Chapter 4 – If the Shoe Fits

Hear ye, hear ye, the fourth chapter! Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year!

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Summer at number 12, Grimmauld Place was dragging on so slowly, that Remus, Sirius, Harry and Ron were actually attempting to clean the house. They were desperate to find something to do. Harry was even beginning to wish Old Moldy-shorts would try to kill him again. At the moment, they were emptying out some of the most curious-looking cabinets in the house, carefully mind you, and talking.

Ron gingerly poked at a china teacup which immediately started vibrating and twirling around, "Harry, Hermione and I get in more trouble than the marauders ever did," he told Remus and Sirius.

Harry looked up from his wrestling match with a pair of sugar tongs, "Ron! That's not true!" he tried to tie the tongs together with his tie, "And who decided to enchant this stupid tea set anyways?"

Remus flung Ron's now exploding teacup across the room where it blew apart a really ugly set of curtains, "We created the marauders map, shaved Mrs. Norris seven times, and tortured Severus Snape on a regular basis… Sirius, you weren't terribly fond of those curtains I hope."

Sirius pried the tongs off of Harry's hand, looked at the smoking remains of the putrid yellow curtains and said, "You had better be joking Moony. Mum got the bloody curtains at the same time as this stupid tea set. That type of tea set was a fad around 1863. So of course when Mum found one she bought it, and the store owner gave her the curtains for free. Mum was extremely fond of that bloody tea set," he paused and then spoke to Remus, "You know, we might have caused a lot more damage if we hadn't been fighting with each other half the time."

Ron caught a pickle fork as it launched itself at his head, "You fought each other?"

Sirius stomped on a spoon that was making an escape attempt, "We…teased each other…a lot."

Remus stepped on another spoon which broke with an audible 'crack', "Tease? You and James could be cruel… very cruel. Like the time you were convinced that I was a girl."

Sirius smashed the last escaping spoon, "I wonder what damage these things would do if they had escaped? And that was James, not me."

Remus replied, "Oh really? I distinctly remember it being you who thought I was a girl and James who was trying to tell you that it was completely absurd."

Ron and Harry finally caught the flying tea tray and were holding it down. Harry looked up at Sirius, "Why did you think Remus was a girl?"

Sirius sighed, "I'm not getting out of this one am I?" They all shook their heads, "Fine, it all started one evening when I was looking for a jacket…

…….

James was lounging on his bed staring up at the ceiling, probably composing another poem to Lily. I was playing with my tie in front of the mirror trying to get it straight, Peter was eating a chocolate frog and Remus was reading some heavy and probably dull book on Transfiguration.

I pulled my leather jacket off my bedpost and shrugged it on. James lifted his head, "Don't wear that. Marilyn Brooke isn't into bad boys. She's a bookworm, remember? Wear the corduroy jacket."

I took off the jacket and reached into my trunk. When I couldn't find the jacket on top of my other clothes, I started rifling through it, "James, I can't find it. Where is it?"

James had already dropped his head back onto his bed "I do not borrow your clothing Sirius. Your girlfriends, on the other hand…well, at least I'm pretty sure I saw Evelyn Bradshaw wearing one of your shirts the other day."

I started looking through every trunk in the room and finally pulled the corduroy jacket out of a trunk, and then saw whose it was, "Peter this is your trunk, why did you take it? You didn't have a date, did you?"

Peter began stuttering something incomprehensible and turned Gryffindor red. James looked shocked and interested, and even Remus put down his book to stare at Peter.

I stood there holding the jacket, looking like a well dressed Greek statue I might add, and asked, "Little Petey had a date?"

Peter stammered some more.

"With who?" James was no longer staring at the ceiling, but at Peter's face which was rapidly turning purple from lack of oxygen.

"Helen…Charleson…." Peter sputtered out.

James looked knowingly at Sirius "Hufflepuff, mousy, boring."

I countered, "A mouse for a mouse! Perfect!"

James lay back on the bed "You know, I have a date tonight…"

I interrupted James and asked the obvious question, "Lily?"

"Nah, I'm trying to make her jealous."

"Never works."

"Can I make my point?"

"You have a point?"

"Yes Sirius, I have a point. The point is, I have a date, you have a date, and even Petey has a date. But Remy here doesn't. Which begs the question…does Lupin have a secret?"

I laughed "Well, being female would explain his need to hide every month."

Remus flushed, glared at Sirius and said, "I am not a girl Sirius."

"But it all makes sense Remy!" I countered, "I mean, you go missing for a week every month, always around the same time. You get irritable and ornery too. You never change in front of us, you get along better with the girls than any of us and you shave really often."

James looked at Sirius, "Are you completely off your rocker? Remus is not a girl. I mean, what possible reason would he have for pretending to be a guy when he's really a girl? It makes no sense Sirius."

I continued on, "But he…she… has to be! It's the only explanation that fits! If Remy's not a girl, then what happens every month?"

James had no reply to that, and turned to Remus, "Well Remy, what have you got to say?"

While James and I had been arguing, Remus had buried his face into a pillow; we heard a muffled reply, "mmotuhgul."

"What was that Remy?" I asked.

Remus lifted his head from the pillow, "I'm not a girl."

"Well," I said, "you'd better give us an explanation then."

Remus looked wearily down at his bed. He looked as if his life was going to end. I didn't understand, "Remy, c'mon. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. We'll still be your friends."

James and Peter nodded.

Remus sighed, "Remember what we were going over in Defense class two weeks ago?"

I responded, confused, "Ya, it was something like red-caps and werewolves…"

As Remus looked up at us, the answer dawned on me, "Holy Merlin."

"And now," Remus whispered, "you hate me. I'll just go pack up my stuff, and tell the Headmaster"

James interrupted, "What do you mean pack up?"

"Well, I'll have to leave now that you know," Remus looked down-trodden, "I had just gotten used to Hogwarts too."

I stepped in front of Remus and stopped him from packing, "Remy, look at us," Remus looked up at the smiling faces of his friends, "we don't hate you. You're our friend, we don't want you to leave."

Remus looked at us like we belonged in St. Mungo's, "You don't hate me for being a werewolf?"

Peter spoke up, "You stood up for me the first day when no one else would. You've helped us whenever we ask. You're one of the marauders. You're one of us."

"You see," I smiled and bounced up and down while holding onto Remy's shoulders, "We're not letting you go. You're stuck to us like, oh what was that thing Lily said, super-gloup!"

Remus grinned weakly, "Super-glue Sirius, super-glue."

"That was it. I did know that."

"So, you guys really don't mind?"

"Nope," replied James, "Like Sirius said, you're stuck with us."

Remus smiled, and then frowned at Sirius, "I can't believe you thought I was a girl!"

"What!" I exclaimed, as James and Peter started laughing, "It fit!"

…….

"Bloody hell mate," said Ron, "you really thought he was a girl?"

Sirius sighed, "Yes. And he's never let me forget it either."

"I've still never understood how you thought that being a girl instead of a werewolf was more likely Padfoot," said Remus.

"It's like that thing Lily said to me once Remy, 'If you have two fitted shoes'."

Harry corrected Sirius, "If the shoe fits, Sirius. Not two fitted shoes."

"I knew that," the others started laughing, "I really did."

They only laughed harder.