Nurseries 101

Cainwen: Aren't I nice to you? Now, please be nice to me a leave me a review! Or I send my wraith muses after you! I'm writing at light-speed and they are happy with me!
"No no no no! Connector 'BW' goes into slot 397. Sheesh! How do you guys get your guns apart and back together for cleaning?!" Rodney ranted as he and Sheppard tried to put a crib together. Fortunately, baby gear was one of the things that had come through the Gate the first time, since it had then been assumed that it was a one-way trip and, human nature being what it was, necessary family things had to be brought.

"I'm telling ya Rodney, letters go to letters, numbers to numbers," John countered as he tried to fit two seemingly unrelated bars together according to some blueprint he had in his head.

"I believe you are both incorrect," announced Teyla as she pored over the instruction manual that she had discovered discarded upon the floor. "The directions imply that section D, end z is bolted to bar q, portion k, and is then inserted into slot 397."

"What?! Let me see that," demanded the irate doctor, who snatched the booklet from the Athosian's hands and angrily read it for a moment. "She's right."

"How do they expect normal people to put this together?" Sheppard wondered as he gazed around at the myriad of unrecognizable bits of metal, plastic and wood that claimed, when properly assembled, to be a crib that converted to a toddler-bed when necessary. "We've got a physics genius, a military commander and an alien and we can't do it."

Teyla graced him with her long-suffering, diplomatic smile. "I think that it requires a degree of patience," she told him as she bent down and began fitting pieces together according to the diagrams.

"Humph," Rodney snorted. "You clearly have had no experience with some-assembly-required merchandise. Otherwise, you would realize that what it really needs is—"

"A Teyla," interjected John. Rodney turned around from he had been lecturing to see a nearly assembled, dark-stained oak crib standing behind him. John slid the last piece into place so all that was missing was the mattress, crib pads and sheets.

Rodney stood open-mouthed as Teyla and John quietly proceeded to the next two items yet to be assembled, the glider and the changing table.

"How's it coming, you guys?" asked Dr. Weir as she walked into the room bearing an armful of onesies and receiving blankets. Despite efforts to keep the future rescue a secret, word had inevitably leaked out, and although some parties were concerned and unhappy at the prospect of yet another wraith coming into their midst, there were those for whom a baby was a baby, no matter what it might grow into. These parties demanded constant updates.

"Well, Teyla's showing us all how to put these things together, and, um, what's his name, the Canadian security guy, he declared this place capable of sustaining a vacuum indefinitely in every conceivable and inconceivable circumstance," Sheppard summarized as he thudded the crib mattress into place. "I see you've got some more baby clothes there."

"Mmm. No one's sure how exactly they all got here, but they're all will to donate it to the cause," she said. "Do we have a dresser yet?"

"Uh, yeah, over there," McKay replied absent-mindedly as he observed Teyla effortlessly assemble the thousands of nonsensical pieces into an elegant glider to match the crib. "English woman with the smelly paper."

"Hello Mary," Dr. Weir greeted the British linguist. "What are you doing?"

"Hello Elizabeth," she replied as she slid in a sheet of drawer lining paper. "Just lining these drawers. Can't put clean clothes in unlined draws, especially new ones."

"Oh. Um, is there somewhere for these yet?"

"Certainly. Try this drawer," Mary pulled open the second drawer from the top, which she had already lined with lavender-scented paper.

"Thanks," Weir said as she began arranging the clothes in the drawer. "And to think I was worried about the reaction of the expedition."

"Where should I put this?"

Dead silence fell on the room as everyone spun around to see Ronon standing in the doorway, holding another basket of crib sheets.

TBC

Dum dum dum