Chapter 15

Luke looked up from the television startled, as Ryan walked in through the door. "Wh … what are you doing here?" he frowned.

"I live here." Ryan stated plainly.

"I know that. But … I wasn't expecting to see you tonight. Molly told me that Marissa had some special dinner all lined up for you and that I shouldn't expect to see you until the morning." Luke informed him. "She'd even organised to stay at a friend's place tonight to give you two some privacy." He added, raising his eyebrows with a knowing smile on his face.

"Well Molly was wrong. Wasn't she?" Ryan said moving to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

"Okay. Don't bite my head off." Luke shrugged. "So I gather that the dinner wasn't all that special?" he asked somewhat rhetorically.

Ryan sighed deeply. He hadn't realised that Molly wasn't going to be home for the night. It just made him feel even worse. Marissa really had pulled out all the stops for tonight and yet he'd almost run away. He could have still been with her … curled up together in her bed … but he had fled the scene scared because he knew that he couldn't have stayed much longer without losing control.

He wondered what sort of reaction he'd get from Luke if he actually told him about what had transpired during the course of the evening. The fact that she'd had him naked within moments of entering the apartment, the fact that Marissa had been as well (except for that frilly see through excuse for an apron which had only made him want her even more), the book, the food, Marissa as a serving platter, Marissa's pert breasts sitting on top of the coffee table as they fed one another, Marissa eating off him, Marissa eating him …

Ryan shook his head trying to rid himself of the thoughts before he changed his mind and turned around and rushed back to her.

Telling Luke was never going to happen. It was something between he and Marissa that Ryan had no intention of ever sharing. Ryan realised that Luke was still watching him. "Dinner was …" Ryan looked for the right word but came up with nothing.

"Was?" Luke prompted.

Ryan thought for a few more moments and then nodded. "Yep it was."

"Was what?" Luke asked again, now even more confused.

"It just was." Ryan said wanting nothing more than to escape into his room and ponder how he was going to get through the next 10 days.

"Is she a bad cook or something?" Luke asked.

Ryan just shook his head still thinking about all the trouble that Marissa had gone to.

"Even if she is … I'm sure that you could have found something else to keep you occupied for the night." Luke said nudging his friend with his elbow as Ryan joined him on the couch in front of the TV.

Ryan said nothing. Still not able to get the image of a naked but hurt Marissa as she sat on her bed when he'd told her that nothing would be happening that night. Thinking back, he realised now just how much trouble she'd gone to, to set everything up. Maybe he was only hurting her by not following through and finishing things off. But that was just it, he didn't want to finish things, he thought that they were just starting something. Something special. But he wasn't sure that she felt the same way.

Luke was perplexed by Ryan's reactions. Things between Ryan and Marissa had seemed to have been going really well. Had something happened tonight to change that? "So things between the pair of you are …." Luke started hoping that Ryan would supply the ending.

Ryan hesitated for a moment and then offered up as explanation "We're taking it slow."

Luke started to laugh. He thought about Ryan and his very obvious appeal to women. Hell - Luke did well with the opposite sex, but Ryan almost had to beat them off with a stick- his quiet brood seemed to really turn the ladies on. And then he thought about Marissa, hot, sexy, legs that went for ever and obviously totally smitten with Ryan, and the thought of them 'taking it slow' was almost too ridiculous to imagine. God … they'd almost been humping on the dance floor at the bar last night. The more that he thought about them 'taking it slow' the harder he laughed.

"What?" Ryan asked, surprised by Luke's reaction.

Luke tried to get himself under control. "Give me a break. If you mean 'slow' like the way you were that day after you spent the night with both the Simpkins twins, then I might believe you. I swear that they'd screwed you so hard you looked like you could barely walk."

Ryan rolled his eyes. He did indeed remember the way that he'd been the day after his night with 'the twins'. It had been a night to remember. One for the scrapbook. They had been insatiable and he had no idea just how he'd managed to keep going. But at least by the end of the night they'd all collapsed into an exhausted sleep.

"By the way, did I tell you I ran into them the other day on campus? They said to remind you that they're still waiting for a call to organise round two." Luke said.

Ryan squirmed. Not so long ago, the thought of spending another night with the undoubtedly attractive and sexually adventurous twins would have been a fun way to pass the time but not anymore. There was only one girl that he wanted to spend the night with and he'd just left her to spend the night on her own. Should he be with her now? Maybe he should never have left? Was he doing the right thing by denying what they both so obviously wanted?

He looked at Luke who was noticeably enjoying his discomfit. "Next time you see the twins I think that you should offer them your services. Tell them I'm not interested any more." Ryan said.

"Is that not any MORE … but not any less?" Luke said chuckling. "No one in their right mind would say no to either of them … let alone the two of them together."

"Well I would." Ryan said standing to make his way into his room.

"So those legs of Marissa's really do wrap around you well? Huh?" Luke said. The only reason that he could imagine Ryan forgoing the Simpkins twins was if Marissa was a hellcat in bed.

"Just shut up about Marissa." Ryan said as he walked away. He knew that none of this was Luke's fault but at the moment, Luke was the only one around for Ryan to take his frustrations out on. He closed his bedroom door leaving a stunned Luke gob smacked behind.

---

After Ryan left, Marissa busied herself with cleaning up. He had offered to stay and help but once she knew that everything that she'd done had been in vain then she just wanted him to leave so that she could have some time alone to go over everything that had happened and hopefully work out what she'd done wrong. Because she figured that there was no doubt that she had done SOMETHING wrong. Sure they'd had 'fun'. 'Fun' like she'd never even contemplated a week ago and sure, he said that he wanted her and she desperately wanted him … and yet he'd still left.

She rubbed and scrubbed everything until it was spick and span, even deciding to clean the oven just to delay the inevitable – when she would be lying in bed with nothing to think about but Ryan and just what was going on between them.

When there was nothing else left to do, she crawled in to bed trying to clear her mind of everything that had transpired because she knew that there was no way that she'd be able to sleep. But no matter how hard she tried images of the evening kept invading her thoughts. She was mortified, thinking about greeting Ryan at the door basically naked except for the ridiculous wisp of fabric that had posed as an apron. What must he think of her throwing herself at him like that? The more she thought about it, the more she wondered about just what sort of effect this guy had upon her. She would have never believed that she would stoop to such measures just to get a guy. Somehow it made her play for Greg seem almost tame in comparison.

And it seemed that no matter what new low she stooped too, it still wasn't enough. She was starting to have some doubts about whether this was all worth it. Sure she wanted to lose her virginity. But she'd never planned to lose her self respect at the same time.

Maybe Molly had been right in the first place and Ryan wasn't the right guy to help her.

But then she thought about the feeling when she was in his arms … when he was holding her in the shower, gently running his hands over her, telling her they were in no rush.

It was the best feeling ever.

She'd felt warm and comforted and happy and … and … loved? No … surely not. Ryan was just helping her out. There was never any suggestion that he had to fall in love with her to do that. It was her childish dreams playing games with her. Someone experienced like Ryan knew that you didn't need to love someone to 'make love' to them.

That being the case …. she decided … she was going to take his advice. She wasn't going to try so hard. Maybe it was time to let him take the lead and show some interest. Maybe she would play hard to get.

She tossed and turned some more.

But she didn't want to play.

… unless it was with him.

---

Ryan lay on his bed thinking back over the evening. Never in a million years had he imagined what would transpire. He didn't know how he could get through to Marissa that she didn't need to seduce him. The only thing holding him back was the fact that he wanted more than just a quick fuck. He couldn't just come out and say 'I'm falling for you and I want you to fall for me too.' There may be guys on this earth that were that forthright but he wasn't one of them. He liked this girl too much already. If she didn't return the feelings then he would be putting his heart out there for her to stomp all over. And he wasn't prepared to risk that happening. It was the last thing he needed.

But he was scared that he'd hurt her tonight.

He frowned into the dark as he thought about it. He hadn't bothered to even turn on a light in his room preferring the lack of light. For some reason the darkness seemed to suit his mood so much better.

Finally reaching a decision he pulled his phone from his pocket and called her number. As he listened to it ring while he waited for her to answer, he couldn't believe how much he was looking forward to just hearing her voice.

"Hello." The answer finally came.

"Hi." Ryan replied.

There was an awkward moment of silence until Marissa replied that told Ryan everything he needed to know about how she was feeling.

"Hi." She replied hesitantly.

He could almost see the frown that accompanied the word.

"I …" Now that he had her on the phone, Ryan had no idea what he could say to her that would make things any better.

"You …" Marissa pushed him to continue.

Ryan hesitated again. "I … I didn't realise that Molly wasn't coming home tonight."

Marissa shrugged in to the dark and then realising that he couldn't see what she was doing she replied softly. "Would it have made any difference?"

Ryan was stuck for an answer. He could sense the hurt in her words and it took him some time to reply. He wanted to say yes that he'd be right back but truthfully nothing had changed. "I guess not."

"That's what I thought." Marissa said and then added. "I'm sorry for everything that I put you through tonight. I must really seem desperate." She said embarrassed as she thought about the way that she'd thrown herself at him.

"God. Don't be sorry. It was amazing."

"Yeah." She said sceptically. "I could see how much you were enjoying yourself. You looked like you were in pain for half the night."

"Only with wanting you." Ryan replied softly.

Marissa shook her head. How could he say things like that to her and yet when she'd offered herself up to him, he turned her down? She'd greeted him at the door naked except for the stupid apron that she'd thought was perfect for seducing him when she'd bought it … but now it laid in the bottom of the trash can along with his. A fitting end to an evening, that hadn't gone at all according to plan. Maybe she just needed some time and space to try to come to terms with everything that was or more correctly WASN'T happening between them.

Ryan wondered what she was thinking. She'd made no reply and the silence was deafening.

"So I'll see you at lunch tomorrow?" he said hopefully.

Marissa hesitated. She wanted nothing more than to spend time with him. But she needed to try to work out what was going on. And with him beside her, she seemed to be able to think about nothing but him and what she wanted to do with him. Needless to say that she seemed to have a one track mind when it came to Ryan.

"I forgot I have a meeting tomorrow about a group assignment." Marissa informed him hoping that he wouldn't see through her flimsy lie.

Ryan hesitated. Why did that seem convenient? He had no reason to doubt that she was telling the truth but something didn't seem right.

"Okay. So maybe we could do something tomorrow night?" he asked.

"I have assignment due on Friday that I need to spend some time on." Marissa replied.

"Maybe we could just catch a bite to eat? You have to eat." Ryan pushed.

By now Marissa was losing her patience. She didn't want to spend time apart from him but he was the one that wanted to take it slow and there was no way that she could do that if they kept spending every free minute together.

"For god's sake Ryan! You're the one that wants to slow things down. If you want me then fine. You know where I am. Come and take me. If you don't, then stop playing around with me. I can't take it anymore." She said tersely.

"Marissa it's not that simple." Ryan pleaded.

"It seems simple to me. And I really do have an assignment due on Friday that I've barely started. I should have been doing it tonight but I had thought that SOMETHING else was more important."

Ryan cringed. If only she had said that SOMEONE else was more important then he would have been out the door in a flash. But it seemed that they were back to square one. Doing the act was more important to her than that fact that she intended to do it with HIM.

"I'm sorry." He said. He could see that looking at it from her point of view, he was probably coming across as a tease and that was the last thing that he wanted. "Maybe we could do something on Friday night?"

Marissa sighed. She didn't want him to be sorry. She was the one that had brought all this on them. "Sure. As long as it includes clothes." She said. She was still mortified about how she'd thrown herself at him and been rejected. And yet, much as she was disappointed at the moment, both with Ryan and herself, she didn't want to risk losing him. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She just didn't understand quite what was going on between them.

Ryan laughed. "Definitely. How about dinner and a movie?"

"Sounds safe to me. Do I get to choose?" she asked.

"What we have for dinner? Sure." He answered smiling into the phone.

Marissa laughed. "You know that I meant the movie."

"Did you?" Ryan asked innocently.

"Yes. So … can I?" Marissa asked.

"Why? What do you want to see?" Ryan asked. "I have a feeling that it may not be my sort of thing."

"What? Are you scared that it will be a chick flick?" Marissa asked.

"No. After tonight I'm scared that you might like porn more." Ryan laughed teasing her.

Marissa couldn't help but join in. Now that he mentioned it, she could see the funny side of everything that had happened. "What and you don't?" Marissa teased back.

"I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it might incriminate me." he replied. "How about we agree that we'll find something that we both like?" Ryan suggested.

"We don't seem to have been able to agree on what we like, lately." Marissa replied doubtfully.

Ryan thought for a moment. "I don't know about that. I know that I like you. And I think that there's a chance that you might like me … at least a little." Ryan pointed out.

Marissa smiled. "True."

"Well that's a good start." Ryan replied.