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Chapter 15:
He knew that she had probably been waiting for him after dinner, but that was of no concern to him now as he walked down the halls. He got back just after four in the morning. It was pointless of him to go down to his common room now. The Baron roamed the dungeons at this time, and he was likely to stop him for a very long chat about happenings in the dark circle. That was not something that Severus wanted to chat about at the moment.
So, he found himself taking the familiar course he usually took towards the library. He knew it was locked, but he also knew that any wards she (the librarian) had placed on it, he could easily break. He had had long, extensive lessons in curse-breaking, and he knew that some of this could be applied to breaking and entering. It always worked. Light magic was too easy to manipulate with dark magic. He smirked, as he found himself standing in front of the worn doors. The smirk slid off when he noticed the door had no signs of magic.
He pushed it open, looking automatically towards the front desk. The keeper was not there. That meant that someone she entrusted with the key was here. She was here. He fought with himself of whether to look for her or just retreat away from the library. He could find anything he wanted here in the room of requirement. But, the room of requirement didn't quite smell the way thousands of years of books did. He took another few steps before he heard someone whispering. In the dead of the night, it was easy to hear.
His skills in being undetected flooded into his veins as he quietly walked toward the voice, hiding in the shadows of the darkness and the protection of the bookcases. He noticed two people at a table. One of them was obviously Hermione. The unruly hair she had never managed to tame (nor did she try) was spread across the table as her face was buried inside a book. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was slow. She sometimes fell asleep in his arms like that. He could almost feel her.
The voice gave away the other person. It was soft, emotion flowing through it, and yet it was deep and masculine. It was the wolf. Severus should have expected it to be, but jealousy still coursed through his body. He stood, watching as the wolf whispered her name, stroking her hair until she finally stirred from her rest. Her voice was weak, as it whispered something so quietly that even he couldn't hear it. Then, she sat up. She blinked a few times before her eyes landed on Lupin.
"There's been a Deatheater meeting tonight, Hermione. I'm not sure if you knew that already." He said quietly.
Hermione's face went from bewilderment to understanding before it rested on exasperation. "I didn't remember. I'm getting too caught up in this. I'm doing exactly what Ron was so afraid of. I'm jeopardizing everything because I've been so selfish."
Her eyes started to water. He ignored the pang in his heart as she leaned her head down and hunched over the table. Her hair fell over her face as silent sobs were emitted from her shaking body. He hated himself. He didn't want to overhear another Lupin/Hermione conversation. He knew it would lead to jealousy and ultimately letting himself fall deeper in love. It also angered him that the only way he could get deep inside her heart was through listening in on her conversation with someone else. She didn't trust him with anything she was feeling.
"There's nothing wrong with that. After everything you've done, everything you're doing… You deserve everything. Everything, Hermione." The wolf growled softly, taking her into his arms. He embraced her tightly.
Her head leaned on his shoulder. She stopped crying, but she was still snifflng slightly. "Thank Merlin for you, Remus. You've been so reliable, so trustworthy, so strong for me this entire time. You're a good man, and you'll always be my best friend." She spouted, her eyes closing as her head moved to rest in the crook of his neck.
"I'm glad for that. I could never lose you, though I know I will for a while. How long do you have left?"
"Just under a month. One month, Remus, and I'll have to go back. I feel like I haven't done anything." She answered. The exasperation reappeared in her voice.
He stepped back towards the front of the library, letting himself out. One month? School had more than one month left, and yet she would be leaving. Why would she be leaving? What was she planning on doing? Was she going back to her own school? Was she going back to old friends and possibly a lover? What was she doing that she could not tell him about? Questions poured into his mind. The more questions that were left unanswered, the more he knew the answers to, ironically.
Did she trust him? Obviously not if she could "love" him and yet not tell him something she had told the wolf. Was it maybe something unimportant? He almost snorted at that one. She would be leaving, and she hadn't uttered a word about it. Obviously, once again, she did not trust him. Didn't love entail trust? Severus had trusted her with everything. He repressed so many thoughts and questions about suspicions he had, and now they were coming back to bite him in the arse. He knew nothing about her. He didn't know who she truly was. He didn't know what she wanted. He didn't know about her past. He knew faint memories of past friendships, but he didn't even know the extent of her relationship with Lupin so how could he expect to know about anything else in dept? He couldn't. It was his mistake, in the end.
People always left. He should have realized that from the beginning. It didn't matter if it was his fault or if it wasn't. In the end, people were just not meant to be around him. His parents left. His first love left. His childhood friends left. Now, Hermione would be leaving. It would all be for the better that he spent this time slowly acclimating to her being gone. At least now he knew and had some time to adjust to it.
But knowing Hermione, this wouldn't be easy. He mused to himself how she would take it as he made his way to the room of requirement. Oh, he could ignore her, but she'd persist. She was annoying like that. She'd pick and pick and pick at him until she got to the root of the issue. He could explode at her, and she'd sit there with a blank look on her face until she nodded in understanding. It wasn't one of those sympathetic half nods so many people gave him when they found out anything about his past. You could tell that she understood but didn't pity.
He could try to avoid her, but he would fail miserably. It was impossible. Slytherins and Gryffindors were forever destined to have an impossible amount of classes together. It was even worse with the N.E.W.T. classes. Either way, he'd see her many times during the day. Even if he managed to avoid her during classes, meals would be another thing. Avoiding meals wouldn't be easy at all. He could not show up in the Great Hall, but she would find him in the kitchens or break into his room to find him brooding. That left him with one option: being cruel.
He'd be nasty, unkind, hateful, malicious, callous, and just plain mean. He'd have to be so grossly heartless to her that she wouldn't even try to dig deeper. He'd keep it up for a few weeks, and then she'd be gone… out of his life forever. She would probably give up beforehand anyway. He knew it would be hard, but he had enough anger and spite to carry him forward in this plan.
He arrived at the room of requirement, not thinking twice about a door already there. He entered, noting that there was already someone there before he saw who it was. He scanned the room quickly, damning everything to hell when he noticed the insufferable, old man occupying a seat. Severus would have already bolted for the door, but he knew it was futile. Dumbledore's maddening eyes were already twinkling in anticipation at the lovely chat that was to come.
"Come dear boy, and have a seat." Dumbledore demanded in a cheerful voice, motioning across a coffee table.
The room looked like a cross between a lounge and a family room. There was a bookshelf against one whole wall and shelves full of pictures on another. Portraits and landscapes hung the walls. Oddly enough, they weren't moving. They didn't seem to be alive. In the center of the room, there was a colorful rug with a coffee table in the middle. There was a sofa, a loveseat, and two recliners surrounding the glass coffee table. Candles were lit on the bookshelves and on the table.
"I simply adore Hogwarts! I've been here too many years for my mind to remember, and yet I seem to discover new things every day. I was taking a stroll to clear my head when a door appeared. I'm not sure if it will appear again, but it was a pleasant surprise to find this! It's just what I needed!" Dumbledore said, glee in his voice.
"Yes, Hogwarts is quite interesting." Severus answered nonchalantly, his voice emotionless and bored.
"Yes, yes. We're on the same page then! When I was just a student here, I remember often finding my mind too full to think! There's only so much a wizard's brain can take in, after all. I was a stubborn child and did not take up the practice of talking about what was on my mind. I didn't want to bother people with my problems because I thought they were insignificant compared to other people's, but I couldn't examine them clearly from my own perspective while I had so many other things floating about. My headmaster suggested I use a pensieve. I'm sure you know what that is, my boy."
Severus nodded. The headmaster's words perked his interest. The old man knew he had a similar problem, and that's why he was bringing it up.
"How to get a pensieve, though… That was my problem. Of course, I happened to stumble across a room I believe may have been around here where there were pensieves for the taking! I couldn't believe my luck. I still use some of the ones I found though I do find myself talking about truly pressing issues. I know that if any student came to me wanting to talk about something of importance… regrets or redemptions, for example, that I would openly open my office door to the young wizard or witch." Dumbledore paused, smiling.
Severus thought about killing him right then and there. He knew it probably wouldn't be that easy, but he did imagine plenty of painful ways he could hurt or impale Dumbledore. The old man and his all knowing ways infuriated him. He knew exactly what was going on in his life. He kept himself from growling by biting down on his tongue and clenching his jaw. He pretended to look uninterested though he knew that wouldn't work.
"However, I know that some people are very much like myself in those ways. It took me years to ask for help on one problem, I regret to admit. It's definitely quite a challenge to change; don't you think, Severus?" He paused for a second, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. "So, I can only hope that any student who needs a pensieve will stumble upon that same room that I stumbled upon so many years ago." Dumbledore paused again before he stood up. "I do think it's time to get into bed for a few more hours. Goodnight, Mr. Snape." With that, he left.
Damn Dumbledore.
A.N: If you've kept a time line going on this story, you know that sometimes months pass between chapters. You've probably also caught on to the fact that there's one month to go. Mmmm... It's slowly winding down, and I sort of know where I want this story to go. This chapter is point A, and I know where point B is... Issue is that you can't go straight from point A to point B if there are a lot of obstacles in the way. Wish Snivellus and Hermy-owny good luck. They're in for a tough ride.
A/N:
Like it? Love it? Wanna steal my french music from me "Aux Champs-Elysees, aux Champs-Elysees. Au soleil, sous la pluie, a midi ou a minuit. Il y a tout ce que vous voulez aux Champs-Elysees" and never let it see the light of day again?
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