December 7th

Marietta woke me up this morning by opening the curtains of my four-poster bed. I never knew morning light could be so harsh. I carried on dozing in my bed while the others went down for breakfast but I could still see the sunlight under my eyelids so it wasn't very relaxing. About half and hour later, the Grey Lady came gliding by. She's usually very serene and sweet but she doesn't like an idle Ravenclaw so she made sure I knew of her displeasure by throwing some pillows at me.

"Cho Chang, rise and shine!" she sang, 'Now get up before Professor Flitwick finds out.'

I looked out from under pillow and mumbled, "You won't tell...you're too nice."And then she did the most awful thing you could do and pulled the duvet away from me. A blast of cold air travelled up my body.

"You've got a meeting in the common room about your future," she said and then she glided through a stonewall to haunt someone else. I sat up in my bed. My mouth felt very dry. Oh yes, Flitwick's lecture about the upcoming NEWTS and careers no doubt. I hadn't really thought about my future too much. Not seriously anyway. I always thought there would be loads of time for that but now suddenly it's my last year at Hogwarts...Real life seems to be approaching so fast.

What am I going to do? Do I seek fame and fortune and become a Quidditch seeker? Oh the adulation...the money, the clothes...the magazine covers. I don't mind having that. But then I don't think Mum and Dad would approve of it. I know they would prefer me doing something...like tending to herbs, become a healer or even a mediwizard. They are all respectful jobs but dull as dishwater. I did toy with the idea of an 'Auror' because I'm quite good at DADA. I even mentioned this to Mum one day but she freaked out and said it was too dangerous. I don't know, Professor Flitwick said I had a good chance but er I can't seem to get the hang of stunning spells. I do have good enough grades to become a Healer but if I'm honest with myself I'm a bit scared really to make any decisions now.

December 8th

I bumped into Ron Weasley in the corridors and he thanked me for buying the firewhiskey from him and said he hoped we could all do it again sometime.

"What...that night didn't put you off drinking?" I said to him.

"No way and Harry agrees we should do it more often."

I had the sudden urge to ask Ron if Harry had said anything about me because at the moment every single sentence out of Harry's mouth has been bothering me. God knows the many hours I've spent analysing what he might have meant..

'She's my Hermione'

So here is what I listed that it could mean... I'm like his sister, or he likes me, which in turn could mean; he might be carrying a torch for Hermione or he used to...or am I like his equivalent of Ron's Hermione? Or am I just his good friend? Argh! The kiss of death. We all have magic wands but they can't solve things that involve the matters of the heart. I am so tired of dancing around words and feeling confused. I just wanted the truth. I wanted to ask Ron. But...I ...fell into an old habit and did this instead.

"So...I better go," I said pointing behind me, "I'm meeting Roger Davies in the library. He has some Head Boy things that he needs help on and I promised I'd help him...said he couldn't do the work without me. I'm not sure why he could have asked anyone really..."

"Oh," said Ron nodding along. I think he was just being polite.

"Plus Quidditch...we can talk about that as well...tactics..." I said.

"Well you might need them...we did beat you in the last game and you're a Tornados fan," he said with a sympathetic smile.

"Hey ...that's not fair...we lost because Harry had just told me," then I manage to stop myself when I remembered that day. I finished it off with, "Harry had said nothing."

"What did Harry say?" said Ron.

"Better get back to Roger...he's waiting for me," and then I realised I now had to go to the library, which was the opposite way I had been walking.

Of course I was hoping Ron would pass this on to Harry. It was my subtle way of seeing if Harry felt something for me. I tried this last year...yeah a complete failure.. but this year seems different so I'm doing it again. I don't think boys like it when you quiz them about their feelings. They get all clammy and they sweat about it. So I think I'm making this easy for him... if Harry was annoyed about Roger then I'd know that I was more than just a sister to him and I'd stop it. But if Harry said nothing then I would know...either way it would stop me from wondering. Not that I care...I mean I'm fine with being friends. It's just better to know really isn't it?

"By the way..." I said stopping Ron in his steps. My mouth seemed to open and the words were falling out of my mouth, "How does Harry feel about Hermione?"

"Er, friends...they're just friends," he said uncomfortably, "why?"

I smiled, "No reason," and then I felt my heart sink a bit.

So maybe we are just friends after all.

Incidentally I did see Roger but in the common room. He seemed pleased to see me, and moved some books for me to sit down.

"I could do with a break. I'm can't see anything but green now that I've been looking at so many herbs." He shut the book he was looking at, clasped his hands together and said slowly, "I've got some bad news."

I just sat there waiting. He had his lips together and then said quietly," I've just quit the Quidditch team."

Before I could ask why he continued, "Head boy duties are really taking over my life and I think...I know I sound like a complete Mummy's boy but... It would disappoint her if I handed my Head Boy badge to someone else," he said.

"No...you can't... it won't be the same. We're such a good team!" I said.

"NEWTS, Quidditch and being Head boy is really hard. I can't cope with it at all. I'm not very academic so I need to concentrate a bit more." He sunk into the sofa and made himself more comfortable.

"I can't believe you're quitting. Quidditch is like your life." I said hugging the nearest cushion I could find.

"Well...look on the bright side. I get to work with along side head girl, Emily Sawbridge of Hufflepuff." He had this weird glazed look in his eye when he was thinking about her.

Emily Sawbridge is quite formidable character. Apparently one of her ancestors killed a troll in a river or something, which explains a lot about her personality. Sometimes she comes across as too aggressive though and not a lot of people like that but she does make a good Head girl and is probably a good match for Roger as well. He seems to like her so I don't feel so bad about turning him down last year.

December 10th

I had an infuriating encounter with Malfoy on the pitch this morning. The new schedule for next year's matches was up. So of course Malfoy had himself draped over the board so I couldn't see anything. I had to physically push him so I could read what was going on.

I don't think he likes people. How could he? He wonders around Hogwarts with his cronies and insults anyone who isn't in Slytherin. He does not respect anyone that is not himself... although he hadn't been so bad this year...I do believe he was keeping a low profile this year though trying to save face after his father was sent to Azakban.

Anyway I was trying to read the message on the board. Malfoy stood in front of me pretending to stare dreamily into space and then turned to me, "Life and treasure shall he command..."

Then he was smiling at me in way that I thought wanted to provoke rather than charm me.

"What?" I snapped.

He was looking at his nails and pretending to pick lint out from his clothes, "Oh nothing just thinking about something."

I folded my arms, "Well that must be hard for you."

"Not really," He was looking at me quite hard "I think you know what I'm trying to say."

"Did you write that love poem yourself or did mother dearest do it for you?" I said.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He said mysteriously.

"Well...I supposed you're going to tell me?" I said, leaning against my broomstick.

"No...I'm just going to tease you with it," he said with a knowing smile.

I remember thinking I'd rather go throw myself off a flying broom than indulge in any flirtatious banter with him.

"I hope you're not flirting with me!" I said quickly.

He was trying to pick the mud from under his boats and then he looked up at me again and raised his eyebrows, "Maybe I am..."

I started looking at the board again, "Well don't... You should be with your girlfriend...Pasty is it?"

"Pansy." He growled, "It's Pansy..."

I don't really understand Malfoy at all. I'm not even sure if he's human. He has always been this silly boy who is always up for a fight. He doesn't change. He won't change. He wouldn't know how to...

"So where's your boyfriend Potty? Out being a stupid idiot?" His big hand covered the paper I was reading.

"Oh that's very witty of you...and he's not stupid"

He whispered in my ear, "Purebloods should stick together!"

I shot him the iciest look I could give him. People like him make me so angry. When I step into both worlds and compare the wizarding world to the muggle world...or even just a small part of the world like a country or a town. I realised that we're all the same. No matter where you are there will always be a war between "us" and "them."

Draco was stalking around me, "You know you are of pureblood! It's just wrong to be with that filthy muggle mudblood...it's disgusting."

He said with a nasty snarl, "And what's worse there are so many purebloods out there and you go ahead and chose filth"

"You're disgusting." I said, "And don't you dare call him filth."

"Cho, you should be ashamed. The Mudblood filth will wipe us all out," He said.

The sheer audacity! My mouth dropped open, "I would never be ashamed of Harry! And I'll have you know that I'll choose whoever I want to be with."

I moved his hand so I could read the messages on the board and try my best to ignore him.

"Hmph!" He began walking away and left me with a parting message, "All your genes were used on your looks...but left you nothing for brains"

GRRRRR...

As I watched Draco flounce away I realised that hadn't even bothered to correct Draco when he said Harry was my boyfriend. I also remembered how I wanted to make Harry jealous earlier this week and then I remembered all the times I was trying to convince myself that I didn't care how Harry felt about me. But I can't lie to myself anymore. I really do like Harry and I'm not even going to bother to try and deny it. Well I won't in my diary. I hate myself for having this crush on him. It feels so pathetic and terribly ...unrequited.