A/N: I got bored, so I wrote another chapter. Spoilers for McKay and Mrs Miller. Enjoy, and please review.

Chapter Two: O'Neill

Five o'clock – Hear annoying ringing in ears. I open my eyes and realise it's not a brain tumour, it's the alarm clock.

One minute past five – Throw the clock across the room, satisfied when I hear it smash and go back to sleep.

Five forty-five – Wake up again and curse when I see the time on the clock on the floor. I'm late. Again. Hammond of the Shinny Forehead is going to kill me. Especially if he ever finds out I call him that.

Five forty-five and a half – Fall out of bed.

"Ow! That's gonna leave a bruise."

I'm still recovering from SG-1's last mission. I got shot and Dr Fraiser got to test her knew anti-scaring medical devices. I'm her human guinea pig.

Five forty-six – Scratch my butt.

Five forty-eight – I have a shower and brush my teeth at the same time, gagging when I accidentally put shampoo on the brush.

I slip on the soap I dropped the other night, nearly giving myself a serious head injury. Not that anyone would notice the difference.

Five fifty-five – Get dressed into uniform.

I groan loudly as I look in the mirror and see that my shirt is on back to front.

No time to comb my hair, so I dash out the door.

Five fifty-six – "Shit! Forgot my keys."

Twenty past six – End up hitching a ride Walter.

I haven't figured out how I'm going to get back into my house yet, but I'll worry about that later.

"So, how are you today, sir?" asks Walter, not taking his eyes off the road.

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm good to."

"That's good."

He's obviously in a bad mood with me (join the club). His shift doesn't start until eight.

Twenty to seven – Arrive at Stargate Command.

"Thanks, Walter," I say, getting out of the car. "I owe you one."

"Forget about it, sir."

He's probably thinking, "You will forget it because you have the memory and attention span of a brain damaged goldfish. I however, will not forget it. You will be sorry."

Good old Walter.

Quarter to seven – Imeet Sam, Danny and T for breakfast.

I sigh when I see that there are only sugar free fruit loops. Carter's doing, I'm sure.

"Hey guys," I say as I sit down with them.

"Hey," they mumble.

"Why are you so late?" asks Daniel.

Might as well tell them the truth. "I…forgot to set my alarm," OK, so maybe I won't.

Five past seven – Check up with Doc Fraiser.

Did I happen to mention where on my body I was shot?

In the ass.

On the bright side, no scar.

Seven thirty – Now that I'm done mooning Janet, I go to my office to send threatening e-mails to Dr McKay. I hear he's been harassing Carter again.

Hey McKay, you should probably know that I spiked all the Jell-O with lemon juice at breakfast.

I put a little smiley face at the end and click send.

Seven thirty-five – I get a message from the infirmary telling me that McKay is thoroughly freaked out. They also ask me if I would please play nicely with the geeks.

I get up and go over to the filing cabinet to dig out the guy's file.

Seven thirty-six – Gasp in shock and then laugh my ass of (even though it is kind of painful) when I discover McKay's true identity.

His real name is Meredith!

Meredith is a girl's name. Apparently his middle name is Rodney. I wonder what would happen if Carter ever found out.

Seven fifty – Sent McKay another message.

Hi Meredith!

I don't bother to wait for a reply.

Eight o'clock – Leave my office and head down to General Hammond's office for a meeting about the off-world teams.

I pass Daniel making out with Carter in the corridor.

"Looks like our little Danny is all grown up," I whispered to him as I walked by.

I'm happy for the two of them. They make a good couple. Sure, I had a crush on Carter a few years back, but it never would have worked between us. I'm glad she has found someone who makes her happy.

Although the constant kissing does gross me out sometimes. I even caught Daniel with his hand trailing up the back of her shirt a while ago.

I knock on Hammond's door and wait to be let in.

Nine fifteen – I finally leave the General's office.

We had to jiggle the members of some of the teams around due to promotions, relocations, family and deaths.

"Hey, Teal'c," I say as he approaches.

He gives a Teal'c-like bow. "Good morning, O'Neill."

"Where are you headed?"

"Sargent Siler has requested my assistance in repairing the pipe system. Do you wish to accompany me?"

I shake my head. "No thanks, T."

With Siler's accident-prone nature I'll probably end up with a concussion before I'm able to turn around.

He bows again and continues walking.

I look at my watch and mumble to myself, "Hmm, time for that meal between breakfast and brunch."

Ten o'clock – Go back to my office and switch on my computer.

Oh look, I got a message from McKay.

W-what are you t-talking about?

Who stutters when they write?

Five past ten – Get a start on the stack of paperwork from last month.

Ten past ten – Give up on the paperwork and start to fold paper aeroplanes instead.

Ten twenty-one – The alarm blares through the SGC.

I dash out of my spinning chair – which was spinning quite fast – and wait to get my balance before running to the control room.

"What we got?" I ask.

"Unscheduled off-world activation," says Carter.

I mentally go through the list of teams currently off-world.

"Receiving Col Dixon's IDC," says Walter, pressing buttons on the computer.

"Lower the iris," commands General Hammond.

I stare in shock as Dixon, Bosworth, Balinsky and Wells all stumble through the gate in their underwear.

That's not why I'm staring though. I'm staring because they are all bright purple! Well, everyone but Balinsky, who is orange.

Of course I'm the first to laugh. Everyone else, even Hammond, soon joins in with me.

SG-13 all look at us, waiting for our laughter to subside.

"What in the name of the Goa'uld happened to you?" asks the General.

Dixon blushes and says, "Err, there was a misunderstanding."

"Report to the infirmary men. We'll de-brief in an hour."

The four of them salute before leaving the gate room, blushing.

Twelve o'clock – Have lunch with Carter.

I spoke to Janet a few minutes ago. The stuff that was used to dye SG-13's skin is semi-permanent, so they'll have to go around being purple and orange until it washes off. However, their skin is turning red from all the scrubbing they did in the shower trying to get it off.

Carter gives me a weird look. "Did you do something to McKay?"

I put on my best innocent face. "No. Why?"

"Because he hasn't hit on me all day."

"Maybe he's scared you'll set Teal'c on him," I smile and lean forward, taking a bite of my sandwich.

Two o'clock – Find myself becoming bored, so I go to annoy Daniel in his office.

I knock on the door and wait a few moments. Carter come outs looking a bit flushed and I shudder involuntarily at the thought of what they were doing.

"Hey, space monkey," I say, sitting in a chair.

He looks up from his work. "I thought I asked you not to call me that."

I shrug as if to say 'and?'

"You find any interesting rocks lately?" I ask, picking up an item from the shelf.

"Jack, that is a priceless artefact, I really wish you wouldn't call it a rock."

I settle it down and watch him stare at his laptop for a couple of seconds. "Your boring," I say, getting up to leave.

Half past two – Start thinking about cheese.

Half past three – Think back to this morning.

How am I going to get back into my house without a key?

Six o'clock – Get off my injured ass and head to the control room to find Walter.

"Colonel?" he asks.

"Grab your keys, it's time to go home."

He looks surprised. "But it's only six!"

"Fraiser still has me on light duty," I explain. "Do I have to make it an order?"

"No sir," he mumbles, getting up out of his chair.

Six twenty-five – Thank Walter and get out his car (which smells of burgers and fries).

I smile to myself and look around for a large stick. I pick one up off the ground and pull out a magnet and some of Siler's duct tape from my pocket. I attach the magnet to the end of the branch and stick it through the cat flap I installed in case any furry friends need a place to crash.

I feel the stick getting heavy and pull it away. My keys are hanging from the end of the magnet. I smile again and open the door.

Seven o'clock – I order a pizza.

Seven twenty – I eat a pizza.

Five to eight – I flick through TV channels before deciding that there is nothing on.

Eleven o'clock – Strip off clothes and collapse onto my bed.

Repeat daily routine until I die off-world or I die naturally. Whichever come first.

TBC?