Chapter 17

Open Roads

The call came in at nine p.m. central time. Don had just gotten in from having dinner with Sherry's family and Mike. He knew before answering that it was Joan requesting his presence. Now the trick was convincing General Bowers to let him borrow a jet.

Don was standing at Colleen and Jim's door before coffee was ready for breakfast the next morning. He was pleased to see a security detail on assignment at the house. Rumors of sabotage persisted and Alpha Control wasn't taking any chances. Jim came to the door and warmly shook his hand.

"Don! I didn't know Judy had called you. It's great to see you again," Jim exclaimed.

"It wasn't Judy who called, Jim. It was Joan," Don replied.

"Well, you're here and that's all that matters."

Colleen gave him a motherly hug while John and Maureen shook his hand in their usual reserved fashion. Colleen did not understand her sister and brother-in-law. They had chosen him to be their pilot. In essence, they would probably spend the rest of their lives with him, and yet, they still held back. She hoped the only reason was that he had yet to be told of the decision.

Will came in from the pool, dripping wet, and practically jumped on Don's back. "Whoa, Howdy Doody, hold on there! I'm not in my swim suit yet…" Don said.

"I didn't know you were coming!" Will exclaimed. "How'd you get here?"

"I talked General Bowers into letting me borrow a jet. In fact I'm flying you all back when your visit is done. It was the only way I could get him to let me fly myself out here."

"How about some breakfast, Captain?" Colleen asked.

"Coffee?"

"I know just how he likes it," Penny said as she bound into the room and gave him a hug. "Two sugars and no milk. I can't believe you're here."

"Are the girls up, yet?" Colleen asked Penny.

"Joan is, but Judy is still asleep. Do you want me to wake her up?" Penny asked.

"No, uh, not yet," Don said. "I'd like to know how she's doing. I mean, is she going to be upset that I'm here?"

"Of course not," Colleen and Maureen said simultaneously.

"I don't know, Mom. I think she might be pretty mad." Penny turned to Don and added, "She wasn't expecting a visit from you."

"But how is she?" Don asked.

"She is almost her old self, Captain," John stated.

Joan appeared at the door and said, "She has only one more hurdle to jump, and that's seeing you."

Don grinned when he saw her. "Thanks for calling me, Joan… I think."

Judy was one to sleep late whenever she had the chance, and the family was done breakfast and scattered about their ways when she finally sauntered downstairs. Don was on his third cup of coffee as he sat alone at the breakfast table, rehearsing what he was going to say to her. 'Now, Judy, don't be mad…' or 'You have every right to be mad at me…' or 'I understand why you hate me…' or 'Just hear me out…' or 'I miss you and I can't live without you…' or… (She appeared in the doorway)… nothing at all. He stood… Their eyes met and neither one of them spoke or moved another muscle.

Her eyes were as round and big as he had ever seen them, vulnerable and fearful. She couldn't be afraid of him, could she? 'Oh, God, please don't let me say anything that will make things worse,' he thought as he waited.

"Don."

'That was a good start.' He nodded. "Hi."

"Why are you here?"

"Because Joan…" He looked down into his coffee cup on the table and shook his head. "I'm here because I had to see you." He looked back up at her and finished, "I miss you, Judy."

'He said what I wanted to hear.' She thought. 'Now what am I afraid of?'

"Judy?"

She turned and tried to walk away from him, but he took two steps towards her, grasped her arm and turned her back to him. "Don't run away from me! Let's talk this out…"

She felt the rage begin to boil inside of her. She knew it was irrational. She told herself that she had no right to be mad at him, but still, it was there. She faced him. "Who ran away from whom?"

His own anger rose. "I didn't leave you! I tried to find out where you were, but General Bowers wouldn't tell me, and I did try to call you!"

She raised a finger to his face. "One lousy message! 'Off to Massachusetts, honey, see you again someday.' Then I don't hear from you for three whole weeks!" She was furious now. She shoved him. "No phone calls," another shove, "no e-mails," another shove, "not even one stinking post card!"

He raised his voice ten more decibels. "What did you want from me? It's not like I abandoned you!"

"What would you call it, then? Do you have any idea what I went through while you were away? A body guard followed me every time I left the base because they worried that there might be another plot against us. I was constantly barraged by reporters asking if I had any idea about the 'other woman' and how this would affect our relationship and how that would affect the mission."

"Look, it's not like I was out… cheating on you! I was at a funeral, Judy. I was trying to explain to grieving parents why their brilliant, beautiful daughter was dead. And I thought you'd be strong enough to handle it!"

'There it is… the whole problem… I'm weak and immature and not good enough for him,' she thought. Her blue eyes turned steel gray. "I guess I'm not the person you thought I was," she replied through clenched teeth.

He quieted. "I don't believe that."

"Then maybe you're the one who needs therapy. Excuse me."

After dressing, Judy went in search of Joan and her car keys. They had planned on shopping and having dinner after Judy's appointment with Dr. Shapiro. She found her in the pool with Will and Penny.

"Joan, you need to get ready, my appointment is in forty-five minutes." Judy announced.

"I'm not going with you, Judy."

"Oh, well, that's all right, I'll join you in the pool when I come back. Where are your keys?"

Keys jingled behind her and a voice said, "Right here."

"No," Judy flatly stated.

"Weren't you the one who said that I need therapy? Besides, I'm assigned to be your body guard." Don replied.

She rolled her eyes to the heavens. "All right, let's go."

As he slouched in the chair, he flipped through the magazines. He'd been through four and hadn't read a thing yet. He had hoped to ask Judy if he could attend the therapy session with her, but, since she wouldn't speak with him the entire trip, he never brought the subject up. She finally exited the office looking more relaxed and refreshed than he had seen her in a long, long time.

"Hungry?" he asked her.

"Starving."

"Will you let me take you to dinner?"

She shrugged, "Why not."

"Can you last until we get to Malibu? It's early enough for a late lunch or early dinner, so we might beat the crowds."

"That's a long ride."

"Not when I'm driving."

They drove in silence north on the Pacific Coast Highway until they hit Zuma Beach. The Gray Whale was a beachfront restaurant with fantastic views of the ocean and good food. Don asked for a table on the upstairs deck where they could have some privacy, at least until the crowds gathered.

"It seemed like your appointment went well," Don stated.

"I needed it today," Judy replied.

"I know… I'm sorry."

"Don, please stop apologizing. It's not you, it's me."

"No it's not… it's both of us."

"I'm being selfish and expecting too much from you."

"Selfish is not a word I would ever use to describe you."

She traced her fingernail over the pattern on the table linen. "I used to believe that."

"What made you stop believing it?"

"When I became jealous of a… a corpse." Her eyes welled up. "That picture was in the newspaper with your hand on her casket, and then the reporters wouldn't leave me alone… and I didn't hear from you…"

The tears slid down her cheeks and her voice escaped her. He maneuvered his chair next to hers, put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. She didn't shrink away. He felt so strong, warm and comforting…

"I was a coward, Judy."

She sniffed and pulled out a tissue from her purse. She managed a chuckle and said, "Coward is not a word I would ever use to describe you."

"Believe me, I was. I've had unreasonable moments myself. I could have and should have called you."

"What stopped you?"

He shook his head. "It makes no sense… no sense at all, but… being with Lynn's family was hard… not just because she died, but because I did feel like I was cheating on you. And if I called you, I would have felt like I was cheating on Lynn, but I thought about you all the time."

"So, I'm not crazy?"

"No, you're not crazy."

They lingered over their meal and stretched dessert out as long as they could. Don wanted to bottle the experience and Judy didn't want the day to end. As the dinner crowd filled up the tables around them, Don and Judy left to walk along the water's edge hand-in-hand and they found a secluded spot among the boulders to watch the sunset. He sat against the rock and she leaned against him, his arms holding her close to his chest.

"Judy?"

"Hm?"

"Are we okay now?"

"Define 'okay'."

"The wall between us is down. Can we keep it that way?"

"If I can stay strong enough, but I can't promise anything, Don. I still have my moments of doubt and insecurity."

"You're stronger than you think, Judy. I… I once told Lynn… this was before I met you… We were reading this newspaper article about the first family in space, and she wondered what 'that teenager' would do out there… I told her that I thought you were the most courageous of the bunch. I still think that, Judy."

"That's not true."

"Believe what you want, but I know that if I didn't have you to hold when Lynn died, I wouldn't have been able to do what was right. You called me over to be with her before she died… You knew she needed me… It would have been a lot easier to just walk away and let her family deal with it alone, but you gave me the strength to stay with her and see it through to the end."

She touched his cheek and stared at him in gratitude. Her eyes were open roads to her soul once again. He had her back and he didn't want to let her go. They kissed as the sun slipped below the horizon…