Title: Pain & Love part 6

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Sometimes the one person you trust the most can turn out to be the worst person for you.

Warnings:

This is by far the most alternate universe story I've ever started. Evelyn is alive in this one but all is not well. Bobby is extremely, extremely different in this story. He is similar in many ways to his character in Four Brothers, but this is a different side of Bobby, one that isn't fully explored in the movie. This is one way Bobby might have been if they had developed his character more and made him less able to deal with problems. It is quite long and it's taken me a long time to get it to the point where I feel comfortable posting it. There is violence in this.

Pairing: Bobby/Jack

oooo

Bobby stood in the shower, the water running over his head unnoticed as he stared at the drain. He could still faintly hear his mother's humming from the living room. He jumped a bit when she opened the door to the bathroom.

"Alright Bobby, speed it up now. I've got a meatloaf in the oven at home and I don't entirely trust Angel not to burn it," she said as she tossed a towel on the sink.

Bobby nodded once before realizing that she couldn't see his nod from behind the curtain. "Yeah, sure Ma," he said, his voice rough and ragged.

Evelyn closed the door behind her gently and returned to the living room. Bobby leaned against the shower wall and held his head with one hand. "I'm not ready for this," he said quietly.

Within a few minutes, Bobby was standing in front of his closet, still clad in a towel, a slightly panicked look on his face. He blinked at the water droplets that ran down his face from his wet hair while he tried to figure out if he should be dressing nicer than usual.

As if sensing his confusion, Evelyn appeared at the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. "Anything you want to wear will be fine," she said, doing her best not to laugh at the scowl that was now on Bobby's face.

Bobby huffed with annoyance. "I know, it's just...ah the hell with it," he grumbled as he grabbed a handful of clothes from the closet, the hangers falling to the ground with a muted clatter. He dropped the clothes on the bed and stared moodily out the bedroom window.

"I'm so nervous Ma," he whispered.

Evelyn walked up behind him, her footsteps quiet and light. "It's never easy, but you have to do what you can to repair the damage," she said.

Bobby swallowed awkwardly. "You make it sound so easy," he said, traces of bitterness in his voice.

Evelyn stretched up on her toes and brushed some of Bobby's wet hair off to the side. "Easy is relative, son. Doing what's right is important. And right now, the most important thing is that you and Jack speak to each other. Don't put it off just because you're afraid," she said soothingly.

Bobby looked down before nodding in agreement. "I'm just gonna get dressed now," he said.

Evelyn smiled at Bobby as she left the room. Bobby dressed in silence, his heart beating far too loudly for his liking. The car ride over was more nerve-wracking than Bobby could have imagined. His hands were clammy, his mouth dry, and he couldn't seem to keep his leg from jumping slightly from nerves. Bobby felt deeply ashamed of how scared he was. All his life, he'd gone out of his way to show to everyone that he was tough; that he could handle anything that life threw at him. And now, he was terrified of seeing the family, fuck it, of seeing Jack. All his bravado, his toughness, his ability to think on his feet and roll with the punches had fled him. All that was left was his wildly swinging emotions and fear that ran bone deep.

Evelyn filled the silence of the car with idle chitchat about the Jerry's girls, about the neighbor's cat, about everything else besides Jack, though Bobby was desperate to ask how he was.

They pulled into the driveway. Evelyn turned the key off in the ignition, the ticking of the engine echoing in Bobby's ears. She turned to him and studied the look on his face.

"Come on, no one's going to bite you," she said softly, an understanding look to her eyes.

Bobby chuckled nervously, the sound hollow and empty. They walked up the concrete stairs, each of his footsteps dragging heavily. Evelyn opened the door and Bobby breathed out shallowly as they went inside. Bobby felt a thick tension fill the air as he walked into the living room. Jerry had been flipping through a magazine, skimming the pages idly. Angel had been watching the television with half an eye on it.

Bobby noted that Jack was not in the room. He turned to ask Evelyn when he heard several halting footsteps on the stairs. He stepped out of the living room, his heart racing so hard he could have sworn that Ma could hear it across the room.

Jack slowly made his way down the stairs, still gently favoring his leg, his arm bound in its sling. His bruises had faded to a faint purples and yellows, some completely gone, others like his eyes, were fading slower. Bobby felt his breath catch as Jack stood on the last stair. The same messy hair greeted him, the same endless blue of his eyes. Bobby could feel the magnetic pull he got whenever he was around Jack.

"Jack," Bobby breathed lowly.

Jack bit down sharply on the inside of his cheek. His lower lip wanted to tremble. He stepped off the last stair and stood in front of Bobby. He smiled faintly, feeling a confusing rush of love and anger all at once.

"Bobby," he said quietly.

Bobby swallowed audibly. "Jackie," he whispered as his hand rose from his side and gently caressed Jack's cheek, mimicking their movements from a few days past.

Jack closed his eyes. This close, he could smell Bobby, could see the haunted look in his eyes. He let go of a small piece of anger as he saw how hard Bobby was trying. Bobby was shaking with the desire to grab Jack and never let go. They locked eyes, an unspoken conversation that blocked everyone else out.

"Ahem," Evelyn cleared her throat slightly. Both Jack and Bobby took a step back, their silent words falling away.

"The meatloaf should be ready about now," she said.

Bobby's mouth worked soundlessly for a second before he managed to stutter "s-sounds good."

He glanced back at Jack, feeling a small wave of guilt. The bruises, though somewhat faded, still existed, each one a painful reminder of what he had done. Jack moved past him, still limping enough to be noticeable. Bobby winced as the memory of him delivering a vicious kick to Jack's leg flashed repeatedly.

He pushed the image off to the side and walked to the dining room, breathing slowly and deeply, recalling the exercises that Dr. Kerman had given him. Angel sat down beside Jack, his dark eyes on Bobby, a distrustful glint that stung him more that would have liked to admit.

Bobby went to sit down across from Jack, only to have Jerry nudge him over to the other side. He suppressed an annoyed sigh as he sat down across from Angel and stared at his plate, if only to avoid facing Angel, and his angry glares. Evelyn brought the platter out from the kitchen and set it down in the middle of the table. She sat down and looked around the table, feeling slightly discomforted by the heavy silence in the room.

"Bobby would you like to say grace?" she asked.

He nodded stiffly. "Course, Ma."

They stood and held hands as Bobby spoke, his voice low and steady. A moment later, Evelyn began serving the slices of meatloaf. She asked simple questions, slowly drawing each of her boys out of the grim silence, keeping one eye on Jack at all times as he pushed the food around on his plate. When dinner came to an end, she asked Bobby to help her with the dishes, sending Angel and Jack out to the living room to watch TV. Jerry kissed her good-bye and left, rolling his shoulders to ease the tension.

Bobby clumsily dried the plates, his mind drifting while Evelyn washed the dishes. After a few minutes, Evelyn placed one hand on Bobby's shoulder, nudging him subtly.

"Bobby?" she said.

Bobby reluctantly met her gaze. "Yeah, Ma?" he said carefully.

"I'm hoping that you'll speak to Jack tonight," she started to say.

Bobby shook his head. "Ma, I…" he tried to say.

Evelyn smiled sadly. "I know Bobby, believe me I know. It's going to be ok. Please go easy though. He's still nervous, a little jumpy even. Give him time."

Bobby put the plate he'd been drying down and backed up. "I, I will…I just need a smoke first," he said. Evelyn nodded and continued washing the dishes. Bobby walked out into the backyard, letting the screen door slam softly behind him.

Bobby reached with one hand for his cigarettes while he walked over to the warped picnic table in the middle of the yard. Inwardly he was annoyed with how much he'd been smoking lately. He smiled while he lit his cigarette, remembering all the times that he had caught Jack smoking when he was younger, of how embarrassed Jack seemingly always was whenever he was caught. He inhaled deeply, feeling lightheaded as his nerves tried to get the best of him. He forcefully pushed his fear down, trampling on it ruthlessly.

He inhaled and blew out slowly, watching the streams of smoke dance on the wind, letting his mind wander on different things, reflecting on the way the apartment looked now, skipping over the fact that he still needed to fix the holes that he had punched into the wall. Bobby cringed at the memory, hating himself as he cringed.

He felt like a weak fool, and thus he hated himself all the more for it, viciously reminding himself every so often. The past few days, days of pain, and fear, and of love had worn him down. It had taken him two days to get to point where he had gone to see Dr. Kerman. And in those two days, he hadn't called or tried to speak to Jack.

Bobby snuffed out his cigarette butt with a snort. 'Not that Ma hadn't seen right through that,' his mental voice chimed in.

Bobby sighed softly. He was just plain thankful that his coach had let him take a few weeks off. His coach hadn't asked for details, had only looked at his face for a moment before nodding slowly and agreeing that maybe taking some time off would be a good idea. The season was already almost over, and not that the coach would admit it, but not having Bobby on the ice might not be such a bad thing.

Bobby sat on the table for a few minutes pushing his fear down, swallowing over the bitter lump in his throat. He was deeply afraid of facing his family, afraid to look them in the eyes, of seeing the looks of disgust that were sure to be on their faces.

'They're afraid of me,' he thought sadly. 'If you had some self-control, they wouldn't be,' his inner voice sneered at him.

ooo

Jack stood at the screen door in the kitchen and watched Bobby smoke restlessly on the picnic table. He fingered one corner of his sling as he debated whether or not he should go outside.

"He's afraid to talk to you, Jackie," his mother's voice said near his ear. Jack nodded.

"Go talk to him," she said. Jack sighed. Evelyn looked out and watched Bobby hunch over further as he stubbed out his cigarette. "He loves you so much, Jackie. He's just as afraid as you are."

Jack bit his lip thoughtfully. "I don't know what to say Mom."

"Just say whatever your heart tells you," she said wisely. Jack smiled as he hugged her with his good arm impulsively.

Evelyn smiled in surprise at the hug. She patted his back until he stepped back, grinning sheepishly. "Go see him," she said as she gently pushed him closer to the door.

Jack stepped outside, his footsteps echoing softly off the hard ground. Bobby jerked his head around quickly, his eyes wide with surprise. He scooted off the table and stood, his breath puffing in the evening air.

"Jack…what are you doin' out here?" he said.

Jack walked closer, trying not to shiver in the cold air. "I wanted to talk to you."

Bobby frowned. "Where's your coat?" he asked.

Jack shrugged. "Inside," he said. Bobby sighed. "The last thing you need is to be outside in the damn cold without your coat," he growled while he pulled off his battered leather jacket.

He draped it over Jack's shoulders and grunted in approval as Jack clutched it tightly. Jack discretely inhaled as Bobby's scent drifted from his coat, a mixture of smoke, and spice and the lingering scent of leather.

They looked at each other in silence, each nervous to be the first to speak. Finally, Jack sat down on the edge of the picnic table as he began to speak. "So, how've you been?" he asked hesitantly, inwardly wincing at the words.

Bobby attempted a shrug. "Been better," he said.

Jack nodded. "Right, uh so have you uh…been to practice?"

Bobby kicked at the ground. "Yeah, they let me take some time off."

Jack made a small 'hmm' sound. They stood in silence for another minute before Bobby sighed loudly and sat beside Jack on the picnic table. He sat stiffly next to Jack and stared down at his hands.

"Jack, I, oh god, this is harder than I thought it would be," he muttered. "Fuck."

Jack looked at the ground, avoiding Bobby's eyes. He shivered again as the wind blew again, rustling the tree branches nearby. He pulled Bobby's coat closer as he waited for him to speak again.

"I know I've said it before, but you gotta believe me Jackie. I'm so sorry," he said in an anguished whisper.

Jack closed his eyes. He swallowed dryly.

"Jack?" Bobby asked cautiously. "Jackie? You're worryin' me here."

Jack spoke in a low voice, his words carrying on the wind. "I know you're sorry Bobby. You always are."

Bobby gave a strangled sob. "Jack…"

Jack shook his head. "I always thought you'd be the one who'd save me. Keep me safe from everyone else. And you know what hurts the most? The fact that you hit me more than anyone else ever did," he said, his voice harsh but quiet.

Bobby reached over and griped Jack's good hand. "I can't, I don't have the right to ask you to say you forgive me, but I swear I will spend the rest of my life makin' it up to you," he said.

Jack blinked fiercely. Hot tears prickled under his eyelids. "I want to believe you so badly Bobby."

"I'm doin' what I can to change. I'm going to therapy now. Ma recommended me to a friend of hers," Bobby said. He felt the first stirrings of hope swell in his chest.

Jack blinked as a tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. "I'm…glad to hear that," he said. "Is she okay?"

Bobby blew out a quick breath. "Yeah, surprisingly. She's kinda like Ma. Doesn't take shit and all that. I go every other day and we talk. I have to go in another day or so," he said.

Bobby rubbed the side of his thumb against Jack's palm, calming him immensely. Jack shifted closer to Bobby, coming to a rest beside him. Bobby felt his heart rate speed up as Jack moved closer. After a moment, Jack leaned against him and rested his head against Bobby's side. He draped one arm around Jack hugging him tightly. For just a moment, he could forget everything that had happened and pretend that they were just sitting outside in the evening air together.

"Did I ever tell you when I realized that I loved you?" Bobby asked softly.

Jack shook his head. Bobby smiled faintly then. "The day you came to the house, hiding behind Ma's legs, all that messy hair, those big eyes of yours and I just wanted to hide you away. I wanted to keep you away from everyone else."

"Then one day, I guess you were maybe 16 or so," he continued, "I saw you sittin' on this table and you were starin' off into space with that damned notebook that you carried everywhere. I saw you and the way the sun hit your face, and you just looked so happy, fuck, even peaceful. And I saw that and I wanted to do that. Make you feel that just by being with me."

Jack smiled then as he sniffled. "I still have that book."

Bobby grinned slightly. "I know." He wiped at his eyes, lost in the memory of that day, the day that he'd decided that he loved Jack, maybe more than he should have.

"It scared me y'know, knowing that I loved you like that," Bobby said quietly.

Jack blinked. "Really? Why?" he asked, surprised a bit. As far as he knew, Bobby wasn't scared of anything.

Bobby sighed. "I don't know. I guess I was scared of what Ma might say. Worried that she might hate me for wantin' to touch my baby brother. Worried that she might think I was a pervert. Shit, Jackie. I had always loved all you guys but when I looked at you from that day onward, I felt like I was fallin' day after day. And worst of all, I was scared shitless of tellin' you and what if you didn't want me? Then what?"

Jack shifted his body until he was looking right at Bobby, their faces mere inches apart. Bobby felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, could feel the faintest whisper of Jack's breath on him and as they stared at each other, Jack closed the distance and pressed his mouth to Bobby's.

It was heaven. Bobby wrapped his arms around Jack and yanked him close, mindful of Jack's arm. He gasped against Jack's mouth, his skin tingling, his heart beating so fast he feared it might burst, his mouth opening as he hungrily kissed back, wanting the moment to last for forever. Jack moaned as he kissed Bobby again, licking his upper lip, nipping at the lower and bringing one hand up to Bobby's hair and pulling him close, drowning in the heat of his kiss.

Bobby pulled back, breathing hard, his lips buzzing, his head spinning. Jack looked up at him through his eyelashes, a look that had Bobby hardening mercilessly. Jack licked his lips absently, his eyes still locked on Bobby's.

"I love you Jack. And I swear it, I will do whatever you want, whatever you think I should do to show you," Bobby vowed, his eyes never leaving Jack's.

Jack kissed Bobby lightly on the mouth. "We still have a long way to go Bobby."

"I know. And I do know it's hard. But I'm not letting you go without a fight. I'll spend the rest of my proving it," he said.

Jack settled back against him, both content to sit in silence, until Evelyn came out and gently reminded Jack that he needed to take his medication. Jack stood up, reluctant to leave Bobby's embrace. He handed Bobby's coat back with a small grin.

Bobby kissed him quickly before shooing him inside. He turned to face Evelyn, a faint touch of red to his cheeks.

"I trust things went well?" Evelyn said, a small smile on her face.

Bobby stared at the house as he watched Jack go indoors. "It's not perfect yet. We got a ways to go. I'm gonna show him that it's different now."

Evelyn hugged him and laughed softly. "I know you'll do the right thing."