No More

He wasn't sure where she would go. He knew that it would probably involve vast amounts of alcohol, but that's all he had to go on.

Mark tried the usual first; Joe's, her house, the docks, but he couldn't find her anywhere. He decided that she couldn't have gone far because her car was still at work.

Then again, she could've taken a cab.

She leaned back on the couch, feeling as though she was watching herself lie back. She was pretty sure that she consumed enough more alcohol than any time at Joe's. Okay, she couldn't be sure. She was drunk. A little more than drunk. She wasn't sure what that made her.

Controller in hand, she glanced over to her companion. He was holding his own.

"Sam?"

He took a swig of his beer and stared hungrily at Meredith. "Grey?"

She shuttered at the name. She didn't know why. Sam used to call her that all the time.

But Mark called her that now.

Mark.

"What's wrong with me?"

Sam shrugged, still ogling her. "I don't see anything wrong."

"Sam, seriously." She tried to get up but her body protested. "No one wants me. I'm never good enough."

Tears were falling now, unbeknownst to Meredith and indifferently to Sam.

He put his beer down and took the video game controller out of her hands. "Well, you beat me. That's good enough." He got up and extended his hand, head nodding toward the bed. "Shall we?"

Meredith stared at his hand for a moment. It was getting harder and harder to focus. She slowly got what he wanted. She shook her head carefully.

"No, no. I don't do that anymore."

Sam smirked, attempting to pull her up. "Come on Grey. You want to feel better, don't you?"

She shook her head once more. "Yes. But I don't think that's such a good idea."

He let go, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. "Then what the heck are you here for?" He motioned to her appearance as well as the bottle of liquor next to her. "You could have gotten drunk somewhere else. You obviously came here for a reason."

"I don't know why I came here." She slowly got up, ignoring the dizziness, nausea, and pain throbbing in her temple. "I'm, I'm in love with someone," she stuttered. "I couldn't cheat on him; ever." She lazily grabbed her things and stumbled toward the front of the house. "I'm sorry, and thank you. I needed to come here." She smiled and held her hand on the door knob. It was more for support than for effect. "You never ask questions; you never judge. You may be a little shady," she slurred, "but you never claim to be anything else."

She opened the door, "Goodbye Sam."

The door closed and Sam took Meredith's seat. "Goodbye Grey."

It had been two hours since anyone had last seen Meredith. Mark was growing worried. From what Derek warned him about and then from what Lexi told him, he wasn't sure what to expect except something bad. No one knew what happened in that room.

Mark drove around. He was stopped at a red light when he thought of something.

There was one place he hadn't tried. It was a long shot, but it was worth a shot.

She wasn't sure how she got there, but she was there. The sun was setting and provided an unusually serene and beautiful landscape for a conventionally morbid surrounding. She quickly found the place she was looking for. It was a miracle she didn't bust her head open on the tombstone when she fell in front of it.

"Hi mother. It's me, your daughter." She chuckled bitterly. "You know, the one you didn't' want."

Meredith didn't bother to brush away the tears that fell. She was suddenly vividly aware of life, the alcohol wearing off but still present.

"I tried my whole life to please you." She shook her head. "I don't know why. Nothing was ever good enough for you. I got all As in school once. Do you remember what you told me?" she asked, her focus on the date of her mother's death. "You told me that I could've done better, that they all could have been A pluses. Who does that?"

She ran her fingers across the inscription, 'mother and brilliant surgeon.' "Yes, that's what you were. A brilliant surgeon and horrible human being." She thought of the conversation with her father and caught a sob in her throat. "It's funny really; you guys divorced but are truly a perfect pair. You both hated me; what stronger bond is there than that?"

Meredith stood up, holding the tombstone for support. "You know, Dr. Grey, I have you to thank for screwing up my life. Would it have killed you to get to know me, to love me, despite of the ridiculous expectations you harbored? I can't be you, you can't live through me." She laughed callously, correcting herself. "Well, of course you can't, you're dead."

"Tell me, what did I do? Why wasn't I good enough? Was I not pretty? Smart? Why did I embarrass you? Why did you belittle me, every chance you got? You couldn't even be nice to be on your death bed. Neither could Thatcher." She wiped the hair from her face. "I don't understand," her voice breaking. "Why couldn't you just love me?"

"I love you."

Momentarily terrified at the possibility of her rant awakening the dead, she stifled a yell as she turned at the accompanied rustling of leaves. It was okay. Someone alive had said it. Wait, that someone was Mark.

Mark Sloan loved her.

Pushing the thought aside as quickly as it raised hope, she shook her head sadly, looking from him to the grave.

"You don't have to say that Mark." She looked like she was going to break any moment.

'But, you can keep her together if you're there. Just don't let her push you away.' Derek's words echoed in Mark's ears. She heard him say it. He meant it. She was dismissing it all together. He timidly stepped forward. "I meant it."

She shook her head in trance, her eyes surprisingly still capable of producing more water. "No, it's okay. You don't have to love me."

Mark stood in front of her. "I don't have a choice Grey. And if I did, I'd choose to anyway."

She let him wrap his arms around her. He felt her stiff body against his welcoming one, her arms kept to herself. They stood like this for a few moments before she caved. Completely.

"Why doesn't anyone want me?" she sobbed. Her sudden decision to go limp in his arms made it difficult for him to keep her up. He gently slid with her as they leaned again the tombstone, her body racking with sobs as she tried to speak coherently.

"I don't understand." Her body slowly found its natural rhythm with the occasional deep sigh. "He said I was a mistake."

Mark knew that she felt his body tense at the statement. It comforted her in a strange way. Knowing that his anger was not what she needed, he willed himself to relax.

"My mother didn't want me. She was going to have an abortion. He stopped her; I don't know why."

He didn't know how anyone could be cursed with such a cruel parent, let alone two.

He wasn't sure what to say, so he stayed silent, holding her. An hour had passed and it had gotten dark, her body limp against his and her breathing even. She had fallen asleep. From what he could tell, she needed it. She obviously had been drinking, no doubt due to the proclamations of her father.

He carried her to his car and drove her back to his apartment. He knew she didn't need questions asked. He changed her clothes and laid her on his bed, calling Lexi and Christina to let them know where she was. They would pass along the information.

Mark got ready for bed himself, gently joining her under the covers. She unconsciously moved her body into his, his arm draping around her waist. He didn't know if she was going to remember his confession. He meant it. He wondered if he scared her off or if she felt the same way. He didn't expect for her to say anything back; he wasn't going to pressure her. She had a lot to deal with at the time, and he was going to be there for her.

He just hoped she did remember. Even if she didn't say it back, he wanted her to know he loved her.

He was in love with Meredith Grey.

"I want you Meredith," he whispered.

Mark kissed her hair and pulled her closer, her body gladly obliging. He was going to protect her. At least during the night, no one could hurt her. She was his. She was safe.

He could only take her pain away with the aid of unconsciousness. At least for now.

Reality sucked.

"Well, what did he say to her?" Christina looked expectedly at Lexi.

"She doesn't know Christina," George answered. "She wasn't in the room."

"He's a bastard." She looked at Lexi. "No offense."

Lexi shrugged. "To her, he is."

Christina got up. "Well, Steamy says he has her. There's nothing we can do until we see her." She headed toward the door. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

George looked at Lexi. "Do you want me to stay?"

She nodded. "I'm going to go in his room. I understand if you don't want to be there."

He got up with her. "Meredith is my friend. I'm going to be there for her." He took her hand. "You're my…future-woman," he said, soliciting a giggle from her. "I'm here for you too."

He led the way. "Let's go."

Meredith woke up the next morning in a familiar bed, but one that was not hers. She quickly assuaged the fear and guilt of waking up next to Sam, but felt comfort instead. She smiled briefly as Mark lay on his stomach with his head turned toward her, his arm lazily draped over her abdomen.

She put one hand on her his arm, gently, and the other behind her head. Gazing at the ceiling she tried to piece together what happened the night before. That's right.

Her dad said she was a mistake.

She thought about getting up and drinking some more. She shook her head. She was an adult; a capable adult who could handle the situations life dealt. She just wished they didn't deal so many. She caved yesterday. She didn't want it to happen again. Thatcher didn't deserve it.

She wasn't going to self-destruct; she did enough of that years ago. Instead, she was going to build. She was going to build a new life with the blocks she had left. One of those blocks was Mark.

He loved her.

He said that he loved her.

Even though she wanted him to be lying, she knew he wasn't. It was the way he said it. It was how he said it. He made three simple words seem like an anchor, a piece of himself given for her to hold on to, to believe in.

She wanted to believe. She did.

Her face welcomed the stream that flowed and wet the once dry material she rested her head on. She was going to try and be happy. With Mark, it didn't seem all that hard.

She fought the voices of her parents of being a failure, of being someone who couldn't be loved. Mark loved her. That was enough.

She smiled, carefully moving to wipe her face as so not wake up her knight. Yes, he was her knight. He never pretended to shine. He just always showed up.

"What are you thinking about?"

Meredith smiled. 'Gosh he sounds sexy in the morning.' "Nothing."

He continued in his husky voice, propping himself up on one elbow. "Nothing doesn't induce tears Mer." He wiped the remnants of her earlier self-examination.

She turned to face him. "Just thinking about yesterday."

Turning serious, he got her attention. "He's wrong Meredith."

She looked at him and nodded. "No, he was right. I was a mistake, they didn't want me."

His protest was cut off as she continued.

"But, I won't apologize for being born, or for who I am. I'm Meredith Grey. I'm a surgeon. I have the best family of friends any one could ask for. I have the most amazing man that I'm in love with. I wouldn't change anything if it means I would be here with you."

Mark's concern gaze slowly transformed into a smirk. He was relieved. "So, you do love me?"

She nodded, pulling him closer and grabbing the back of his head, their noses touching. "Yes, I do. I love you."

He grinned, still concerned for her state of mind, but knowing she meant what he wanted to hear. She was in love with him. He pulled her into a kiss. Let's just say if they had socks on, they weren't on now.

"And I love you."

She giggled, "I know," she said, beaming despite her circumstance, "You told me yesterday."

Letting a little of his guard down, he sighed.

"What?"

He shook his head slightly, "I thought you didn't believe me or that you didn't feel the same way. Glad that's over. This stuff is hard."

Meredith chuckled. "Mark Sloan, nervous and anxious?" She kissed him tenderly on the lips. "Glad I could be the one to cause such waves."

He smirked and welcomed her to lie on his chest. He stroked her hair.

"Mer, about yesterday…"

She gently shook her head. "Not now. I don't want to think about it anymore. They aren't going to ruin this moment." She trailed off. "Maybe I should change my last name. I don't think it suits me."

Mark kissed the top of her head. "Okay. When you're ready, I'm here."

She sighed, hugging him tighter. "I know."

A/N: No worries, see? No drug dealer. Though she may have in the past. Didn't want her to completely lose herself over a deadbeat dad. I admit, alcohol, video games and sex may seem less than ominous, but this is Mer, lol. Ever seen her play video games? Didn't think so. She was desperate. But…couldn't have her sleep with anyone BUT McSteamy. People must know that these people CAN stay faithful! Lol. I love AU MerMark…they're just…great! The last one was long; this one a little shorter. Felt good to stop there. Three more chapters! Love you guys! You're truly great reviewers! ALL of you! (And thanks for listening to my longest AN ever.)

Katherine Austen: I know! I don't want them all buddy…he hurt Mer enough. This is my way of getting him out of her life, his fault. He has to deal with the Mr. Reaper. Gave you little more taste of Gexie. They're cute; at least in AU!

KB22: No drugs. Don't want Mark to have to deal with that!

Gwennon: LOL. Your review had me laughing! Yes, her parents suck. Thanks for the compliment! Keep r & r!

Aries03, Anon: Thank you! Glad you're reading!

Yasmine2388, Murgy31, km157: Sam is a guy she used to…escape with. No drugs though!

Mer's4life: LOVED your guesses, lol. And yes, I hate Thatcher too!

Surgery-Girl: No, no drugs. Although she's probably done a few, lol. Thatcher sucks, royally. On the show, I can MAYBE understand the slap, and then a quick apology. But not the slap AND a 'don't come to the funeral.' That's just a bit much. Thanks for the review!

Onlyone-chance8720: Yes, Dane is Damn. Glad I moved you! Glad you like the story. Your complimenting about my writing was huge. Thank you!