Three chapters left (yes, more combining occurred, but sometimes that's necessary)! I watched Capote last night, it really was excellent. Capote was such an interesting person and I think PSH did a great job of capturing all of his nuances and all of the not-so-pleasant aspects of him while at the same time humanizing him, and the man who played Perry Smith deserves some serious kudos as well. I've never felt so sympathetic towards a murder.

Dear Lily,

I've ruined everything. We played for the Quidditch Cup today against Ravenclaw, and, even though we beat them, I realized I didn't care in the slightest. Not about Quidditch and not about the House Cup and not about the raging after party that would be thrown, chock full of sweets and drinks that Sirius nicked from the kitchens and Hogsmeade. I didn't care about any of it, because it's been nearly two months since you'd even insulted me and without you, everything just sort of falls to pieces.

After I'd been carried to the common room with the rest of the team, I made up a shoddy excuse about being tired and went up to my dorm after much protesting. Of course, I was wide-awake, but I didn't think that I could stand to see you and Wilkes celebrating. I ended up pulling out my schoolbooks and did some last minute cramming for the N.E.W.T.s, which begin Monday. It was an hour before the door opened and, to my great surprise, you appeared in my dorm. You walked over to Wilkes' nightstand and rummaged for a moment before you noticed me staring at you.

"Oh, James…you're awake." There was a freshly-opened butterbeer in your hand and your cheeks were flushed.

"I thought we couldn't get into other dorms?"

"Apparently the Founders thought that girls were a bit more trustworthy than boys."

"I think they were right," I said, and you smiled.

"I, um…do you know where Stephen keeps his, erm…oh Godric, I can't even remember what he asked me to grab for him." You chuckled and then walked over, sitting on the edge of my four-poster. "How studious of you," you said, looking at the open Herbology book in front of me.

"I haven't flipped a page in twenty minutes." I sat up and leaned against my pillow, my legs outstretched.

"Now there's the James Potter I know." As soon as you said it, the dorm got quiet, as if even the walls knew how awkward it sounded. I wanted to tell you that you don't know me at all, but that would have been rather rude, so I stayed quiet. "Why aren't you celebrating?"

"Not in a party mood, I s'pose." You nodded. "Do you mind if I ask you a question, Lily?"

"Go ahead."

"What do you want to do, after we graduate?"

"I'm going to be a Healer. I'd like to work at St. Mungo's."

"Admirable."

"I s'pose. Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Are you avoiding the Common Room because of me?" I only paused for a moment before admitting the truth. You looked at me for a moment and then looked down at the carpet. Then you reached out and put a hand on each of my cheeks and touched your forehead to mine, wincing and frowning.

"Lily, you told me you were happy. Don't kiss me," I whispered, even though it killed me to say it.

"If I'm so happy, then why do I want to do this so badly?"

"Are you saying that you might feel something for me?"

"Maybe," you said, and then you touched your lips to mine softly. You lingered there until the door opened again, and then you pulled away quickly. I heard Wilkes start to call your name and I heard his voice trail off as he saw the kiss. The slightly intoxicated joyous glint faded from his eyes and he began to look angry.

"What the bloody hell is this?"

You looked over at me, scared, and right as you went to answer I spoke. "I kissed her. It was stupid and I'm sorry." And even as Wilkes squared up his right hook with my jaw, I couldn't hate you or be angry with you because it was true. I'd kissed you first and I'd started this whole mess. When he'd finished, Wilkes asked you if you were alright and you said that you were and told him that you'd meet him in the common room in a few minutes. He left after some coaxing and you immediately turned to me.

"You ought to see Madame Pomfrey."

"I'll be alright," I said, although I thought my jaw was dislocated. You pulled out your wand and performed a spell and most of the pain went away.

"Thank you." You'd placed a hand on my cheek again and were looking at me expectantly.

"You should have told him. You should have told him six weeks ago."

"I didn't know what I wanted six weeks ago."

"And you're saying that you do now? If you knew what you wanted, you would have said something. I…that's not even right. If you wanted something different than what you have now, you'd have said something. You don't want me, you're afraid of committing to him."

Your face had turned angry and you seemed disbelieving. "Are you kidding?"

"I really wish I was."

You nodded, still nonplussed. "You know, Potter, I think we should just get through graduation as Head Boy and Girl, and then that ought to be it. Don't you agree?"

You left before I could say anything.

I pretended to be asleep when Remus, Sirius, and Peter come up, but I heard them saying that you had broken up with Wilkes and debating on whether or not to wake me. As much as I've been waiting to hear that, I don't very much suppose it matters anymore.

—James

P.S. Between N.E.W.T.s and packing, I don't think I'll be able to write you another letter, Lily. I'll see you on the train ride home.