February 12th
I've been ordered to stay in bed the whole weekend by Madame Pomfrey because I can still feel my bones rippling underneath my skin. It's so uncomfortable! So here I am sitting in this rickety iron bed twiddling my thumbs like a useless lump until I'm back to normal. I don't know what's more painful...my broken bones or staring out of the window watching everyone outside on their way to have some fun on their Hogsmeade weekend. At least I had some visitors to keep me company for a while. Marietta stopped by to give me some astronomy homework followed by some others like Ron Weasley..
"I'm meeting Hermione in about 10 minutes but I thought I'd stop by and say Hi." He said sitting on the chair next to me, "How are you feeling?'
"I'm ok but I can't wait to get out of here," I said. I gently peeled back the curtain of my window letting in a pale slant of light to shine across the bed.
"Say you don't have any ideas for Valentines day presents do you? I don't have a clue what to get Hermione," he said with a heavy sigh.
I can't believe I had forgotten it was in two days time. I wonder if Harry is going to remember... he is the type that needs reminding.
Ron was patiently waiting for an answer.
"Well. It doesn't have to be extravagant; little thoughtful things are nice. A love poem..."
Ron's face flinched
"Or flowers...Girls love flowers." I said.
A wave of relief seemed to sweep over him, "I can do flowers."
Ron looked down at his feet and then said, "Listen, Cho..."
"Hey guys!"
We both turned to the doorway. Harry was standing there with Hermione.
Ron quickly stood up,"Ugh...well I better go. See you around."
Then he joined Hermione, who fussed over him as they walked down the corridor. Harry smiled and plonked himself in the empty chair beside me.
"So how was your detention?" I said.
"I had to go find Flobberworms in the muddy ditches of the Forbidden Forest. Then I had to extract mucus from them for potions and stuff." He wiped his hands over his trousers and then passed me a packet of chocolate frogs to eat.
"Oh Harry...I hope you haven't forgotten. There's a very important day coming up."
His voice went reed thin, "Important day...yeah...of course."
I arched an eyebrow, "Valentines day?"
"OH!" he brightly, "Oh yeah. No I remember. Yeah."
"That's what I thought." I said as I threw him my wizard card.
"So...what do you want to do?'
I looked around the hospital wing, "Well...I can't really do much if I'm sitting in here."
"You're right' he said, "shall we cancel it then?"
"I hope you're kidding!" I said laughing.
Suddenly Ginny burst into the hospital wing breathless, "Harry...we might have found something! Come quick!"
He shot up from out of his seat and quickly turned to me.
"Look I've got to go," he said, "I'll stop by tomorrow."
And then he ran off following Ginny. I could hear their whispers moulding into each other as they ran further into the distance together...Hmmmm...so Ginny Weasley knows even more than me about all this You Know Who business.
Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if I didn't care about Harry at all.
February 14th
Madame Pomfrey does not have a romantic bone in her body. She would not let Harry take me out for a walk today. I tried telling her I was feeling 100 better but she wouldn't budge.
"Harry can sit here with you for about 10 minutes. That's it! You still need plenty of rest." She said sharply and then went off to scold someone who was picking their scabs.
Harry tested me on the star positions for an upcoming astronomy test. He had a piece of my tattered parchment in his hand, "Ok, what's that constellation over there?"
We stared out of the window and looked at the darkening sky.
I think he was pointing at the cluster to my right, "Er...the archer?"
He flipped through my scrolls, "Are you just making things up now?" he said trying to find the answer.
"I don't know," I said, "Give me a hint?"
He shook his head, "If I do you'll never learn anything."
"Harry...You know it's Valentines day."
He handed me back my parchment, "And your point is?"
"Do I really need to remind you?" I said looking round to see if Madame Pomfrey was looking. I pulled him in for a kiss.
"Do you remember now?" I said.
"No." He said looking up into the sky with a smile, "I think I need more reminding."
We leaned towards each other.
"Alright times up!" shouted Madame Pomfrey. She started ushering Harry out of his chair,"Miss Chang needs her sleep. Now off you go Mr Potter."
"But.." he said looking over his shoulder at me.
"No buts...you can see her tomorrow when she's all better."
Not the valentines day I had been expecting. But later that night Harry messaged me through the two-way mirror.
"Hey Cho," he whispered, "Is Madame Pomfrey asleep?"
I rolled over onto my side and looked up towards her room at the end. Her lamp was out but as always her door was left open. I could hear her gentle snore coming from her room.
"Yes...I think so."
"I'm going to come and visit you." He said.
"What now?" I said. "You can't...someone is going to see you"
"I have ways around that," he said.
"What like you'll turn yourself invisible?" I said laughing quietly.
He didn't say anything at the other end.
"Listen let's meet in the hallway by the stone witch statue ok?" he said.
"Harry...as exciting as this sounds someone is going to see us."
"Don't worry, remember I've got the map. I can warn you through the mirror if you should turn back... Come on it will be fun..."
I glanced over. I had to be certain Madame Pomfrey was sleeping.
She was snoring all right!
"Ok then." I said to Harry in the mirror.
I quietly placed my feet onto the cold stone floor. Then I hastily stuffed my pillows under my duvet...you know so that it would look like I was still lying there. Then I fought my way into my dressing gown and disappeared into the dark halls of Hogwarts.
I know we have ghosts and everything and I'm used to that but it's so deathly quiet and still. It's alarming.
"Harry?" I whispered into the mirror, "Am I still safe?"
"Yes." He said.
I found my way to the statue and concealed myself under the cover of the shadows. I could hear footsteps across the surface of the floor. I couldn't whisper into the mirror...what if it was Flich and Mrs Norris? My open eyes darted blindly in the dark. I thought I could make out a cloaked black shape standing in front of me. It had to be Harry.
My fingers reached in front of me touching the fabric of cloak. It was something...it was'nt an ordinary wizards cloak. It was like slippery velvet...like liquid.
It wasn't something I knew...
Was it a Dementor in the dark?
Then the figure disappeared.
I was frightened. What had just happened?
Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, my eyes now adjusted to the dark...I could recognize the outline of Harry's body under the moonlight.
"Don't scare me like that!" I said, "You with your dark magic."
I gazed at the glint of the light in his eyes and I realized I had never seen him so close in the dark before. My heart beat a little faster. He bent his head to mine catching my lips in his. Our kiss deepened. Harry broke away for a moment. He shut his eyes tight and rubbed his forehead.
"One of those headaches again?" I said.
"No it was nothing," he said. I drew my head back, my hands resting against his shoulders, "Harry...will you ever tell me what's really going on in your life."
The sounds of our breathing seemed to die away into the darkness. His green eyes flickered to my face. "I don't know if I can."
I felt one knot tie in my stomach,"What... ever?"
He glanced down at his feet. The space between us seemed to be lengthening. I felt a sharp twist in my heart.
Vicious cycles... that's what some people call them.
He couldn't look at me.
"What am I?" I felt my voice raise, "A bit of fun away from reality?"
"No!" he said
Why was he denying it? he told me as much in his own words that he liked to escape with me and forget things. I truly thought I could live with not knowing... I thought I could handle it. But now it just didn't seem to be enough. I felt him closer, his brow rested on mine, "Cho, I don't want to quarrel with you.'
I turned my head to the window. My eyes were beginning to burn under his stare..
"I'll never be a part of your life will I?" I said detaching myself from his arms.
I thought about what Ron said to me. How it was best I didn't know anything at all. But how could it be? I was missing out on something so important in Harry's life and he was keeping it a secret from me.
"Harry you can tell me..." I said, "I won't tell anyone."
"I know you won't. But I can't." He said.
"You can. Don't you trust me?"
"I do but I can't" He said again.
I nodded my head slowly. I didn't want to be angry with him but I didn't always want to be standing on the fringe of his life. We stood silently together.We could never really be truly happy together not while You Know Who was still at large and not while there were still a gulf of secrets standing between us.
"This is not going to work." I said him. I reached into my pocket and I handed him back his mirror.
"It's for the best...I think."
I turned on my heels and left him by the statue and I didn't look back...
February 14th - later...
It was for the best that was what I kept saying in my head but then I wondered why I felt so empty inside. I quickened my pace a little until I broke into a run. I was running back as fast as I could. I thought I could run my pain away as my feet hit hard against the floor. Suddenly I felt a bone spasm in my right leg. I had to stop - still weak from my wounds. I rested against a wall clutching my leg.
I heard something ahead of me. My breath hung in the chilly air.
A cloaked figure was stalking the corridors. I could see it moving slowly across the other end of the hallway. I tried flattening myself against the wall as much as I could and held my breath.
I saw a small blue flame ignite from the figure...like you see with muggles sometimes. Those cigerette lighters. I figured it was some student out late at night out for a smoke. I heard the figure curse under his (it sounded male) breath. Then they walked off.
It couldn't be Harry on his way to his common room. I had just left him... he would still be behind me. I came to the conclusion that it was probably a Slytherin or a Gryffindor since their common rooms are up ahead. I slipped back to the safety of the hospital wing wondering who it was out for a sneaky smoke. I should have to ask Harry...oh wait...I guess I can't anymore.
Wait just because we're not together doesn't mean we can't be friends. I hope we're still friends. Although maybe I can't just be friends with him...what am I doing to myself?
So much for Valentines day...
Feb 15th
The next morning. I was well enough to go to breakfast with everyone else.
Harry came after me, "We need to talk." He said seriously, "About last night".
Tomasin started giggling. I shot her a look and she walked away with Charlotte. She must think he's implying something else.
"There's nothing to talk about." I said to him, "I think it will be easier between us."
"So what...we're just friends?" he said.
"I hope so." I said, "I mean why waste a friendship?"
I didn't feel awkward in the slightest...argh...Why was I being so sensible when all I really wanted to do was kiss him. No, I'm not going to start torturing myself over him. I mean that's all just...I mean the only real difference about not being his girlfriend is that I don't kiss him. Maybe I'm a little less important than a girlfriend but at least I know where I stand and I don't have to feel like he has to owe me an explanation. So I may pine a little bit but I will get over it. I know I will.
"Cho, don't be stupid!" Harry snapped. He was holding his two way mirror at me urging me to take it, "You're going to let Voldermort win again."
I stared hard at him. I don't like being called stupid but...
"It's not about winning against You Know Who." I said. "It's just that...I feel like I'm on the outside all the time..I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I want to know things about you.."
Harry's face softened, "and I want to tell you everything. You have to believe that and I hope I can soon. But you just have to be patient with me. Please Cho. Wait."
He was still holding the mirror in front of my face. I stared at it. Something inside me just told me I couldn't give up on him now. It was too soon.
Then I smiled at him.
"Fancy eating breakfast with me?' I said patting the chair next to me.
He pressed his lips together and nodded with a warm smile that reached up to his eyes.
"I don't know why you have to be a drama queen about everything." He said forking a piece of sausage into his mouth. He scoffed with his mouth full, "I saw how fast you were running on the map last night."
"Well to be fair I WAS a bit upset...but I did stop eventually. I had to." I said taking a sip from my cup, "I thought I saw a teacher patrolling but it was actually a kid just having a smoke."
"What?" he said.
"Yeah I know...talk about risky, right out in the open too. If Flich or..."
"You must have been seeing things" said Harry.
I thought it was a bit rich coming from someone who wears glasses.
"Cho...I'm not being funny. Remember my map? last night I checked to see if you got to the hospital wing safely. I only saw your name there. There was no one else." His thick brows knitted together.
"So...you didn't see another figure on the map? with me?" I said.
"No one." He said
A cold chill quivered down my skin.
"So there was someone else there too?" He said with distant look in his eye. It was like he was thinking to himself.
"Yes...it was a cloaked figure."
He looked at me.
"You know there's an explanation for everything... maybe it was a ghost?" I said.
"No. The map sees ghosts like say Nearly Headless Nick or the Bloody Baron...their names will show up."
"Well it was a kid...it must have been...lighting a cigarette." I said.
"Are you sure it was...what was the size...the height of the figure?" he said.
"I don't know...it was far away..." I said, "It could have been anything."
"Or anyone." He said mysteriously.
"Probably just a silly first year!"
"The map may be a simple object charmed by school boys but someone who can conceal themselves away by magic... without detection must be pretty powerful." He said.
I couldn't take another bite of my breakfast, " What are you suggesting?...that this is person was using black magic?"
I could see his mind working hard in those keen green eyes of his and he said under his breath.
"Very...very black magic indeed."