Disclaimer: If you sue me you're only going to lose your money.

Note: I wasn't really implying any Lily/Severus romance, although when I wrote it I was very tempted to put it in and I suddenly grew fond of a pairing I had never liked. Truly remarkable. Anyways, more terrible (lovely) angst in the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

The living room was dark, the heavy curtains closed securely over the windows, appearing as though they had not been opened in months. The smell of alcohol lingered in the air, mixed with the floating dust. Severus stood still, glaring at the floor, face shielded by his curtain of greasy, black hair. Sibilius reached out and grabbing the boy's jaw forcefully pulled up his face.

'Look at me when I speak to you.'

Dumbledore shook his head fervently in an uncharacteristic display of despair. It had been mentioned at Hogwarts, he recalled now, how a certain Slytherin had a tendency to hide behind his hair most of the time. And they had all dismissed it as another of his strange attitudes which built up his queer behavior. Oh, how had he been so terribly blind? How could he have missed the signs, that now appeared to him so clear? But he had not been the one to suffer the consequences of his pathetic incompetence. No, it had been a child, this poor boy. He had failed tremendously.

The child did not answer, lowering his eyes and staring mutely at the wall before him. Delicate silver phials containing a remarkable collection of poisons balanced themselves on an ebony shelf.

'I suppose that's what you do at school. Hide behind that filthy mat of yours while you cry.'

The man spat nastily. Black eyes widened slightly in surprise, then roved until they settled on the man towering before him. They narrowed in suspicion and something akin to fear.

'Oh. You didn't think I'd know, did you?'

'I don't know what you are speaking of.'

He lied, staggering back as a rough hand tore through the air and hit his cheek in a resounding slap.

He winced at the hard blow, marveling sorrowfully as the boy bore it without a cry. Snape had clearly had much experience. He wished to bury his face in his hands so ardently.. How could he look at the young man in the eye when he had left him to suffer? He was a Death Eater, Albus reminded himself sternly. And yet, with the treatment he had received all his life...No! Murdering and torturing was not justifiable. Still, acute pain flooded him as his insides were slowly devoured by Guilt, Pity nestled in his chest, it's clawed paws scratching his heart and making breathing difficult.

'Legilemens.'

The boy crumbled to the floor with a cry and grabbed his head with both hands, eyes stinging with tears. Sibilius stared at the moaning twelve-year old coldly, lips pursed with the effort of the spell.

'S-top. Please F-father. Hur-r-r-ts.'

It was obvious the man did not know how to perform the spell correctly. How could a father cause so much pain to his son? He had never approved of violence, and yet, he knew that if he had the man before him he would not hesitate to attack him.

The man jerked his wand to a side and the spell was lifted. Severus remained on the floor, whimpering, eyes closed tightly in pain. His father kicked him impatiently.

'Get up weakling. You've learnt not to lie to your father, haven't you?'

Snape nodded quickly, scrambling to his feet unsteadily. The door closed with a snap as Sibilius left the room. The boy fell on his knees, heaving convulsively the contents of his stomach emptied on the carpet. Shaking feverishly he keeled sideways and draped a hand over his eyes, closing them wearily.

The old man sighed sadly. It was natural the spell had affected the child badly, as it had been administered in such a brutal way. He felt tears come to his eyes as Severus closed his eyes; such weariness of soul in a twelve-year old. Things were not supposed to be thus, so many things gone wrong.

SsSsSsSsSsSsS

The blazing, silver title shone in the gloom, sparkling as the moon cast it's pale light upon it. Snape sat cross-legged on his bed, shivering slightly as a cool breeze wafted through the open window. A thick, black book lay before him, reverently placed on a pillow. Long white fingers slowly coated themselves with dust as they traced the contour of the letters, lips silently repeating the same word. The careful dance stopped as the boy eased it open, the book exhaling a breath of musty age before revealing yellowish-white pages crammed with loopy, elegant writing in black ink.

Occlumency,

The Art of Shielding the Mind

Against External Penetration

The boy looked barely older than in the last memory, it still seemed summer; and, Dumbledore noticed with painful dread his left eye was black and slightly swollen as there were discoloring bruises on his arms. With a shuddering sigh he forced his attention to the book and received a small shock as he discovered it was the same he himself had used to learn Occlumency. No wonder the young man was so skilled, he had been practicing for years and had chosen a remarkably good "teacher". Though, of course, the circumstances surrounding his desire to learning the art were so deplorable. He never need have learnt, never should have endured that. So many people suffered what they did not deserve. And in this days, everything was laced with grief and pain. But it was the thought that he could have avoided this, that was paining Albus, if only he had paid attention.

SsSsSsSsSsSs

Snape whirled back as the sound of broken glass and splattering potion echoed through the dungeons, slicing through the nervous conversations of the other students. Shards of glass lay on a pool of glum blue potion, his eyes traveled to a pair of feet and robes standing near. His body shook with rage as his sight's sojourn ended in Sirius Black's grinning face, a few inches away from Potter's own countenance. The thirteen-year old gaped, his breath shallow and ragged as he choked on the insults and curses longing to escape through his mouth.

Dumbledore was not surprised to see the boy's eyes brimming with dislike; Severus clearly put a lot of effort in his potions and seeing his creation broken on the floor in the hands of his enemies would not please anyone.

Professor Mortnoir lifted herself from her seat behind the desk and cleaned the mess swiftly. She cast a sympathetic glance at Snape,

'I'm sorry Seve- Mr. Snape, I'm afraid I can't give you any marks.' She paused and turned to stare at the two Gryffindor boys sternly.' Nor you, at any account, Mr. Potter and Black.'

'But Professor, it was an accident.'

Sirius pleaded in his most innocent tones, pouting slightly and giving her puppy eyes.

Sirius Black had managed to worm himself out of quite a few punishments with his angelic countenance; he was no devil of course, but he did hide a remarkably annoying imp.

The woman inspected him carefully then smiled.

'Very well, but you should learn to be more careful.'

She advised kindly before turning to her seat, knocking two flasks to the ground with her hand. She raised it to her mouth in feigned surprise.

'Oh, I'm so sorry. How absolutely clumsy of me.' she tilted her head to aside as she vanished the glass and potions remnants, 'It seems like you won't be receiving any marks either.'

'B-but Professor-'

Potter spluttered angrily, his eyes wide with shock.

'I'm sorry Mr. Potter, it was an accident.'

The Potions Mistress smiled at Severus conspiratorially, her eyes gleaming. Snape managed a half-smile, as surprised as the other two.

'Class dismissed.'

How ingenious of Rosjolie! It was a slight relief to know at least one of the professors had favored the Slytherin somewhat. He had not received much kindness, and to have counted with her appreciation represented a dim light to illuminate the darkness which cloaked him.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSs

His skin was damp under his soaked robes. Water dripped from his hair, clung to his eyelashes, ran down his cheeks, mingling with the tears. He rested his head against his knees, arms limp beside him. Silent sobs and shivers shook his frail form every few seconds.

'Severus. What are you doing here?'

He could feel Pity tearing his heart to shreds as it writhed viciously inside him. Albus thought suddenly that he had never seen the boy actually cry at Hogwarts, now he had an example of where he had taken refuge to let out his true feelings- and it was certainly not comforting. Alas, now that he saw the extent of what he had been blind to, he couldn't but help wonder what other things he had missed.

Lily asked loudly over the pouring water as she opened the cubicle's door, she reached and turning the fosset shut out the shower.

'I should be a-asking you the same thing, in case you haven't noticed this is a boy's bathroom.'

She shook her head impatiently. 'I over-heard some boys talking about someone sitting dressed with the water running and thought it might be you.'

'Oh, I had no idea I was so predictable.'

'Nut-cases usually are.'

He raised his head and stared at her, the shadow of a smile on his face. Lily took a seat next to Snape, her hair sprinkled with water like dew on red grass blades as she sat on the white tiles.

'You're going to get sick.'

She stated, frowning with concern at her friend, whose face was once more buried against his legs.

At least he had had someone who had cared for him; for Lily Evans had never been very skilled at lying, so the look of concern on her face could be nothing but genuine.

'As if it matters.'

'It matters to me.'

He sighed.

'Lily it's dinner time, isn't it? You should be in the Great Hall.'

'Were you attempting to drown yourself or something?'

Panic fluttered into his mind, like a giant butterfly with spiked wings, leaving the Headmaster feeling light-headed. He could not bear it a student in his school should even consider attempting suicide, at least without him knowing.

'No. I just- '

Albus sighed in relief, at least he had not failed so completely.

'Oh, Severus.' she cried out suddenly, tears springing to her own eyes as she bent forwards to embrace him. Snape stiffened momentarily, surprised, then hugged her back. She pulled away after a few minutes.

'You're all wet.'

She said in a mock-disgusted tone as she wiped the tears from her face impatiently. The Slytherin smirked.

'Have you taken in account where we are?'

Lily laughed.

'So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?'

She asked seriously once more. Snape stared at the swirling drain and his shoes drenched in water.

'Rather WHO's bothering me... and I think you know it quite well.'

Lily frowned angrily.

'Not those morons, Potter and Black.'

'That's a rather harsh denomination, Lily.' Snape reprimanded sarcastically. 'Perhaps, brainless, idiotic, freaking bastards would be better.'

'Indeed, you forgot conceited, arrogant gits.'

His favoritism once more. Dumbledore bowed his head. He had given the two Gryffindors nearly total freedom, for petty punishments and a few points had not hindered them in the slightest. But he had just considered them harmless pranks then, without realizing they had to be at expense of someone- and it was clear Snape had not taken them well. Yet, who would? Who could ignore the constant harassment? Then in their sixth year... things had gotten brusquely out of hand The little push to cast the Slytherin into the final abyss.

Snape grinned and let out a small chuckle, Lily's eyes sparkling with laughter.

'Who're you going to the Christmas ball with?'

'Lily, I believe you forget who you are talking to.'

'If you don't ask anyone then you can't know!'

'I prefer to save myself the embarrassment.'

Lonely. How could he, anyone, never have thought how it would affect a boy, a child, to be rejected by so many? To have no one to turn to when it all grew too much, no comforting shoulder to cry on. Of course he would have run to anyone who held his arms open and a smile- even if it were but a disguise, and he be running straight into Death's hands. Perhaps Death would have been better than Voldemort. No, he reprimanded himself. He had turned back, he could still redeem himself.

'Do you want to go with me?'

Severus stared at her. Lily smiled, feigning a blush and then grinned.

'Well ?...'

'Are you serious?' He asked slowly.

'Yes. So, do you? We're friends you know, I don't see why it's such a big deal. It's only a ball: dance, eat and have fun!'

Snape shook his head slightly, as though trying to clear his head.

'I suppose. Y-yes, alright.'

Lily's smile widened, she threw her arms around him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Snape blushed and hugged her tightly, a real, pleased smile transforming his face.

The reality of that smile brought the old man a painful pang. For he knew this friendship with Miss Evans could not have lasted much longer, he was sure she would not have let Snape fall if they had been friends.

'Speaking of eating, I'm hungry.'

'I'm not really. I'll go change, don't want to get sick.'

'Yes. You have a compromise with me.' Lily joked, waving her finger warningly in front of his face. Snape lifted himself to his feet and offered his hand.

'See you tomorrow Lily.'

'Goodnight Severus.'

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs

Snape glared at himself in the mirror. Dressed in black velvet robes with silver serpentine clasping gave him a remarkably elegant air- although it did nothing to disguise his scrawny form. He had succeeded in reducing the greasiness in his hair slightly, but it still hung in depressingly lank strands just to his shoulders. His skin appeared even more pallid in contrast to the darkness of his hair, robes and eyes.

Snape had grown obviously since his second year at Hogwarts, finally ceasing at a respectable height. Though he had kept himself unnaturally thin- now he was visibly starved. Dumbledore pondered for a moment on the possibility of him perhaps suffering some sort of eating disorder... but he had seen nothing in the boy's memories to suggest such.

'Hey Snape.'

The fourteen-year old boy turned around and smirked in greeting as Evan Rosiers pretended to be perusing himself in a hand-mirror, fluffing his hair around and twirling his eyelashes.

'Really Evan, I had no idea you delighted in your image so much. I hope you were not offended that my present was not the most adequate, as it was not a make-up set. Perhaps next year.'

The Slytherin choked and narrowed his eyes in mock-anger, then grinned.

'The book has some excellent glamour charms though.'

He had established some contact amongst his peers then, although, he recalled, they were rarely seen together beyond the walls of the Slytherin commons. Not the most recommendable company either. He knew from his own sources that Evan Rosiers was also a Death Eater, though it was obvious Severus was oblivious to the fact. Albus sighed. The life of so many was plagued by could havesand should haves.

LsLsLsLsLs

'Lily, you look- pretty.'

He greeted her hesitantly, giving her a curt nod as she descended the stairs. She was wearing green robes which sparkled in different hues as it hit the light, her hair in a loose bun, fiery strands curled around her face. Lily smiled at him confidently and extended her hand, which he took after gently pressing his lips to it.

'Oh, Severus! You're such a gentleman.'

The boy did have some excellent manners... when he cared to use them.

She exclaimed happily as they locked arms.

'Merry Christmas.'

'It is, isn't it?'

She giggled. Elated as they made their way towards the Great Hall, pleasant, classical music drifting around them. As they reached the Hall they saw the usual House tables were gone, replaced by about a hundred smaller ones, a large area had also been cleared for dancing.

'Did you like my present Severus?'

She asked, once they were seated, taking a sip at a glass of Butterbeer.

'Very much. A most enticing illegal object. Thank you Lily.'

He whispered softly, gracing her with a small smile. She huffed in mock-indignation.

'Why should a crystal pendant with a drop of blood be illegal?'

Dumbledore's eyebrows raised in surprise at the revelation. He had not been expecting Miss Evans to break the law so pointedly, indeed. Then again, she was very firm to her own convictions.

'Blood is used in controlling-potions, you ought to know that.'

'Well, but two friends may share a bond without the Ministry forcing their stupid regulations on them.'

And had an open dislike for many aspects of the wizarding law, even now as she trained for an auror at the Ministry she helped him with the Order.

Snape smirked as her face colored in annoyance.

'I-I brought something for you.'

He stammered, suddenly shy and reaching in his robes presented a lily. It was pure white, almost glowing, except for the golden interior and the vivid green stem, liquid pearls and a sprinkle of yellow pollen kissed it's delicate petals. Lily took it in her hand reverently, gazing at it with awe.

'It's beautiful Severus.'

She said softly. Snape took out his wand,'Lilium Vitrum Non-rumpere ' he muttered and with a shining white light the flower seemed to freeze, turning into a remarkably real-looking crystal lily.

The old man wondered slightly if the present was rather amorous, more than friendly. Had he sheltered romantic ideas towards the red-headed Gryffindor? He couldn't help but being a little sorry it had not flourished, a Slytherin-Gryffindor pairing had not been seen in Hogwarts for years. It was still an excellent gift though, whichever the motivations.

'Oh, thank you.'

Lily breathed, leaning forward to give him a kiss of gratitude. Snape smiled shyly.

'Let's dance.' The Gryffindor proposed excitedly. She frowned slightly at the boy's obvious reticence.

'Please.'

She pleaded grasping his hand and standing up. Severus gave up with a shrug and followed her to the dancing circle, where a few couples were enthralled in each others arms. He took her hand firmly and clasped another around her waist as she instructed and soon they were waltzing around comfortably. Lily rested her head on Snape's shoulder, who closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against her hair tenderly.

He jerked as he felt a tingling sensation hit him, Lily broke from his grasp and stared at him questioningly then raised her hand to cover her mouth in horror. His hair was rapidly turning orange, until with a pop it was completely colored. Snarling Severus whirled around in time to see Potter aiming another spell at him. He doubled and staggered backwards as it hit him, a gurgling feeling spreading up his stomach. He hiccoughed and a bat flew from his mouth. There was a stunned silence before a bark-like laughter rang through the room, Sirius Black. Raucous laughter filled the room, as he hiccupped again and a group of bats extracted themselves from his mouth.

He could imagine the embarrassment, the anger, the pain. He sighed.

He looked up from the floor and saw the bats had become entangled in Lily's hair, frowning in anger he whirled around again and caught sight of Black laughing. He plunged his hand into his robes.

'Tarantallegra!'

He could hear laughter, and Lily's shrieks as the bats continued to pick at her hair and clung to her robes. Sirius was cursing repeatedly as his legs danced under him uncontrollably and Potter rushed forward to the girl's side.

'Desaugeo.'

James' teeth began to grow alarmingly as he pointed his own wand at Snape,

'Expelliarmus!'

The Slytherin was thrown back at the force of the spell and raised his wand to administer some other curse when he felt a pair of legs behind him. He lifted his face and saw Dumbledore standing behind him, gazing at the scene calmly, though a hint of annoyance and humor was visible in his twinkling eyes.

Albus shamefully shook his head lightly. He cast a worried glance at the grown Snape: his forehead was creased in a deep frown of anger one could suppose, his eyes closed tightly in apparent pain, only his lower lip's slight trembling betrayed his real pain.

'Finite Incantatum.'

He said softly and Black stopped twitching, Potter's teeth, now at his stomach's height ceased growing and the hiccups stopped, the bats flying off into the night through the open ways leading to the gardens.

'Now, what is this? Mr. Potter, Mr. Black I believe you are responsible for the current events?'

James nodded, unable to speak through his elongated teeth as Sirius fidgeted in his place.

'Twenty points will be removed from Gryffindor House for this rude disruption of the Christmas Ball and you shall each be serving a week's detention with Filch.'

Both Gryffindors frowned angrily and Black began ranting about unfair and Snape.

'Silence.' Ordered Dumbledore blandly, ' As for you Mr. Snape,' he said casting the Slytherin at his feet a curious glance with a mixture of pity,' Night's detention tomorrow evening for hexing Mr. Potter and Mr. Black.'

'I was but defending myself.'

He snarled, but Dumbledore simply shook his head slightly.

'Nonetheless. Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape you should pass by the Infirmary to remove the effects of your spells now.'

Guilt took a particularly large bite, but what could he have done? You could have offered him your support, talked seriously to the boys who had begun styling themselves the Marauders to leave the Slytherin alone. Could have- should have.