Day 54

We were in the Ravenclaw common room talking about Luna Lovegood. She is a fascinating character but people treat her a bit like a freak show because she lives in her own world. I actually kind of her admire her for that. She doesn't care. I sometimes wish I could be like that too. I care too much about what people think.

Anyway Marietta was telling me she has a theory that Luna has a crush on Ron Weasley. She is quite a perceptive person in that way. She also told me in the nicest way she could that she had feelings for... wait for it... Michael Corner!

"Do you mind?" she said nervously, "It's not like we're going out or anything but we talk now and then... and I think I really like him."

"You don't need my permission...I would never stop you if he's going to make you happy. He is a nice guy." I said.

It's true. He was nice. But at the time, I don't really think I was all there. It would have been unfair to him to carry on dating him, at least I realised this sooner rather than later...

Plus... it lasted maybe two weeks or something. I can't say that's what I call a relationship... not a substantial one anyhow.

"Really?" Marietta gave me the biggest hug in her life and started fanning herself.

"Sometimes you can't help how you feel about certain people" as I said that to her my thoughts drifted back to Harry.

I know. Don't look at me like that. But hey...this is my diary and it's not as if anyone else if reading this! I'll write what I like about him. It's the only place I can say all these things. Plus...I think Marietta would be really cross about it. Oh... if she found out I was talking to Harry again I think she would hate me... I don't think she would make me choose but...if I could tear myself into two pieces...that is what I would do right now.

Day 55

I was in the Owlery again. Mum said in her last letter I better be careful with the next package she sends me. I opened the box there... I got sent a Bewitchin'Glamour magazine, those weird flying saucer sherbet sweets, chilli oil and she slipped in some photos of the family.

I looked at the photos and I felt a bit homesick. I wanted to be alone... I really wanted to be alone. Everything single thing...person...creature...ant...dust...was bothering me. I mean where do you go to be by yourself? I can't go into the dorm room. There is always someone there... sometimes I can't even go to the toilet by myself because they is always a sweet friendly face talking to me.

"Oh hey..." said a voice from entrance.

I turned round and it was Harry. Well I suppose if I couldn't be alone then I'd like Harry to be my companion. At least he doesn't talk sometimes. I think he quite enjoys silences too...

For a fleeting moment, I remember thinking that I really liked how we kept running into each other in the grounds. Was it fate or just chance? Or was it his intention to be there at the same time with me?

"Hey," I said quite casually. I rummaged in the box and stared hard at my photographs. He went to his owl Hedwig and was untying a letter from her leg. It looked like quite and important letter because it seemed like he was rereading it again and again. Then he looked out of the window and then his eyes were back down in the letter.

"So what did you get?" he said walking towards me. He peered in to the box and picked up my family photograph. I realised that even he could bother me too...I never snooped in on his private letters.

I snatched back the photo from him quickly "Excuse me!" I said snapping.

He looked a bit shocked.

"That's nothing you need to know about," I said. He had a really agitated look on his face. It matched the irritated tone I had in my voice.

"What are you talking about? That's not nothing...that's your family." He said quite angrily, "You really should learn to control your temper."

So MAYBE he had a point... But...I wasn't going to agree with him.

"My temper?" I laughed...it was not a nice laugh. It was a little nasty, "What about you?"

"Me?" he said raising his voice.

"Yes you!" I said pointing at him, "You walk around Hogwarts like you have your wand shoved where the sun don't shine...you always seem so...I don't know... like you're angry at the world"

"I'M NOT ANGRY!" he said shouting.

"Then why are you shouting?" I said.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!" he said and then he stopped and lowered his voice, "Ok so maybe I was shouting..."

This was so ridiculous fighting over nothing in particular. I laughed a little which seemed to clear the air.

"You know what...I'm sorry it's just I'm just having a bad day. I needed to take it out on someone. You just happened to be here at the right time," I said sighing.

"Or the wrong time." He said.

"Yeah...sorry..." I said.

He was quiet for a while but then said, "Do I really walk around Hogwarts like that?"

"Well not the wand thing... but..."

"You may have a point about me being angry," He said waving the letter at in his hand.

"What's it about?"

"Oh just DA stuff." He said shortly.

Oh

"So how's it going in a DA?" I said as we started walking out of the Owlery together.

We were turning a path towards the castle and he said quite stiffly, "I don't really want to talk about it...not with you"

Ouch. I felt like I was dying inside. He hadn't forgiven me at all.

But then he said, "I'd rather forget about all that stuff and talk about normal things... with you...ok?"

"Ok" I said.

Then we walked back in silence and parted with a smile at the tall doors of the Great Hall. It was lovely.

Day 57

So whenever I bump into Harry. It is usually when we're having a free break, quidditch or it's after school. Somehow we always meet and I always remember that we should never talk about anything sad or serious. I don't know what he's escaping but I'm really glad it's with me.

So we were discussing by the lake... books and I was saying how I was thinking of starting a Hogwarts book club. Harry said he doesn't read much at all. He said not even as a child. I used to read that muggle detective book series….oh what was she called? Nancy Drew a lot when I was about 12 and I tried to tell him how great those books were. Maybe he could read some.

"Aren't you a bit old for Nancy Drew?" he said, he was fishing his hand in the water and swirling it around.

"NO ONE is too old for Nancy Drew" I said.

"I suppose you're going to tell me to read Sweet Valley High too," he said raising an eyebrow then he flicked some water at me.

Gosh those muggle books...I went through a phase of reading them when I was 12. I wanted to be Jessica. I wanted to be blonde and beautiful with white teeth, long gazelle like legs and big bright blue dazzling eyes and long fluttering eye lashes. I was so envious of her because in contrast I had dark hair, I was short, my eyelashes never fluttered and my eyes... people would say they were the shape of almonds. I remember thinking back then I don't want my eyes being compared to nuts! But I learnt that I was never going to look like those girls in the magazines, which is fine...I'm not so neurotic about not looking like everyone else now.

Anyway I am digressing a little...I was wondering how I could retain being cool in his eyes but then it occurred to me... how did he even know what Sweet Valley High was?

"You've read Sweet Valley High haven't you?"

"No" he had a bit of an annoyed look in his face.

"You have... haven't you?" I started laughing.

"I just know they exist because Dudley used to read them...it's not like I didn't want to read. I wanted to...but"

"Why didn't you?"

He seemed a little embarrassed, "In my room...there wasn't enough light."

"Couldn't you get a lamp?" I said.

He seemed to flush a little like he wanted to say something but did not know how to say it "I...well when I was younger the room... my bedroom...was a cupboard under the stairs..."

"What?"

Suddenly about a dozen thoughts were running in my mind.

Should I be calling Wizarding Child Line? Who is Dudley? He lived in a cupboard? Geez, no wonder he wears glasses...

I knew he lived with his Aunt and Uncle but that was about it. It was at that point when I wondered if I knew him as well as I thought I did. I don't think I knew anything about his life outside of Hogwarts. Why had I never asked him?

Then I became very aware that we were about to go into a new territory of our friendship. He was confiding in me, well more than he had ever done before.

"Yeah so..."

"You don't have to be embarrassed about your past...I mean...I'm sor..."

"There are too many people in my life who are...sorry...that's all they ever are." He was looking over the lake and over the mountains being distant again.

"Sure parts of my life aren't spectacular and I feel sorry for myself...maybe too much but..."

He sort of wriggled in the spot and suddenly said, "Don't you start feeling sorry for me" said Harry.

But I did feel sorry for him. I wanted him to tell me what he was escaping. But I couldn't think of anything else to say to I remained silent. Next time..if he does dare to share something with me again I'll think of something good!