A/N AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS STORY.

I will be changing the rating on the next post to M so it won't be appearing in this section anymore. If you want to continue to read it then you'll have to specify that you want to read M rated stories.

Just thought I should let you know in case you think that I've stopped posting.

Chapter 8

Marissa woke the next morning after the best night's sleep that she'd had since she'd met Ryan, which was surprising given how depressed she was when she'd gone to bed. Nothing about the previous night had gone well.

She knew that she'd hurt Ryan.

And not only was she still a virgin but even worse - she didn't think that she had it in her to do the deed with just anyone anymore. She wanted it to be with Ryan. But she was petrified of repeating the Spencer scenario again. She didn't want Ryan to think of her as some hopeless inexperienced kid. She wanted to meet him as an equal. But how could that happen?

She stretched in bed, loving the feel of his shirt on her body. She knew that it was the reason that she had slept so well. It kept the memory of him close and even though she knew that she should get out of bed and throw it in the wash so that she could return it to him … there was no way that she could do that. She didn't want to lose the smell of him. In fact just the thought of it, of him, of the way that his body had looked when he'd taken it off and offered it to her, of the lust that she'd seen evident in his eyes when he'd looked at her when her top had come astray … was making her heart quicken and her body tingle in all sorts of unfamiliar ways.

At least they were unfamiliar until a week ago when she'd met Ryan. But now they seemed to happen whenever she was thinking of him. She couldn't help but let her hand trail down inside her pants wanting to find some relief from the tension inside her.

---

Marissa couldn't wait for her break at work that day.

Because she'd made a decision.

If she couldn't go through with doing the deed with some random guy then the only other thing that she could think of was to revert to her other great friend for help.

Books.

At many troubled times in her life she had resorted to books. They had been her friend and ally and had never wronged her. Surely she could learn a lot from them. It wouldn't be the same as the real thing but it would be an awful lot better than knowing nothing at all.

She knew that she would be too embarrassed to actually borrow one on the subject and take it home but that didn't mean that she couldn't take her break and try to read up as much as she possibly could about the subject while she was at the library. And hopefully they would have plenty of illustrations so that when she got up close and personal then she wouldn't react like she had with Spencer.

---

Sunday afternoon, Ryan stood outside the main library and looked up at the building contemplating yet again if he was doing the right thing.

He still really had no idea. But the one thing that he was sure of was that he couldn't get Marissa out of his mind. Shannon hadn't been able to help much last night but she did at least know where Marissa worked and that had led him to decide that he needed to study in the library today.

He figured that he had some tests coming up that he could use as an excuse for being there. And he'd already planned that if she accused him of not giving her space or time to take care of whatever it was that she needed to 'take care of' then he would just plead that Luke was making too much noise for him to be able to concentrate at home. He was sure that she would believe that – anyone who knew Luke would.

She didn't have to know that the only reason that he was even putting his foot inside the library was to see her. But he needed to know just what was going on with her.

She was such a contradiction in terms. One day she seemed shy and skittish and at least a little attracted to him, the next, he finds her at a party dressed like a classy hooker and with some other guy that, according to Shannon, Marissa barely knew. A guy that obviously thought Marissa was going home with him.

The thought that Marissa may have ended up in the guy's bed was almost more than Ryan could bear.

And yet when he'd spoken to her and her top had come astray, he was sure that she had been embarrassed. And she'd apologised and asked him to wait until she'd taken care of something. But what?

And which was the real Marissa?

He wasn't about to let her string him along anymore. He needed to know if she was interested. One way or the other. And if she was interested then why the hell wouldn't she go out with him?

He made his way inside the door and looked around for Marissa but couldn't see her anywhere. Shannon had said that Marissa worked on the weekends but maybe she only worked for part of the day and he'd already missed her. He hung around for a little while, all the time keeping an eye on the front counter, but she was no where to be seen. He contemplated just leaving but decided against it. He needed to know what was going on with her and so he finally went up to the counter and asked after her only to find out that Marissa was on her break.

He went to turn around disappointed and wondering what he was going to do to fill in time, when the lady behind the counter added. "I think she mentioned something about going up to the sixth floor. She sometimes likes to read on her breaks, so she's probably buried in a book somewhere up there."

Ryan thanked the woman and quickly made his way to the lifts. He tried to compose in his mind what he was going to say to her.

Could he just say "What is the problem? OR What am I waiting for?" and get it all out in the open?

Or would that just scare her off again. The frown that seemed to have taken up residence on his brow was back again.

---

Marissa was sitting on the floor between the shelves of books. She had contemplated reading at one of the tables supplied but she was too scared that someone might look over and see what she was reading.

And the truth was that she'd decided to go for the illustrated version hoping to pick up as much information as possible in as short a time as possible. Who knew when she might run into Ryan again?

She was utterly amazed at some of the things that she seen and read about and she knew that her cheeks were burning with embarrassment but she was trying to keep all thoughts of Ryan away and remain scientific in her approach. If she thought about him then it only made things worse.

She was completely immersed in the book she was reading and had actually held the book out at arm's length and turned it 90 degrees trying to work out just how you could get into that position when she jumped as she heard someone speak behind her.

"If you need some help trying that out, then I'd be happy to volunteer." Ryan offered.

Marissa dropped the book as if it was on fire and quickly stood up to turn to him. "I was just …" she had no idea what to offer as an excuse.

Ryan laughed. "Don't be embarrassed. I love a girl that's keen to experiment."

His words only made her feel even worse. She wasn't even a beginner and he was no doubt already in the advanced class.

"I'm not… It wasn't … What are you doing here?" she asked trying to gather up the books that she had scattered around her before he noticed any more of them.

He wanted to say "I needed to see you." But after last night he wasn't prepared to go out on that limb. He needed to know what happened with Greg. What was happening with them? What was holding her back and why did she need him to wait? And wait for what? And for how long?

But instead he took the chicken's way out. He was too afraid that he'd scare her off. "I needed to do some study and Luke was making it impossible to concentrate at home."

Marissa nodded. She had thought for a moment that he had come to see her but of course that would be stupid, especially after the way that they'd parted last night.

"So you got home okay?" Ryan asked. He really just wanted to know if she had stayed at Greg's. If she had, then he thought that he was going to have to find some way to move on because he couldn't keep doing this to himself. It was masochistic.

Marissa somehow sensed his unspoken question and wanted to reassure him. "Yes. I was safely tucked in bed just a short time later." She said and then looking at the slight frown still evident on his face she realised that her words could have been taken two ways. "My bed. I dropped Greg at his place and went straight home." She added and was rewarded by a look of relief that flooded Ryan's face and almost made her laugh out loud.

"So …" Ryan hesitated. He wanted to ask her out again but he didn't know if his now fragile self-esteem could take another knock back. He looked into her eyes and he was sure that the connection he felt wasn't one sided and so he decided to try yet again. But he promised himself that if she knocked him back, then it would be for the last time. "Would you like to do something tonight? Get something to eat or …" he had no idea really. He'd do anything just as long as he could spend some time with her.

"I can't." she said and then as she took in the disappointment evident on his face she added. "I have to go and collect Molly from the airport after I finish work."

"I could come with you. We could drop her off and then we could go and do something after." He offered. He heard the words and yet he couldn't believe that he had said them. He sounded so desperate and he hated it. He was pathetic. What was this girl doing to him?

"Thanks. But I need to spend some time with her. Her Mom's not well and she's had a really tough time this last week. I just want to be there for her." Marissa explained torn inside between her loyalty to her friend and her attraction to this guy.

Ryan nodded. Now he felt not only pathetic but selfish as well. "Sure." He shrugged. "Maybe some other time." He turned and walked away.

Marissa watched as he moved back towards the lifts and her heart ached.

Why was their timing always so off?

---

Marissa was still feeling miserable when she went to collect Molly from the airport. However, she was looking forward to having someone that she could talk to about everything that had been going on. Maybe Molly would be able to give her some ideas about which way she should proceed now. But she knew that she couldn't just dump it all on her friend. Molly had had a lot to deal with in the last week and would probably have her own problems that she needed help with and Marissa didn't want to be one of those people that tried to make everything about herself. She knew that she was going to have to wait a while until she could unburden herself. And yet when Molly hopped into the car, she was surprisingly upbeat.

"So your Mom's doing well?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah. She's amazing. Everything was textbook apparently. The surgery all went according to plan. And she's positive that she's going to beat this thing. She won't start chemo for a few weeks yet but she already has Dad helping her cook and freeze meals so that they'll have a stockpile for when she isn't feeling too well."

Marissa nodded. It was great to have her best friend back and she couldn't help but smile at Molly's constant chatter. Marissa would swear that her friend could talk underwater. And she'd missed it.

Molly only hesitated for a second and then she was off again. "Depending how things go, I might go back again for a few days then. That is, of course, if my new stand in doesn't mind?" she asked looking at Marissa. "How did things go at the gym? No problems?"

Marissa blushed. "No problems." She replied but couldn't help but think just how much had happened while her friend was away.

"O … kay." Molly said staring at Marissa and trying to make out just what she wasn't saying. "I know that look. Spill." Molly said as she took in the pink hue of Marissa's cheeks.

"No. Really. There were no problems with work." Marissa assured her.

"If not work, then what?" Molly asked. "Something obviously happened. You can't react like that and then tell me nothing. You know that I won't let up until you reveal all."

Marissa gulped. She was so happy to have Molly back and she did want to talk to her and get her advice on everything. But she didn't know where to start.

"Let's just get home and have something to eat and then I'll tell you all about it over ice cream." Marissa suggested.

"Over ice-cream?" Molly asked. "So it's boy trouble?"

"Why would you say that?" Marissa asked smiling. Molly really did know her well. She was sure that given enough time, Molly could probably read her mind.

"Because you and ice-cream spells boy-trouble. I swear that after that Spencer idiot you almost ate the entire west coast's supply."

Marissa smiled. "I wasn't that bad."

Molly raised her eyebrows and Marissa laughed. "Okay so maybe I was. But I promise that this is nothing like that." Marissa assured her.

"But it is about boys?" Molly asked.

"More 'A' boy." Marissa explained thinking that Ryan was definitely not just ANY boy.

"Who?" Molly asked. She couldn't wait until they got home to find out. She had been waiting so long for Marissa to actually find someone and here she'd been away for a week and missed it when it had finally happened.

Marissa said nothing but smiled mischievously.

"Did you do IT?" Molly asked aghast. How could this happen that she'd missed her friend's most important moment.

"NO! I didn't do IT!" Marissa said almost disgustedly. How could her friend think that she would have gotten to that point with a boy in such a short amount of time? She'd only been away a week. And then it hit her that she'd been planning on doing it with a guy that she'd known for less than 12 hours. What had she been thinking? Thank goodness that she hadn't gone through with it.

Molly stared at her and pieces of their conversations over the last week started to fall into place. "GET OUT!!" she said disbelievingly.

"What?" Marissa asked innocently.

"NOT RYAN?" Molly asked almost daring her friend to say yes.

"I didn't say that it was." Marissa teased. "Or wasn't."

Molly studied her friend more closely. "But you're looking very happy with yourself and I know that you were interested in him. Or is there someone else?" she asked dying to get to the bottom of all this.

"Well I did ask someone else out on Saturday night." Marissa explained.

"You? Asked a guy out?" Molly was stunned. Marissa had always been so shy around guys. The thought of her taking that sort of initiative was really a mammoth step. Molly figured that she must have really liked him.

Marissa nodded.

"Who?" Molly asked.

"Greg." Marissa replied.

"Greg who?" Molly asked. She couldn't think of any Greg's that were members of the gym and she'd figured that Marissa must have met him there.

"No idea." Marissa replied realising that they'd never actually exchanged surnames. Looking back, she couldn't believe, that she'd been preparing to sleep with a guy whose name she didn't even know. Thank goodness that it hadn't gotten that far. "I met him at the library." She explained.

Molly was surprised. But then she knew all about Marissa's idea of finding a nerd that was a virgin so she figured that she had finally decided to put her plan in motion. "So how did it go?"

"Awful." Marissa replied. "Actually … it was worse than that."

Molly laughed. It can't have been that bad because Marissa seemed to be in good spirits. Whatever had happened didn't seem to have left any permanent scars. Not like that jerk Spencer. "So this isn't about Ryan at all?" she said more to herself than anyone and then realising that she'd spoken out loud.

"Well Ryan helped me get a drunken Greg into my car." Marissa said and couldn't help but smile knowing that her friend's waning interest was about to be tweaked again.

"So Ryan is involved in all this?" Molly asked starting to feel exasperated.

Marissa nodded.

Molly took a deep cleansing breath. "Okay. Sounds like you'd better stop off at the store on the way home. Looks like we might need some extra ice cream to get to the bottom of all this because there is no way that you are going to sleep until I catch up on all of it."

---

Ryan trailed Luke into the gym on Monday night knowing that Marissa would not be there.

And yet even though he knew that Molly would be back he couldn't stop himself from looking hopefully at the desk … just in case. But, sure enough Molly was sitting in her usual place and Luke couldn't have been happier.

"So you've returned to me?" he asked. "I knew that you wouldn't be able to keep away."

Molly laughed at him. He really was a bit like an adorable big puppy. And after the week that she'd had she had actually been looking forward to Luke and his constant pick up lines. "What can I say? You're charms are hard to resist." She said but was more interested in the quiet guy following behind. "Hey Ryan."

"Hey." He offered up and then swiped his card and picked up his towel. It was obvious that he wasn't in the mood for any light chatter.

"What's wrong with your friend?" Molly asked Luke, indicating Ryan heading off down the corridor towards the weight's room.

"I have no idea. He's been a little weird ever since you've been away, but something big must have happened yesterday and he won't talk about it. He's been like this all day." Luke said.

Molly watched the receding figure and couldn't help but wonder. After hearing Marissa's story last night, she couldn't help but think that Marissa was asking for trouble if she thought that she had any chance with Ryan. But seeing him now, she wasn't so sure.

---

Ryan tried to concentrate on his workout but thoughts of Marissa kept invading his mind. Yesterday had accomplished nothing. Except that he knew that she hadn't slept with Greg and he was thankful for that.

When she'd knocked him back yesterday, he had promised himself that it was for the last time, but he still had no idea, what he was supposed to be waiting for? And he realised that he had no idea of how to get in contact with her, except that she worked at the library on the weekends. And he didn't want to wait that long to see her again.

His only other chance was that Molly might have her number. They were obviously good friends. And so he excused himself to Luke and headed off towards the bathrooms, knowing that he'd drop past the reception area on the way back.

---

Molly was surprised to see Ryan approaching her looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. She couldn't help but compare him to the look that Marissa had worn for most of the day – which was very very similar.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." She replied.

"Um … How's your mother? I gather she hasn't been well." Ryan asked.

"She's coming along. There's a ways to go yet. But … thanks for asking." Molly replied.

"Sure." Ryan shrugged and was about to move off, not sure that he wanted to get into this, and then he hesitated and said. "Look. I don't know what Marissa told you. Maybe she didn't tell you anything at all." Ryan said realising that in truth what they had to show for their 'relationship' was 1 cup of coffee – hardly a relationship at all – why would he even think that Marissa may have spoken to Molly about him. "Sorry – I guess that's its got nothing to do with you."

Molly was amazed by the change in Ryan – this wasn't the college 'player' that she knew. "You may have come up in the conversation." Molly said and was rewarded by Ryan's head shooting up as his interest was tweaked.

"I did?" he asked.

Molly considered what she should say. She knew that her friend had it bad for this guy but last night Molly had stuck to her guns in advising Marissa that she didn't think that Ryan was the guy for her. She didn't want to see Marissa hurt again. Marissa may appear confident but when it came to the opposite sex she was very fragile … and with good reason. But now seeing Ryan and the state he was in, she was starting to have second thoughts. And so she nodded.

Ryan waited for her to say more but he could see that she was having a silent battle with herself. She probably didn't want to betray Marissa's confidence. "Okay … so I guess that you're not going to share with me but could you at least tell me how to get in contact with her?" he asked.

"Why?" Molly asked trying to read what was going on in Ryan's head and wondering about the depth of his feelings for her friend.

"Because I need to talk to her." Ryan explained simply.

Molly was teetering but she thought she'd have one last go. "Maybe you should just leave her alone."

Ryan was gutted. "Is that what she wants me to do?"

Molly was surprised by the pain that she could see in his eyes at the mere thought that Marissa might not want to see him. She was starting to think that she had totally misread this whole thing. Maybe Ryan was just what Marissa needed … but Molly wasn't sure until Ryan went on.

"Don't you think that I'd like to move on and pretend that I'd never met her? I've been a mess ever since I laid eyes on her." He said thinking back to his numerous visits to the gym and his stalking activities. "But I've tried to stop thinking about her and I can't. There is just something about her. She's not like other girls. But I don't understand her, one minute I think that we have a connection and are getting closer and the next she's pushing me away but at the same time asking me to wait for her." He explained. "I don't know what to do?" He said running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Maybe it's all one sided." He said hoping for some advice and then realising just what effect this girl had had on him. Who would have ever thought that he'd be looking for advice from a relative stranger?

Molly couldn't help but be touched Ryan's words. "I can assure you that it's not one sided. But Marissa has some 'issues' that she feels she needs to address before she can be free to date you and that's why she has been pushing you away."

"Well what are they? Maybe I can help?" Ryan suggested. "Anything to get past this …" he looked for the right word. "roadblock?" he offered.

Molly sighed. There was a part of her that couldn't believe that she was doing this but she really thought that he was genuine. It was obvious that Marissa wasn't just another girl in his long list. She started to write on a piece of paper and Ryan wondered what she was doing. When she'd finished she handed it to him and said. "Maybe you can help. You might be just what she needs. But please don't disappoint me because I will never forgive you."

"I don't understand." Ryan said taking the slip of paper from her.

"This is my address." Molly explained.

Ryan looked at her puzzled. Did this mean that Molly wanted to talk more about it after work or what? "I was hoping to see Marissa." He explained. He appreciated Molly's help but he really thought that he and Marissa were the ones that needed to work it out.

Molly laughed. "She's my room mate."

"Oh." Ryan said and instantly clutched the small piece of paper as if it was a life line.

"She's at home right now. Go there and tell her that I sent you and that I've changed my mind and that I think that you are just the right guy to help her with her problem."

"I don't know how to thank you." Ryan said fishing the car keys from his track suit pocket. "I'll just have to drop Luke home and …"

"No. I'll do that. If you go back in there, then he's going to ask too many questions. He can wait until I finish and I'll drop him home. It will make his day." She added laughing. "You just make sure that you look after my friend."

Ryan smiled and his face was one of pure joy. "I will."

From the look on his face, Molly knew that she'd done the right thing. But as Ryan moved towards the door she stopped him. "I should be home around 11 so if you could just keep the noise down after that, I'd appreciate it. I really need to get some sleep."

"Okay." Ryan said now even more puzzled. What exactly was this problem of Marissa's if fixing it was going to make noise?

He didn't really care. As long as he was going to see her … that was all that mattered.