"OW! God damn corrupt monk! What the hell was that for!"

Turning around in the jeep and replacing hisfan in his robes, Sanzo merely smirked and went back to sleep.

(-end chapter-)